Serious/heavy/deep/real stuff
Replies
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ExpressoLove11 wrote: »When my ex wife and I were married we had several animals over the years. One cat, Ethel, was born in 2003. My youngest son was born in 1997. Ethel went downhill fast. I stopped over the house yesterday and my son, a man in his own right was sitting next to her stroking her head and telling her with tears in his eyes "...its ok..you can go, you don't have to hold on for me". There is nothing that will break you down faster than the pain of your children. She died soon after and we cried and reminisced together. While I've known that Ethel would die I did not know how much it affected him.
I know those who have kids here are experiencing pain in different ways for different reasons. One step at a time, one day at a time, one issue at a time. We have no choice but to go forward.
Less than a month after Ethel died, their dog Boba had to be put to sleep yesterday. Boba was sick and had gone downhill fast as well. Nature is cruel. Boba was a big strong pit bull. Yesterday he was reduced to a frail shell of himself. My ex wife and my son were crying and held him while he died. Again, seeing people that I love so upset stabs me as well. I whispered to him, "You are a good boy. You never did anything wrong and I love you. Thank you for taking care of them."
Damn. Now I'm in my feelings. I'm so sorry for your losses.slimgirljo15 wrote: »When my ex wife and I were married we had several animals over the years. One cat, Ethel, was born in 2003. My youngest son was born in 1997. Ethel went downhill fast. I stopped over the house yesterday and my son, a man in his own right was sitting next to her stroking her head and telling her with tears in his eyes "...its ok..you can go, you don't have to hold on for me". There is nothing that will break you down faster than the pain of your children. She died soon after and we cried and reminisced together. While I've known that Ethel would die I did not know how much it affected him.
I know those who have kids here are experiencing pain in different ways for different reasons. One step at a time, one day at a time, one issue at a time. We have no choice but to go forward.
Less than a month after Ethel died, their dog Boba had to be put to sleep yesterday. Boba was sick and had gone downhill fast as well. Nature is cruel. Boba was a big strong pit bull. Yesterday he was reduced to a frail shell of himself. My ex wife and my son were crying and held him while he died. Again, seeing people that I love so upset stabs me as well. I whispered to him, "You are a good boy. You never did anything wrong and I love you. Thank you for taking care of them."
Im so sorry for yours and your families loss 😞
Thank you ladies.2 -
ExpressoLove11 wrote: »When my ex wife and I were married we had several animals over the years. One cat, Ethel, was born in 2003. My youngest son was born in 1997. Ethel went downhill fast. I stopped over the house yesterday and my son, a man in his own right was sitting next to her stroking her head and telling her with tears in his eyes "...its ok..you can go, you don't have to hold on for me". There is nothing that will break you down faster than the pain of your children. She died soon after and we cried and reminisced together. While I've known that Ethel would die I did not know how much it affected him.
I know those who have kids here are experiencing pain in different ways for different reasons. One step at a time, one day at a time, one issue at a time. We have no choice but to go forward.
Less than a month after Ethel died, their dog Boba had to be put to sleep yesterday. Boba was sick and had gone downhill fast as well. Nature is cruel. Boba was a big strong pit bull. Yesterday he was reduced to a frail shell of himself. My ex wife and my son were crying and held him while he died. Again, seeing people that I love so upset stabs me as well. I whispered to him, "You are a good boy. You never did anything wrong and I love you. Thank you for taking care of them."
Damn. Now I'm in my feelings. I'm so sorry for your losses.slimgirljo15 wrote: »When my ex wife and I were married we had several animals over the years. One cat, Ethel, was born in 2003. My youngest son was born in 1997. Ethel went downhill fast. I stopped over the house yesterday and my son, a man in his own right was sitting next to her stroking her head and telling her with tears in his eyes "...its ok..you can go, you don't have to hold on for me". There is nothing that will break you down faster than the pain of your children. She died soon after and we cried and reminisced together. While I've known that Ethel would die I did not know how much it affected him.
I know those who have kids here are experiencing pain in different ways for different reasons. One step at a time, one day at a time, one issue at a time. We have no choice but to go forward.
