Serious/heavy/deep/real stuff
Replies
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^ second.5
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I think I project my own *kitten* on others way way WAAAAAY more than I realize, to the point where I almost feel like I'm in a house of mirrors and have no point of reference for what's legit and what are my own projections/assumptions.8
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I think I project my own *kitten* on others way way WAAAAAY more than I realize, to the point where I almost feel like I'm in a house of mirrors and have no point of reference for what's legit and what are my own projections/assumptions.
“I’m not projecting, YOU’RE projecting!”
I feel your comment. Especially online I struggle with it2 -
I think I project my own *kitten* on others way way WAAAAAY more than I realize, to the point where I almost feel like I'm in a house of mirrors and have no point of reference for what's legit and what are my own projections/assumptions.
“I’m not projecting, YOU’RE projecting!”
I feel your comment. Especially online I struggle with it
You could ask, no? Maybe something like, "Is this a 'Me Thing,' a 'You Thing,' or an 'Everybody Thing?'"
Most folks in one's circle - who are more than polite company - may offer something along the lines of a "Yea, bro; same!" because we're not all that different after all...it's just that our levels of vulnerability are set up different.1 -
I think I project my own *kitten* on others way way WAAAAAY more than I realize, to the point where I almost feel like I'm in a house of mirrors and have no point of reference for what's legit and what are my own projections/assumptions.
“I’m not projecting, YOU’RE projecting!”
I feel your comment. Especially online I struggle with it
You could ask, no? Maybe something like, "Is this a 'Me Thing,' a 'You Thing,' or an 'Everybody Thing?'"
Most folks in one's circle - who are more than polite company - may offer something along the lines of a "Yea, bro; same!" because we're not all that different after all...it's just that our levels of vulnerability are set up different.
I like your insight on things -
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today is my dads birthday11
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I think I project my own *kitten* on others way way WAAAAAY more than I realize, to the point where I almost feel like I'm in a house of mirrors and have no point of reference for what's legit and what are my own projections/assumptions.
“I’m not projecting, YOU’RE projecting!”
I feel your comment. Especially online I struggle with it
You could ask, no? Maybe something like, "Is this a 'Me Thing,' a 'You Thing,' or an 'Everybody Thing?'"
Most folks in one's circle - who are more than polite company - may offer something along the lines of a "Yea, bro; same!" because we're not all that different after all...it's just that our levels of vulnerability are set up different.
I don't really have a circle (I have little patience for people, and even less interest)... so I'm talking mostly about what I observe/hear/read... information, behaviors, motivations, trends, etc.1 -
Watching someone grieve just an inch at a time, not being given the opportunity of getting it fully out during a specified timeframe)whether that's a month, a week, a year), but each stage of physical/mental change brings more grief watching new decreases in ability to live, remember, enjoy life the way it used to be....all while trying to take care of someone. And take care of themselves too? That's something that just doesn't get done. And what's there to look forward to at the end of all of it?
Nothing.
I wish I had faith.8 -
Watching someone grieve just an inch at a time, not being given the opportunity of getting it fully out during a specified timeframe)whether that's a month, a week, a year), but each stage of physical/mental change brings more grief watching new decreases in ability to live, remember, enjoy life the way it used to be....all while trying to take care of someone. And take care of themselves too? That's something that just doesn't get done. And what's there to look forward to at the end of all of it?
Nothing.
I wish I had faith.
Nothing more cruel than the Long Goodbye 💔0 -
Watching someone grieve just an inch at a time, not being given the opportunity of getting it fully out during a specified timeframe)whether that's a month, a week, a year), but each stage of physical/mental change brings more grief watching new decreases in ability to live, remember, enjoy life the way it used to be....all while trying to take care of someone. And take care of themselves too? That's something that just doesn't get done. And what's there to look forward to at the end of all of it?
Nothing.
I wish I had faith.
Nothing more cruel than the Long Goodbye 💔
True. I'm currently watching this happen with my grandmother. Her Alzheimer's is slowly progressing to the point where she can no longer remember us, thinks we're strangers all meant to harm her and she is starting to believe she is much younger than she is and that certain life events never happened (for her).
I watched this happen already with my other grandmother a few years ago. It was slow, cruel and in the end? She became a person I never recognized and never thought existed. She was hateful, somewhat racist and just in general a completely different person. And when she left, I saw the hole left by her absence in both our extended family and in my dad's heart. The only "good" thing at the end was that it was over. But nothing was gained from her death outside of memories.6 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »Watching someone grieve just an inch at a time, not being given the opportunity of getting it fully out during a specified timeframe)whether that's a month, a week, a year), but each stage of physical/mental change brings more grief watching new decreases in ability to live, remember, enjoy life the way it used to be....all while trying to take care of someone. And take care of themselves too? That's something that just doesn't get done. And what's there to look forward to at the end of all of it?
Nothing.
I wish I had faith.
Nothing more cruel than the Long Goodbye 💔
True. I'm currently watching this happen with my grandmother. Her Alzheimer's is slowly progressing to the point where she can no longer remember us, thinks we're strangers all meant to harm her and she is starting to believe she is much younger than she is and that certain life events never happened (for her).
I watched this happen already with my other grandmother a few years ago. It was slow, cruel and in the end? She became a person I never recognized and never thought existed. She was hateful, somewhat racist and just in general a completely different person. And when she left, I saw the hole left by her absence in both our extended family and in my dad's heart. The only "good" thing at the end was that it was over. But nothing was gained from her death outside of memories.
