Is it rude...
Replies
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Your point? So, I missed it and retracted part of my initial statement. Move along...This was actually made clear in the original post.
Why don't you move on and let it go. Sheesh!0 -
People even have parties for this??? WOW...
my thoughts exactly! I never knew that until my best friend got married and later my cousin. They had wedding gift opening parties the next day and I was not at all interested in going but felt obligated to do so. Then to put the icing on the cake, my cousin and her groom were over an hour late to their own party!! Rude.0 -
There is no established etiquette for this because a "wedding gift opening party" would not be allowed by traditional standards of etiquette. Inviting people (other than, say, your mom, your sister, and your groom) over to watch you open gifts is a terrible idea! I think you can politely decline and hang out with your family.
You are so right! Traditional standards of etiquette would not allow a gift opening party. Thanks for your post and getting it right.0 -
Family first. Just let her know that you had planned on spending what you thought was an "extra" day with your family. A true friend will understand this and tell you to go have a wonderful time with your family!0
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I've never heard of a gift opening party. What a selfish, indulgent, ridiculous waste of time! I would not go....
(and no I am not jealous, I have all the household carp I need and then some!)
AND another thing? Doesn't the couple go away to spend one-on-one time with each other on their wedding night? Why would they want to get up early the next morning and go to yet another event? Wouldn't they want to enjoy their first morning as husband and wife together?
BECAUSE IT IS A TRADITION!!!!!!!
TRADITION!!!!
one more time
TRADTION
A tradition that lots of people here have never heard of, so how about you calm down.
Lots of terrible things were traditions - hanging the sheets from the wedding night outside to prove the bride was a virgin, comes to mind. Tradition does not equal good.
So a tradition that my family celebrates and has since I can remember is "bad" just because some people have not heard of it? And I can't defend it? I can clearly see why opening presents can be such a horrible tradition one that clearly should be stopped immediately!!!
Sure you can defend it -- but you need reasons aside from "It's tradition!" if you want to be taken seriously. The fact of the matter is, subjecting people who just spent the entire day before (and presumably other days along the way -- bridal shower, etc.) making sure your wedding was as perfect as it could be -- to another event based around YOU and your wedding, comes off as selfish to a lot of people.
My sister opened her gifts and we ate left overs the day after her wedding. But it wasn't a formal "thing" anyone was required to attend. She just said "Hey, if you want to..." but it was very clear there was no expectation of attendance from the beginning. Do you know who came? Her family -- the groom's family. Most of the wedding party moved on with their lives.
No one ever said this was something you are REQUIRED to attend. And it's not a formal thing. How about finding out a little more information about the actual event before you attack it??
I am not attacking the tradition itself -- I am attacking brides and grooms who spring this little event on bridal party members and don't make it clear that it is optional and not formal -- which, if you bothered reading ALL the comments, you would know is the situation with the OP. How about you try reading what you're commenting on, eh?
I have read every single post on this thread. And yes...you and everyone else are attacking the event itself by calling it selfish, ostentacious, rude, self-indulgent, etc.
I don't agree with springing it on the bridesmaid last minute. However, if she's from there (as I assume she is since she called it "Home") and it's a tradition/custom from that area (which I'm also assuming it is since she's heard of it and knows what it is), she should have expected it to be happening. And as part of the wedding party, should have expected to have to go to it.
Clearly you have not read every single post on this thread. Because my post didn't say a single rude thing about the event. Many other posts are the same. But, you clearly have an agenda here and cannot be reasoned with.0 -
This is a pretty standard thing around here, but, it is very informal, and very few people attend. I don't know that anyone is ever required to attend. It is usually close family, close friends, some of the wedding party and maybe a few people from out of town. I have seen many of these hosted in a family member's living room. It is really more of a time to relax and have some time to chat with each other than anything. Some parties very few, if any presents were actually opened. I can't see why so many people are so upset about this. Bridal showers you can sit for over an hour watching the bride open presents and that is ok, but going somewhere when you aren't expected to bring anything and watch a few presents opened is a big deal?