Less than a month after Ethel died, their dog Boba had to be put to sleep yesterday. Boba was sick and had gone downhill fast as well. Nature is cruel. Boba was a big strong pit bull. Yesterday he was reduced to a frail shell of himself. My ex wife and my son were crying and held him while he died. Again, seeing people that I love so upset stabs me as well. I whispered to him, "You are a good boy. You never did anything wrong and I love you. Thank you for taking care of them."
Im so sorry for yours and your families loss 😞
Thank you ladies.
Aww man that's sad.
Our hearts get so connected to our beloved animal family. 2 -
I have had a seriously sucky week. My step-mother died last weekend. She had been in failing health for awhile and was 89, but I am very sad to lose her and sad for everyone who loved her.
Yesterday we got bad news about my husband's cancer and the doctors are basically doing a "hail Mary" round of chemo but are not hopeful at all. He is in pretty good spirits and still enjoying a good quality of life, it's just that the whole situation is unfair, miserable and is breaking my heart. Plus he lost all his hair (again) from the last round of radiation and is kind of bummed about that (although I think he looks really cute bald!) but said "it's just hair, maybe it will grow back again."
This is absolutely the hardest thing I've ever done.22 -
I have had a seriously sucky week. My step-mother died last weekend. She had been in failing health for awhile and was 89, but I am very sad to lose her and sad for everyone who loved her.
Yesterday we got bad news about my husband's cancer and the doctors are basically doing a "hail Mary" round of chemo but are not hopeful at all. He is in pretty good spirits and still enjoying a good quality of life, it's just that the whole situation is unfair, miserable and is breaking my heart. Plus he lost all his hair (again) from the last round of radiation and is kind of bummed about that (although I think he looks really cute bald!) but said "it's just hair, maybe it will grow back again."
This is absolutely the hardest thing I've ever done.
My heart goes out to you. I am so very sad for your family's loss and for the battle your husband is fighting. I hope this hail Mary pass works and that he's able to recover. Sending you much love and support. ❤️3 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »I have had a seriously sucky week. My step-mother died last weekend. She had been in failing health for awhile and was 89, but I am very sad to lose her and sad for everyone who loved her.
Yesterday we got bad news about my husband's cancer and the doctors are basically doing a "hail Mary" round of chemo but are not hopeful at all. He is in pretty good spirits and still enjoying a good quality of life, it's just that the whole situation is unfair, miserable and is breaking my heart. Plus he lost all his hair (again) from the last round of radiation and is kind of bummed about that (although I think he looks really cute bald!) but said "it's just hair, maybe it will grow back again."
This is absolutely the hardest thing I've ever done.
My heart goes out to you. I am so very sad for your family's loss and for the battle your husband is fighting. I hope this hail Mary pass works and that he's able to recover. Sending you much love and support. ❤️
Thank you, you are so sweet. We are taking it a step at a time, a day at a time. I will always be grateful for the extra time I've already had with him.1 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »I have had a seriously sucky week. My step-mother died last weekend. She had been in failing health for awhile and was 89, but I am very sad to lose her and sad for everyone who loved her.
Yesterday we got bad news about my husband's cancer and the doctors are basically doing a "hail Mary" round of chemo but are not hopeful at all. He is in pretty good spirits and still enjoying a good quality of life, it's just that the whole situation is unfair, miserable and is breaking my heart. Plus he lost all his hair (again) from the last round of radiation and is kind of bummed about that (although I think he looks really cute bald!) but said "it's just hair, maybe it will grow back again."
This is absolutely the hardest thing I've ever done.
My heart goes out to you. I am so very sad for your family's loss and for the battle your husband is fighting. I hope this hail Mary pass works and that he's able to recover. Sending you much love and support. ❤️
Thank you, you are so sweet. We are taking it a step at a time, a day at a time. I will always be grateful for the extra time I've already had with him.
Wish there was a way to give you some real help.
It's a terrible feeling. No way around it. I cannot tell you how sorry I am, also about your step-mother. You're definitely getting stormed on. {{HUGS}} I wish you peace, comfort and a strong circle of support surrounding the both of you during this time.4 -
I have had a seriously sucky week. My step-mother died last weekend. She had been in failing health for awhile and was 89, but I am very sad to lose her and sad for everyone who loved her.
