• SophieRosieMom
    SophieRosieMom Posts: 2,743 Member

    However, my worry is if he is still alive and incapacitated. I asked him a few days ago if he could let me have, or put in with the wills, the key to his passwords, which are in code. He just laughed. I must have yet another discussion with him about POA, or something to give me, or his daughters, some way of accessing his money if he needs care. I worry about it all the time. His has facial recognition on his computer. He doesn't realise how difficult life would be. The state would have to take over with Court of Protection to pay care bills.
    I have been worrying about this long enough. Every single day.

    Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx

    Heather - what if you were out running your 5K, tripped, had a head injury that would take months in a care facility to recover from or for permanent care? If you were deemed alive and incapacitated? Would your DH automatically take over to make sure those bills were paid? Is he legally obligated to provide for your support?

    Just curious how things work in the UK.

    Lanette B)

  • Whidislander
    Whidislander Posts: 2,609 Member
  • dlfk202000
    dlfk202000 Posts: 2,209 Member
    Machka9 wrote: »
    dlfk202000 wrote: »
    dlfk202000 wrote: »

    Sounds like both you and your mother don't feel comfortable putting your foot down and demanding what you want.

    M in Oz

    You are very right on that. We both hate confrontation of any kind.
  • dlfk202000
    dlfk202000 Posts: 2,209 Member
    Up very early this morning, had planned on finally sleeping in(dh went to work at 3am so no one to wake me up at 7or 7:30. Woke up about 6:30, smelled cat pee. yep the momma cat had peed on the bed so up stripping the bed and getting laundry started. The pad where she usually pees was wet so I guess she won't pee on the same pad twice- I will be checking that a lot more often. Third load of laundry started now, two more to go.
    While I was out doing laundry I had the garage door open from letting our one cat outside. I go to shut the door and there is a huge possum in there. Got him out and he went to the porch.
    Surprised to see him out this time of day. He is looking for cat food.
    Here is the big boy(yep, for sure a BOY)

    It has rained all night and still raining. I really want to go check the water level at the wetlands so may bundle up and take a quick walk to check on it. I wanted to yesterday but Ezie didn't go to school so didn't go over.
    Finally a break in the rain starting tomorrow, but only a few days then more rain coming.
  • dlfk202000
    dlfk202000 Posts: 2,209 Member
    Margaret- that is a great suggestion. Dh is pretty healthy(could be better if he took better care of himself and ate what a diabetic should eat and let go of so much stress).
    He tells me everything is in the blue folder. Not sure which filing cabinet it is in. I do know the main password he uses but don't know all the bills he pays each month- all are done online. If everything was on paper, I could figure it out but most isn't anymore.
    We need to make sure things are in order. Not sure if our wills have been updated since our son was born- I think he is on them but not sure(dh would know) At one time, I had my niece on mine. Will take her off, haven't heard from her in years, doesn't respond to any letters or gifts sent.
  • Anniesquats100
    Anniesquats100 Posts: 2,273 Member
    I remember many years ago I had an argument with my ex over cleaning the bird feeder, and he dumped the pail of birdseed on the patio. A huge possum started coming by, bigger than our little dogs. I was afraid to let them out at night. Some wildlife is magnificent and some is scary.

    I got groceries and gas, but skipped the drugstore. Maybe later this week. I said I would help with taxes tomorrow. Fried catfish for my parents' dinner tonight.

    Carol hope you feel better. Hugs!

    Annie in Delaware
  • bwcetc
    bwcetc Posts: 2,568 Member
    1948CWB wrote: »

    I wonder, do you have any legal obligation to keep the role as power of attorney for your BIL if you don't want to? What happens if you can't for some reason - your own ill health for example, then who steps in? That might be a discussion to have with your DH since, as I recall, he took on the responsibility.

    Also, it might be worth a short visit with an attorney to the see answers to these "what-if's". If this responsibility was delegated to me for some reason and I didn't feel I could do it well and someone else should do it, then I'd bow out. Legal document or not. There's no penalty I'm aware of for not being able to perform this job adequately.

    I understand how overwhelming the thought is of having to take this over. Your local Agency on Aging staff might be able to help answer these questions too.

    Good luck! ((HUGS!!!))

    Lanette B)

    Good point! I have POA for my mom, but there are directives should I not be able to complete my duties and an alternate is named in the legal documents.

  • bwcetc
    bwcetc Posts: 2,568 Member
    Carol ... breathe ... and take one day at a time ... <3


  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 11,158 Member
    edited March 14
    Lanette -I don't know the answer to that question. If he is legally obliged to pay when my money runs out. My son has all the info he needs to access my savings accounts and I did nearly complete a POA before I stopped because DH wasn't doing one. If I am incapacitated, without hope of recovery, and not in a fit state to make decisions for myself, I have just made an Advance Decision to Refuse Treatment. I do not want to be kept in a living death.
    I will research your question. Thank you.
    I really should finish making my POA anyway.

    Love Heather UK xxxxxx

    PS Medical treatment is free, but long term care not.
  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 11,158 Member
    Lanette - the results of my googling.
    Heather UK xxxxxx

  • minicooper452
    minicooper452 Posts: 590 Member
    Welcome newbies and returnees! (((hugs))) to those who need them.

    Oh man, that's one good looking stud there, Allie! And I think he knows it.

    Had a great meeting with a bunch of the ladies who do my job in neighboring districts. I trained several of them on how to do aspects of our job that they're new to and others added pieces that they knew too. The only issue was getting them all online. Our district has a very tight security system, but thankfully I've got my wonderful tech support, Sam and Chelsea, (yes the two that got me going last fall) and they made everything run smoothly today too.