That is crushing that you already watched it happen once and have to go through it again, I’m so sorry for you all2 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »Watching someone grieve just an inch at a time, not being given the opportunity of getting it fully out during a specified timeframe)whether that's a month, a week, a year), but each stage of physical/mental change brings more grief watching new decreases in ability to live, remember, enjoy life the way it used to be....all while trying to take care of someone. And take care of themselves too? That's something that just doesn't get done. And what's there to look forward to at the end of all of it?
Nothing.
I wish I had faith.
Nothing more cruel than the Long Goodbye 💔
True. I'm currently watching this happen with my grandmother. Her Alzheimer's is slowly progressing to the point where she can no longer remember us, thinks we're strangers all meant to harm her and she is starting to believe she is much younger than she is and that certain life events never happened (for her).
I watched this happen already with my other grandmother a few years ago. It was slow, cruel and in the end? She became a person I never recognized and never thought existed. She was hateful, somewhat racist and just in general a completely different person. And when she left, I saw the hole left by her absence in both our extended family and in my dad's heart. The only "good" thing at the end was that it was over. But nothing was gained from her death outside of memories.
That is crushing that you already watched it happen once and have to go through it again, I’m so sorry for you all
Is it sad that I'm a bit numb to it because I've watched it happen more than once? My mom is terrified watching her own mother go through this because I think it reminds her that while she's pretty well off now (no underlying health conditions), this particular disease is genetic and might "get" her. Apparently, several family members on both sides have had Alzheimer's or some variation of dementia. If not that, then cancer gets 90% of them. I've only known ONE relative that passed from old age (and they died at 103 when I was 2 or 3 years old). Everyone else died from cancer or some other health complication.
And honestly? I don't know if this is better or worse than watching a grandparent pass from cancer (another slow, cruel and agonizing death). I watched it ravage and destroy my grandad when I was 12 (he died from throat cancer) and then again when I was 22.. I watched my dad's father die from colon cancer. They're all pretty awful ways to go (if you ask me). And I can't answer as to whether it would be better to be dying and know it (cancer) or dying and not know what's going on at all (Alzheimer's). Both are agonizingly slow (in most instances) and both are painful for both the the person suffering and those that love that person.
It's just.. crappy.6 -
@KosmosKitten Thoughts to your family for having to go through that journey...twice. There are certain things human beings shouldn't have to suffer through, whether they're the patient or the care-giver.
There comes a time when decisions a person has to make, need to have the patient's quality of life in consideration more than how much family wants to keep them alive. That's the point my sister is at now; her dh fell for the 3rd time(and of course she's blaming herself 100%)but this last fall resulted in a broken hip. First she was told surgery would be too risky; now she's told they can do surgery tomorrow. The man is 81, final stages of Alzheimer's, heart disease, aneurysm behind his knee that they didn't want to operate on due to risk. I can understand both choices. But neither will be right or wrong.
Every day we get is a gift. Open it wisely, lovingly, and with kindness.7 -
I'm not the praying type but do occasionally ask for special. Today is one of those days. My BIL is undergoing surgery this a.m. Their 54th anniversary is coming in 5 days. Please let them see the day, together, alive, awake, and at least partially smiling.
My sister had no clue what decision would be the best. But then the surgeon told her if they did nothing, he probably wouldn't last the week. If they operate he'd be more comfortable; time is still no guarantee. But it wasn't anyways.
Argh.10 -
I'm not the praying type but do occasionally ask for special. Today is one of those days. My BIL is undergoing surgery this a.m. Their 54th anniversary is coming in 5 days. Please let them see the day, together, alive, awake, and at least partially smiling.
My sister had no clue what decision would be the best. But then the surgeon told her if they did nothing, he probably wouldn't last the week. If they operate he'd be more comfortable; time is still no guarantee. But it wasn't anyways.
Argh.
I hope all goes well, it is very difficult I know from experience. Sending prayers and best wishes too.3 -
I'm not the praying type but do occasionally ask for special. Today is one of those days. My BIL is undergoing surgery this a.m. Their 54th anniversary is coming in 5 days. Please let them see the day, together, alive, awake, and at least partially smiling.
My sister had no clue what decision would be the best. But then the surgeon told her if they did nothing, he probably wouldn't last the week. If they operate he'd be more comfortable; time is still no guarantee. But it wasn't anyways.
Argh.
sending well wishes and positive thoughts that you get the outcome you would like.. 🙏2 -
I'm not the praying type but do occasionally ask for special. Today is one of those days. My BIL is undergoing surgery this a.m. Their 54th anniversary is coming in 5 days. Please let them see the day, together, alive, awake, and at least partially smiling.
My sister had no clue what decision would be the best. But then the surgeon told her if they did nothing, he probably wouldn't last the week. If they operate he'd be more comfortable; time is still no guarantee. But it wasn't anyways.
Argh.
Thinking of you all.. let us know if he comes through ok?1 -
Thank you; your extra thoughts/prayers were helpful! He came through as well as he possibly could have and the surgeon/staff were truly wonderful! It may buy him time, maybe not, but he'll be in less pain and at this point in the game, that's all we can ask for. Plan is for him to go home Tuesday, with PT and a hospital bed.
Thanks so much for allowing me a place to write my worries. I try to stay upbeat in my sister's presence so it's nice to have a place to share my own fears.7 -
@ReenieHJ Reenie, you are wise, wise, wise to stay strong for your sister.
Crying and grieving is human but in a time like this it can bring on more fear. My elders tell me to stay strong for my folks because too much fear is contagious. I might cry in my truck while I'm driving down the road but not in front of them. Fear can bring on more than we need at a time like this.
You're a warrior. Fight for your family. Hold them UP.
Reenie, every family has at least one warrior. Tag, you're it. Stay strong, Woman.
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