what is the ideal age to get engaged/married?

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  • BeautifulRedButterfly
    BeautifulRedButterfly Posts: 316 Member
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    when you're 100% ready. there is no age limit in my eyes.
  • taramaureen
    taramaureen Posts: 569 Member
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    I've thought about this after watching the various successes and failures of friends' and relatives' marriages.

    I used to think nobody should get married before 25 and preferably not even before 30, just because I think there is tremendous benefit in spending some time on your own and learning who you are before you commit to spending the rest of your life with someone.

    But now I think the right time to get married is when you are sure of what you want for your life and you have found a person who wants the same things. I have a friend from high school who got married at 18 to her 20-year-old boyfriend. 10 years later, they are still very happily married with two kids. I asked her once why she never went to college or spent any time living on her own before she got married, and she said "I didn't want that. I knew I wanted to be a wife and a mother, and it didn't make sense to me to waste time and money doing other things just because people thought I was too young."

    That made sense to me. I, too, want to be a wife and mother someday, but there were other things I wanted, too, and I knew that it would be easier to do those other things first. But if I hadn't had any educational or professional ambitions or anything else I wanted to do before settling down, I probably would've gotten married a long time ago.


    I like your explaination :D I was simmilar to your friend. I knew I wanted a family and thought it was silly to wait just because society felt I should. I'm glad I did, I would never have had kids had I not started when I was 20.
  • DavetheHYNIC
    DavetheHYNIC Posts: 318 Member
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    When you can accept the concepts of monogamy,compromise and patience.
  • Frozenmango
    Frozenmango Posts: 207 Member
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    I agree that there really isn't an ideal age. I think it depends on where you're at mentally and emotionally. I've seen successful couples that got married right out of high school as well as couples who waited until they were settled in their careers, finances, etc. If it's a matter of success, I think the key is to have two people who are determined to make the marriage work. Marriage doesn't end after the walk down the aisle and the big party. It's work for the rest of your lives.

    Though personally, I think that mid to late 20's is a bit better since I believe that everyone should have some time on their own to discover who they are before they become part of a couple.
  • mznisaelaine
    mznisaelaine Posts: 2,262 Member
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    <--- Im 22.. I thought I'd be engaged by 23/24... Married by 25/26.... Probably won't happen now lol ... but mid 20s to almost late 30s..... Ideally I'll like to be married before I'm 30 :)
  • mzpharrell
    mzpharrell Posts: 43 Member
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    When you're ready. Age means little when it comes to love or maturity.

    ^^^^^^^My thoughts!!!
  • Bronx_Montgomery
    Bronx_Montgomery Posts: 2,287 Member
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    I don't think there is an Ideal Age to get engaged or married. Depends on the people
  • AlbaAngel25
    AlbaAngel25 Posts: 484 Member
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    wow there are so many pessimistic answers lol. I would say mid 20's to mid 30's. I was 24 when I got married and to me it was perfect timing. There is no set age , it just depends when you are ready.
  • qtiekiki
    qtiekiki Posts: 1,490 Member
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    When you are ready with the right person. No rush.

    I was engaged at 23, married at 25. 6.5 years and 2 kids later, still going strong.
  • ifucsam
    ifucsam Posts: 40
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    Too many people are wasting their youth in my opinion on relationships! Have fun while you are young!

    What part of being married is wasting my youth? My husband and I have fun every day.
  • hesn92
    hesn92 Posts: 5,967 Member
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    I think it has more to do with marrying the right person than it does being a certain age. Lol. "Ideally" maybe 28?? I am 22 now and I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and I would marry him tomorrow if we were ready (financially). So my ideal age of 28 doesn't really mean much lol.
  • KayteeBear
    KayteeBear Posts: 1,040 Member
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    Depends on the person. I've been with my boyfriend since I was 15, will be 20 this April and been with him for five years, living together for a year this May. If he were to propose to me I would say yes and want to be married in two or so years (I see nothing wrong with having an engagement for over a year). I really do love my boyfriend, he loves me, we get along very well, living together has gone well (everybody was so worried when I said I was going to move in with him but our relationship didn't change for the worse or anything). I don't think I've wasted my youth. I honestly don't care about going out to parties and stuff. I still go out to bars sometimes by myself with friends or with my boyfriend and/or friends and I still do my own thing as he goes out and does his own thing too.

    But for somebody else maybe they aren't ready to get married until their 30s or they haven't found the right one until then but if you've found the right one at a young age and you are BOTH ready for marriage, etc, etc then maybe before 25 is the right age for you.

    ETA: Looking at it this way...say my situation, been with my boyfriend for five years, we're both VERY happy, but JUST because we're young we shouldn't get married until my 30s...I should date him for 15 years before marrying him? Or I should break up with him just to live a free single life for a while before settling down even though I'm incredibly happy right now? That's why I think the ideal age depends on the person/relationship/etc.
    Chase your dreams first, travel the world, then get married!

    I do think you have to be sure of what you want. My dreams can be chased even if I'm married, and I don't WANT to travel the world. And if I did I'd want somebody with me. If I were to travel the world by myself I'd be sooo lonely. I love my family and my friends way too much and couldn't leave them all. Traveling a bit for vacations is what I would do and I can do that with a husband if I wanted. I personally do not care to go to school for years and years to have some big career in nursing or law or anything like that.
    Too many people are wasting their youth in my opinion on relationships! Have fun while you are young!

