In love with flatmate, what to do?

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  • Kymmu
    Kymmu Posts: 1,650 Member
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    Dinner and lots of wine...it's a truth serum.....If he doesn't have the same feelings at least the next day you can blame the wine for your little emotional outburst!
  • balungile
    balungile Posts: 10 Member
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    I think dinner is fine but no candles and stuff like that. If he doesn't feel the same way the rest of the romantic dinner will be terrible. Rather cook and dish as you normally do. Buy the wine yes. I'm a fan of truth in these things so I would vote for telling him in a not so crazy way, like saying "Look we've leave together for this long and I think I have developed feelings for you. If you don't feel the same way its fine. I just thought I should let you know so that I don't look back in 20 years and wonder what could have happened."
  • Bahet
    Bahet Posts: 1,254 Member
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    This is such a great thread! I'm hoping it goes really well for you. Don't use the word "love" as that scared guys but let him know you are into him. Also let him know that if he doesn't reciprocate (he'd have to be gay -- you're stunning!) that you value his friendship and don't want him to feel weird about things.

    Oh, and wear something sexy tonight. :wink:
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
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    I've had exactly two cases where the girl came onto me and not the other way around. In both those situations they got themselves and me drunk...kissed me...and then went with it. Basically what Kymmu said, except I was a bit of a party animal and so were my friends in college so instead of wine it was usually tequila shots and screwdrivers.

    The guys I knew in college who were living with women they weren't seeing saw them as off-limits because THEY didn't want things to get weird. If you're wondering why he hasn't approached you that may be it.

    The thing I do have some experience in is how to make the first move. You're worried about getting rejected or messing with your living situation. That's a very real possibility, but the tearing yourself up getting the nerve to do it is probably much worse than whatever he might say or do. Just do it, if it doesn't work out that sucks but then at least you'll know.
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,311 Member
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    I have always been the one to make the first move. I have always wondered a bit why women warn other women off doing that. IME most men are terrified of doing so in case they have misread the signals.
  • YouAreTheShit
    YouAreTheShit Posts: 510 Member
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    Dinner and lots of wine...it's a truth serum.....If he doesn't have the same feelings at least the next day you can blame the wine for your little emotional outburst!

    This is actually a good strategy.

    Don't mention love though. I would go the route of words that are slightly muted so as not to make him feel pressured to respond the same. Stuff like:

    - you're super cool
    - you're really sweet
    - you're always thoughtful
    - you're hot
    - you kinda turn me on

    More flirty and playful, and less serious and loving.

    Good luck and let us know how it goes!
  • Shelle68
    Shelle68 Posts: 432 Member
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    bump just to follow :)
  • beezerphd
    beezerphd Posts: 136 Member
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    Replying to this thread so I can see the outcome.
    Sounds like this guy is definitely into you.
    If he does like you then he is a very lucky guy, if he doesn't then he must be blind and dumb as you are gorgeous.

    Good luck tonight, but don't go too overboard to quickly.
  • HisPathDaily
    HisPathDaily Posts: 672 Member
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    Don't make it so complicated ... or hard on yourself. I don't know, maybe I'm weird, but when I was talking with women that I was interested in, and now it's been my wife for over 10 years, just TELL ME WHAT YOU ARE THINKING! lol ... I'm not yelling, just stressing a point ;) ...

    I truly wish you luck, and love is beautiful, but DO NOT wait for him to make the move ... for pete's sake just tell him ... dinner, conversation, whatever your comfortable with, but you've obviously been waiting already ... he may be just as uncomfortable ... and if I was talking to him, I'd say the same thing ... but since I'm talking to you, the ball is in your court!

    Yes, you can get rejected ... BUT ... I leave you with one question, what may you regret more?

    1) Asking him and finding out that the feelings you have are one-way?
    2) Years down the road wondering what would have happened if you would have asked?

    Take your chance at getting a few bruises ... love is worth it :)
  • MadeToCraveHIM
    MadeToCraveHIM Posts: 213 Member
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    I don't even know you dear and I'm excited for you :laugh: I'm a hopeless romantic though! Hope all goes well and definitely keep us all posted. We're all cheering for you :bigsmile:
  • RyanDanielle5101
    RyanDanielle5101 Posts: 533
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    Bump to see the outcome!
  • Indy_Mario
    Indy_Mario Posts: 541
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    This is such a great thread! I'm hoping it goes really well for you. Don't use the word "love" as that scared guys but let him know you are into him. Also let him know that if he doesn't reciprocate (he'd have to be gay -- you're stunning!) that you value his friendship and don't want him to feel weird about things.

    Oh, and wear something sexy tonight. :wink:
    There's nothing wrong with a woman making the first move, although I would try to avoid using the word "love" right away, it might seem a little rushed to him!

    If he is doing all those things for you, he's definitely interested and thinks you're someone special (in the good special way). Also, it could be that he's just a super sweet fella, but odds are he takes one look at your pretty face and can't help himself to be swooned by your beauty and kindness.

    Be nice, wear something sexy but appropriate (a nice, playful dress), talk about the wonderful things he does for you and how you appreciate them. Let him draw conclusions, but don't be afraid to steer the conversation (just don't monopolize it).

    Best of luck to you, he sounds like a winner!
  • halfsizeheather
    halfsizeheather Posts: 45 Member
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    i was flatmates with my partner and (after about two months of living together) he just came up to me and kissed me. he said he was so nervous he knew he wouldn't be able to get his words out. lol

    we are still together eight years later and are getting married later this year.

    the way i look at it, i got to know he's bad habits before we got serious and friends first is sometimes better.

    good luck.

    p.s my guy also cooked the meals- trying to impress me...i'm so lucky he still does it to this day.
  • dezi718
    dezi718 Posts: 118 Member
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    Definitely take the chance! Good luck! I can't wait to read how it goes! :D
  • Deirdre_R
    Deirdre_R Posts: 54 Member
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    bump to follow
  • Deirdre_R
    Deirdre_R Posts: 54 Member
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    and best of luck! can't wait to find out how it goes!
  • Pams_Shadow
    Pams_Shadow Posts: 233 Member
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    Please come back and tell us how it went... dying to know the outcome!
  • RahBuhBuh
    RahBuhBuh Posts: 585 Member
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    Bump: I want to know what happens.
  • thea0101
    thea0101 Posts: 54 Member
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    Flirt with him and tease him a little more than usual, then gauge his responses. I am soooo excited for you! Let us know how it goes! lol!
  • LJV1031
    LJV1031 Posts: 502 Member
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    Seems like you got a lot of advice. Go for it & let "the public" know how it goes. Good luck, he sounds like a good guy.

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