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Height-ism?
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IMO, whatever a person prefers is what they prefer. If you don't fit that criteria, then why care? Isn't the idea of online dating finding the person that actually fits YOUR PREFERENCE anyway? Personally for me, I've stayed within or very close to my race because I've just seen too many issues with couples of different cultural backgrounds clash. I say this anecdotally of course, but over the years many of my clients open up to me about their relationships and the ones that were biracial couple seemed to have the most conflicts when it came to certain cultural values. Not saying that people shouldn't date outside of their race or culture, but for me, the less I have to worry about the better. Relationships are hard enough as it is with just trying to figure each other out emotionally.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
12 -
People like what they like.
My daughter for example is pretty tall and occasionally wears heels when “dressing up.” She definitely prefers men who are taller because being with less tall men makes her feel awkwardly tall. I’ve seen her change shoes like ten times before going out because she likes the higher ones but then she feels goofy when wearing them. In her case it’s more about the way she feels about herself.
My mom used to joke that it’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich girl as a poor girl. Of course- that didn’t happen lol!!6 -
SuzySunshine99 wrote: »I think it's actually good to know up front if someone is that shallow...it saves everyone from wasting their time.
So true. Just swipe past all those folks.
I was married before online dating became the big thing it it now. Do people not meet through friends, at parties, through shared hobbies/interests any longer?
Not in the age of COVID.
And even before COVID, I live in rural Appalachia. Single women my age are generally pillbillies, Pentecostal, or otherwise tragic in some way.
Surprised with this outlook you don't have women beating down your door to date you.22 -
IMO, whatever a person prefers is what they prefer. If you don't fit that criteria, then why care? Isn't the idea of online dating finding the person that actually fits YOUR PREFERENCE anyway? Personally for me, I've stayed within or very close to my race because I've just seen too many issues with couples of different cultural backgrounds clash. I say this anecdotally of course, but over the years many of my clients open up to me about their relationships and the ones that were biracial couple seemed to have the most conflicts when it came to certain cultural values. Not saying that people shouldn't date outside of their race or culture, but for me, the less I have to worry about the better. Relationships are hard enough as it is with just trying to figure each other out emotionally.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Setting aside the issue of whether it is right or wrong to have certain preferences, the truth is that you're just wasting someone's time if you don't exercise pre-screening based on the factors you KNOW you want in a mate. And you're wasting your own time. I can have the stupidest, pettiest, most shallow, or bigoted expectations possible (this is not directed at any preferences expressed by people in this thread) but it doesn't matter because they're my preferences.
We can argue that I'm morally incorrect or have poor taste or don't truly understand what makes a relationship work or that I'm shallow, but that doesn't change the fact that I want to be with who I want to be with. Anyone who falls outside my criteria is likely just going to waste their time if they try to make me change my mind by dating me.
Short guys should be grateful that these women are upfront about what they want. They don't have to be grateful that so many women are writing them off, but they should be grateful that at least it's out in the open and they're not having to waste their time going on first dates with women who just won't be into them. Let's say a guy only wanted to date women with large breasts. I don't have to be grateful for the general social agreement that larger breasts are more desirable than small ones, but I would be grateful not to have my time wasted by dating someone who wasn't going to be truly attracted to me.
18 -
Theoldguy1 wrote: »SuzySunshine99 wrote: »I think it's actually good to know up front if someone is that shallow...it saves everyone from wasting their time.
So true. Just swipe past all those folks.
I was married before online dating became the big thing it it now. Do people not meet through friends, at parties, through shared hobbies/interests any longer?
Not in the age of COVID.
And even before COVID, I live in rural Appalachia. Single women my age are generally pillbillies, Pentecostal, or otherwise tragic in some way.
Surprised with this outlook you don't have women beating down your door to date you.
Maybe it wasn't clear, but I'm referring to single women around my age in my rural area. So it's not really an outlook so much as an observation.
6 -
If it really bothers you: women are terrible at evaluating a dude's height IRL. Just saying...
Someone should compare the distribution of male height on dating apps with that of the general male population.
