I'm not attracted to my boyfriend but I can't leave him :-(

Wow that's unfortunate. I would say if you can try talking to him because you don't want to keep stringing him along. In the end, he will be very hurt and he deserves to find someone who will love him unconditionally. Take care.

Attraction is unlikely to increase with time, after it has already decreased. I guess it's time to tell him the truth.

Have you started to dislike his personality as well? Do you love him in the same way he loves you aside from physically? Have you mentally already moved on and are waiting only because you don't want to break up?

Honestly, I don't know what to tell you or suggest because I probably could have written most of your post myself. I've never found my boyfriend to be "hot" or that physically attractive. And he knows it. I'm not rude or mean but he doesn't think he's attractive either. Which breaks my heart because he's the most amazing boyfriend I've ever had. We argue and such but I can tell it's different with him. So, I thought about it and decided what was more important to me. To have someone that turned me on or someone that would always love me. At 21, looks seem to be important to me but I'm going to get old and so is he. I was very attracted to my ex- but he led me on for 2 years and cheated on me several times. So, I'm sticking with the man I love and hoping he pops the question soon.

However, you may not have the same feelings. Sometimes appearance is really important and difficult to get passed. Like I said, are there other issues you have with him or dislike? Like maybe you don't want someone that be at your every beck and call. It sounds like he may need to develop his life outside of your relationship as well. It would be healthy for both of you. But if you're coming to despise him, you may want to (gently) open up and discuss what's been on your mind. It may hurt him but it will hurt a lot less if you tell him before he buys a ring and is stuck with it.

I think that the dynamics of the relationship are affecting you more than you realize. You actually don't mention anything physical, but say you're not attracted to him and list a lot of things that make me raise an eyebrow, so I'll try to address them one at a time:

He loves me more than anything in the world, does literally everything for me, always there for me, if I have a problem he will drop everything he's doing and come see me, always helping me out and giving me money if I need it, and is always patient enough to put up with my paranoia and insecurities - he is honestly the epitome of a perfect boyfriend, and makes me feel like the happiest girl in the world.

This makes me wonder about your self-esteem and how it's working in your relationship. He's "patient enough" to "put up" with your shortcomings and "helping you out." The way you describe that makes it sound like these are extras that most boyfriends wouldn't do, like he's going out of his way and you couldn't expect anyone else to do that. But in reality, those are things that any loving partner does. Even someone who does those things might be far from perfect; it's really the bare minimum.

I feel so bad about this, but I just can't leave him. He has never loved another girl before, and has even planned out our future together. Certain times he reminds me that if we ever broke up, he would just become a heartless cold person and could never trust another female again, because he honestly feels we should be together for the rest of our lives.

This seems like a BIG problem. Like, incredibly serious. If you feel like you're trapped, that is going to suck the fun and the passion out of the relationship. Read back the things you're saying. If you leave, it's your fault that he becomes a terrible human being. You have no right to leave because HE has decided that you need to be together. You're representative of every woman on the planet.

None of that is fair or true. You do not control any other person, no matter how much they say it. If he would become a heartless person, that's on him. If he is so narrow-minded that he bases his perception of over half the global population on one person's behavior, he's got some problems. None of it has anything to do with you.

I was never initially physically attracted to him, but I've grown to love his personality and the way he is. But recently whenever we are together, I just find him annoying, I don't want him holding me, and I feel like it's an obligation to kiss him, not a desire. And I just keep thinking about other males that I'm attracted to - which is not something a girlfriend should be doing.

Is this an issue only with him, or are you like this generally in any relationship? I have an EXTREMELY difficult time with physical affection, even when the feelings are there. I am not someone who expresses myself physically and never have been; I don't get the same feeling from holding or hugging or kissing that other people seem to. It used to be a stumbling block in my relationship, but we compromise: I make an effort to show my boyfriend the affection he needs, and he accepts that I express myself differently and doesn't take it personally. It's a matter of mutual respect and understanding.