    What part of being married is wasting my youth? My husband and I have fun every day.

    I completely agree! I may not be married but I'm living with my boyfriend and I still have fun all the time. I have waaaay more fun everyday with him than I did when I was living alone before I moved in with him. And we do have fun. I go out when I get the chance and we both go out. Right now the only thing that's stopping me from having fun is MY JOB (working lots and combination of mornings, afternoons and nights). And that doesn't go away when you get older...
  • SalishSea
    SalishSea Posts: 373 Member
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    Okay- I don't mean to take this thread off topic. But I do believe we serve ourselves better when we don't have unintended unintended pregnancies. Some for people this happenstance is a joy and get married gladly. But I imagine this situation is quite taxing for most. Please lets's a have a national conversation on contraception. And making it freely available so that every baby is well prepared for by both parents. I don't mean to be too hot topic political but these are valuable families and children we are taking about.

    Secondly, many have written on here how marriage is hard wok. What are your examples of the hard work entailed?
    My example is, despite my emphatic love for my dear and precious husband he can be SO annoying. Just annoying day to day. Familiarity breeds contempt. So the hard work becomes keeping my annoyance to myself and just carrying on. All the while gritting my teeth at what he has or more likely hasn't done. That is hard work!

    Okay- one more off topic question....do any of you regret having children? Or regret having too many? We love them, that is a given . But has it ever slipped into your mind? Even a little?

    If this post is too sensitive please just ignore it. I am not trying to hurt anyone 's feeling or inquire about something someone does not think is right. Just curious.
  • Meaganandcheese
    Meaganandcheese Posts: 525 Member
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    There is no ideal. Every person is ready for that committment at a different time in their life. For me, I was 25 when we got engaged and 27 when we got married. So far, so good.

    I also don't think the "have fun and see the world first" makes sense. I want to have fun, travel, and achieve goals WITH my partner.
  • BreAnn
    BreAnn Posts: 35
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    Oddly enough, I think that statistically if a couple gets married when they are both quite young (18-21), they have a lower divorce rate than other demographics.

    That being said, there is no ideal age. It is when you are ready.

    I'm 21 and not married, BUT I think that yes, when you are ready, there is no set age. However, I do think that if your age still ends in a -teen, you're probably too young. However, if you are in your late 20's and are putting off marriage because you want to be "financially stable" or "figure yourself first" or "travel" or whatever else you want to get done before youre "tied down," i think that is a very selfish thing and you should be open to marriage and a change of plans because that's where you're gonna find the most happiness, in loving someone and them loving you back and a family. Of course, I'm not saying just marry anyone, have standards and most of all prepare yourself to be the kind of person you'd want to marry.
  • BreAnn
    BreAnn Posts: 35
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    What's with the long engagements?
  • Meaganandcheese
    Meaganandcheese Posts: 525 Member
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    What's with the long engagements?

    We got engaged on New Year's and I was set on a September wedding, but I wanted at least a year to plan it. Our #1 venue and photographer were also both booked the entire year immediately following our engagement.

    But that's just us. I loved it and had virtually no stress.
  • 1Timothy4v8
    1Timothy4v8 Posts: 503 Member
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    I am a born again bible beleiver so I believe that premarital sex is a sin so my opinion is 18,

    I don't remember reading in the Bible that you should marry at 18?

    The bible say's that we should marry so we don't burn in lust so thats why I say 18 the first legal age you can get married, that was my logic

    wow

    ummmmm...... yea! ok, soooooo any way's.............
  • ifucsam
    ifucsam Posts: 40
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    Oddly enough, I think that statistically if a couple gets married when they are both quite young (18-21), they have a lower divorce rate than other demographics.

    That being said, there is no ideal age. It is when you are ready.

    I'm 21 and not married, BUT I think that yes, when you are ready, there is no set age. However, I do think that if your age still ends in a -teen, you're probably too young. However, if you are in your late 20's and are putting off marriage because you want to be "financially stable" or "figure yourself first" or "travel" or whatever else you want to get done before youre "tied down," i think that is a very selfish thing and you should be open to marriage and a change of plans because that's where you're gonna find the most happiness, in loving someone and them loving you back and a family. Of course, I'm not saying just marry anyone, have standards and most of all prepare yourself to be the kind of person you'd want to marry.

    Exactly. Why do so many people equate marriage with your life being over? It's like that commercial (for a car I think) where the guy asks the girl to marry him and she's like well I would but... and then she thinks about all the things in life she wants to do before she gets married like go camping and rock climbing and stuff like that. What the hell?
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
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    Too many people are wasting their youth in my opinion on relationships! Have fun while you are young!

    What part of being married is wasting my youth? My husband and I have fun every day.

    I don't think you have the same experience when you're in a relationship. My friends in relationships and my single friends are so different. My relationship friends hate the bars and want to go home early, would rather stay in than go out anyway, and they worry about what their partner thinks all the time. Young singles can do what you want on a moment's notice without having to check with others and they don't have to worry about what your partner says..I could write a list all day! It's not the same having fun being single and having fun in a relationship.
    I'm not faulting those in relationships at a young age. But I am saying don't rush into relationships at a young age, because being young is when you're supposed to have fun and be carefree, and if you're in a relationship, you're sometimes held down by the other person, whether intentionally or not.

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