NOT true in my case I’m 5’11” without shoes and always catch dudes lying about their height. I’ve had guys swear to me in person while standing next to me that they’re 6 feet tall while I’m clearly hovering over them in flats, talk about being in denial, dude if you’re 6 ft then I must be 6’6”! From my experience nearly everyone wants to be taller... I absolutely do not understand why!?!?! I’ve always wanted to be shorter!!! But alas, we cannot choose our height Personally I’ve dated both shorter and taller men (both organically and online) and prefer someone with a great sense of humor that makes me laugh I am currently with a guy who is slightly taller than me at 6’1” but more importantly we get along fantastically and it wouldn’t matter to me if he had been shorter, which sometimes he is if I wear platform high heels and am 6 inches taller than him! Ultimately I think it’s good that online they state their preferences/requirements up front, that way neither party wastes their time if they are really that particular about it. Maybe they want a tall guy because they want their future children to (possibly) be taller than they are? Maybe they just want someone around to reach things off the top shelves for them? (I always get asked to do this by shorter people when out shopping) I’m not sure, but you definitely want to know right away if height is going to be a dealbreaker instead of finding out about it after you’ve invested time and emotion into the relationship. I wish you the best of luck, there are good people out there, you just have to have the patience to find them!7 -
Theoldguy1 wrote: »SuzySunshine99 wrote: »I think it's actually good to know up front if someone is that shallow...it saves everyone from wasting their time.
So true. Just swipe past all those folks.
I was married before online dating became the big thing it it now. Do people not meet through friends, at parties, through shared hobbies/interests any longer?
Not in the age of COVID.
And even before COVID, I live in rural Appalachia. Single women my age are generally pillbillies, Pentecostal, or otherwise tragic in some way.
Surprised with this outlook you don't have women beating down your door to date you.
Maybe it wasn't clear, but I'm referring to single women around my age in my rural area. So it's not really an outlook so much as an observation.
Wonder what the single women in your area think about the single guys?
14 -
SuzySunshine99 wrote: »I think it's actually good to know up front if someone is that shallow...it saves everyone from wasting their time.
So true. Just swipe past all those folks.
I was married before online dating became the big thing it it now. Do people not meet through friends, at parties, through shared hobbies/interests any longer?
Not in the age of COVID.
And even before COVID, I live in rural Appalachia. Single women my age are generally pillbillies, Pentecostal, or otherwise tragic in some way.
Dating during Covid19 hasn't been that bad. When I put on my mask, I go from a 4 to a solid 6... lol
Mine will have to read... must be able to deal with a slightly neurotic, always moving, never missed a gym date, routines, mad man..... so, a Pentecostal might fit the bill... lol12 -
psychod787 wrote: »SuzySunshine99 wrote: »I think it's actually good to know up front if someone is that shallow...it saves everyone from wasting their time.
So true. Just swipe past all those folks.
I was married before online dating became the big thing it it now. Do people not meet through friends, at parties, through shared hobbies/interests any longer?
Not in the age of COVID.
And even before COVID, I live in rural Appalachia. Single women my age are generally pillbillies, Pentecostal, or otherwise tragic in some way.
Dating during Covid19 hasn't been that bad. When I put on my mask, I go from a 4 to a solid 6... lol
Mine will have to read... must be able to deal with a slightly neurotic, always moving, never missed a gym date, routines, mad man..... so, a Pentecostal might fit the bill... lol
I used to live in an area with a lot of Pentecostal woman and I went to a gym where many of them were members. Talk about consistency! They lifted pretty heavy too. They were lifting in ankle-length skirts, but they were there rain or shine. I would be over in the corner with my baby weights while they took care of business.9 -
(...) Personally for me, I've stayed within or very close to my race because I've just seen too many issues with couples of different cultural backgrounds clash. I say this anecdotally of course, but over the years many of my clients open up to me about their relationships and the ones that were biracial couple seemed to have the most conflicts when it came to certain cultural values. Not saying that people shouldn't date outside of their race or culture, but for me, the less I have to worry about the better. Relationships are hard enough as it is with just trying to figure each other out emotionally.
Race and culture are really not synonymous. A Finn and a Spaniard would have much, MUCH less in common than two Americans of which one happens to be white and the other black.
Racial preferences are fine, but they're aesthetic IMO. No different from preferring a certain hair colour... or height.9 -
janejellyroll wrote: »psychod787 wrote: »SuzySunshine99 wrote: »I think it's actually good to know up front if someone is that shallow...it saves everyone from wasting their time.
So true. Just swipe past all those folks.
I was married before online dating became the big thing it it now. Do people not meet through friends, at parties, through shared hobbies/interests any longer?
Not in the age of COVID.
And even before COVID, I live in rural Appalachia. Single women my age are generally pillbillies, Pentecostal, or otherwise tragic in some way.