I just don't have the heart to break up with him. It would absolutely destroy him, he thinks the world of me. I love him, but I just don't feel the way one should, towards their partner. And if I'm constantly thinking about other guys. I know if we broke up, I would regret it, and become jealous if he found another girl - but I just feel like I should be with someone who I'm passionate about.

What is it that you think of when you're thinking of these other guys? Is it a sexual fling you're imagining, or another long-term relationship? Is it merely a fantasy or is it something you'd really like to pursue?

What I'm getting at is that there is a big difference between being bored and looking around at what's new and exciting, and actually being dissatisfied with your partner. I think most people in long-term committed relationships have periods where they find themselves fantasizing or imagining other sexual partners, and there's nothing wrong with that. You can't possibly control your every thought; all you're obligated to do in a relationship is to control your behavior.

As a final thought, I think that sexual attraction is closely related to a lot of non-physical factors (at least I find that true in my own case). I never feel attracted to random people I don't know, but it has happened with people that I really get along with. And like in your case, I wasn't particularly attracted to my boyfriend at first, but once we got to know each other and really clicked in a lot of ways, he became incredibly sexy to me. We're coming up on nine years together, and despite gaining weight and going through different aesthetic changes (some good, some mistakes), we've never had a problem feeling attracted to each other because it's not just about maintaining a certain appearance.

Oh that is too bad, but we only live one life and it wouldn't be good to stay with someone you don't want to be with...try to break it to him gently. He deserves someone that loves him as much as he loves them. And you also need and deserve that too,,,good luck.

You sound like my ex-girlfriend. I was in your boyfriend's shoes and you are in hers. She broke up with me, it hurt a lot and it really sucked for awhile. But you know what? I'm a lot better now because of it. I've matured after the whole experience and it has made me realize a lot of things in my life.

So my advice, if you truly don't feel the same way that he does about you, then it's time to end it. In the end, it will all turn out for the best. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

I would suggest that u leave. Better sooner than later. If u lead him on more, it will hurt him more.

t's not fair to him to stay.

That said.. the fact that he says things like "if you break up with me I'll turn into a terrible person" screams to me that he wants to control you. That he wants you to need him,which is why he's always there right when you need him.

But.. I have a bad history with men, so I could be reading too much into it.

Many guys say things like that. I am 36 and have had quite a few guys say that to me, and as far as I know they're all still living and fairly happy without me. It just feels bad at the time, but people do move on.

You should try to make yourself happy. But keep in mind, when you get married you're not always going to be "hot" for your hubby. You have to work at it. You need to nurture a healthy relationship. But if you have not made a marriage commitment to him and you're just not feeling it anymore its okay to leave. In fact, many times its better for both people so they can find someone who fits them as people better. GOod luck!

It sucks when you have to break someone's heart, but if you are this unhappy now how do you think you'll feel like 6 months from now? It's better to do it now then end up hating or resenting him. I've been there.

You are not the end all be all of womanhood He will be just fine without you.

He sounds like a really great guy. He deserves to be with someone who can appreciate him for who and what he is. If you're not that person (nothing wrong with that) you should let him go on his way so he can find her.

I agree with this. Yes, it will hurt him... maybe even for a while, but eventually he'll get over you and you'll both be better for it. Also, you deserve to be with someone who you're passionate about too. It'll hurt, but it seems like it will be the best option for both of you in the long term. Good luck!

Leave him now. Not only are you not attracted to him, he's manipulating you with that, "I'm gonna be so sad if you leave" line of horse****. Fix this now and stop wasting your life.

You can't make him happy unless you are happy. If you aren't attracted to him then you need to move on. Sounds like he is a better friend then boyfriend. It is tough but it is something that you have to do for yourself.

you have ONE life. at the end of it, will you be happy you short changed yourself? and you short changed him by not allowing him to find someone who really will love him emotionally and physically?

WELL SAID!

you should probably go in on a mortgage together, get married, and have a few kids.