Yesterday we got bad news about my husband's cancer and the doctors are basically doing a "hail Mary" round of chemo but are not hopeful at all. He is in pretty good spirits and still enjoying a good quality of life, it's just that the whole situation is unfair, miserable and is breaking my heart. Plus he lost all his hair (again) from the last round of radiation and is kind of bummed about that (although I think he looks really cute bald!) but said "it's just hair, maybe it will grow back again."
This is absolutely the hardest thing I've ever done.
Im so sorry 😞 Its going to be an extremely tough time for you both one of the toughest is losing a loved one.
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Thank you both. I was having a bit of a pity party earlier but I think sometimes I just need to go ahead and feel angry and sad for myself and then I can just get onto the next thing I need to do.7
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Thank you both. I was having a bit of a pity party earlier but I think sometimes I just need to go ahead and feel angry and sad for myself and then I can just get onto the next thing I need to do.
That is 100% understandable and okay. Sometimes, anger can be beneficial.
I recall having similar emotions/reactions when my stepmother took a steep decline in February due to cancer. It's such an unfair, cruel disease and it doesn't seem to care whether the person is young or old.
You do what you need to for yourself.
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Thank you both. I was having a bit of a pity party earlier but I think sometimes I just need to go ahead and feel angry and sad for myself and then I can just get onto the next thing I need to do.
Yes, it's okay and expected to feel the feelings of all you're going through. It's a tough emotional situation.
My sister has probably apologized for crying 100's of times while going through her pre/post loss of her dh. I told her she needs to cry, should feel free to cry, and it's actually expected. Her dd made her feel very uncomfortable for showing her emotions because then it made *her* uncomfortable as well. One thing I've learned is feelings and showing your emotions are perfectly acceptable.
Just remember to keep taking care of YOU.4 -
Thanks for the understanding both of you - it makes me feel better about sometimes feeling like I'm weak for not being able to handle everything perfectly. I know that's not true but it's what it feels like sometimes.
We keep going, one step at a time, one day at a time.3 -
@RAinWA you are going through something unbearably hard. I would safely bet that no one expects you to be stoic or brave all of the time. Heck, even most of the time!! I get putting on a brave face for your husband but I bet even he doesn’t expect that either. So please don’t put pressure on yourself to do it “perfectly”. Sending you a tight squeeze. And keep checking in with us here if it brings you relief. ❤️5
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My partner of 5 years has just dumped me by text messages.
He deployed to Afghan after spending 6 weeks at home with me living our normal life. Waited two weeks and sent me four bunches of flowers and text me telling me it was over.
After thorough discussion- turns out he cheated on me a year ago whilst on a job in America (which was brought up at the time but heavily denied) and the guilt of living a lie has killed him ever since.
He’s dropped me and my children on our arses in the worst way possible as I’m a domestic abuse survivor from a previous relationship, with ptsd and gad. My head is focked. I’m struggling to cope. I don’t have a massive network as I struggle trusting people enough to let them in as I’m terrified of being hurt- now this.15 -
Thewarriorlady00 wrote: »My partner of 5 years has just dumped me by text messages.
He deployed to Afghan after spending 6 weeks at home with me living our normal life. Waited two weeks and sent me four bunches of flowers and text me telling me it was over.
After thorough discussion- turns out he cheated on me a year ago whilst on a job in America (which was brought up at the time but heavily denied) and the guilt of living a lie has killed him ever since.
He’s dropped me and my children on our arses in the worst way possible as I’m a domestic abuse survivor from a previous relationship, with ptsd and gad. My head is focked. I’m struggling to cope. I don’t have a massive network as I struggle trusting people enough to let them in as I’m terrified of being hurt- now this.
Wow, Im so sorry, what an awful thing to happen. I know you won't see it now but maybe in time to come you'll see it as a good thing and that you will end up with someone who does deserve you .. big hugs girl 🤗
Not much I or anyone can say that will make you feel better but just know that theres a person sending you loads of virtual hugs and positive thoughts and well wishes. 🙏🏼5 -
Thewarriorlady00 wrote: »My partner of 5 years has just dumped me by text messages.
He deployed to Afghan after spending 6 weeks at home with me living our normal life. Waited two weeks and sent me four bunches of flowers and text me telling me it was over.
