WHY do people CHEAT?

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  • ArmyVeteranM1A1C
    ArmyVeteranM1A1C Posts: 1,045 Member
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    poisonesse wrote: »
    Geez, when I read the post's title, I thought you were talking about cheating on your logging... you know, putting down fake calorie counts in the data base or in your log to make you feel better about your overeating! :D I'd say people cheat because they want to have their cake and eat it too!

    I'm with you, I saw the title and I thought about about drinking a coke and not logging it or only logging 1 bag of M&M's, not the 2 bags I really ate, I thought somehow MFP was onto me

  • caco_ethes
    caco_ethes Posts: 11,962 Member
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    your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
    I read the OP question as a simple why, and not why is it ok.

    But i find it abhorrent to say that cheating in a relationship is the worst thing. I can think of way worse. If you can’t then I guess I should be happy for you.

    to say that people can’t change is rigid and cruel.

    And I’m thinking about a man who bent and wrote with his finger on the ground.



    Wasn’t it a stick? 😏
  • your_future_ex_wife
    your_future_ex_wife Posts: 4,278 Member
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    caco_ethes wrote: »
    your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
    I read the OP question as a simple why, and not why is it ok.

    But i find it abhorrent to say that cheating in a relationship is the worst thing. I can think of way worse. If you can’t then I guess I should be happy for you.

    to say that people can’t change is rigid and cruel.

    And I’m thinking about a man who bent and wrote with his finger on the ground.



    Wasn’t it a stick? 😏

    y’know, i googled and the first translation said finger but you may be right
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,492 Member
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    ArmyVeteranM1A1C wrote: »
    poisonesse wrote: »
    Geez, when I read the post's title, I thought you were talking about cheating on your logging... you know, putting down fake calorie counts in the data base or in your log to make you feel better about your overeating! :D I'd say people cheat because they want to have their cake and eat it too!

    I'm with you, I saw the title and I thought about about drinking a coke and not logging it or only logging 1 bag of M&M's, not the 2 bags I really ate, I thought somehow MFP was onto me

    Onto You ???

    Well..... we are now.
  • isalsayourface123
    isalsayourface123 Posts: 2,153 Member
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    iMago wrote: »
    isalsayourface123 wrote: »
    iMago wrote: »
    isalsayourface123 wrote: »
    iMago wrote: »
    i did it because the marriage was failing and i was unhappy. i was also immature. and i also thought the person i cheated with was beautiful and amazing and hot and funny. and we worked together. so it happened.

    i wouldn't change it. if anything i just wouldn't have gotten married at all.

    Or...go back and say hey, I'm feeling some kind of way...I'm thinking of moving on? Why wouldn't you change that...hooking up with the person maybe you wouldn't change...but I'm curious as to why you wouldn't change how you went about it?

    i did move on. moved out and divorced.
    she remarried 3 months after our divorce was final.
    she ended up having a couple of kids and seems to be happy.

    and i wouldn't change how i did it. the person i cheated with. we ended up in a relationship and had a lot of good years together. best years i ever had my whole life in fact.

    changing any of that wouldn't have made things what they were and came to be. and you can't change it. it happened.

    But I'd like to think we learn from the past. The amount of pain it causes is tremendous...so my ex is completely faithful to his now girlfriend...I think he would've done things differently if he could.

    But you are right. What's done is done.

    I'm constantly looking at what drove him to that...and I can now see my part ...I hope to never make someone feel unloved or unwanted again...

    i did learn in my own way. i learned what it cost. for good or bad.
    and i learned not to get married again.

    Ok fair enough. I read into your post too much.
    your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
    I read the OP question as a simple why, and not why is it ok.

    But i find it abhorrent to say that cheating in a relationship is the worst thing. I can think of way worse. If you can’t then I guess I should be happy for you.

    to say that people can’t change is rigid and cruel.

    And I’m thinking about a man who bent and wrote with his finger on the ground.



