Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
Replies
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kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »@orangesmartie I'm really glad you're feeling better today. I hate that feeling that just sucks you down and you can't seem to pull out of it--that's what I'm going through today.
Confession: My favorite ice cream brand (London Dairy, as I mentioned before) just came out with three brand new flavors: Lemon Cake, Spicy Cranberry, and Red Velvet Cheesecake. The Lemon Cake flavor reminded me of all the recent talk of lemon flavored ice creams/gelato in this thread, so I HAD to buy it. The confession is that I bought one pint of each...
I also took a nice big bite out of each to decide whether I liked them. I'm not a big lemon fan, so the Lemon Cake is so-so. The Spicy Cranberry I had serious doubts about, but it's actually pretty awesome, with a spicy kick afterwards. The Red Velvet Cheesecake.. Mmmm.
The Spicy Cranberry seems interesting. When I looked at your food diary I wasn't sure if it was ice cream or a sauce.
Today I bought two more ice creams at Giant which was another Yuengling's Buttered Caramel Popcorn & Turkey Hill's Southern Lemon Pie. I am now banning myself from buying more ice cream unless Giant miraculously starts to stock the Talenti Raspberry Cheesecake.
i picked up the southern lemon pie too!
i haven't tried it yet....trying to pace myself, plus i hate freezer burn, which i get all the time on everything0 -
Glinda1971 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Okay, no one really took me up on our daily motivation, but I am going to go ahead and share progress anyway.
Steps: 19, 903 (vs. 25K goal) due to rain and help at barn, as I didn't do quite as much walking as I might normally due as I had help. +
Never got to my run. I had forgotten my shoes so had clothes but no shoes at barn. So had to come home (kiss of death) and try to motivate myself. Well, after eating, and dealing with a washing machine mess (standing water due to clogged filter from washing bathroom mat that disintegrated) it was 10:00. I just couldn't get myself out then. +
No alcohol +
Did not work on dissertation. For the above reasons.
So not great. Today:
Flying to Dallas on a 6:40 flight (hence being up so early) for a meeting. So... this is really going to be a challenge but going to try to:
Walk 10K
Run 1 hour
Work in dissertation (I will use the plane trip to read some articles I have lined up for my literature review)
No alcohol (this will also be challenging as I am going out with some of my team for 'drinks' as I am in Dallas and we don't see each other much.
So...on 3 hours sleep off I go. I'll probably check in at airport, etc. Have a great day all.
Have a safe trip!!
I was going to take you up on this yesterday but every time I tried to post mfp decided it didn't like me.
Today I'm aiming for:
7,000 steps (it's low but between Saturday and Sunday I did close to 27,000 which is a new record for me)
No alcohol
Get half my long to do list done at work since it's a holiday Wednesday and its month end.
@Glinda1971 Are you in finance, by any chance? I am....next week is our month end. And quarter close. I dread it every month.0 -
I'm going to have to return the protein shake powder I bought at the weekend aren't I? Dammit, one of them was cookies and cream and I was really looking forward to trying it.
I lost most of my weight doing low carb. I eat more carbs now as I'm closer to goal weight. I actually didn't find it too hard to do, as I LOVE meat and cheese and salads. Try not to think about the things you can't have, but focus on what you can have...full fat cheese, ranch dressing, butter, eggs, meat...I hope you find things you like and it isn't too hard for you!!0 -
Well. Just got back from the doctors. Saw a different doctor this time. He said NO carbs. Not even yogurt, he said if I don't lose weight on this, we have a serious problem. I asked him if it could be anything else and he said "Well, we could faff around putting you on different diets, but it seems you have put a lot of time and effort into this already so I recommend you go straight to the jugular and cut carbs. It will work, it will always work. It's hard, and it will suck, it will really suck, but you will lose fat." So I went to the nearest bakery, bought myself an apple and raspberry danish (at 9 in the morning) and ate it while driving to work. If I can't have carbs for the next 2 months, I'm going to end it with something amazing. and it was.