After thorough discussion- turns out he cheated on me a year ago whilst on a job in America (which was brought up at the time but heavily denied) and the guilt of living a lie has killed him ever since.
He’s dropped me and my children on our arses in the worst way possible as I’m a domestic abuse survivor from a previous relationship, with ptsd and gad. My head is focked. I’m struggling to cope. I don’t have a massive network as I struggle trusting people enough to let them in as I’m terrified of being hurt- now this.
What an poop hole! I'm so sorry. I can relate to the ptsd from domestic abuse and the trust issues because of it. He did not deserve the 5 years you gave him and he did not deserve you. You are worthy of love and respect and he was clearly not capable of giving you either.
If you want someone (completely random and never likely to see in person) to talk to, I am here.4 -
@RAinWA you are going through something unbearably hard. I would safely bet that no one expects you to be stoic or brave all of the time. Heck, even most of the time!! I get putting on a brave face for your husband but I bet even he doesn’t expect that either. So please don’t put pressure on yourself to do it “perfectly”. Sending you a tight squeeze. And keep checking in with us here if it brings you relief. ❤️
Thank you. You are absolutely right. I tend to be a bit hard on myself sometimes.4 -
Thewarriorlady00 wrote: »My partner of 5 years has just dumped me by text messages.
He deployed to Afghan after spending 6 weeks at home with me living our normal life. Waited two weeks and sent me four bunches of flowers and text me telling me it was over.
After thorough discussion- turns out he cheated on me a year ago whilst on a job in America (which was brought up at the time but heavily denied) and the guilt of living a lie has killed him ever since.
He’s dropped me and my children on our arses in the worst way possible as I’m a domestic abuse survivor from a previous relationship, with ptsd and gad. My head is focked. I’m struggling to cope. I don’t have a massive network as I struggle trusting people enough to let them in as I’m terrified of being hurt- now this.
That is absolutely terrible - so sorry he's a jerk. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. Big hugs to you.4 -
I’ve had too many friends die recently, way too young. Cancer, car accident, etc...
We don’t know how much time we have on this earth. We spend so much time planning for the future, or thinking I’ll be happy when (fill in the blank). We may never get to that day so best to live a happy and fulfilling life now. And tell the people that matter that you love them. We won’t regret that.16 -
I want to start by saying that I absolutely adore my kids, with all that I have. They are my everything and I'd be lost without them.
I have been struggling lately with feeling grief. My kids are 14 and 16 now. My 14yo is trans male, my 16yo is an opinionated moody angsty teen female, who is regularly angry about injustice. I appreciate her passion, but it's exhausting because injustice is everywhere, and all she wants to do is be angry about it. Both kids have made it very clear that (at least right now), they hate the idea of having kids. Or even being married. Given the situation with their dad, I get it. Both kids have PTSD, both kids have a lot of anger and resentment, both struggle with ADHD / mental health issues. It's intense and painful. And heavy, almost all of the time. My son has changed his name again, and I am tryiing so hard to support the new name and pronouns, but it seems I am constantly being chastized for making another mistake. Not only that, but because they are part of the community... They have many friends with different pronouns, and I am chastized for forgetting theirs. (Not just he/she... but they/them, ze/zem, de/dem, ze/zir, etc). I feel like I am always screwing up and they're always correcting me.
I see facebook memories popping up all the time of days gone by where I had two happy, loving, cuddly little girls ... the ones who looked up to me and hugged me because they loved me and I miss those kids so much. I'm lucky to get a single hug from my youngest... and my oldest is hit or miss too.
I feel sad that I wasn't able to give them a happy carefree childhood, or a stable home, or a father who was able to love them more than he loves himself. I am sad that they are in a place where they battle with trauma and mental health issues, and half the time I have no idea how to help them.
I see people having babies and little kids... and they're dreaming about their little girls or boys growing up and having kids of their own, and the inner cynic in me says it's pointless to think that. You don't even know what their gender will be. And then I feel guilty for thinking that. I support my son wholeheartedly in being the person he needs to be. But I really miss my baby girl, too.
These are just feelings. Intense ones, but still feelings nonetheless. I protect my kids from these feelings I am feeling, and that's why I am putting them out here in the world, with a bunch of anonymous friends.16 -
^^ And we're here to listen, then offer a bunch of anonymous hugs.