I'm sure if you talk to your friend, you can come to a solution that works for both of you.0 -
gift opening party....really? People actually do that? If shes a great friend then she will understand why you cant be there. But if she is a bridezilla, you may get the cold shoulder from a friend for a while. Which is more important....watching someone else open gifts and gloat ooooo, aaahhhh, while you have to sit there and watch, OR see your family. I vote family. But that is just me and I tend to be the girl who has more guy friends than girl friends because I am not a "feelings", "dramatic" type of person.0
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LMAO.....this is hilarious!!! I just want to say I enjoyed reading this, I got a good laugh. Thank you.0
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I never heard of a wedding gift opening party either must be something new. I always thought gifts were opened either at a wedding shower or at the reception. I don't think its rude not to want to attend that party and want to spend time with your family.0
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You said you are in the wedding. As in bridesmaid? I think if you weren't in the wedding, you could skip it. But if you are in the wedding party- I think you should go as much as that sucks.
^^ this ^^. it's not ideal, but in my mind, it's the very right thing to do.0 -
I've never heard of a gift opening party. What a selfish, indulgent, ridiculous waste of time! I would not go....
(and no I am not jealous, I have all the household carp I need and then some!)
AND another thing? Doesn't the couple go away to spend one-on-one time with each other on their wedding night? Why would they want to get up early the next morning and go to yet another event? Wouldn't they want to enjoy their first morning as husband and wife together?
BECAUSE IT IS A TRADITION!!!!!!!
TRADITION!!!!
one more time
TRADTION
A tradition that lots of people here have never heard of, so how about you calm down.
Lots of terrible things were traditions - hanging the sheets from the wedding night outside to prove the bride was a virgin, comes to mind. Tradition does not equal good.
So a tradition that my family celebrates and has since I can remember is "bad" just because some people have not heard of it? And I can't defend it? I can clearly see why opening presents can be such a horrible tradition one that clearly should be stopped immediately!!!
Sure you can defend it -- but you need reasons aside from "It's tradition!" if you want to be taken seriously. The fact of the matter is, subjecting people who just spent the entire day before (and presumably other days along the way -- bridal shower, etc.) making sure your wedding was as perfect as it could be -- to another event based around YOU and your wedding, comes off as selfish to a lot of people.
My sister opened her gifts and we ate left overs the day after her wedding. But it wasn't a formal "thing" anyone was required to attend. She just said "Hey, if you want to..." but it was very clear there was no expectation of attendance from the beginning. Do you know who came? Her family -- the groom's family. Most of the wedding party moved on with their lives.
No one ever said this was something you are REQUIRED to attend. And it's not a formal thing. How about finding out a little more information about the actual event before you attack it??
I am not attacking the tradition itself -- I am attacking brides and grooms who spring this little event on bridal party members and don't make it clear that it is optional and not formal -- which, if you bothered reading ALL the comments, you would know is the situation with the OP. How about you try reading what you're commenting on, eh?
HOLY MOLY BATMAN, where is the popcorn???
LMAO!!!!!!! That was some good reading! Make that lite popcorn, air popped... LOL0 -
Not to attend a wedding gift opening party? I'm in a wedding this weekend back home (1300 miles from where I live) and I was informed yesterday that not only will I be attending bridal party/wedding festivities Friday and Saturday, but I am also invited to a wedding gift opening lunch on Sunday. I leave Monday. Is it completely rude to skip this party to spend time with my family? I only go home once a year and I don't want my time to be wasted, especially since my grandparents are pretty old. I just feel like I can't ditch my friend either because I live so far away I feel like I haven't really been a good bridesmaid for her. Any suggestions?
