friends with benefits

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Replies

  • PantalaNagaPampa
    PantalaNagaPampa Posts: 1,031 Member
    Starting to realize something here... Yup just got a full grasp on it.


    Ok, if you think it works then you're most likely the one who is hurting the other person.

    If you think it doesn't work, you've been hurt.

    Think it's probably just as simple as that.
    What about those of us who have been on both sides of it.. I have had FB that grew feelings for me, and I have had FB that I eneded up wanting more from...

    but I also had a few FB that we knew it was just that.. great sex, no commitment, no deep emotional connection, and when it was over, we both went home to our spouses... no strings attached.... good times..
  • VictorianJade
    VictorianJade Posts: 705 Member
    I've had a share of Bennies, and it tends to work alright for ME... the guys, however, usually end up wanting more, that I have been unable to give.
  • sylvuz323
    sylvuz323 Posts: 468 Member
    Ok, FWB didn't fail if it ended up in a relationship...the FWB worked just fine it just developed into something more. So yes more feelings were there are luckily they both felt the same about one another. I would never have a FWB if I couldn't see them as someone in my life, whether that be a friend or something more.

    I have to disagree. If FWB situation leads to a relationship, then it was really just a new-wave form of courting.

    I understand that married folks refer to their partners as their "best friend" but try introducing them as your "friend". Wouldn't go over too well.

    If you wanna call a FWB benefit situation a "success" i think you have to still be FWB or still be F without the B. Anything else would be a failure of the original FWB situation.

    And if you don't agree with me you can go benefit yourself! :laugh: Just kidding!!!

    I will, I have the best benefits :smile: I work at a hospital

    Then yes FWB is a new form of courting, that probably is appropriate to say. In dating, the honeymoon phase ends up starting to soon (maybe it never should have) months later its over. The thrill of the sex is now gone and you learn you don't have strong feelings for someone. If it was a good match, then it continues then of course you may have someone who gets scared away, because someone becomes too needy. It all applies really whether it be FWB or dating.
  • smbakke77
    smbakke77 Posts: 273 Member
    can this ever work out? any one successful with it...mean both sides are 100% cool, or is it destined to have one or both hurt?

    In my experience, someone always ends up falling in love. I've had them lead to relationships, I've had them lead to stalkerism...but I think someone typically gets hurt eventually.
  • rachcamp88
    rachcamp88 Posts: 88 Member
    Its worked for me. My current **** buddy and I have been friends for years, we used to give each other advice on people we liked/dated (we worked together and both dated other people from work) we got together last year and now just meet up if we are both drunk. I can tell him if I go with anyone else and he has asked my opinion on girls he likes. Neither of us gets jealous, we don't have set 'ground rules' we just both understand how it should work. I know I don't ever want to date him but we have fun together so I don't see a problem with it.
  • Pocket_Pixi
    Pocket_Pixi Posts: 1,167 Member
    <--- succesfully in a FWB thing for almost 3 years.

    We make it work.. I acutally texted him this question to see what his answer was because I thought maybe I was delsional about how it was working.

    His response - if I was being hurt, I wouldn't stick around....

    We were super close friends BEFORE we started sleeping together and our friendship has not changed one bit. If one of us chose to end it today, I honestly do not see us hating each other but we set up some pretty steady rules when it started.

    We have open communication, as in neither of us care if we are going on dates with other people or anything like that but if we choose to sleep with someone than our FWB arrangement is done. We were both tested for any STD's, prior to having sex with each other not because we didn't trust each other but because I do not want my life ruined because of some disease and I was tested because I requested he be tested (he used to be a man *kitten* when he was young).

    We have talked about taking it to the next level but neither one of us is really ready for that, he still has some pretty big thing he needs to take care of before I would ever think of becoming his girlfriend.

    The thing is... that FWB isn't just random it is kind of like a relationship, you have to talk and you have to be on the same page or it will never ever work.

    We actually socialze in the same friends circle and not one of our mutual friends knows we are FWB - they have actually tried to set us up with other people because they believe we "need to get laid" as we are the only single people in the group of friends.
  • Rjdj3530
    Rjdj3530 Posts: 154
    Forget the FWB, too complicated and although it can and does work, odds are against you. Just make it a one night stand and keep it simple. :)

    This. lol...FWB can work but this was way easier when I was single. LOL
  • Showgirlbody
    Showgirlbody Posts: 402 Member
    I've never done it in the "let's agree to be friends with benefits" kind of way. It usually just happened. Mostly in college. People that you hang out with regularly that once in a while you end up hooking up. To actually plan it and call someone over just for the "benefits", is more booty call or F buddy IMO especially if you don't really hang out. It all depends on what works for people. Some people can very easily detach emotion from sex and that's okay. Everyone has their own needs and what works for them.
  • jenlee_74
    jenlee_74 Posts: 29
    Hell no. Who wants to settle for that?
  • KimmyEB
    KimmyEB Posts: 1,208 Member
    People who indulge in that kind of thing end up losing their capacity to bond with a significant other. There is a kind of hardness of heart that the practice requires, the using, not giving aspect, that ends up twisting the person significantly.