Atta girl!! Good luck and I hope they are able to help you out with this.0 -
orangesmartie wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »kellienw335 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »flyingtanuki wrote: »"How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"
Are you confessing to secret woodchucking?
I don't think woodchucking is generally a secret that would garner a confession... Every time we toss out a piece of paper, we're generally chucking wood. Maybe he's confessing to wasting too much paper.
You win the internet today! Bows down and then run away embarrassed.
lol! Thank you, thank you.pofoster21 wrote: »Guys in case you thought I was dead I am just checking in to say I have to catch up this weekend. Was just to busy the last 2 days. See you tomorrow!
I did notice that you were gone , but assumed that you were having a busy weekend.
@nonoelmo Those pictures are beautiful!
@orangesmartie You encouraged me yesterday, I'm encouraging you today: You can do this! Think positive thoughts and tell yourself that you've got this and that those biscuits have no power over you. I'm sure you'll rock that mountain climb, too!! The walk should be a piece of cake after conquering a mountain, right?
I can have cake after I climb the mountain???
lol! Yes, you can definitely have cake after climbing the mountain. I'll even bake it for you if you want, but I can't guarantee what it'll look or taste like when it arrives there from Saudi Arabia! But I would say that the calorie burn from climbing a mountain would surely buy you an enormous slab of cake.
Woohoo! *plans cake feast*
Actually I already have 2 huge cherry cheesecakes on order from an amazing bakery near my grandmother. We pick then up after the climb and have to transport them 400 miles home to our freezer
Ohhhh man! My favorite!!! Super jealous...0 -
AngryViking1970 wrote: »Holy smokes, you guys! I thought this thread slowed down on the weekends. LOL I have work to do!!! I also have an interview this afternoon for a promotion here, so if you could spare any extra mojo, I'd appreciate it!
*slinks off to catch up*
Good luck at your interview!!!!0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »I've had an interesting challenge handed to me!
I've been pestering my husband and telling him that I want a Fitbit, because I think it'll motivate me to move around more so I can "win" steps and calories. He thinks it's an unnecessary fitness gadget, and that I should probably just move around more by myself.
So, to motivate me a little (since I've been struggling a lot lately, as you all know, and he's been trying to find ways to help me with it) he gave me a challenge: If I can get my weight down to 65 kg by my birthday, he'll buy me a Fitbit. I'm currently at 69.3, and my birthday is on the eighth of October, which means I have 3.5 months to lose 4.3 kilos--very doable.
So, by putting it out here, I'm hoping you guys will help me stay accountable so I can win myself a Fitbit for my birthday! (He'd probably buy it for me anyway, but I really want to win this challenge.)
You are totally gonna win that fitbit!!!0 -
xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »AngryViking1970 wrote: »
+1! I NEED a short work week!
It's only Monday and I absolutely feel this way. I have some vacation days I intend to spend very, very soon. lol0 -
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confession: i'm attempting to "date" again...and it's seemingly terrible. i think staying home, getting drunk and dancing around my kitchen with the dogs might be a way better option.
went out with a dude on saturday evening. went to a local bar for beverages and chatting, and had a really fun time. i'd had a few dates previously that were kinda meh, so i thought ok cool, finally a fun time!
have some beverages, play a bunch of songs on the jukebox (are they still called that?), lots of fun convo and eventually the evening wears down and it's time to call it a night. and dude's like oh, i'm having such a good time with you, let's go back to your place to "snuggle" for a while. (and yes, he literally said snuggle).
ummm...no?
and he starts to get all huffy about it. and i'm like dude, i had a lot of fun on this FIRST date, but i think there should be a few more before i'm inviting you back to my place. and he starts freaking out, wanting to know how i couldn't trust him, he's such a good guy and just liked being with me so much he didn't see what the big deal was. he just wants to hold me and snuggle for awhile! so we argue back and forth about it for a few minutes and finally i say i'm done, have a good night and leave.
seriously? yeah because trying to guilt me into letting you come over to my place is an AWESOME first date.
then i get home and i have all these msg's from him saying he's leaving the dating website he found me on because he just can't handle how ppl are, and what was my problem that i couldn't trust him?!
well duh, we live in the same area, of course that makes him trustworthy!
sigh...0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »AngryViking1970 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Yeah, I'm just a leeetle bit older than you.
