Why don't I get hit on?

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  • ebaywidow
    ebaywidow Posts: 30
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    I don't either....never did.
  • Karrix
    Karrix Posts: 288
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    Confidence is key. When you know you look good, others see it too.
  • AABru
    AABru Posts: 610 Member
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    Fake it til you make it...not the best motto for everything in life, but the best for confidence issues. Confidence is sexy, and I'm guessing that you are feeling a little ignored because of your divorce as well.
  • ryall70
    ryall70 Posts: 519 Member
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    yeah I don't get hit on in rl either so unfortunately have no insight.

    Sorry I came here to see what the answer is since I don't ever nor have ever been hit on in real life.
    LOL I came on to see also. Maybe ya'll are getting hit on and don't know it. I'm oblivious to that stuff, my friends usually have to tell me.:laugh:
  • rgbcgb
    rgbcgb Posts: 5
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    I am 75 years old, so a lot of water has passed under the bridge. For me, good looks was only one part of the formula. I'm sure you have heard the old adage, looks are only skin deep. Well, for me it is true. While still in high school my best girl friend was a skinny, freckled face gal. To this day she is still in my memory s. It was because she was so neat on the inside. So, not really knowing you, the question is: are you neat on the inside? I'm sure you are, but some how you must let others realize the gem you are. Put your self where you would like others to be. Present your self with confidence.
  • lisaleone71
    lisaleone71 Posts: 24
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    If you define "hit on" as someone approaching you to chat you up and directly ask for your number, that seems to be something a lot of people don't do as they get past mid-twenties. Do people smile at you when you make eye contact? If so, they notice something. Smile at others and see what their reaction is. It's a much better indicator :)
  • Deza85
    Deza85 Posts: 10
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    I don't have much experience in that area myself, but confidence can be a big turn on. It's not the short dress or the perfect hair, it's the strut of the girl who knows she looks good...

    I have a hard time telling why people look at me, and as for actual flirtations from guys... Can't say that it's happened more than 2 or 3 times in my life but then again I'm not known for being terribly observant. :glasses:
  • EBFNP
    EBFNP Posts: 529 Member
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    There's this saying in Italy that a woman who is "loved" is a woman that is beautiful and drawing of men. In Italy there a several levels of love from friendship to romanitc inlove kind.

    I have this great male friendship, two actually, that really make me feel great (not romantic kind) and I have been hit on so much I can't even tell you.

    It's like when you are happy and content with your life and your relationships, you suddenly become the girl all the guys want.

    Anyway, I said all that to say I would focus on yourself, becoming more confident and the guys will eventually come.

    Lastly, the rules have changed for the poor guys. I relly think a lot of them have no clue what to do anymore. They get it coming and going. So maybe be friends with some guys and letting things happen (if they do) will help.

    BTW, just because you don't think anyone is checking you out, isn't necessarily so. I have had several men tell me they wanted to ask me out but thought I was too good for them :-(

    I think it is as hard for guys as it is us gals.

    Oh ... and one other thing. I have had tons of guys tell me they are just too busy. So this may not be about you but just a fact of life for them at this point in thier lives.

    THIS! I had so many guys from my past tell me they liked me at one time but thought I was a goody good for them to ask me out. Sigh..Like how am I suppose to know if you don't tell me? lol..It doesn't help that I am super shy and introvert...add in being 5'10.
  • AlSalzman
    AlSalzman Posts: 296 Member
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    This is a semi-joke and semi-serious.

    I'm working on my self-esteem, which has always been crappy but is improving.

    The thing is, here on MFP I am quite fortunate that I have lots and lots of very supportive friends who give fabulous compliments.

    They say that I am attractive, but in real life...

    no one looks my way.

    ...snip...
    Supportive friends? Uh, no... I have supportive friends... they post things like "good burn" and "hooray 155 days logged in!"

