The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living

I see things in my husband's lack of memory, mother-in-law's too, that almost shock me. My daughter's stepmom is trying to rid herself of a friend that she's had for years. I'll call her Susan. Susan is negative. For example, she made a comment that my younger daughter made a dance team because her older sister was on the dance team. It's stuff like that that did not get her invited to a birthday party that even me, the ex-wife, was invited to. Anyway, there have been many ridiculous stories about Susan over the years from both of my girls. Anyway my youngest was talking about Susan and my husband asked "Who's Susan?"

I couldn't believe he had no clue, no memory of Susan the shenanigan maker. Then again, it's just a name to him I thought, even though he's heard it a hundred times before throughout the years. I still struggle to understand... That's just one example, most recent.

Last night, we were talking about an outdoor hotel pool that we all swam in several years ago. Mother-in-law insisted that there was also an indoor pool there as well. She was adamant. Husband and I both told her it didn't have one. She was merging two hotels that she'd stayed in into one hotel in her mind. Other hotel had an indoor pool, no outdoor. Husband explained it to her. My thought was wow, she's drunk, because she'd been sipping on the wine for hours. Or two, alcohol has done this to her mind over the years. She's only in her sixties. That's where my mind went...

It definitely does not ever help brain function, at least not from what I have observed.

I was watching The Minimalists (Netflix) documentary on well, minimalism. Reducing what we own which has a trickle down effect in all areas of life. I subscribed to their blog. Something in the blog resonated with me. The guys say to make an "I must " list not a to do list or an "I want" lists.

They say by phrasing it this way you will be apt to reach your goals.
I must stay sober.
I must stay sober.
I must stay sober.

By the way, one of the minimalists (they are two best friends) had an alcoholic father and mother growing up. So that was relevant- addiction in their lives.

For the times, i am tempted to throw in the towel, I think about the lessons I learned from this thread. When you give in to drinking, it is a long haul out of that abyss. IT is too much work. Stringing together sober days and then faltering. I actually think it is much easier to stay sober. Period. No exceptions.

In 10 days, i will be 9 months sober, the time it takes to make a baby. I did make a "baby". I have been designing t-shirts and sweatshirts and learning how to create an online store. I made a brand and business. I know this would not have happened if I was still drinking and going to happy hours.

Up_n_Running wrote: »

Serious drinking dreams over here 🙄

So glad to wake up & realise, it was just a dream.

Hope everyone has a great weekend! 💞

It's been a fabulous weekend for me. Just been enjoying our summer weather. Happy your dream was not real!

RubyRed427 wrote: »

JenT304 wrote: »

https://www.cnn.com/2021/05/19/health/alcohol-brain-health-intl-scli-wellness/index.html

I read this. My colleague at school says she cannot remember things, etc. She is a hot mess. And I know she drinks bottles of wine .... probably it's all linked. She also tried to talk me into believing I don't have a drinking problem, because I told her I quit drinking. "Ruby, you don't drink first thing in the morning, so you can't have a drinking problem....." Alcoholics need to drink first thing in the morning. I told her that's not really accurate. I am a binger. So, even though I could have a few days of not drinking, the moment I would drink it was most likely going to turn into a one- 1.5 bottle of wine binge.

Thanks for the article @JenT304. Another incentive to remain sober.

@RubyRed427 A part of your colleague being a "hot mess" could be related to past unresolved trauma, as could be her drinking issue....memory issues can be related to a seriously dysfunctional past. I know regular heavy drinkers who seem to have a really good recall of childhood and other memories, BUT I also think it could be because they tell the same stories OVER & over & over so they are etched in their brain. How could alcohol use not effect the brain especially heavy alcohol use. I know my memory is very sketchy, some due to trauma amnesia but I also believe that drinking & drugging has definitely taken it's toll on my grey/gray matter over the years. I began to smoke at 9 yrs, drink at 13 and smoke dope at 15. A brain isn't anywhere near fully developed at that point. I also have learned that I dissociate when I am overwhelmed and this was one of my favorite coping tools when I was a kid, so there are HUGE gaps in my memory...not only painful, but happy ones. Apparently, when our brain blocks painful stuff it also takes along with it memories before and after the painful event, so there are chunks of memories hidden somewhere, and not accessible until we are able to feel safe enough to recall...OK, our psychology lesson is now over LOL

ANYHOO, the count down is now officially ON!! 5 more days till my 3rd Sober-versary!! And while I know this has now become my new lifestyle, the old lifestyle is only one drink away! I am regularly grateful that I have been able to grow to LOVE sobriety and now I am seriously working on my health via making consistent healthier food choices and working to manage my stress level by healing my emotional bits & pieces that need some TLC. It is all a process and how I speak to myself is a vital part of that process....Rather than tell myself I "can't have" something, I tell myself "I choose not to have" I CAN have whatever I want, But I CHOOSE to have this healthier version. I've learned that "I can't have..." is attached to restriction vs "I choose not to have...." is attached to EMPOWERMENT....when we restrict the natural human tendency is to rebel against the restrictions...choosing has an entirely different feel, at least for me.

Happy, healthy week ahead to all of my sober and working-on-being sober friends in this group of wonderful, supportive lovelies (guys included ) My next post will be on May 29 with my health stats on my quit drinking app.

P.S. I L VE SPRING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RubyRed427 wrote: »

JenT304 wrote: »

https://www.cnn.com/2021/05/19/health/alcohol-brain-health-intl-scli-wellness/index.html

I read this. My colleague at school says she cannot remember things, etc. She is a hot mess. And I know she drinks bottles of wine .... probably it's all linked. She also tried to talk me into believing I don't have a drinking problem, because I told her I quit drinking. "Ruby, you don't drink first thing in the morning, so you can't have a drinking problem....." Alcoholics need to drink first thing in the morning. I told her that's not really accurate. I am a binger. So, even though I could have a few days of not drinking, the moment I would drink it was most likely going to turn into a one- 1.5 bottle of wine binge.

That describes me to a fault...I didn't so much as have a dependency problem, but more a lack of control, which was only exacerbated after the first couple of drinks. Never once did I think "Well I'll just Irish up these Cheerios".

I decided that I wanted to at least cutback on my drinking, so I made a deal with myself that if I had work the next day then there was to be no drinking the day before. I certainly didn't miss the hangovers at work, but what took me by surprise was that it took less than two months to go from binge drinking every night to becoming completely teetotal...I never intended for that to happen, it just did. So I sat down and thought about all the potential triggers that could trip me up throughout the year, and came up with ways to either avoid those triggers completely, or at least be cognizant of them so they wouldn't take me by surprise.

I know we're all unique and our stressors are different, but if it gives anyone hope, my last drink was back in January 2016 and I've never looked back. Good luck everyone, just know it gets much easier over time.

Hi! This is my first post on this thread. Today I am 148 days AF. This evening we went to dinner with friends and ended up at a pub while we waited for a table at an adjacent restaurant. I'm so proud to say that I didn't drink! Part of me wanted to, but I didn't and I'm so happy tomorrow will be day 149 AF. I never thought I'd get to day 2 AF, but here I am.

Much love to you all. You can do this too!!

Good morning! Tips for going to parties/dinners:
1. Make sure you indulge on sweets or fine foods so you don't feel deprived.
2. Write down your goals before you leave. "I will be sober. I will feel so happy tomorrow."
3. Drink something besides water: maybe diet coke, Perrier with a splash of cranberry. Put it in a wine glass even.
4. Tell you significant other your plans... tell them so you can feel accountable to someone.
5. Plan a nice activity the next morning that you would not want to miss because you're hungover.