How are you managing with your Ramadan fasting?
Just an eeny bit, surely we can still be birthday almost-twins. So far so good! I've had my period for the last few days, so I haven't had to fast, but I'll start fasting again today since it finished off a few hours ago.
And to answer the question before it gets asked: In Islam, it's prescribed in the Quran and hadith that women who have their periods are excused from fasting, most likely due to weakness and blood loss (I also think it's so we can eat during the day, since we tend to crave like crazy and be super-hungry... ); we're also excused from our five daily prayers during our periods. You aren't supposed to make up the prayers (most likely because you'd have like 35 prayers to pray if your period lasted five days!), but you do have to make up the fasts at another time, because it's obligatory to complete the full thirty days of fasting.
You know, I've learned more from you about Islam in the last few months than I have from anyone else anywhere for the last 45 years. LOL
And that makes me happy! The more people learn about what Islam is REALLY about, the less ignorance and hate there will be everywhere. An awesome example is the lady here (sorry, can't remember which one of you it was!) who used my explanations to tell her mother more about Islam--my dawah spreads!
I just want to thank you as well...I have learned SO much from you and look forward to learning more!!0 -
Guys, remember that London Dairy new ice cream flavor I mentioned? The Red Velvet Cheesecake one? IT IS TO DIE FOR. Seriously. It's SO good! It has swirls of ooey gooey red velvet caramel-textured stuff, chunks of a dense, chewy red velvet cake, and generously sized chunks of cheesecake. The ice cream itself has a cream cheese-like taste, similar to cream cheese frosting but not as sweet or rich. SO GOOD.
The other two are okay. I'm just sad that the cheesecake one is finished because I shared it with my husband (he didn't like the other two).0 -
confession: i'm attempting to "date" again...and it's seemingly terrible. i think staying home, getting drunk and dancing around my kitchen with the dogs might be a way better option.
went out with a dude on saturday evening. went to a local bar for beverages and chatting, and had a really fun time. i'd had a few dates previously that were kinda meh, so i thought ok cool, finally a fun time!
have some beverages, play a bunch of songs on the jukebox (are they still called that?), lots of fun convo and eventually the evening wears down and it's time to call it a night. and dude's like oh, i'm having such a good time with you, let's go back to your place to "snuggle" for a while. (and yes, he literally said snuggle).
ummm...no?
and he starts to get all huffy about it. and i'm like dude, i had a lot of fun on this FIRST date, but i think there should be a few more before i'm inviting you back to my place. and he starts freaking out, wanting to know how i couldn't trust him, he's such a good guy and just liked being with me so much he didn't see what the big deal was. he just wants to hold me and snuggle for awhile! so we argue back and forth about it for a few minutes and finally i say i'm done, have a good night and leave.
seriously? yeah because trying to guilt me into letting you come over to my place is an AWESOME first date.
then i get home and i have all these msg's from him saying he's leaving the dating website he found me on because he just can't handle how ppl are, and what was my problem that i couldn't trust him?!
well duh, we live in the same area, of course that makes him trustworthy!
sigh...
Wow, sounds like you did the right thing and just let him go. He sounds a little cra cra if he's gonna act like that on a FIRST date!!0 -
Coastalpath wrote: »This is long so don't expect people to read it - just need to get it out!
