Less Alcohol ~ OCTOBER 2021 ~ One Day At A Time š
Replies
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Welcome to our new folks. Nice to have new faces and new input.
I have never purchased any of those books. I have definitely heard of them,especially early in 2018 when I started on this thread. As @ globalhiker commented, what motivates one person may not motivate another.
Horrible bad last two days with emotional š¦¬crap. I hate drama, and or being dragged into it.
Managed to not drink or even think of alcohol. (coffee yes!And that is a different addiction lol š¤)
AF 19
A 36 -
@Lilylady3k you pose two really interesting questions. Clearly you want to help and comfort your DH- could it be that you donāt want him to feel so alone in his misery that you ākeep him companyā while he drinks? Or is there some other power dynamic at work that makes you fearful of saying no? Or maybe heās irresistible on many many levels š.
The other is itās so hard to watch our spouses miserable in a job they absolutely hate. In absence of finding another job to ride out until heās retired, you could probably help here by getting engaged in the community with him. For example, you sign yourselves up for a bowling league, Rotary, ballroom dancing, etc. Something enjoyable where he can be around other people in the community. It may not be your dram destination but at least it will make living there worthwhile.5 -
Has anyone done Annie Grace's 30 Day Alcohol Experiment? Or read This Naked Mind?
I've part of a similar thread in another forum for a few years, and that's the go to resource that everyone uses there. It's what I did when I was trying to cut back, and it was hugely helpful in helping me figure out what relationship I wanted with alcohol.
I'm a neuropsychologist with training in addiction, and even then, I learned A LOT about how alcohol affects the body and brain.
Some people did it and decided to quit, like me, and some people decided to moderate, like my DH who drank even more than I did, and is an extremely moderate drinker now.
I did the Annie Grace 30 day and it was really insightful. I learned a lot. It was never my goal to stop drinking entirely, but it did help me moderate significantly. Iām pretty sure I read the book too, but I read so many, I forgot! Iāve been known to buy a second copy of a book Iāve read years ago, and about a quarter of the way through, said āhey, Iāve read this before!ā4 -
Had a small glass of wine after work last night. Yummy but not worth the bad sleep. In the final stretch of the Sugar/alcohol detox. Weight is still coming down, despite the little bit of wine! Whew!4
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@Lilylady3k you pose two really interesting questions. Clearly you want to help and comfort your DH- could it be that you donāt want him to feel so alone in his misery that you ākeep him companyā while he drinks? Or is there some other power dynamic at work that makes you fearful of saying no? Or maybe heās irresistible on many many levels š.
The other is itās so hard to watch our spouses miserable in a job they absolutely hate. In absence of finding another job to ride out until heās retired, you could probably help here by getting engaged in the community with him. For example, you sign yourselves up for a bowling league, Rotary, ballroom dancing, etc. Something enjoyable where he can be around other people in the community. It may not be your dram destination but at least it will make living there worthwhile.
@Womona - Thanks for the insights. Yes I've actually found a couple of clubs that I encouraged him to get involved in ... which he looks forward to. Trying to find other interests but his interests (history, economics) don't lean toward much interaction with groups of people (and hates crowds). Retirement ... he no longer needs to work but has a really good job that pays extremely well.
The check marks for retirement:
- Do you have enough? YES
- Have you had enough? YES
- Do you have something else that you want to do? NO So he is continuing to work for the medical insurance until we pull the trigger and make the decision of what is next.
My involvement with the drinking is that I'm a sucker for a really good bottle of wine. He does not buy crap and we can afford the nicer bottles. I like exploring new wines. When I go over 2 though it is usually because I'm out (like vacation and drinking throughout the day ... brewery at lunch and wine at dinner). I'm doing pretty good but just don't want to be a daily drinker. So right now at home I'm checking out the bottle, taking a sip of his before making my decision to drink or not. Avoiding the wine at book club because that is usually just the basics available at restaurants LOL
Last night I had 1 glass from each bottle of French Chablis (2 different vineyards).4 -
Lilylady3k wrote: Ā»@Lilylady3k you pose two really interesting questions. Clearly you want to help and comfort your DH- could it be that you donāt want him to feel so alone in his misery that you ākeep him companyā while he drinks? Or is there some other power dynamic at work that makes you fearful of saying no? Or maybe heās irresistible on many many levels š.
The other is itās so hard to watch our spouses miserable in a job they absolutely hate. In absence of finding another job to ride out until heās retired, you could probably help here by getting engaged in the community with him. For example, you sign yourselves up for a bowling league, Rotary, ballroom dancing, etc. Something enjoyable where he can be around other people in the community. It may not be your dram destination but at least it will make living there worthwhile.
