Favorite CLEAN jokes?

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  • bluefox9er
    bluefox9er Posts: 2,917 Member
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    demetri-martin-art2.png

    fantastic!!
  • bluefox9er
    bluefox9er Posts: 2,917 Member
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    What do fish say when they hit a brick wall??



    Dam!
  • azwildcatfan94
    azwildcatfan94 Posts: 314 Member
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    There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't.
  • chanstriste13
    chanstriste13 Posts: 3,277 Member
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    a farmer has three pretty daughters, and they are all upstairs getting ready to go out on dates. the father is sitting on the front porch, shotgun across his lap, waiting for the lucky fellas to arrive.

    around 6 o'clock, the first fella shows up and says, "hey! my name's freddy, i'm here for betty - we're going out for spaghetti, is she ready?" the father calls up to betty and tells her to have a nice time.

    a bit later, the second fella shows up and says, "hi! my name's joe, i'm here for floe - we're going out to the show, is she ready to go?" the father calls up to floe and tells her to enjoy the program.

    by now the sun is going down, and the third fella arrives and says, "hello, my name's chuck..."

    farmer shot chuck.
  • alicialiken
    alicialiken Posts: 39 Member
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    bump!
  • spade117
    spade117 Posts: 2,466 Member
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    JOKES ARE NOT FUNNY IF YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN THEM!

    Troof!
  • shellma00
    shellma00 Posts: 1,684 Member
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    What kind of pants does Super Mario wear?








    DenimDenimDenim
  • StephTink76
    StephTink76 Posts: 334 Member
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    Bump!!
  • jen88ve
    jen88ve Posts: 153
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    A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Can.... I..... have.....a......drink?" and the bartenders goes, "Why the big pause (paws)?"



    *Honestly, it gets me every time! :laugh:
  • FloodlitWorld
    FloodlitWorld Posts: 22
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    Here lies Kevin Hollister (1990-2012)
    Diagnosed with kleptomania in 1998
    Got his first job at the grenade factory in 2012
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,468 Member
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    A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender for some milk. "we don't have any milk" The duck turns around and walks out.
    Next day, duck comes back "Got any milk?" "For the second time NO! We don't have any milk! And if you come back I will nail your feet to the floor!!!" Duck leaves.
    The next day, the duck walks in "got any nails?"
    Bartender:"No"
    duck: "got any milk?"
  • FloodlitWorld
    FloodlitWorld Posts: 22
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    A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender for some milk. "we don't have any milk" The duck turns around and walks out.
    Next day, duck comes back "Got any milk?" "For the second time NO! We don't have any milk! And if you come back I will nail your feet to the floor!!!" Duck leaves.
    The next day, the duck walks in "got any nails?"
    Bartender:"No"
    duck: "got any milk?"

    I've been laughing for two minutes straight at this one. Love it!
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    Did you hear about the Old West outlaw who wore brown paper pants, a brown paper shirt, and a brown paper hat? He was wanted for rustling.
  • PurpleGyrl13
    PurpleGyrl13 Posts: 84 Member
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    These are great....how many calories can you burn from laughing????
  • paigemarie93
    paigemarie93 Posts: 778 Member
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    A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender for some milk. "we don't have any milk" The duck turns around and walks out.
    Next day, duck comes back "Got any milk?" "For the second time NO! We don't have any milk! And if you come back I will nail your feet to the floor!!!" Duck leaves.
    The next day, the duck walks in "got any nails?"
    Bartender:"No"
    duck: "got any milk?"

    Now I have the duck song in my head " & the duck walked up to the lemonade stand & he said to the man running the stand, "hey" bom bom bom bom bom bom bom "got any grapes?"..... Don't watch it, it will imprint in your mind for eternity.
  • CoachMaritova
    CoachMaritova Posts: 409 Member
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    Ok, since you asked for it... I had this one on my status yesterday:


    "This rope walked into a bar and said, 'I'd like to order a beer, please.' The bartender said, 'I'm sorry, we don't serve ropes here, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.' The rope said, 'I'm not leaving until I get my beer!' This made the bartender so angry that he grabbed the rope and threw him out the backdoor. The rope stomped off behind the dumpster and tied himself into a huge knot, then he took each of his ends and frayed them. He went back in and up to the bar and said, 'I'd like to order a beer, please.' The bartender took one look at him and said, 'Hey, aren't you that rope that was in here a few minutes ago?!' The rope answered, 'Nope, I'm a frayed knot!'"
  • BruteSquad
    BruteSquad Posts: 373 Member
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    How do you catch a unique squirrel?
    U nique up on him.

    How do you catch a tame squirrel?
    Tame way.
  • TK266
    TK266 Posts: 3,689 Member
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    This one sound better when said out loud.

    what do you call a pig with three eyes?

    piiig
  • madyncaden
    madyncaden Posts: 312 Member
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    lovin reading these.......most of them :)
  • TK266
    TK266 Posts: 3,689 Member
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    A man's car stalled on a country road one morning. When the man got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him. "Your trouble is probably in the carburetor," said the cow.Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer. The amazed man told the farmer his story."Was it a large red cow with a brown spot over the right eye?" asked the farmer. "Yes, yes," the man replied."Oh! I wouldn't listen to Bessie," said the farmer. "She doesn't know a thing about cars."

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