Dating during Covid19 hasn't been that bad. When I put on my mask, I go from a 4 to a solid 6... lol
Mine will have to read... must be able to deal with a slightly neurotic, always moving, never missed a gym date, routines, mad man..... so, a Pentecostal might fit the bill... lol
I used to live in an area with a lot of Pentecostal woman and I went to a gym where many of them were members. Talk about consistency! They lifted pretty heavy too. They were lifting in ankle-length skirts, but they were there rain or shine. I would be over in the corner with my baby weights while they took care of business.
Long dress and deadlifts... hmmmm...🥰3 -
When a man keeps his eye on what matters most, everything is possible for him. The world needs more men like you. ^^
2 -
Onedaywriter wrote: »People like what they like.
My daughter for example is pretty tall and occasionally wears heels when “dressing up.” She definitely prefers men who are taller because being with less tall men makes her feel awkwardly tall. I’ve seen her change shoes like ten times before going out because she likes the higher ones but then she feels goofy when wearing them. In her case it’s more about the way she feels about herself.
My mom used to joke that it’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich girl as a poor girl. Of course- that didn’t happen lol!!
THIS!!!
The tall women I know do prefer taller men, not because they're more attracted to them, but because they feel awkward themselves when they're taller than their partner. Throws back to tradition, I guess - you know, man should be bigger/stronger/faster than woman (not saying I agree with this, just that it's a subconscious thing that's kind of hard-wired into a lot of people). Whatever it is, they're not going to make themselves feel awkward on a date if they can help it.
For me, a non-issue since I'm 5'3" there's not a whole lot of men who are shorter than me! Yet I ended up with a 6'4" husband, so go figure. At one year old, my son was over half my height and now he's almost two and at my navel already. Safe to say he's got his father's genes I think!6 -
I was having a bad day when I made this topic! Forgive my childishness!
FWIW, I'm nearing 41and have, essentially, never been on a date. And it's starting to wear on me ever so slightly. In the past few months, I've spent probably $500 on dating app memberships for the privilege of sending missives into the void.
Younger Zamphir definitely fell into the trap of "hurr durr women don't like nice guys, only a-holes" nonsense. I've outgrown that, thank God. I realize I'm the common denominator in my one-sided equation. I just can't figure out what's wrong with me.
I read this article recently from a guy who works in mental health or recovery in some capacity. He talks about a client named "Jerry" who is receiving court-ordered counseling for being an abusive alcoholic and poly-addict. Jerry has kids by 4 different women. He's never held down a job; he has a long criminal record; he's functionally illiterate; and in spite of all that he's never without someone who wants to have his next child. And the guy doing his intake is childless, single, and lonely, and he thinks, "I don't expect to have a supermodel on my arm. But I expect to be doing better than Jerry." And that's sort of how I feel sometimes.33 -
I was having a bad day when I made this topic! Forgive my childishness!
FWIW, I'm nearing 41and have, essentially, never been on a date. And it's starting to wear on me ever so slightly. In the past few months, I've spent probably $500 on dating app memberships for the privilege of sending missives into the void.
Younger Zamphir definitely fell into the trap of "hurr durr women don't like nice guys, only a-holes" nonsense. I've outgrown that, thank God. I realize I'm the common denominator in my one-sided equation. I just can't figure out what's wrong with me.
I read this article recently from a guy who works in mental health or recovery in some capacity. He talks about a client named "Jerry" who is receiving court-ordered counseling for being an abusive alcoholic and poly-addict. Jerry has kids by 4 different women. He's never held down a job; he has a long criminal record; he's functionally illiterate; and in spite of all that he's never without someone who wants to have his next child. And the guy doing his intake is childless, single, and lonely, and he thinks, "I don't expect to have a supermodel on my arm. But I expect to be doing better than Jerry." And that's sort of how I feel sometimes.
Based on your earlier description of single females in your area which I assume ( although I may be wrong) extends to many of the other residents, why don't you move?6 -
janejellyroll wrote: »IMO, whatever a person prefers is what they prefer. If you don't fit that criteria, then why care? Isn't the idea of online dating finding the person that actually fits YOUR PREFERENCE anyway? Personally for me, I've stayed within or very close to my race because I've just seen too many issues with couples of different cultural backgrounds clash. I say this anecdotally of course, but over the years many of my clients open up to me about their relationships and the ones that were biracial couple seemed to have the most conflicts when it came to certain cultural values. Not saying that people shouldn't date outside of their race or culture, but for me, the less I have to worry about the better. Relationships are hard enough as it is with just trying to figure each other out emotionally.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Setting aside the issue of whether it is right or wrong to have certain preferences, the truth is that you're just wasting someone's time if you don't exercise pre-screening based on the factors you KNOW you want in a mate. And you're wasting your own time. I can have the stupidest, pettiest, most shallow, or bigoted expectations possible (this is not directed at any preferences expressed by people in this thread) but it doesn't matter because they're my preferences.
