He Called me Stupid..is it Emotional abuse?

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  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,455 Member
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    The next time he playfully slaps you, playfully kick him in the balls.
    Hahahaha this!!

    okay no. dont do that. I know the poster meant it to be funny but I really really urge you to not do that
  • LauraDubbleya
    LauraDubbleya Posts: 79 Member
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    Three pages of people confirming what you already know is a pretty good indicator that you had good instincts in the first place. I wouldn't wait to leave him, I'd go NOW.

    If he gets wind that he's been called abusive he may very well become more violent. There's nothing playful about his actions, he's manipulating and controlling you (or attempting to)

    Sounds to me like you have a good head on your shoulders. We all find one of those guys who seem like Prince Charming at first but after awhile, reveal their Troll-like personality. Don't beat yourself up over it anymore than he's beaten you up for it.

    He's a ****wad. Please let us know how you fare.
  • Init_to_winit
    Init_to_winit Posts: 258 Member
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    I know it's hard to leave someone like that. Sounds to me that you already have your way out by moving to Canada. Once you're not around the constant abuse and douchebaggery just take a minute to realize how much happier and better off you are without him. Don't let him back in either, break off all ties, and then smile! You'll be happy it's over, maybe not right away but eventually. And one day you'll find a man who doesn't make you have to question these things!
  • Paige_me
    Paige_me Posts: 59 Member
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    Sounds to me like you are being emotionally and physically abused.

    Respect yourself, GTFO. What a loser you've found.

    *and don't ever stay with or let anyone treat you like that again!

    Seriously. I read this and I was thinking that I usually call my fiance stupid or an *kitten* but I do it in such a playful way it's never serious. I was thinking you were wondering if he was sarcastic like me.
    After reading this I can tell you whole heatedly that you need to be done with him, he has broken you to the point that you're questioning the horrid actions of the person you're dating. I hope you left him.
    When I was younger a guy I dated smacked me, that was the last time I saw him. A few years later he was at a bar that my brother and his friends were at... Needless to say it did not end well for the ex.

    I'll tell you this much, if anyone ever put their hands on me physically, man or woman, you better believe there would be charges or an accidental dog attack.
  • sllm1
    sllm1 Posts: 2,114 Member
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    Run far, far away, darling. As fast as you can.
  • jaxbeck
    jaxbeck Posts: 537 Member
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    The next time he playfully slaps you, playfully kick him in the balls.

    OMGThis!!!
  • TNTwedell
    TNTwedell Posts: 277 Member
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    When are you leaving?

    Mid May I will be going to Canada for a few motnhs . We have discussed it and supposed to have a long distance relationship
    But honestly we clash because I don't like how Am being treated ..I used to think it was me exagerrating a little. O being to dramatic , I then tried to fix my thoughs and behaviour but he is just a liilte too much for my happy go lucky self.

    MidMay is still a long ways away to be dealing with this stuff on a daily basis - is there some reason you're not leaving NOW?
  • britishstar41
    britishstar41 Posts: 140 Member
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    The next time he playfully slaps you, playfully kick him in the balls.

    HAHA!

    No, seriously, he's not treating you the way you should be treated. You deserve so much better. Get out, get out! I watched my aunt go through this kind of stuff (and it got progressively worse) for 20 years.
  • FitnessDynasty
    FitnessDynasty Posts: 62
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    The physical abuse, yes, you are being abused. There is no reason for that, even in a "playful" manner (the slapping of the face, that is). I'll pinch or smack my wife's butt and sometimes I hit a little too hard and apologize immediately. After four and a half years of marriage it is in all fun because that is returned in kind from her. NEVER have I smacked her in the face or anything REMOTELY to that nature, though she has slapped me several times throughout the years. Overall, yes, you are physically being abused.

    I'll play devil's advocate here for a moment and say maybe in arguments where he said "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard" is not abuse. In honesty I've said that to my wife and she has said it back to me during political, work, religious, etc. conversations because sometimes they are honestly the stupidest thing I had ever heard. Enough on the devil's advocate there. As for the rest such as the belly, the "talking down" in front of others, etc. yes, mental abuse.