    Never did I feel like I said people cant change. I very much think change is possible. It's what I work on daily. This is not me judging anyone's lives or choices...I dont know what you've been through. I only know how I relate based on my own experiences.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,492 Member
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    caco_ethes wrote: »
    your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
    I read the OP question as a simple why, and not why is it ok.

    But i find it abhorrent to say that cheating in a relationship is the worst thing. I can think of way worse. If you can’t then I guess I should be happy for you.

    to say that people can’t change is rigid and cruel.

    And I’m thinking about a man who bent and wrote with his finger on the ground.



    Wasn’t it a stick? 😏

    That wasn't a stick. B)
  • your_future_ex_wife
    your_future_ex_wife Posts: 4,278 Member
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    isalsayourface123 wrote: »
    iMago wrote: »
    isalsayourface123 wrote: »
    iMago wrote: »
    isalsayourface123 wrote: »
    iMago wrote: »
    i did it because the marriage was failing and i was unhappy. i was also immature. and i also thought the person i cheated with was beautiful and amazing and hot and funny. and we worked together. so it happened.

    i wouldn't change it. if anything i just wouldn't have gotten married at all.

    Or...go back and say hey, I'm feeling some kind of way...I'm thinking of moving on? Why wouldn't you change that...hooking up with the person maybe you wouldn't change...but I'm curious as to why you wouldn't change how you went about it?

    i did move on. moved out and divorced.
    she remarried 3 months after our divorce was final.
    she ended up having a couple of kids and seems to be happy.

    and i wouldn't change how i did it. the person i cheated with. we ended up in a relationship and had a lot of good years together. best years i ever had my whole life in fact.

    changing any of that wouldn't have made things what they were and came to be. and you can't change it. it happened.

    But I'd like to think we learn from the past. The amount of pain it causes is tremendous...so my ex is completely faithful to his now girlfriend...I think he would've done things differently if he could.

    But you are right. What's done is done.

    I'm constantly looking at what drove him to that...and I can now see my part ...I hope to never make someone feel unloved or unwanted again...

    i did learn in my own way. i learned what it cost. for good or bad.
    and i learned not to get married again.

    Ok fair enough. I read into your post too much.
    your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
    I read the OP question as a simple why, and not why is it ok.

    But i find it abhorrent to say that cheating in a relationship is the worst thing. I can think of way worse. If you can’t then I guess I should be happy for you.

    to say that people can’t change is rigid and cruel.

    And I’m thinking about a man who bent and wrote with his finger on the ground.



    Never did I feel like I said people cant change. I very much think change is possible. It's what I work on daily. This is not me judging anyone's lives or choices...I dont know what you've been through. I only know how I relate based on my own experiences.

    yes, i got that sense from you. i didn’t quote you for a reason. I’m talking about the thread as a whole. I think it’s an important conversation.
  • isalsayourface123
    isalsayourface123 Posts: 2,153 Member
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    your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
    isalsayourface123 wrote: »
    iMago wrote: »
    isalsayourface123 wrote: »
    iMago wrote: »
    isalsayourface123 wrote: »
    iMago wrote: »
    i did it because the marriage was failing and i was unhappy. i was also immature. and i also thought the person i cheated with was beautiful and amazing and hot and funny. and we worked together. so it happened.

    i wouldn't change it. if anything i just wouldn't have gotten married at all.

    Or...go back and say hey, I'm feeling some kind of way...I'm thinking of moving on? Why wouldn't you change that...hooking up with the person maybe you wouldn't change...but I'm curious as to why you wouldn't change how you went about it?

    i did move on. moved out and divorced.
    she remarried 3 months after our divorce was final.
    she ended up having a couple of kids and seems to be happy.

    and i wouldn't change how i did it. the person i cheated with. we ended up in a relationship and had a lot of good years together. best years i ever had my whole life in fact.

    changing any of that wouldn't have made things what they were and came to be. and you can't change it. it happened.