We can argue that I'm morally incorrect or have poor taste or don't truly understand what makes a relationship work or that I'm shallow, but that doesn't change the fact that I want to be with who I want to be with. Anyone who falls outside my criteria is likely just going to waste their time if they try to make me change my mind by dating me.
Short guys should be grateful that these women are upfront about what they want. They don't have to be grateful that so many women are writing them off, but they should be grateful that at least it's out in the open and they're not having to waste their time going on first dates with women who just won't be into them. Let's say a guy only wanted to date women with large breasts. I don't have to be grateful for the general social agreement that larger breasts are more desirable than small ones, but I would be grateful not to have my time wasted by dating someone who wasn't going to be truly attracted to me.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
1 -
Theoldguy1 wrote: »SuzySunshine99 wrote: »I think it's actually good to know up front if someone is that shallow...it saves everyone from wasting their time.
So true. Just swipe past all those folks.
I was married before online dating became the big thing it it now. Do people not meet through friends, at parties, through shared hobbies/interests any longer?
Not in the age of COVID.
And even before COVID, I live in rural Appalachia. Single women my age are generally pillbillies, Pentecostal, or otherwise tragic in some way.
Surprised with this outlook you don't have women beating down your door to date you.
Maybe it wasn't clear, but I'm referring to single women around my age in my rural area. So it's not really an outlook so much as an observation.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
3 -
#1 Men and women can sense neediness a mile away
#2 Work on your confidence and that comes from putting yourself out there. Consistently. Consistently. Consistently.
#3 It cannot be overstated. Be yourself.
"If "manners maketh man" as someone said
He's the hero of the day
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile
Be yourself no matter what they say
I don't take coffee, I take tea, my dear
I like my toast done on one side
And you can hear it in my accent when I talk
I'm an Englishman in New York
See me walking down Fifth Avenue
A walking cane here at my side
I take it everywhere I walk
I'm an Englishman in New York"
STING
Float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. If a man wants to meet a woman you've simply got to quit writing long lists of the attributes you'd like or positive confessions or using apps out of fear and desperation or talking about it.
Take ACTION.
Oooo, Desperado
Desperado
Why don't you come to your senses?
You've been out ridin' fences for so long now
Oh, you're a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin' you
Will hurt you somehow
Pick yourself UP and dust yourself off. So you're up for your first rodeo. Take the bull by the horns.
You better get on this bull and ride. Wring everything you can out of this life. Be kind. Stay sweet.
The girls will love you but you've got to put yourself out there.
2 -
(...) Personally for me, I've stayed within or very close to my race because I've just seen too many issues with couples of different cultural backgrounds clash. I say this anecdotally of course, but over the years many of my clients open up to me about their relationships and the ones that were biracial couple seemed to have the most conflicts when it came to certain cultural values. Not saying that people shouldn't date outside of their race or culture, but for me, the less I have to worry about the better. Relationships are hard enough as it is with just trying to figure each other out emotionally.
Race and culture are really not synonymous. A Finn and a Spaniard would have much, MUCH less in common than two Americans of which one happens to be white and the other black.
Racial preferences are fine, but they're aesthetic IMO. No different from preferring a certain hair colour... or height.
We have many people who are born in American of say Asian decent, and I've seen MANY TIMES where they get involved or marry outside of their race and have issues because they STILL CARRY CULTURAL differences. Especially when it comes to the type of foods one desires to eat. My cousin loves to cook fried fish and other Filipino dishes she feeds to the kids and her husband really can't stand the food. And it's been a topic of argumentation because when she attends a party, HE DOESN'T come because he knows that all we'll really be eating is Filipino food.
And again, I deal with this with clientele as well. I mentioned they open up to me about. No reason for them to lie to me about. What's your actual experience in dealing with people when they may have to adhere to family cultural traditions even though born in the USA?
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
6 -
When are you going to meet someone?
When you're ready to meet someone.
Fear is holding you back.3
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