Also, is it just me or is Big Sis - in her own way - protecting her little sibling the best way she knows how right now?
From the outside, that part is endearing.
But you're in EVERY part, EVERY day. You're right to be feel all these feelings and that's not easy to do 😔
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^^ And we're here to listen, then offer a bunch of anonymous hugs.
Also, is it just me or is Big Sis - in her own way - protecting her little sibling the best way she knows how right now?
From the outside, that part is endearing.
But you're in EVERY part, EVERY day. You're right to be feel all these feelings and that's not easy to do 😔
Yes she is... and herself too. She identifies as part of the community (aro/ace), but a it's more obscure part that is often underrecognized, forgotten, or dismissed entirely, and it makes her angry (rightfully so). I am regularly dismissed because I don't get it (and she's right, I don't), but I really DO try to understand.
It's just... if I make even the slightest mistake, they jump on me like a pack of animals, and I am so tired of being bitten when I'm really just trying to understand and accept.7 -
@KickassAmazon76 {{HUGS}} to you my dear, for being a great mom, one who's caught in wild wicked wacky teenage years x2. Teens have such a hard time finding their own place in this world without all the extenuating circumstances your two are dealing with. Because there's no training manual on how to parent(especially starting from age 10-25), I just want to suggest you hang in there the very best that you can because it does get easier. Well, hmmm, maybe not, because then there comes that time when they leave the nest and that's no fun either.
But as far as their emotions running amok and confusion causing chaos for them, that part does get better. Just keep loving them and being a great role model for them, basically be there for them. Look around lady, you're such a great parent compared to many. And you can only do what you can do with what you've been given. Keep taking care of you!!! Such an important thing to remember.
Take heart; some day they will both look back and be extremely grateful for being the parent you're struggling so hard to be right now. And they're both so young to say no children are in their future. Never say never is what I say.
Find a positive self-talk mantra and repeat it whenever you need it. "I'm a good mom" ex. 5 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »I want to start by saying that I absolutely adore my kids, with all that I have. They are my everything and I'd be lost without them.
I have been struggling lately with feeling grief. My kids are 14 and 16 now. My 14yo is trans male, my 16yo is an opinionated moody angsty teen female, who is regularly angry about injustice. I appreciate her passion, but it's exhausting because injustice is everywhere, and all she wants to do is be angry about it. Both kids have made it very clear that (at least right now), they hate the idea of having kids. Or even being married. Given the situation with their dad, I get it. Both kids have PTSD, both kids have a lot of anger and resentment, both struggle with ADHD / mental health issues. It's intense and painful. And heavy, almost all of the time. My son has changed his name again, and I am tryiing so hard to support the new name and pronouns, but it seems I am constantly being chastized for making another mistake. Not only that, but because they are part of the community... They have many friends with different pronouns, and I am chastized for forgetting theirs. (Not just he/she... but they/them, ze/zem, de/dem, ze/zir, etc). I feel like I am always screwing up and they're always correcting me.
I see facebook memories popping up all the time of days gone by where I had two happy, loving, cuddly little girls ... the ones who looked up to me and hugged me because they loved me and I miss those kids so much. I'm lucky to get a single hug from my youngest... and my oldest is hit or miss too.
I feel sad that I wasn't able to give them a happy carefree childhood, or a stable home, or a father who was able to love them more than he loves himself. I am sad that they are in a place where they battle with trauma and mental health issues, and half the time I have no idea how to help them.
I see people having babies and little kids... and they're dreaming about their little girls or boys growing up and having kids of their own, and the inner cynic in me says it's pointless to think that. You don't even know what their gender will be. And then I feel guilty for thinking that. I support my son wholeheartedly in being the person he needs to be. But I really miss my baby girl, too.
These are just feelings. Intense ones, but still feelings nonetheless. I protect my kids from these feelings I am feeling, and that's why I am putting them out here in the world, with a bunch of anonymous friends.