    14. Find ways to enjoy any chores or tasks that you do... could today be considered a chore? If so, it was definitely enjoyable!
    Love and Blessings, Carla, in MN
  • teklawa1
    teklawa1 Posts: 526 Member
    Prayers and healing thoughts for Destiny.

    Betsy in NW WA
  • fanncy0626
    fanncy0626 Posts: 6,720 Member
    edited March 14
    Carla was your school district hacked like Minneapolis school district? Where they are holding all of your records hostage unless you pay $1 million? My sister that worked for the Minneapolis school district said that is going on there right now.

  • fanncy0626
    fanncy0626 Posts: 6,720 Member
    edited March 14
  • auntiebk
    auntiebk Posts: 2,209 Member
    12. Listen deeply to someone and really hear what they are saying. Try again with Joe. And again ;}
    13. Pause to watch the sky or clouds for a few minutes today. Or the fog ;)
    14. Find ways to enjoy any chores or tasks that you do. Changed furnace filter. Satisfying.
    Will update stats later, just skimmin’ to catch up.
    Welcome @noynoyavery Laura. Sorry you’re feeling bad.
    Welcome @norrkat from the PNW. ConVERYgrats for taking off those 80 lbs.
    Margaret “snarkle” snort! Your advice about getting financial house in order before times get tough might actually get me off my duff to do what I can, whether or not Joe cooperates.
    Michele our PO box is smallish. When packages come, they’re put into a locker and the key to the locker is put in the PO Box. You’d have to pay for the entire year and go through the process of changing your mailing address on everything, so it might not be worth it. “livermush” :sick:
    Carla thanks for the hard snowflake ball mental picture of grapple. Yup we had it along with real hail, snow, rain and more snow. When I first heard of the “Greater Idaho” movement, I had no idea they were talking about the weather :laugh:
    Lisa your pimento cheese cornbread and taco cornbread beak sound great. Since Joe’s off meat for now, I’ll substitute Morningstar crumbles and pinto beans for the meat. Learned that “grease and preheat” the skillet trick from one of my FIL’s girlfriends ;}
    Mary I am so very glad you and your DH have planned to take the trip next year as planned, especially the Grand Canal section that got cut. Hope the learning experience memories are overwritten by sweet new ones. Apology well deserved but brava for your “never do that again” determination. Your “soak in Epsom salts” to Machka was exactly what sprung to mind.
    Flea “…Why can’t everyone just be cats and dogs?” Amen, sister, AMEN!
    Machka and whatever kind of reference did that student intern expect? :laugh:
    Heather “They will, most likely, change as a result of your actions, but you are only responsible for your own actions.” Truth this. And they may change in unexpected yet delightful ways. Will read the article later. Thanks! Neither will Joe hear of medical power of attorney or advance directives, Our only will is a handwritten one he scribbled on note paper before our last trip years ago. ((hugs))
    Ginny would you tell me about the pyramid, is it a puzzle? A Rubik’s pyramid?
    Carol ((hugs)) It might be a good thing for your DH to have a hissy fit… ;)
    Lanette :love” Rosie! If anything happens to me and Joe at the same time, have one friend who would take Shadow, but Tumble? It’s a worry. “…and my "staff" (mower, shovel, rake) doesn't talk back, call in sick or threaten to turn me in to the union, lol.” ROFLMAO! Great advice to Carol.
    Debbie which little ride on tractor did your mother buy? Hope the flooding stays far from you. Prayer again for Destiny. Also Josephina Ballerina and Aubrey.
    Ginny “tweaking is better than creating” I’ve always found it easier to edit someone else’s work than write my own ;)
    Annie “,,,tired.,,” yay indeed. Motion is lotion and tired is better than hurting. How did the Dr. appointment go?
    Betsy thanks for sharing your cruise!
    KJ thanks for yours to Carol. Might try some of those conversation openers with Joe, who is absolutely disinterested in our finances, online and automatic bill paying, etc.
    Rita love the pics.

    Basta. Caught up. Time to research pasta e fagioli recipes and invest some time with Tumble, Shadow and oh yeah Joe ;)

    Lighter, lovelies!
    Barbara, the Southern Oregon Coastie AHMOD x8zcp1ya37k1.gif
    2023: Be of good cheer. March: Move more, fuel better, live NOW.
  • LisaInArkansas
    LisaInArkansas Posts: 1,467 Member
    So... we do get off on these jags where we're trading information, don't we? I think it's quite helpful, and so pleased that y'all are willing to talk to about your fears and experiences. Just got back from the lawyer and he's going to establish a trust for us, and all the big stuff like house, land, etc., will belong to the trust.

    Because you can name it whatever you want, I'm naming it "Egg's Revocable Trust." Makes it short and sweet. A trust will mean that the surviving spouse won't have to jump through legal hoops. Included with this whole package will be wills, as well as our advance directives (with the choice of DNR if we choose) and powers of attorney.

    I liked him, and immediately trusted him. I don't do that with most people; I'm a born skeptic. I think this will work out well, though. It's a little pricey, but the peace of mind of knowing that all the legalities will be settled is worth paying a bit. For everyone on here who's had to work through these issues or are working through them now, and willing to share their experience, I'm so grateful.

    Beth... I'm so sorry - someone at Best Buy or a smaller computer geek place might be able to help you bypass that facial recognition, if you haven't already tried.

    Later, y'all,
    Lisa in AR