Guys/Girls: What is your real opinion on..
Replies
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Do you think you’ve ever been fully loved the way you want or need to be from a SO? And...do you think it’s even possible?
My answers are:
No and no.
I’m thinking it’s too much to expect from another human.
Oof. I'd have a different answer to this for every day we've been together. That said, coming up on 26 years married.
I don't know the answer to number one. I can only say that I've loved her in that way, in the way that I want to be loved - which isn't to say that's what she always needs. However, I've repeatedly chosen her above other options, both people and activities. I haven't felt the same way in return, at least not consistently, but I know that she is much more emotionally protected/muted than I am. There have been periods of time I've felt fulfilled that way, and they are coming more frequently as we age.
Second part, yes. I don't think anyone could have loved her better. I've given it literally everything I have.3 -
Do you think you’ve ever been fully loved the way you want or need to be from a SO? And...do you think it’s even possible?
My answers are:
No and no.
I’m thinking it’s too much to expect from another human.
Yes, I was for a time but it didn't last. I think it takes more effort the longer the time passes. Thats just marriage I guess.
I think yes, its possible.. but not likely that we'll get everything exactly as we'd like it. 🙂0 -
slimgirljo15 wrote: »Do you think you’ve ever been fully loved the way you want or need to be from a SO? And...do you think it’s even possible?
My answers are:
No and no.
I’m thinking it’s too much to expect from another human.
Yes, I was for a time but it didn't last. I think it takes more effort the longer the time passes. Thats just marriage I guess.
I think yes, its possible.. but not likely that we'll get everything exactly as we'd like it. 🙂
Yep. We've both had to choose the other one despite the crap sandwich that marriage sometimes represents. Not getting everything we'd like and picking it anyway. You're right, it's just hard work.
The unspoken part of this is that choosing to stay single or go back to being single is far from better, at least for most. That's life.1 -
slimgirljo15 wrote: »Do you think you’ve ever been fully loved the way you want or need to be from a SO? And...do you think it’s even possible?
My answers are:
No and no.
I’m thinking it’s too much to expect from another human.
Yes, I was for a time but it didn't last. I think it takes more effort the longer the time passes. Thats just marriage I guess.
I think yes, its possible.. but not likely that we'll get everything exactly as we'd like it. 🙂
Yep. We've both had to choose the other one despite the crap sandwich that marriage sometimes represents. Not getting everything we'd like and picking it anyway. You're right, it's just hard work.
The unspoken part of this is that choosing to stay single or go back to being single is far from better, at least for most. That's life.
I didn't leave either of my marriages lightly, sometimes no matter how hard you try it can't be fixed.
I think there's a whole lot of compromise that both must do..
Answering the second part of Mels question though, I believe I was loved the way I wanted and needed for a while.. but over time we both changed and that same love was no longer what I wanted or needed.. if that makes sense. 🤔
I know you're a married for life guy and many are lucky to have that without too many difficulties.. hopefully my next one works that way too. 😬1 -
slimgirljo15 wrote: »slimgirljo15 wrote: »Do you think you’ve ever been fully loved the way you want or need to be from a SO? And...do you think it’s even possible?
My answers are:
No and no.
I’m thinking it’s too much to expect from another human.
Yes, I was for a time but it didn't last. I think it takes more effort the longer the time passes. Thats just marriage I guess.
I think yes, its possible.. but not likely that we'll get everything exactly as we'd like it. 🙂
Yep. We've both had to choose the other one despite the crap sandwich that marriage sometimes represents. Not getting everything we'd like and picking it anyway. You're right, it's just hard work.
The unspoken part of this is that choosing to stay single or go back to being single is far from better, at least for most. That's life.
I didn't leave either of my marriages lightly, sometimes no matter how hard you try it can't be fixed.
I think there's a whole lot of compromise that both must do..
Answering the second part of Mels question though, I believe I was loved the way I wanted and needed for a while.. but over time we both changed and that same love was no longer what I wanted or needed.. if that makes sense. 🤔
I know you're a married for life guy and many are lucky to have that without too many difficulties.. hopefully my next one works that way too. 😬
Part of what I'm trying to convey is just how hard it is - I mean if you really want to both be fulfilled. If two people are as compatible and invested as she and I are, and we've still almost spilt up several times...well, couples that aren't those things are gonna struggle that much harder, and it means marriage is just hard.
