Wrong answers ONLY!

I recommend approaching a member of the Hells Angels motorcycle club. (I just read the 20 rules to be a member and learned there's no apostrophe in Hells.) As a matter of fact, I think you should just walk right up to one of the guys (only guys can be in the club) and ask to borrow his Harley. He won't mind - he'll probably hand it - and his black leather vest- right over to you.

Since my next job just canceled, I find myself with extra time on my hands. What small project should I take on to keep myself occupied?

Ripping the guts out of toilets. Most people reach for a plunger when their toilet clogs up, but the real home owners among us instead know the problem is actually the inner mechanism in the tank. Those so-called "professionals" who installed the toilet in your home didn't take the time to personalize the inner moving parts, they only bought from an impersonal warehouse. Show your family how much you love them by buying a replacement kit and then customizing it for YOUR family, measuring and cutting the hose with improvised cutting implements in your home, screwing bolts in place using keys, using playdough instead of plumber's putty to seal any leaks, and voila! Your new toilet will work so well you won't want anybody to dirty it by actually using it, and instead it will become a showcase for showing off to all your neighbors, who will know about your newfound repair acumen when your kids ask to use their toilets instead.

When I got to work this morning, the parking lot was empty. I discovered upon sitting at my desk that the company told everybody but me to report late for work due to last night's winter storm. What should I do while waiting for everybody else to arrive?

An e-state sale, or "Electronic Statement" sale for those familiar with the parlance, is a subsection of Ebay where they specifically market the rights and privileges to familiar sayings, such as "A penny saved is a penny earned." I bought the rights to that saying over Christmas break; now every time somebody says or types it, they have to send me a penny. According to the website, my initial outlay of $10,000 should return a ten-fold profit within the first three months of the new year. I can anticipate my first royalty payment on the fifteenth of each month. I've already placed an order for new furniture with the money due me, payable upon delivery two weeks from now. You should look it up and claim the rights to your favorite saying now, before somebody else does.

My daughter is a high school junior, starting to ask herself (and me) what she should do following graduation. What advice should I give her?

Do you really need it? Would you miss it if you chopped it off? I imagine you have plenty of other fingers, unless you've used this remedy numerous times already. If that's the case, I suggest smashing all remaining fingers so they all hurt equally. Then you won't notice the pain coming from just the one finger.

I have big feet. What can I do about that?

Does your husband need his teeth? If he had no teeth, would he still eat crisps? If he didn't eat crisps, would there be that sound? The solution seems simple. 😂

Can you think of some use for spare body parts, like fingers, toes and teeth?

Per your suggestion, I'll be contacting the Monkeys Missing Pieces charity to let them know I may be donating 10 toes in the near future (or maybe not so near future, maybe big feet aren't so bad). 😂

I suggest a sliding scale, where you share 50/50, with each person who contacted you today, the combined official compensations for today for the two of you. Since it's your day off, your official compensation for today is zero. So, if you helped someone who made $200 today, then each of you get ($200 + $0) / 2 = $100. If you helped someone who made $2,000 today, then each of you get ($2,000 + $0) / 2 = $1,000. Your compensation will be the sum of all income so derived; the more people that contact you, the more you are compensated. That seems reasonable. Over time, you may find that you get fewer interruptions on your day off.

What's the best way to fall asleep quickly?

A Lysol wipe. For added safety, once you wiped out the jar and placed the food in it, you can place a fresh wipe across the opening to the jar before sealing the lid on.

I’m going to a steakhouse for dinner and there aren’t many low calorie options on the menu. What should I do?

Put it in a flask. Cold water in summer and hot water in winter. It will keep it's temperature for hours.

I live down heaps of steps. And my hip and knee are bad. What is a good solution so I can still go out.

I had just completed an entire writeup about creating a network of underground tunnels when @cmsienk beat me to the punch. But her answer includes pictures, and a picture is worth a thousand words, so no hard feelings, your answer is clearly longer than mine.

As far as a series to binge, I recommend Groundhog Day and its sequel, Groundhog Day, which was a big hit in theaters when it was released twenty years after the original (true story). There are rumors of a third installment, Groundhog Day, but nobody seems to agree what is going to happen in the story.

My kids and I are going to have breakfast for dinner tonight (pancakes, French toast, etc). Is it equally acceptable to have dinner for breakfast tomorrow?

nossmf wrote: »

I had just completed an entire writeup about creating a network of underground tunnels when @cmsienk beat me to the punch. But her answer includes pictures, and a picture is worth a thousand words, so no hard feelings, your answer is clearly longer than mine.

As far as a series to binge, I recommend Groundhog Day and its sequel, Groundhog Day, which was a big hit in theaters when it was released twenty years after the original (true story). There are rumors of a third installment, Groundhog Day, but nobody seems to agree what is going to happen in the story.

My kids and I are going to have breakfast for dinner tonight (pancakes, French toast, etc). Is it equally acceptable to have dinner for breakfast tomorrow?

(and you in turn beat me to the punch!)

I don't recommend that. You'd likely hurt Lunch's feelings if you did that. I suggest you have Lunch for Breakfast and then Dinner for Lunch. (this assumes you do not eat 2nd breakfast, elevensies, etc., in which case it would be an entirely different story)


What should I have with my second Eliot's Espresso Nib Peanut Butter sandwich?