    But I'd like to think we learn from the past. The amount of pain it causes is tremendous...so my ex is completely faithful to his now girlfriend...I think he would've done things differently if he could.

    But you are right. What's done is done.

    I'm constantly looking at what drove him to that...and I can now see my part ...I hope to never make someone feel unloved or unwanted again...

    i did learn in my own way. i learned what it cost. for good or bad.
    and i learned not to get married again.

    Ok fair enough. I read into your post too much.
    your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
    I read the OP question as a simple why, and not why is it ok.

    But i find it abhorrent to say that cheating in a relationship is the worst thing. I can think of way worse. If you can’t then I guess I should be happy for you.

    to say that people can’t change is rigid and cruel.

    And I’m thinking about a man who bent and wrote with his finger on the ground.



    Never did I feel like I said people cant change. I very much think change is possible. It's what I work on daily. This is not me judging anyone's lives or choices...I dont know what you've been through. I only know how I relate based on my own experiences.

    yes, i got that sense from you. i didn’t quote you for a reason. I’m talking about the thread as a whole. I think it’s an important conversation.

    Oh. Ok. Sorry didnt read every post 🤦‍♀️

    I think you're a pretty cool chick. ❤
  • your_future_ex_wife
    your_future_ex_wife Posts: 4,278 Member
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    isalsayourface123 wrote: »
    your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
    isalsayourface123 wrote: »
    iMago wrote: »
    isalsayourface123 wrote: »
    iMago wrote: »
    isalsayourface123 wrote: »
    iMago wrote: »
    i did it because the marriage was failing and i was unhappy. i was also immature. and i also thought the person i cheated with was beautiful and amazing and hot and funny. and we worked together. so it happened.

    i wouldn't change it. if anything i just wouldn't have gotten married at all.

    Or...go back and say hey, I'm feeling some kind of way...I'm thinking of moving on? Why wouldn't you change that...hooking up with the person maybe you wouldn't change...but I'm curious as to why you wouldn't change how you went about it?

    i did move on. moved out and divorced.
    she remarried 3 months after our divorce was final.
    she ended up having a couple of kids and seems to be happy.

    and i wouldn't change how i did it. the person i cheated with. we ended up in a relationship and had a lot of good years together. best years i ever had my whole life in fact.

    changing any of that wouldn't have made things what they were and came to be. and you can't change it. it happened.

    But I'd like to think we learn from the past. The amount of pain it causes is tremendous...so my ex is completely faithful to his now girlfriend...I think he would've done things differently if he could.

    But you are right. What's done is done.

    I'm constantly looking at what drove him to that...and I can now see my part ...I hope to never make someone feel unloved or unwanted again...

    i did learn in my own way. i learned what it cost. for good or bad.
    and i learned not to get married again.

    Ok fair enough. I read into your post too much.
    your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
    I read the OP question as a simple why, and not why is it ok.

    But i find it abhorrent to say that cheating in a relationship is the worst thing. I can think of way worse. If you can’t then I guess I should be happy for you.

    to say that people can’t change is rigid and cruel.

    And I’m thinking about a man who bent and wrote with his finger on the ground.



    Never did I feel like I said people cant change. I very much think change is possible. It's what I work on daily. This is not me judging anyone's lives or choices...I dont know what you've been through. I only know how I relate based on my own experiences.

    yes, i got that sense from you. i didn’t quote you for a reason. I’m talking about the thread as a whole. I think it’s an important conversation.

    Oh. Ok. Sorry didnt read every post 🤦‍♀️

    I think you're a pretty cool chick. ❤

    i like you too. you should read it though. it’s enlightening
  • caco_ethes
    caco_ethes Posts: 11,962 Member
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    CanesGalactica wrote: »
    your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
    I read the OP question as a simple why, and not why is it ok.

    But i find it abhorrent to say that cheating in a relationship is the worst thing. I can think of way worse. If you can’t then I guess I should be happy for you.

    to say that people can’t change is rigid and cruel.