The generation my kids are in seems to think that simply not taking part is the way to fix what's wrong with marriage. They'll find out that doesn't grant what they need, either.
It's mostly about what you put in, whether single or married.3 -
slimgirljo15 wrote: »slimgirljo15 wrote: »Do you think you’ve ever been fully loved the way you want or need to be from a SO? And...do you think it’s even possible?
My answers are:
No and no.
I’m thinking it’s too much to expect from another human.
Yes, I was for a time but it didn't last. I think it takes more effort the longer the time passes. Thats just marriage I guess.
I think yes, its possible.. but not likely that we'll get everything exactly as we'd like it. 🙂
Yep. We've both had to choose the other one despite the crap sandwich that marriage sometimes represents. Not getting everything we'd like and picking it anyway. You're right, it's just hard work.
The unspoken part of this is that choosing to stay single or go back to being single is far from better, at least for most. That's life.
I didn't leave either of my marriages lightly, sometimes no matter how hard you try it can't be fixed.
I think there's a whole lot of compromise that both must do..
Answering the second part of Mels question though, I believe I was loved the way I wanted and needed for a while.. but over time we both changed and that same love was no longer what I wanted or needed.. if that makes sense. 🤔
I know you're a married for life guy and many are lucky to have that without too many difficulties.. hopefully my next one works that way too. 😬
Part of what I'm trying to convey is just how hard it is - I mean if you really want to both be fulfilled. If two people are as compatible and invested as she and I are, and we've still almost spilt up several times...well, couples that aren't those things are gonna struggle that much harder, and it means marriage is just hard.
The generation my kids are in seems to think that simply not taking part is the way to fix what's wrong with marriage. They'll find out that doesn't grant what they need, either.
It's mostly about what you put in, whether single or married.
I agree 100% its not easy, and if people like you and your SO struggle, well that shows how hard it really is.
I wonder if these days if many people actually think marriage is for life? I know a lot more of my friends these days do not intend to get married, they are happy to live with each other with out the commitment of marriage.
Times have definitely changed.
I admit, I often wonder when I see old couples together, are they really happy or did they just stay together because that's what was expected and the time they were brought up in.? I can't imagine 50 years with someone you might not be in love with anymore.
Anyway.. yeah.. Marriage is hard
But this does exist.
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slimgirljo15 wrote: »slimgirljo15 wrote: »Do you think you’ve ever been fully loved the way you want or need to be from a SO? And...do you think it’s even possible?
My answers are:
No and no.
I’m thinking it’s too much to expect from another human.
Yes, I was for a time but it didn't last. I think it takes more effort the longer the time passes. Thats just marriage I guess.
I think yes, its possible.. but not likely that we'll get everything exactly as we'd like it. 🙂
Yep. We've both had to choose the other one despite the crap sandwich that marriage sometimes represents. Not getting everything we'd like and picking it anyway. You're right, it's just hard work.
The unspoken part of this is that choosing to stay single or go back to being single is far from better, at least for most. That's life.
I didn't leave either of my marriages lightly, sometimes no matter how hard you try it can't be fixed.
I think there's a whole lot of compromise that both must do..
Answering the second part of Mels question though, I believe I was loved the way I wanted and needed for a while.. but over time we both changed and that same love was no longer what I wanted or needed.. if that makes sense. 🤔
I know you're a married for life guy and many are lucky to have that without too many difficulties.. hopefully my next one works that way too. 😬
Makes perfect sense. Our needs change, expectations and tolerances change, our life circumstances change. Too many dang changes to hold onto what marriage started out to be. Not to mention, after some time, neither one of you remain the same person you were when you first got together. Or you start finding deal breakers that you either overlooked or weren't there in the beginning. Things you *thought* you could live with but you changed your mind after 5, 10, years.
Seeing my sister(I always use her as an example in so many of my posts
) and how devoted she was to her dh, sometimes makes me feel guilty that I'm not trying hard enough. But then she's very different and nicer(:)) than I am. She certainly never had it easier or better than I have, we're just different people.