You should ask if it's mandatory. Because you were invited, it doesn't sound that way. I would say that you want to spend time with your family and don't think your attending the gift opening party (an excuse to brag, IMO) would give you time to see them.0 -
Just explain how you feel..hopefully they will understand
Good Luck!0 -
Never heard of this. And, i will not be having a gift opening party..lol, weird...Not rude.. just let her know ahead of time.0
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Attend a for an hour or 2, then leave.0
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As a bride, I wouldn't mind. I did the "day after" bbq and gift opening and it was a way to spend more time with people who had traveled to be there, but I understand bridemaids wanting to spend time with family not involved in the wedding. I had 10 bridesmaids and only my sister and niece came to the "day after" thing anyway, I didn't care.0
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I have honestly never heard of a wedding gift opening party and personally I would not want to go but if I were in the wedding I would feel obligated but would go for a (very) short amount of time.
I hated the wedding shower I had to go to. It was so lame and boring I wanted to stick a fork in my eye.0 -
Ohmygoodness. I am adding something to my list of things not to "make" the bridal party do.
This shouldn't be an obligation.0 -
a party so you can watch the bride and groom open their presents? WTF? wow I have been to loads of Weddings, been a bridesmaid 7 times, been married twice, my daughter is married, my cousin got married at the weekend, I was on a wedding planning forum with hundreds of other people, I have honest to god never ever heard of such a thing....
WOW
Just wow.....
I can only assume this is a US thing0 -
wow.... just WOW......
This is fantastic. I wasted 20 mins of my life reading the 'cardio makes you fat' thread and then it's all made better by reading this one....
How many calories in popcorn? :bigsmile:0 -
This really has been a good read! Who knew a topic like this would stir so many emotions!!??
My family actually does have a casual brunch the day after weddings (it started when my sister got married and will probably end when I get married...we are 2 or 4 grandchildren in the family). It is always a very casual event and it's mostly just family in attendance. Bridal party and some friends are invited but it's clear that they are not expected to come. For me, it's just another opportunity to spend time with the people I love! It's an exhausting weekend anyway...so why not right?
To the OP....don't feel obligated. Your bride will certainly understand that you don't make it home often and would like to spend some time with family after spending 2 days with her for wedding events. Don't sweat it like some of these other posters are.0 -
The wedding is this weekend & they just informed you? In that case I would politely decline. Something like.....
"I'd love to make it but I promised I would spend the day with my family. I really wish I would have known sooner about your party. My family planned a special gathering knowing I was in town. I am so sorry, I can't attend your party"
I agree. Also, never heard of this "tradition", but I have grown up in the deep South. 0 -
agree 100%.Seems like your friend would rather bask in the glow of being a bride rather than be with her new husband. Some women just create events to make their special day(s) last and last so they can be the center of attention for as long as possible.0 -
I just figured out what "IMO" means, and I'm pretty excited about that. That is all.0
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I've never heard of a gift opening party. What a selfish, indulgent, ridiculous waste of time! I would not go....
(and no I am not jealous, I have all the household carp I need and then some!)
AND another thing? Doesn't the couple go away to spend one-on-one time with each other on their wedding night? Why would they want to get up early the next morning and go to yet another event? Wouldn't they want to enjoy their first morning as husband and wife together?
BECAUSE IT IS A TRADITION!!!!!!!
TRADITION!!!!
one more time
TRADTION
A tradition that lots of people here have never heard of, so how about you calm down.
Lots of terrible things were traditions - hanging the sheets from the wedding night outside to prove the bride was a virgin, comes to mind. Tradition does not equal good.
So a tradition that my family celebrates and has since I can remember is "bad" just because some people have not heard of it? And I can't defend it? I can clearly see why opening presents can be such a horrible tradition one that clearly should be stopped immediately!!!
Sure you can defend it -- but you need reasons aside from "It's tradition!" if you want to be taken seriously. The fact of the matter is, subjecting people who just spent the entire day before (and presumably other days along the way -- bridal shower, etc.) making sure your wedding was as perfect as it could be -- to another event based around YOU and your wedding, comes off as selfish to a lot of people.