    And I’m thinking about a man who bent and wrote with his finger on the ground.



    This.

    I've been cheated on and I've done the cheating. There are WAY worse things that can happen in a relationship that are 100% more damaging. And yes, that sadly comes from experience. More than once.

    Not that cheating isn't damaging on its own (because it is), but there are way worse outcomes out there that you don't come back from. Ever.

    I appreciate your posts in this thread.
  • NoHookUpZone
    NoHookUpZone Posts: 1,531 Member
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    ArmyVeteranM1A1C wrote: »
    So to answer the as far as "cheating" in a relationship, the simple answer is the "cheater" wants more than he/she has, right or wrong
    More complex answer would involve what the definition of cheating is, some men and women don't mind sharing so they do not consider it cheating, but other may judge and consider it cheating based on their morals, values and beliefs.
    Cheating is more a Judeo/Christian stigma, many cultures and religions around the World do not consider infidelity cheating
    Cheating is a perspective, swingers do not consider sexual relations with others cheating, Mormons with multiple wives do not consider it cheating, many cultures have condoned multiple wives or husbands or sex partners.
    Now, don't wanna get too deep on that, I would just say if a couple is committed and the man or woman wants sex with another fwb and his/her partner does not allow that or know about it; it is terribly wrong especially if they don't practice safe sex and put their partners health and life at risk.
    Me, I don't judge and don't care about someone else's business if it doesn't affect me, I have had swinger relationships and committed relationships, threesomes, foursomes, many combinations and know and have known many people and couples in all kinds of sexual situations, different situations work for different people.
    Cheating can be defined many different ways, so this is a tough question to answer

    tenor.gif
  • your_future_ex_wife
    your_future_ex_wife Posts: 4,278 Member
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    caco_ethes wrote: »
    CanesGalactica wrote: »
    your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
    I read the OP question as a simple why, and not why is it ok.

    But i find it abhorrent to say that cheating in a relationship is the worst thing. I can think of way worse. If you can’t then I guess I should be happy for you.

    to say that people can’t change is rigid and cruel.

    And I’m thinking about a man who bent and wrote with his finger on the ground.



    This.

    I've been cheated on and I've done the cheating. There are WAY worse things that can happen in a relationship that are 100% more damaging. And yes, that sadly comes from experience. More than once.

    Not that cheating isn't damaging on its own (because it is), but there are way worse outcomes out there that you don't come back from. Ever.

    I appreciate your posts in this thread.

    same
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
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    ArmyVeteranM1A1C wrote: »
    So to answer the as far as "cheating" in a relationship, the simple answer is the "cheater" wants more than he/she has, right or wrong
    More complex answer would involve what the definition of cheating is, some men and women don't mind sharing so they do not consider it cheating, but other may judge and consider it cheating based on their morals, values and beliefs.
    Cheating is more a Judeo/Christian stigma, many cultures and religions around the World do not consider infidelity cheating
    Cheating is a perspective, swingers do not consider sexual relations with others cheating, Mormons with multiple wives do not consider it cheating, many cultures have condoned multiple wives or husbands or sex partners.
    Now, don't wanna get too deep on that, I would just say if a couple is committed and the man or woman wants sex with another fwb and his/her partner does not allow that or know about it; it is terribly wrong especially if they don't practice safe sex and put their partners health and life at risk.
    Me, I don't judge and don't care about someone else's business if it doesn't affect me, I have had swinger relationships and committed relationships, threesomes, foursomes, many combinations and know and have known many people and couples in all kinds of sexual situations, different situations work for different people.
    Cheating can be defined many different ways, so this is a tough question to answer

    Actually, the bolded is a good point. What I consider to be out of bounds for a relationship may not be the same for someone else, even my partner.

    That's why that whole "communication" thing becomes important and it seems like we either are losing our ability to effectively communicate those needs and desires or we were never taught how to in the first place. We being collective, not you/I specific.

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