    You? You've got a bus full of female admirers panting and drooling in every thread you post in. You ARE getting hit on, every day, constantly.. it's just not by dudes. You don't notice it because you're not looking for it or you've ruled it out as a possibility. And that's fine, to each their own. I'm just saying... you've got a free pass on the L-train pretty much anytime you want it from a good chunk of this board's population, so don't gimme that "I'm not getting hit on" stuff.
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
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    Watch Tomb Raider or the first Matrix move right before you go out somewhere. Then be Lara Croft or Trinity. Don't strut it, don't think, "Here I am, going down the street, walking like Lara Croft/Trinity," that won't work. You gotta feel it. Feel like a confident, sexy, bad*** woman.

    If you catch the trick of it, heads will turn. Just don't get so into it you kick someone's teeth in by accident. :laugh:

    Of course, until you stop faking it and really know you're a sexy, bad*** woman in your heart, you're putting out some false advertising, but you didn't say you wanted someone to come up and ask you out, you just want looks, so fake it all you like!
  • some1toluv
    some1toluv Posts: 6 Member
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    do u wear makeup? do u wear stuff that is trendy? do u smile ?
  • AlSalzman
    AlSalzman Posts: 296 Member
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    ETA - I was *not* fishing for compliments. I was simply curious. Also, I don't really want to be picked up, just noticed.
    OK, that was my smart-*kitten* answer, now here's the real one... Bartender Al with ten years of observational psychology-type insight (worth what you pay for it):

    A lot of my regular customers dramatically changed their appearance during my bartending career. They usually did so by changing a lot of their unhealthy mindsets/habits/environs... they threw the candy out of the pantry to lose weight, if you will. They had to remove the temptation until they had taught themselves to "think healthy first" when it came to dieting. And, it worked. These are challenging changes to make - not overwhelming, because they focus on a goal that is easy to quantify - number on a scale, size of a dress, time in a 5k, etc...

    Many of them would come out in their new, toned body looking fantastic, with plenty of additional confidence due to their transformation and lots of energy from their new fitness... and just be completely crushed when they didn't land Mr. Handsome in, like, two weeks after getting their new self back into the singles scene. And they'd freak out and turn to me, their bartender, for support 'cuz they were really disappointed that they did all that work for nothing, and I'd swoop right in and nail'em while they were vulnerable. No, not really. Ok, maybe once or twice. But those chicks were really on the brink. They needed help.

    Anyway, the point is - you don't shed 65lbs in two weeks (or even a year) - so why do you think you've suddenly mastered the complexities of being attractive in two weeks (or even a year)? It's more than having a fit body - that's a great start, but we all know less-than-fit ladies that attract a ton of attention. We know girls that can't dress but get phone numbers. I knew a girl with a lazy eye that... well, nevermind, she was a slut. Consider those finishing-school debutantes... they're being programmed with a set of behaviors for certain social situations. Same thing with lots of sorority girls... you get a big sis, she teaches you how to get into bars underage and get dolled up for the kegger. Programmed behavior. Attractiveness to strangers is a learned behavior. Remember I said changing negative eating habits was a challenging change, but made easier because you can benchmark progress? What a lot of my transformed regulars didn't realize was that they hadn't changed their other behaviors - shyness, awkwardness, self-loathings, etc... things that are the enemy of attractive... things that are much harder to benchmark the progress of than the numbers on the scale. You may need to un-program a few more negative behaviors and practice some new good ones.

    So, evaluate yourself critically, just like you did before you started your weight loss path - do you have habits that make you less attractive to strangers? If they don't make you outright less attractive (say, flicking boogers), do they make you less approachable? Are you still not making eye contact? Still a wallflower? Does your laugh sound like the pigs in Angry Birds? Do you audibly pop gum when you chew it? Do you arm-wrestle dudes to settle disputes and completely wreck their ****? Not saying that you need to change - you be you, girrrlll - but you asked so I'm throwing some possibilities out there.
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
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    ETA - I was *not* fishing for compliments. I was simply curious. Also, I don't really want to be picked up, just noticed.
    OK, that was my smart-*kitten* answer, now here's the real one... Bartender Al with ten years of observational psychology-type insight (worth what you pay for it):

    A lot of my regular customers dramatically changed their appearance during my bartending career. They usually did so by changing a lot of their unhealthy mindsets/habits/environs... they threw the candy out of the pantry to lose weight, if you will. They had to remove the temptation until they had taught themselves to "think healthy first" when it came to dieting. And, it worked. These are challenging changes to make - not overwhelming, because they focus on a goal that is easy to quantify - number on a scale, size of a dress, time in a 5k, etc...