I'm not sure we can ever be loved the way we want or need to be. I don't like the whole expectation idea. I don't want to have to live up to anyone else's expectations and I don't want to need anybody that much. I am solely responsible for my own happiness and that really needs to go for each individual. Sure, couples can compliment each other by being together but I hate being relied on for everything in someone else's life. Too much responsibility.
I feel life is too short to spend it very unhappy. I have a friend who's been extremely unhappy in her marriage and went through years and years of not trusting her dh. She'd ask me if I'd seen him out with anyone else. Never did but who knows. She said that'd be the only way she'd divorce him because any other reason wouldn't be good enough for her. Not sure if that was a religious reasoning but she's still unhappy to this day. Is that a way to spend most of your life??
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Oh, I'm not upset at anyone about it. It makes me laugh more than anything that adults on a public forum can get under each other's skins that way. Heck, I said as much as the time, that I have a particular talent for such - Jo knows as much, I can piss her off on my best days. I both took no offense and intended none, but the silliness that anyone would take dibs seriously among adults was not lost on me - it's patently stupid, whether we have any relationship prior.
Good news is I undibsed you, so none of this is a problem and never happened. :bigsmile:
^which action, of course, is equally stupid.
How much did you have to pay to get your dibs annulled? I've heard annulments are expensive.
3 -
Part of what I'm trying to convey is just how hard it is - I mean if you really want to both be fulfilled. If two people are as compatible and invested as she and I are, and we've still almost spilt up several times...well, couples that aren't those things are gonna struggle that much harder, and it means marriage is just hard.
The generation my kids are in seems to think that simply not taking part is the way to fix what's wrong with marriage. They'll find out that doesn't grant what they need, either.
It's mostly about what you put in, whether single or married.
1 -
Oh, I'm not upset at anyone about it. It makes me laugh more than anything that adults on a public forum can get under each other's skins that way. Heck, I said as much as the time, that I have a particular talent for such - Jo knows as much, I can piss her off on my best days. I both took no offense and intended none, but the silliness that anyone would take dibs seriously among adults was not lost on me - it's patently stupid, whether we have any relationship prior.
Good news is I undibsed you, so none of this is a problem and never happened. :bigsmile:
^which action, of course, is equally stupid.
How much did you have to pay to get your dibs annulled? I've heard annulments are expensive.
All it ever costs is your pride.
After that it's just dollars, and I have enough to meet my dibsing proclivities.
1 -
Oh, I'm not upset at anyone about it. It makes me laugh more than anything that adults on a public forum can get under each other's skins that way. Heck, I said as much as the time, that I have a particular talent for such - Jo knows as much, I can piss her off on my best days. I both took no offense and intended none, but the silliness that anyone would take dibs seriously among adults was not lost on me - it's patently stupid, whether we have any relationship prior.
Good news is I undibsed you, so none of this is a problem and never happened. :bigsmile:
^which action, of course, is equally stupid.
How much did you have to pay to get your dibs annulled? I've heard annulments are expensive.
All it ever costs is your pride.
After that it's just dollars, and I have enough to meet my dibsing proclivities.
I presume that amount is immune from any budgetary cuts. #priorities.1 -
Oh, I'm not upset at anyone about it. It makes me laugh more than anything that adults on a public forum can get under each other's skins that way. Heck, I said as much as the time, that I have a particular talent for such - Jo knows as much, I can piss her off on my best days. I both took no offense and intended none, but the silliness that anyone would take dibs seriously among adults was not lost on me - it's patently stupid, whether we have any relationship prior.
Good news is I undibsed you, so none of this is a problem and never happened. :bigsmile:
^which action, of course, is equally stupid.
How much did you have to pay to get your dibs annulled? I've heard annulments are expensive.
All it ever costs is your pride.
After that it's just dollars, and I have enough to meet my dibsing proclivities.
I presume that amount is immune from any budgetary cuts. #priorities.
Just until you run out of pride.
Thankfully I have surpluses in lack of self awareness and loads of pithy answers to "what are you most proud of" to hold off my perception of emotional bankruptcy.2 -
Oh, I'm not upset at anyone about it. It makes me laugh more than anything that adults on a public forum can get under each other's skins that way. Heck, I said as much as the time, that I have a particular talent for such - Jo knows as much, I can piss her off on my best days. I both took no offense and intended none, but the silliness that anyone would take dibs seriously among adults was not lost on me - it's patently stupid, whether we have any relationship prior.