    From what you have said, yes, you are being abused both mentally and physically. Time to tell him to take a hike and get out. There are better and yummier fish in the Sea of Relationships.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    He tends to smack me for no reason, he says he is playing . Whenever I say something that he doesn't like , he "playfully" grabs me and " Playfully" slaps me on the face...although it's not hard ..it does hurt at times and I'm getting tired of him doing that . It's just so immature. the silly slaps on my face and my *** randomly uuggg..so tired.
    I don't know if you're really young or just raised this way or what, but you need to understand something: no one has the right to do this to you against your will even if he is playing. "Playing" is not even a consideration. If you tell him not to do it, it needs to stop, immediately and forever.
  • amazon75
    amazon75 Posts: 165
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    As a domestic violence educator, I believe you are being abused. I know you aren't from here but here is a link to the "Am I or Do I Know a Victim" page on my local shelter's website. http://hubbardhouse.org/domestic-violence/victim/

    It may help. Please be safe. And know that abuse is not your fault.
  • Sox90716
    Sox90716 Posts: 976 Member
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    It's abuse. . .

    This ^
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    I'll play devil's advocate here for a moment and say maybe in arguments where he said "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard" is not abuse. In honesty I've said that to my wife and she has said it back to me during political, work, religious, etc. conversations because sometimes they are honestly the stupidest thing I had ever heard. Enough on the devil's advocate there. As for the rest such as the belly, the "talking down" in front of others, etc. yes, mental abuse.
    I know what you're saying, but with emotional abuse it's generally not the individual incident that makes it abuse. It's more like a habit of saying this kind of thing... tearing someone down slowly.
  • stacymama5
    stacymama5 Posts: 391 Member
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    RUN.......FAST!!!!!
  • gomisskellygo
    gomisskellygo Posts: 635 Member
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    Maybe you are "stupid" for putting up with it

    Are you effin kidding me??
  • lorac321
    lorac321 Posts: 627 Member
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    Seriously though, I was in a very similar relationship in my early 20's. When I did decide to get out of it he turned into this really nice guy and then I felt like I made the wrong decision and went back to him. It got worse, way worse. Never in a million years would I do it again and I honestly believe that if I saw him on the side of the road I might run him over.

    Regardless if you have kids, would you want your daughter to be treated that way? How about your mother?

    Get out now and let him know that he really "isn't all that" and you can do better.

    Best of luck.
  • stormieweather
    stormieweather Posts: 2,549 Member
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    1 - It IS abuse.
    2 - You are NOT stupid.
    3 - Don't accept treatment like that from anyone. It isn't love and it isn't respectful.
    4 - Sent you a PM with link to a support site.

    Been there, done that, got the dang ugly teeshirt.

    /hugs!
  • bergsangel
    bergsangel Posts: 131
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    Get out now before you end up pregnant and marry this *kitten*. You think you feel like crap about it now? Imagine how it would feel to bring children into it? Never continue to date a man who behaves this way!
  • bethgames
    bethgames Posts: 534 Member
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    Oh honey.....how can you not know??? If it doesnt feel good to you and he wont stop then it is abuse!
  • Margentine
    Margentine Posts: 113 Member
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    I know it's hard to leave someone like that. Sounds to me that you already have your way out by moving to Canada. Once you're not around the constant abuse and douchebaggery just take a minute to realize how much happier and better off you are without him. Don't let him back in either, break off all ties, and then smile! You'll be happy it's over, maybe not right away but eventually. And one day you'll find a man who doesn't make you have to question these things!

    I know the time away will help me so much. I miss being myself. I'm a happy person but in this relationship I find that I doubt myself continously. I have to go it's inevitable and that 's my opportunity to leave him for good.
    He knows I;m mad at him for calling me stupid ..I have not talke to him. I don;t plan to get into heated arguments for as long as I make the decision in my mind of what it is I'm going to do ...I'll just ride out the next 2 weeks.

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