I have nothing to say to really comfort you but wow...you are one strong mama. You may not feel it but you really are. Raising kids to be decent human beings is hard. I think a lot of people don't grasp that. You are guiding your kids as best you can and as frustrating at it may be, your son has the freedom that many don't feel they have and that is to be who he chooses to be. You've given him that gift. Teenage years are tough none-the-less and I hope that soon they will eventually evolved into the person they are supposed to be ❤6 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »^^ And we're here to listen, then offer a bunch of anonymous hugs.
Also, is it just me or is Big Sis - in her own way - protecting her little sibling the best way she knows how right now?
From the outside, that part is endearing.
But you're in EVERY part, EVERY day. You're right to be feel all these feelings and that's not easy to do 😔
Yes she is... and herself too. She identifies as part of the community (aro/ace), but a it's more obscure part that is often underrecognized, forgotten, or dismissed entirely, and it makes her angry (rightfully so). I am regularly dismissed because I don't get it (and she's right, I don't), but I really DO try to understand.
It's just... if I make even the slightest mistake, they jump on me like a pack of animals, and I am so tired of being bitten when I'm really just trying to understand and accept.
I felt like this quite a bit when my son was a teenager. He had different reasons than your kids do for lashing out at me, but after a while I finally understood WHY I was the one he lashed out at. It's because he knew that no matter what I'd always be there for him. I wasn't going anywhere (unlike his absent father).
He couldn't lash out at his teachers or counselors or therapists or later, his bosses and co-workers, so it was ME who was at the receiving end of his vents and I was okay with that. He needed an outlet that wasn't going to cause additional problems in his life.
Now, he was never disrespectful or mean (not saying your kids are; just that I wouldn't have allowed that) so I just listened and let him get it all out and asked what I can do to help.
As others have said, it DOES get better. My son will be 30 next year and he's a super awesome person. (Mom isn't biased at all, right?) Hang in there! You're doing great and your kids will find their way thanks to you.6 -
@KickassAmazon76 {{HUGS}} to you my dear, for being a great mom, one who's caught in wild wicked wacky teenage years x2. Teens have such a hard time finding their own place in this world without all the extenuating circumstances your two are dealing with. Because there's no training manual on how to parent(especially starting from age 10-25), I just want to suggest you hang in there the very best that you can because it does get easier. Well, hmmm, maybe not, because then there comes that time when they leave the nest and that's no fun either. But as far as their emotions running amok and confusion causing chaos for them, that part does get better. Just keep loving them and being a great role model for them, basically be there for them. Look around lady, you're such a great parent compared to many. And you can only do what you can do with what you've been given. Keep taking care of you!!! Such an important thing to remember.
Take heart; some day they will both look back and be extremely grateful for being the parent you're struggling so hard to be right now. And they're both so young to say no children are in their future. Never say never is what I say.
Find a positive self-talk mantra and repeat it whenever you need it. "I'm a good mom" ex.
Thank you for these words of encouragment. They mean a lot. I hope that I can get them to the point where they are capable functioning adults, who can look back and say "mom may have screwed up a lot, but she loved us with all her heart and did her very best... and that was enough".
I cannot even begin to imagine how hard it is for them. I thought my teenage years were tough, and I was a cis het teen girl who was thin, smart, and pretty. I 'had it all going' for me, but was teased and mocked relentlessly and that made me feel suicidal. I cannot imagine how I would feel if I felt like I was trapped in the wrong gender and then ostracized for trying to be me. Or how I'd feel if on top of that I'd lost my home in a fire, my parents divorced (not amicably), I struggled with a learning disorder, social anxiety, and the list goes on.
The only thing I know is that I have no idea what it's like to walk in their shoes... I just know that it felt impossible to walk in mine when I was their age. So I try to relate where I can, try to find them help where I fall short, and love them with all I have. And really REALLY hope it is enough.4 -
_sw33tp3a_11 wrote: »
I have nothing to say to really comfort you but wow...you are one strong mama. You may not feel it but you really are. Raising kids to be decent human beings is hard. I think a lot of people don't grasp that. You are guiding your kids as best you can and as frustrating at it may be, your son has the freedom that many don't feel they have and that is to be who he chooses to be. You've given him that gift. Teenage years are tough none-the-less and I hope that soon they will eventually evolved into the person they are supposed to be ❤
Thank you. I sure feel the opposite of strong. I feel like I am weak and confused most of the time. This parenting thing is HARD. Doing it solo is just... so much more so.