@Womona - Thanks for the insights. Yes I've actually found a couple of clubs that I encouraged him to get involved in ... which he looks forward to. Trying to find other interests but his interests (history, economics) don't lean toward much interaction with groups of people (and hates crowds). Retirement ... he no longer needs to work but has a really good job that pays extremely well.
The check marks for retirement:
- Do you have enough? YES
- Have you had enough? YES
- Do you have something else that you want to do? NO So he is continuing to work for the medical insurance until we pull the trigger and make the decision of what is next.
My involvement with the drinking is that I'm a sucker for a really good bottle of wine. He does not buy crap and we can afford the nicer bottles. I like exploring new wines. When I go over 2 though it is usually because I'm out (like vacation and drinking throughout the day ... brewery at lunch and wine at dinner). I'm doing pretty good but just don't want to be a daily drinker. So right now at home I'm checking out the bottle, taking a sip of his before making my decision to drink or not. Avoiding the wine at book club because that is usually just the basics available at restaurants LOL
Last night I had 1 glass from each bottle of French Chablis (2 different vineyards).
I was a MAJOR wine lover for years. I grew up with a somelier parent, my ex owned a wine bar, several family friends own vineyards. Good wine was a huge part of my life, and something I deeply valued.
Then I quit drinking for a few months and all wine smells and tastes disgusting to me now.
Literally, all I can smell now when I smell wine is gasoline. It all smells and tastes like grape flavoured gasoline because ethanol is literally gasoline.
This doesn't happen to everyone, but I thought I would share my personal experience as a former avid, decades long, wine lover who now can't even choke back a sip of the stuff for a champagne toast at a wedding without making a grimace face.
Weirdest experience of my life.8 -
Sister was over for dinner. DH planned to not have wine this evening and I was supportive. But then she said sure wine would be nice. 2 glasses of wine ... 1 from each of the 2 bottles.5
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I am continuing with my usual goals, 16-20 AF days per month.
Diary style
Thursday October 21 - Drinks - Had a great day, then a hike, then a couple of drinks with my friend that I went hiking with.
Friday October 22 - AF - Rainy and kind of yucky. A Grand Marnier would have been nice, but I am heading into split shifts again, so didn't.
Rolling total - 12AF days out of 22 days.5 -
@Lilylady3k
Moving away often doesn't remove disquiet from people. Houston has everything that anyone would want. It is good that you are getting him involved in some stuff around there. I bet there are lots of historical societies that meet.
When you were pondering why you can resist drinking when at book club but not at home ... I think that you answered the question yourself: Wine at home is very good, and wine out is not and not worth it.
Kind of like watching calories and not bothering to eat calories from things that you don't love.6 -
@Womona
So what do you do with the sailboat in the winter?
I know that you are on the East Coast somewhere. Do you drain it all out and take it to a boat storage place?3 -
@MissMay
Sorry that the drama was around you : - (
I hate drama too and avoid it if at all possible.
Big hugs!3 -
Busy with work meetings in the early morning so late posting...reading through everyone's really insightful messages. And my take-away is no matter how wonderful the flavor or experience it is that wine or other drinks give us-and the pleasure factor- what is most important is the effect on our overall well-being and health.
Breaking the habit means getting to happiness and to the end goals we all want.4 -
@SavageMrsMoose: https://alpineweddingphotography.com/. Hotel Telluride is where we stayed off-season. Best of luck to you.2
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Hello to everyone
I read all the posts but I am struggling with posting myself. Guilt? My head is not in a good place and I am going to blame it on the new meds and the side effects. One which is depression, I am trying to work through it and all the literature says these feeling/thoughts, and other physical troubles will subside in about 4 weeks. I am on day 11.
You all have such inspiring posts I know I will be back to normal soon. I am so inspired.6 -
dawnbgethealthy wrote: Ā»@Womona
So what do you do with the sailboat in the winter?
I know that you are on the East Coast somewhere. Do you drain it all out and take it to a boat storage place?
She is now in my driveway! Sheās a day sailor on a trailer, so no plumbing, gas lines etc to flush out. We gave her a final washing, put the cover on, and hope no one backs into her when we pull out of the garage! Next season she will be in a slip at the Marina, which should make life SO much easier. Hooking that trailer up, getting the car in place juuuuust right for the tow hitch to meet the trailer is a royal pain in the butt.2 -
Hello to everyone
I read all the posts but I am struggling with posting myself. Guilt? My head is not in a good place and I am going to blame it on the new meds and the side effects. One which is depression, I am trying to work through it and all the literature says these feeling/thoughts, and other physical troubles will subside in about 4 weeks. I am on day 11.
You all have such inspiring posts I know I will be back to normal soon. I am so inspired.
It will pass and your mood will stabilise. YOu can help the process by getting plenty of exercise, plenty of sleep and good natural foods. Try and steer clear of too much processed stuff. And obviously, alcohol and depression DO NOT mix....