    Women especially can be the losers in this, because their physiology is built in such a way that they bond more deeply to their first sexual partner than to any subsequent one. The science is out there, so you can google your way to it. As the song goes, the pleasure last but a moment, but the sadness lasts a lifetime. There is never the same degree of passion.

    But men can be the losers, especially if they are good at this game. Later they are unable to form families because they can`t bond with a woman. This leaves them without support networks as they age, and accounts for the higher degree of suicide in older single males.

    There is no such thing as a free lunch. You end up paying for it one way or the other.

    I would love to see citations of research showing this. Specifically, I would like to see citations from peer-reviewed, scientific journals.

    Me too. though, I still wouldn't believe them, since my own personal experiences, as well as those I know who are in/have been in similar situations, already prove this to be incorrect. It's all a big fat generalization.
  • felice03
    felice03 Posts: 2,644 Member
    I dont think marrying your FWB means that is really what it was...you both developed feelings and it was something more. I mean friends, hang out, f***, no more...than you both walk away with no attachment.
  • Krushchev
    Krushchev Posts: 178 Member
    And if you don't agree with me you can go benefit yourself! :laugh: Just kidding!!!

    Love it!

    I think it depends on the situation. I have 2 atm- both are really nice guys but I'm not really in a -dating- place.
    Guy A & I have been mutally beneficial for like six months or so & we engage in all sorts of relationshippy things- he is totally dts & sometimes thats just what you need. Luckily, we outlined that snugging doesn't equal dating & it has actually stayed that way.
    Guy b? He's a hit & run, because in the four months we've been messing around, he has started the "I think I caught feelings" convo like three times.
  • his_kid1
    his_kid1 Posts: 177 Member
    eventually someone will catch feelings...or find someone else with better benefits package lol... why waste your time with someone you say is just a friend? move on to the real thing, someone who wants more than your benefits :) when you get older you may regret situations like this... just my opinion..

    This
  • VictorianJade
    VictorianJade Posts: 705 Member
    Hell no. Who wants to settle for that?

    Who says it's 'settling'?

    A FWB doesn't preclude other relationships, nor does it act as a nail in the coffin. It's a relationship in which needs are met, fun is had, and the openness remains for each to have their own lives, without the complication of romance.
  • lori4013
    lori4013 Posts: 73 Member
    Worked great for me. He lived an hour away so we didnt see each other much anyway. I could call him in the middle of the night. :blushing: But eventually one or the other will start seeing someone else. I havent seen him for 2 years.
  • pinboop
    pinboop Posts: 7
    Good advice!!
  • MummyOfSeven
    MummyOfSeven Posts: 314 Member
    I've only done this with one person. We're now married, lol :smile:
  • OnWisconsin84
    OnWisconsin84 Posts: 409 Member


    **** buddy worked like a charm- had a year plus of string free sex before I found a steady g/f and we parted ways with no hurt.

    How does the conversation go that ends the relationship?


    Fairly easy - "Hey Amber... I found someone I really like and it seems to be working. I dont want to be cheating on them since its getting serious so I think its time for me to move on after today" "Ok Mike- its been fun with you- good luck on your new relationship and I hope it works out"

    I'm paraphrasing but that was really about it literally.

    ^^ Exactly this.
  • OnWisconsin84
    OnWisconsin84 Posts: 409 Member
    Hell no. Who wants to settle for that?

    Who says it's 'settling'?

    A FWB doesn't preclude other relationships, nor does it act as a nail in the coffin. It's a relationship in which needs are met, fun is had, and the openness remains for each to have their own lives, without the complication of romance.

    Totally agree!
  • MattGetsMad
    MattGetsMad Posts: 429 Member
    I swore this post off, I can't stop UGH! This is my last take.

    People who are in relationships whether a FWB or conventional BF/GF (or unconventional BF/BF, GF/GF, or BF/GF/BF/GF/TS/TREE BARK<---whatever floats your bird) sometimes lie to protect the each other! (huge revelation there!)

    I once saw my dad fall out of a tree from about 3 stories and shrug it off saying he was fine. He wasn't even a tough guy! Just didn't want my mom to worry about him. He was "fine" in the sense that he lived, but he was hurt for about a month!