My hope is that no matter who my kids choose to become... that they truly find the place where they feel they belong, that they are loved, safe and content.5 -
I felt like this quite a bit when my son was a teenager. He had different reasons than your kids do for lashing out at me, but after a while I finally understood WHY I was the one he lashed out at. It's because he knew that no matter what I'd always be there for him. I wasn't going anywhere (unlike his absent father).
He couldn't lash out at his teachers or counselors or therapists or later, his bosses and co-workers, so it was ME who was at the receiving end of his vents and I was okay with that. He needed an outlet that wasn't going to cause additional problems in his life.
Now, he was never disrespectful or mean (not saying your kids are; just that I wouldn't have allowed that) so I just listened and let him get it all out and asked what I can do to help.
As others have said, it DOES get better. My son will be 30 next year and he's a super awesome person. (Mom isn't biased at all, right?) Hang in there! You're doing great and your kids will find their way thanks to you.
It is true... we are the meanest to the ones we feel safest with. It sucks, but it does make it a bit easier to take. Thank you for this reminder. I appreciate it and hope you are right! 3 -
@KickassAmazon76 You are one badass woman. Honestly. I see your statuses on my timeline and am blown away sometimes by how much you deal with. You are showing your kids what it is to be resilient and loving and kind and empathetic and all the things that will turn them into awesome adults. I can only imagine how tired you must get and its perfectly OK for you to feel the things you do. But know that we see you and draw inspiration from your strength 👊3
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KickassAmazon76 wrote: »I want to start by saying that I absolutely adore my kids, with all that I have. They are my everything and I'd be lost without them.
I have been struggling lately with feeling grief. My kids are 14 and 16 now. My 14yo is trans male, my 16yo is an opinionated moody angsty teen female, who is regularly angry about injustice. I appreciate her passion, but it's exhausting because injustice is everywhere, and all she wants to do is be angry about it. Both kids have made it very clear that (at least right now), they hate the idea of having kids. Or even being married. Given the situation with their dad, I get it. Both kids have PTSD, both kids have a lot of anger and resentment, both struggle with ADHD / mental health issues. It's intense and painful. And heavy, almost all of the time. My son has changed his name again, and I am tryiing so hard to support the new name and pronouns, but it seems I am constantly being chastized for making another mistake. Not only that, but because they are part of the community... They have many friends with different pronouns, and I am chastized for forgetting theirs. (Not just he/she... but they/them, ze/zem, de/dem, ze/zir, etc). I feel like I am always screwing up and they're always correcting me.
I see facebook memories popping up all the time of days gone by where I had two happy, loving, cuddly little girls ... the ones who looked up to me and hugged me because they loved me and I miss those kids so much. I'm lucky to get a single hug from my youngest... and my oldest is hit or miss too.
I feel sad that I wasn't able to give them a happy carefree childhood, or a stable home, or a father who was able to love them more than he loves himself. I am sad that they are in a place where they battle with trauma and mental health issues, and half the time I have no idea how to help them.
I see people having babies and little kids... and they're dreaming about their little girls or boys growing up and having kids of their own, and the inner cynic in me says it's pointless to think that. You don't even know what their gender will be. And then I feel guilty for thinking that. I support my son wholeheartedly in being the person he needs to be. But I really miss my baby girl, too.
These are just feelings. Intense ones, but still feelings nonetheless. I protect my kids from these feelings I am feeling, and that's why I am putting them out here in the world, with a bunch of anonymous friends.
Biggest of hugs to you 🤗 Yep, parenting is tough and mum is often underappreciated but I hope as they get older they will appreciate that you were there for them always with your love and support. They are going through so much stuff at a young age and whilst its not fair they take it out on you, it happens and it happens to most of us through nothing we've done and no fault of ours. Teenagers are a strange breed for sure 🙄
You are doing your best and that's all you can do. You are a wonderful strong mother.. we all see it even if your kids can't right now. I can only imagine how draining everyday is.. please look after yourself too 🤗
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Thank you all so much. the written hugs have really helped and I appreciate it so much. I find it hard to believe that people see me as strong, when I feel so beat down so often... and that in itself helps me stand a bit taller.
From the bottom of my heart. Thank you. 11
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