Good news is I undibsed you, so none of this is a problem and never happened. :bigsmile:
^which action, of course, is equally stupid.
How much did you have to pay to get your dibs annulled? I've heard annulments are expensive.
All it ever costs is your pride.
After that it's just dollars, and I have enough to meet my dibsing proclivities.
I presume that amount is immune from any budgetary cuts. #priorities.
Just until you run out of pride.
Thankfully I have surpluses in lack of self awareness and loads of pithy answers to "what are you most proud of" to hold off my perception of emotional bankruptcy.
Sometimes, I like to think of myself as embarrased out to use Jenna's term. It can have practical uses in many areas.1 -
Ladies..
Guys who are oblivious... Honestly...
Yay or Nay 🤷🏽♂️2 -
Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »Ladies..
Guys who are oblivious... Honestly...
Yay or Nay 🤷🏽♂️
Oblivious in what way? Oblivious to anything/everything? Nay...
Oblivious when they're being hit on by people other than myself (assuming I'm their current partner), yay.2 -
Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »Ladies..
Guys who are oblivious... Honestly...
Yay or Nay 🤷🏽♂️
Definitely nay across the board...why so oblivious 1. You don't care? 2. Not interested? 3. Too self absorbed? 4. Busy with life/other things? There's a reason someone would be oblivious...and most of the time ...not always...but most of the time I'd take it as a neg/red flag1 -
Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »Ladies..
Guys who are oblivious... Honestly...
Yay or Nay 🤷🏽♂️
More context would sort of help others answer this but I'd say Nay. I like men who are aware of whatever is in front of them, even more so if it's me.2 -
Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »Ladies..
Guys who are oblivious... Honestly...
Yay or Nay 🤷🏽♂️
Got no time for this kind of thing.1 -
Oblivious? Such as 'I didn't see the crumbs all over the shelf' or 'I didn't know the milk jug was empty' or 'I didn't know it was your birthday'? There's a fine line between true oblivion, laziness, ignoring everything around them.3
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Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »Ladies..
Guys who are oblivious... Honestly...
Yay or Nay 🤷🏽♂️
This is purposefully philosophically vague, maybe? 😉
As long as he's not oblivious to himself then being a bit obtuse in other things is fine as long as there's a willingness to be open to new knowledge. But it all starts with self-awarness. If he's oblivious to his own self and he's over 30 then 😬
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I probably should have just stayed oblivious 😂3
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PlentyofProtein00 wrote: »Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »Ladies..
Guys who are oblivious... Honestly...
Yay or Nay 🤷🏽♂️
Definitely nay across the board...why so oblivious 1. You don't care? 2. Not interested? 3. Too self absorbed? 4. Busy with life/other things? There's a reason someone would be oblivious...and most of the time ...not always...but most of the time I'd take it as a neg/red flag
☝🏽Dis
I’ve wondered if this thread was still around.0 -
1
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Girls: What's your opinion on guys who can't start or tend a fire without it immediately going out? If you work in insurance, you shouldn't answer, I know y'all love that trait.0
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hawkeye45_ wrote: »Girls: What's your opinion on guys who can't start or tend a fire without it immediately going out? If you work in insurance, you shouldn't answer, I know y'all love that trait.
Camping or at home, that's something we can problem solve together. I probably have spare kindling hanging about anyway. Don't ask.1 -
Guys...
What do you really think about overweight girls.. date material, relationship worthy or meh2 -
anna_nintey3 wrote: »Guys...
What do you really think about overweight girls.. date material, relationship worthy or meh
All of the above. What really matters to me is what I post in the what makes you trip over your tongue running to her and drooling all over yourself opposite sex thread… or whatever it’s titled.4 -
Guys - Why do you ALWAYS have to be RIGHT about EVERYTHING??? lol. 😆1
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tinaBawesome wrote: »Guys - Why do you ALWAYS have to be RIGHT about EVERYTHING??? lol. 😆
speaking for myself, it's probably because im actually very humble. only the peasants think otherwise.5 -
tinaBawesome wrote: »Guys - Why do you ALWAYS have to be RIGHT about EVERYTHING???
I can't help it; it's in my DNA.3
funny 
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