Journaling helped me when I suffered with depression, writing things down was very therapeutic....how I was feeling and why, things I was grateful for...memories, dreams....things I was strugglinng with. Also helpful was making plans for the future, small things at first then bigger...it helps to have things to look forward to. You do have a future waiting for you and you can make it better than the way things are for you now...Be kind to yourself and feel free to add me if you want someone to talk to. xx3 -
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Hello all! Iām still here. Iām on day 8 AF and so far, I really havenāt missed it. Had one evening where I craved it, but not since. Surely it isnāt as easy as it feels at the moment and if so, how could I have waited this long to commit to drinking less? Initial goal was to not drink for 10 days. Going to try for 30 and re-evaluate.
Dabbling in the Alcohol Experiment and the Naked Mind book. I need to give it more of a shot. I prefer to read, not watch videos. Iām also a little skeptical of a couple messages. I do truly like the taste of wine, can absolutely tell the difference between an expensive and cheap bottle, but itās more like desert for me, after the first couple tastes itās not as satisfying.
In the book, she spoke of her back pain and how the source was bottled up anger. As someone who had a very successful back surgery 16 years ago, the message made me defensive. I was fortunate enough to have very concrete findings on MRI that showed my ruptured disc, but often thatās not the case. It wasnāt anger that caused my pain, it was nerve impingement and sometimes doctors can be dismissive of women in particular. So, that in the introduction has turned me off. I need to get past that because thatās obviously not even the point of the book.
On another upside, my DH drinks too much also and has had several doctors advise him to limit alcohol. Heās been through a really rough couple of years so I get it, but really wish he would join me. He didnāt drink for 2 days then had something one evening when I went out. He said he didnāt like the taste that night and hasnāt had anything since. I think weāve been contributing to each others delinquency. I really hope we can keep with this change. I feel better.6 -
Just joined, hard to know where to begin but drinking less caught my attention. Guess that will be my focus this week. Make a bottle last 4 days instead of 2.5
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SavageMrsMoose wrote: Ā»Hello all! Iām still here. Iām on day 8 AF and so far, I really havenāt missed it. Had one evening where I craved it, but not since. Surely it isnāt as easy as it feels at the moment and if so, how could I have waited this long to commit to drinking less? Initial goal was to not drink for 10 days. Going to try for 30 and re-evaluate.
Dabbling in the Alcohol Experiment and the Naked Mind book. I need to give it more of a shot. I prefer to read, not watch videos. Iām also a little skeptical of a couple messages. I do truly like the taste of wine, can absolutely tell the difference between an expensive and cheap bottle, but itās more like desert for me, after the first couple tastes itās not as satisfying.
In the book, she spoke of her back pain and how the source was bottled up anger. As someone who had a very successful back surgery 16 years ago, the message made me defensive. I was fortunate enough to have very concrete findings on MRI that showed my ruptured disc, but often thatās not the case. It wasnāt anger that caused my pain, it was nerve impingement and sometimes doctors can be dismissive of women in particular. So, that in the introduction has turned me off. I need to get past that because thatās obviously not even the point of the book.
On another upside, my DH drinks too much also and has had several doctors advise him to limit alcohol. Heās been through a really rough couple of years so I get it, but really wish he would join me. He didnāt drink for 2 days then had something one evening when I went out. He said he didnāt like the taste that night and hasnāt had anything since. I think weāve been contributing to each others delinquency. I really hope we can keep with this change. I feel better.
I too had to take and leave some of Annie Grace's points, but a lot of her content is quite good, and what really matters is doing the daily exercises of the 30 Day Experiment.
As for the taste of wine, I was an avid wine lover and could definitely taste the difference in wine qualities. However, once I quit for a few months, I completely lost my taste for wine.
It objectively smells like gasoline to me now. All I can smell is the ethanol, so it all smells like gas station.
You have to attune your brain over time to tune out the overwhelming gasoline smell, which is what wine connoisseurs can do. But most people haven't refined their wine palate, which is why most people really can't tell the difference between discount swill and a $100 bottle.
Nearly 2 years later and I would never be able to tell the difference between good and crap wine, because it would all smell and taste the same to me now, and I wouldn't be able to choke it back.
I've actually tried, and it's unbearably disgusting.5 -
I am continuing with my usual goals, 16-20 AF days per month.
Diary style
Thursday October 21 - Drinks - Had a great day, then a hike, then a couple of drinks with my friend that I went hiking with.
Friday October 22 - AF - Rainy and kind of yucky. A Grand Marnier would have been nice, but I am heading into split shifts again, so didn't.
Saturday October 23 - AF - Rough long day at work with only a 45 minute break in between shifts - felt like having a drink, didn't.
