I grant then ruin someone's wish...

Shananigans457

Granted: We are all mutes!

Wish: I wish that there were no more school delays because of this yucky weather!

Cindy4FunFit

Granted: the sun comes out & so does your mom's wacky best friend to give you a schooling without delay; she has so many things she wants to get up in your face about. She is wagging her finger at you & will not stop. A freight train of bad advice. Listen & learn.

Wish: to swing dance under a full moon

handyrunner

granted: but that moon is that creepy dude baring his butt in the window..keep step with that!

Wish i would stop mooning people

Cindy4FunFit

Granted: your mooning stops, but only because you've advanced to full on flashing. At the library, no less. For shame.

Wish: throw him some boxers

jaymvita

Granted, you throw Muhammad Ali, George Foreman and Roberto Duran at handy. They're so peeved at having been thrown that they beat him to within an inch of his life. He begs for mercy but the repeated punching drowns out his cries for help. He'll be in a coma for months.

I wish I had a donut right now.

kjm3579

Granted, you have a donut followed by another and another - you can't stop eating them and you become a huge person who can no longer even get out of the house.

I wish I could trade in my wife for a younger woman.

jaymvita

kjm3579 wrote: »

Granted, you have a donut followed by another and another - you can't stop eating them and you become a huge person who can no longer even get out of the house.

I wish I could trade in my wife for a younger woman.

Granted. Your wife has been traded in for an infant girl that will require your care 24/7 for at least the next 18 years. And in a quizzical time/space paradox, she actually turns out to be your wife from another dimensional rift. You go insane from having to wrestle with that ethical quandary.

I wish it was already lunch time.

Cindy4FunFit

Granted: it's time & I'm buying cause that last one was pure gold. But, lunch is poisoned. Sorry.

Wish: the antidote was available...

cblue315

Granted, antidote is here to the rescue. But the antidote requires you to do 10 V-ups, 10 one minute planks and 100 push ups for every person on the planet. Get working, you will have a great core by the time you are done.

I wish for a Cinnabon for lunch, or cake, your choice.

handyrunner

granted you can have both..but both are stale and pretty hard now.

I wish i could skip my next meeting

Cindy4FunFit

Granted: you skip it, but this next meeting was only about announcing your promotion to CFO. A fat salary, corner office & personal jet. Because you were a no show, they gave it to that weasel in accounting you can't tolerate. Didn't your momma teach you to be present?

Wish: for the gift of the present

MaxPower0102

Granted: And time stands still, at this very moment, for all eternity. Every one thanks you, especially me because I was looking at pictures of Jessica Alba!


I wish Jessica Alba was here now

RunTimer

MaxPower0102 wrote: »

I wish Jessica Alba was here now

Granted. She's behind you holding a knife (and not looking too happy)

I wish for snow in June

bggghmnr

Granted, but misunderstood and thought you meant cocaine. Now you're under arrest for possession.

I wish I had a dog.

ldrosophila

Granted but he has uncontrolable dog farts

I wish food was calorie free

kjm3579

Granted, for is now calorie free but water contains 100 calories per tablespoon.

I wish I was vacationing on a tropical island.

bggghmnr

Granted, but boom! volcano.

I wish this work day was over.

kjm3579

Granted, you are now unemployed so your work day is quite over for some time to come.

I wish I had a million dollars.

jaymvita

Granted. One million dollars instantly materializes in your pocket. In pennies. You're buried and suffocating. But you're rich! For all of 11 seconds until you're crushed to death.

I wish I didn't have the fever for the flavor of a Pringles.

Jonesingmucho

Granted. Your fever is cured when you stumble across the other Pringle's marketing campaign "Once you pop, you can't stop." Now, you put your finger in your mouth and repeatedly pop it out against your cheek to make an annoying POP noise.

I wish I could convince anyone to do whatever I wanted them to do.

ldrosophila

Granted but now karma comes back on you triple fold so be careful!

I wish I could get my phone's hotspot to work at my house so I dont have to get an internet provider.

bggghmnr

Granted, but the government watched everything you did on your phone and sent it to your mom.

I wish someone would clean my house before I got home tonight.

Spnneil06

Granted, but only because they had repossessed it!

I wish my hair never tangled!

MaxPower0102

Granted...... you are bald


I wish my fingers would stop getting caught in @Spnneil06 's tangled hair

kjm3579

Granted, your hair is never tangled because you now have lost all of the hair on your body.

I wish it would stop snowing/raining around here.

Shananigans457

Granted: You now live in a climate equivalent to the Sahara Desert.

I wish that dinner would cook itself.

kjm3579

Granted, your dinner is now a raw vegan diet, no cooking ever again.

I still wish for a tropical vacation.

ldrosophila

Granted but in the process it evolved self awareness and now is a sentient being who doesn't want to be eaten

I wish I had one of those ice machines like the kind Sonic uses for their drinks

Cindy4FunFit

Granted: you get the industrial ice machine. Now, you have a line of partying college students, motel 8 occupants, weird neighbors and wayward thirsty souls in a giant line from your kitchen down the block....they heard you've got the ice, man. We like cold beverages, uh-huh, and we're feeling kind of thirsty.

Wish: stick it in the fridge, stick it in the fridge, stick it in the fridge

Unknown

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