    Many of them would come out in their new, toned body looking fantastic, with plenty of additional confidence due to their transformation and lots of energy from their new fitness... and just be completely crushed when they didn't land Mr. Handsome in, like, two weeks after getting their new self back into the singles scene. And they'd freak out and turn to me, their bartender, for support 'cuz they were really disappointed that they did all that work for nothing, and I'd swoop right in and nail'em while they were vulnerable. No, not really. Ok, maybe once or twice. But those chicks were really on the brink. They needed help.

    Anyway, the point is - you don't shed 65lbs in two weeks (or even a year) - so why do you think you've suddenly mastered the complexities of being attractive in two weeks (or even a year)? It's more than having a fit body - that's a great start, but we all know less-than-fit ladies that attract a ton of attention. We know girls that can't dress but get phone numbers. I knew a girl with a lazy eye that... well, nevermind, she was a slut. Consider those finishing-school debutantes... they're being programmed with a set of behaviors for certain social situations. Same thing with lots of sorority girls... you get a big sis, she teaches you how to get into bars underage and get dolled up for the kegger. Programmed behavior. Attractiveness to strangers is a learned behavior. Remember I said changing negative eating habits was a challenging change, but made easier because you can benchmark progress? What a lot of my transformed regulars didn't realize was that they hadn't changed their other behaviors - shyness, awkwardness, self-loathings, etc... things that are the enemy of attractive... things that are much harder to benchmark the progress of than the numbers on the scale. You may need to un-program a few more negative behaviors and practice some new good ones.

    So, evaluate yourself critically, just like you did before you started your weight loss path - do you have habits that make you less attractive to strangers? If they don't make you outright less attractive (say, flicking boogers), do they make you less approachable? Are you still not making eye contact? Still a wallflower? Does your laugh sound like the pigs in Angry Birds? Do you audibly pop gum when you chew it? Do you arm-wrestle dudes to settle disputes and completely wreck their ****? Not saying that you need to change - you be you, girrrlll - but you asked so I'm throwing some possibilities out there.

    This,

    Also, MFP is just that, MFP. Everyone throws out false compliments on this website, just take a look at the "compliment thread". It's easy to hit on people behind a screen.
  • woou
    woou Posts: 668 Member
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    @AlS, nice post.
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
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    This is a semi-joke and semi-serious.

    I'm working on my self-esteem, which has always been crappy but is improving.

    The thing is, here on MFP I am quite fortunate that I have lots and lots of very supportive friends who give fabulous compliments.

    They say that I am attractive, but in real life...

    no one looks my way.

    ...snip...
    Supportive friends? Uh, no... I have supportive friends... they post things like "good burn" and "hooray 155 days logged in!"

    You? You've got a bus full of female admirers panting and drooling in every thread you post in. You ARE getting hit on, every day, constantly.. it's just not by dudes. You don't notice it because you're not looking for it or you've ruled it out as a possibility. And that's fine, to each their own. I'm just saying... you've got a free pass on the L-train pretty much anytime you want it from a good chunk of this board's population, so don't gimme that "I'm not getting hit on" stuff.

    Hm...I'm hetero, so getting "hit on" by my female friends is not my thing. That would just make me feel awkward lol.
  • Musikelektronik
    Musikelektronik Posts: 739 Member
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    Hm...I'm hetero, so getting "hit on" by my female friends is not my thing. That would just make me feel awkward lol.

    But aren't women receptive to that on some level? I mean, don't you guys get an ego boost when a woman tells you how pretty you look, and stuff like that? For guys, that's hugely taboo. But for women...somehow it seems different. Maybe I'm wrong.

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