    Lying to hide physical pain is ridiculous because you can easily be found out. "Sure your ok buddy? I can see your clavicle sticking out of your collar"

    Lying to hide mental pain is considerably easier.

    I wouldn't put too much credence in the "if I was hurting, I wouldn't be here" shtick

    Anyway, I am done with this thread. It was enjoyable but I'm sure I've lost more brain cells than I afford :bigsmile:
  • Pocket_Pixi
    Pocket_Pixi Posts: 1,167 Member
    Hell no. Who wants to settle for that?

    Who says it's 'settling'?

    A FWB doesn't preclude other relationships, nor does it act as a nail in the coffin. It's a relationship in which needs are met, fun is had, and the openness remains for each to have their own lives, without the complication of romance.

    Exactly!
  • dragonfly74
    dragonfly74 Posts: 1,382 Member
    Can work as long as you are okay with wasting precious time. I know you say you are both 100% cool with it, and I am sure he is. But we as women are different and if you want more out of it, it isn't going to happen. My opinion, don't waste your time.
  • Pocket_Pixi
    Pocket_Pixi Posts: 1,167 Member
    I swore this post off, I can't stop UGH! This is my last take.

    People who are in relationships whether a FWB or conventional BF/GF (or unconventional BF/BF, GF/GF, or BF/GF/BF/GF/TS/TREE BARK<---whatever floats your bird) sometimes lie to protect the each other! (huge revelation there!)

    I once saw my dad fall out of a tree from about 3 stories and shrug it off saying he was fine. He wasn't even a tough guy! Just didn't want my mom to worry about him. He was "fine" in the sense that he lived, but he was hurt for about a month!

    Lying to hide physical pain is ridiculous because you can easily be found out. "Sure your ok buddy? I can see your clavicle sticking out of your collar"

    Lying to hide mental pain is considerably easier.

    I wouldn't put too much credence in the "if I was hurting, I wouldn't be here" shtick

    Anyway, I am done with this thread. It was enjoyable but I'm sure I've lost more brain cells than I afford :bigsmile:

    Well that is your opinion, you do not know this guy, I do and have for going on 9 years... if he was not happy, he would let me know and if he didn't I could tell - he doesn't lie real well.

    I also know if I wasn't happy I wouldn't stick around.
  • dragonfly74
    dragonfly74 Posts: 1,382 Member
    Hell no. Who wants to settle for that?

    Who says it's 'settling'?

    A FWB doesn't preclude other relationships, nor does it act as a nail in the coffin. It's a relationship in which needs are met, fun is had, and the openness remains for each to have their own lives, without the complication of romance.

    Exactly!

    :) and this is what is wrong with society today. I disagree completely. My future husband having sex on the side while we tried to get serious. No sorry, I'll pass and wait for the next guy who respects me and doesn't see me as a toy.
  • dragonfly74
    dragonfly74 Posts: 1,382 Member
    I dont think marrying your FWB means that is really what it was...you both developed feelings and it was something more. I mean friends, hang out, f***, no more...than you both walk away with no attachment.

    A woman doesn't walk away with no attachment. He will, you won't.
  • catherine4211
    catherine4211 Posts: 944 Member
    Starting to realize something here... Yup just got a full grasp on it.


    Ok, if you think it works then you're most likely the one who is hurting the other person.

    If you think it doesn't work, you've been hurt.

    Think it's probably just as simple as that.

    You hit the nail on the head!
  • VictorianJade
    VictorianJade Posts: 705 Member
    Hell no. Who wants to settle for that?

    Who says it's 'settling'?

    A FWB doesn't preclude other relationships, nor does it act as a nail in the coffin. It's a relationship in which needs are met, fun is had, and the openness remains for each to have their own lives, without the complication of romance.

    Exactly!

    :) and this is what is wrong with society today.

    FWB isn't exactly a 'newly created' concept. It's been in existence for millenia. And it was a widely accepted and participated-in practice. It is only since the encroachment of 'christian' beliefs, that practices such as these, which I believe to be quite natural and healthy, began to be persecuted against.
  • Learnin2LuvMe
    Learnin2LuvMe Posts: 465 Member
    In my situation,i fell for him,we were bffs,so it was hard to stay away,we eventually ended up hooking up as a couple and now we are married,lol..So it of course can get hurtful if you put your feelings into it!
  • katzmeow_83
    katzmeow_83 Posts: 27 Member
    I guess i would say no... because i always wonder... if were friends and were sleeping together... whats the problem with trying to make a relationship work?
  • ashnm88
    ashnm88 Posts: 748
    Had success with it a few times. I didn't want a relationship and neither did the other person. But we felt comfortable being intimate together.
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