Rolling total - 13AF days out of 22 days.5 -
Got my a.m. dopamine high running today. Last night, my husband and I agreed on a game plan for this week before we cut it out completely again next week. It will be a good transition from our post-vacation backslide.
We're limiting the drinking hour to 5-6pm. It's not "last call" at 5:59.....it's club soda after 6.
This worked for us before and we kept it to 1.5 -2 each.
Eating is time-based too - our eating window is 10-6pm. No food after 6.
Exercise is daily in the morning with 1 allowed day off a week.
Gotta have "house rules" to break the bad "house habits".....!8 -
I thought I wrote a post this morning when I put up the Sunday inspiration note...guess it got lost.
Saturday was planned drink day IF I wanted it to be. I definitely took advantage of it. Thought carefully while at work yesterday morning. Hmmmmmm....what will I allow myself to have later??
I chose the new hidden speakeasy they have in town. So we go in, sit down, the place it loaded with
extremely expensive liquors. A flight of whiskey can cost over $300.00. High-end stuff for sure.
So the bartender asked what I'd like. I begin to explain I drink rarely so when I do it has to be worth it to me (she gave me the deer š¦ in the head light look)
I said I will have a coconut rum chocolate martini. With out hesitating she says here is a drink book with specials I put together and slides it my way. I pushed it back her way and said I told you what I would like. I am not settling for something I won't be happy with. This is my weekly drink day I'm not wasting it on a drink that I don't really want.
So now I'm guessing they are looking for a straight jacket to put the crazy woman in that has just talked out of character for what happens in a bar.
10 minutes later she comes back with a martini glass laced in chocolate and pours my mixture into it from the shaker. I thought about what you said and your right she told me, sorry I tried to talk you out of your planned drink.
Insert HAPPY DANCE š
One and out. Drink day was over and a success.
1š7 -
4 AF and 3 with wine last week..I can live with that!8
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Well, the 21 day sugar/ alcohol challenge is over, but I canāt say I finished strong. Saturday night went to the club for comedy night, and they served heavy hors dāoerves. I made a beeline for all the delicious carby stuff, plus had a glass of wine (planned). So of course my weight is up. Honestly itās all the bread I eat thatās working against me. So I have to back that way down and continue to get carbs from veggies. I felt great and dropped a lot of weight on this challenge. Last night I had no desire to drink alcohol. I really feel that Iāve reset and can avoid mindless , habitual alcohol at home during the week.7
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October accountability: 4/24 days AF
Alcohol: 20 days (57 drinks)
October is a real challenge since we have planned a 2500 mile road trip for 16 days across 11 cities in 6 states. I'm going to give myself a break on a few of my normal rules.
Goal (usual vs new):
- Limit 1-2 3 glasses per day
- 12-16 10-12 AF days per month
- Aim to drink no more than 2 nights in a row Not force this during vacation!
- Aim to drink no more that 2 nights in a row after returning on Oct 17
10/1 - 1 wine
Road Trip.
10/2 - 1 champagne @ baby shower
10/3 - 3 drinks - 1 Ms. Ole Miss (TItoās vodka, St Germaine Elderflower liquor, grapefruit juice, club soda) + 2 wines
10/4 - 2 wine
10/5 - 3 drinks - Leiper's Fork Distillery tour & tasting + 1 beer lunch + 1 beer dinner
10/6 - 3 drinks - 1 Calfkiller Sergio beer @ Calfkiller Brewing + 1 Spicy Lemonade (George Dickel Tabasco, House Made Lemonade, club soda) + 1 wine dinner
10/7 - 3 drinks - 1 beer + 2 wine
10/8 - 4 wine
10/9 - 5 drinks - 1 beer + 4 wine
10/10 - 4 drinks - 1 beer @ Ugly Dog Pub + 3 wine
10/11 - 2 wine
10/12 - 3 drinks - 1 beer @ Whiteside Brewing + 2 wine
10/13 - 4 wine
10/14 - 3 wine
10/15 - 3 wine
10/16 - 4 drinks - @ LSU Tailgate 3 large afternoon drinks + 1 evening wine. Note nothing during morning tailgate which started with Mimosas and Blood Marys at 7:30am. I waited until noon.
10/17 - AF @ home
10/18 - AF @ book club
10/19 - 2 wine
10/20 - AF @ book club
10/21 - 2 wine
10/22 - 2 wine
10/23 - 3 wine
10/24 - AF5 -
@Lilylady3k Are you an Ole Miss fan2
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SavageMrsMoose wrote: Ā»@Lilylady3k Are you an Ole Miss fan
@SavageMrsMoose - Cruel LOL
No not at all ... except when they are playing Bama!
It was painful to watch LSU lose to Ole Miss this past weekend.
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