My sister opened her gifts and we ate left overs the day after her wedding. But it wasn't a formal "thing" anyone was required to attend. She just said "Hey, if you want to..." but it was very clear there was no expectation of attendance from the beginning. Do you know who came? Her family -- the groom's family. Most of the wedding party moved on with their lives.
No one ever said this was something you are REQUIRED to attend. And it's not a formal thing. How about finding out a little more information about the actual event before you attack it??
I am not attacking the tradition itself -- I am attacking brides and grooms who spring this little event on bridal party members and don't make it clear that it is optional and not formal -- which, if you bothered reading ALL the comments, you would know is the situation with the OP. How about you try reading what you're commenting on, eh?
I have read every single post on this thread. And yes...you and everyone else are attacking the event itself by calling it selfish, ostentacious, rude, self-indulgent, etc.
I don't agree with springing it on the bridesmaid last minute. However, if she's from there (as I assume she is since she called it "Home") and it's a tradition/custom from that area (which I'm also assuming it is since she's heard of it and knows what it is), she should have expected it to be happening. And as part of the wedding party, should have expected to have to go to it.
Actually, in my first post I acknowledged that they could be doing it out of tradition, and if that were the case the bride probably won't care. If the bride actually cares that OP doesn't want to come -- yeah, she is selfish.0 -
wow.... just WOW......
This is fantastic. I wasted 20 mins of my life reading the 'cardio makes you fat' thread and then it's all made better by reading this one....
How many calories in popcorn? :bigsmile:
I heard popcorn is a negative calorie food. :smokin:0 -
Tell your friend and spend time with your family. They should understand.0
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You said you are in the wedding. As in bridesmaid? I think if you weren't in the wedding, you could skip it. But if you are in the wedding party- I think you should go as much as that sucks.
Agree 1 million percent.
You are in the wedding....hate it or not, you are going to have to suck it up and go this time.
Weddings are unique circumstances, in which what YOU want does not matter in the least.
Hell. No. The wedding is OVER after the event. You're not even required to do any of the pre-wedding festivities. I think a gift opening party is tacky, too. Nonetheless, you do not have to go. After my wedding, we had a bbq and the only reason my bridesmaids came was because they're my sisters. My MOH didn't come. ANd I didn't care. She wanted to spend time with her boyfriend and that was just fine. You're not required to do anything, technically, except get a dress and smile for pictures.
Edit to add: Tradition or not, family trumps ex-bride... that's all.0 -
I've heard of it. I think it's obnoxious. "Ohhhh, hey, look at me open up these gifts where people spent money on me! Yay!"
I don't get it. Of course, I'm a "weird" woman. The whole wedding ceremony in general seems selfish and elaborate to me.
If I was your friend, I would totally understand and would encourage you to spend time with your family. I know I'm not #1 priority for anyone.... and just the fact that you took time off and came out to be in the wedding is huge.
I vote to spend time with your family. I would have struggled to give up the family time for the wedding itself!0 -
You said you are in the wedding. As in bridesmaid? I think if you weren't in the wedding, you could skip it. But if you are in the wedding party- I think you should go as much as that sucks.
Agree 1 million percent.
You are in the wedding....hate it or not, you are going to have to suck it up and go this time.
Weddings are unique circumstances, in which what YOU want does not matter in the least.
I disagree 1 million percent. I think if the person is your friend and their wedding festivities have taken the entire time and you're paying to see your family too...then they should be understanding that you need some time with your family. I wouldn't ever have asked that of my wedding party. I'm a FRIEND, not a selfish person. I think it's selfish for them to expect that many days of a wedding. Generally our gift opening was always after the wedding. It just makes more sense. I don't need more "Me me me" time. Having been married twice, divorced twice, I seriously think people make too big a deal over the wedding and not enough over the marriage and family. Those things matter far more.0
This discussion has been closed.
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