Like a lot of other posters here I am going through lots of life stresses at the moment and the last few days have felt very sad, numb and unmotivated. I am ever so slightly eating my feelings 'grief bacon' but am logging it all so I can see it in black and white. My confession today is that I am fed up with never feeling as though I am allowed to be stressed or upset. Work, home, health are all suffering at the moment, but I am just expected to suck it up. If one more person says to me 'it could be worse' I might scream. I am silently screaming and unfortunately the pain is beginning to show on my face. I know things could be worse, just doesn't mean that because someone somewhere has it worse than me that I just have to 'be fine' all the time.
Dealing with mixed emotions is so hard - so happy for friends and loved ones who have fantastic things happening, mixed with my grief and sadness for what I am secretly going through. Not wanting to see friends because I don't want to make them miserable mixed with worrying I am not being a good friend by seeing them and sharing in their joys. Or, worse, that I am making them feel guilty for being happy.
Feels better to 'get it out' but I am so sad at the moment and I just wonder when bad things will stop happening!
You are allowed to feel all of those emotions. I am sorry you are going through such a tough time. Maybe you could try doing something nice just for yourself. A pedicure or a new hair cut something only for you because you DO deserve it!0 -
Busy week coming up so for the stateside folks, can I get a HELLZ YEAH for this 4 day work week?!?!
OF COURSE!!! Happy Independance Day on a Saturday so we can get a three-day weekend! Woo Hoo!!!
And...I took last Friday off - two three day weekends in a row! Yay, me! Then I go on vacation on the 10th. Hee hee, no work for me. LOL0 -
AngryViking1970 wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »spacequiztime wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »I've had an interesting challenge handed to me!
I've been pestering my husband and telling him that I want a Fitbit, because I think it'll motivate me to move around more so I can "win" steps and calories. He thinks it's an unnecessary fitness gadget, and that I should probably just move around more by myself.
So, to motivate me a little (since I've been struggling a lot lately, as you all know, and he's been trying to find ways to help me with it) he gave me a challenge: If I can get my weight down to 65 kg by my birthday, he'll buy me a Fitbit. I'm currently at 69.3, and my birthday is on the eighth of October, which means I have 3.5 months to lose 4.3 kilos--very doable.
So, by putting it out here, I'm hoping you guys will help me stay accountable so I can win myself a Fitbit for my birthday! (He'd probably buy it for me anyway, but I really want to win this challenge.)
Whoo! You can totally do that:D. We'll be your cheerleaders but everyone better watch out since I have no rhythm.
Do you have a Fitbit in mind if you win?
I have the Flex & love that it counts my steps & does motivate me if I find I haven't moved a lot during my workdays (on my days off I can be pretty lazy). I also love that you can set your goal & it shows how many calories my TDEE is for the day & it displays how many I could eat if I wanted to net my goal. I usually eat around 1700-1800 & then on my days off I plan on eating around 2100-2200.
Now if the Jawbone 3 is more accurate I might spring for that one once it hits the stores.
I do! I don't remember what name it has, but I know it costs one hundred U.S. dollars and counts your steps as well as altitude (as in, gives you more calories for climbing stairs!). It also gives your TDEE and such, according to the specs I read.
As an update to how I've done so far this week: Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday were all at maintenance. I struggled, but I pushed really hard to stay at maintenance so I at least wouldn't gain more. As of Wednesday morning, I weighed 70.8 kg.
Thursday, Friday, and Saturday were all awesome (calorie-wise, that is) and I kept my deficit (400 calorie deficit) perfectly, and even had ice cream! (It's already Sunday here, almost 2 A.M.) When I weighed in this morning, I was 69.3.
Yes, I think it might be that one. I'll need to go and check, but I'm pretty sure that was it.
I have the One too. I started with the Flex but I developed a rash from it...in fact, a lot of people did. So many that Fitbit actually offered an exchange for a different model or a full refund to anyone who experienced a rash. I didn't want to abandon it altogether so I opted for the exchange for the One. No rash...I'm happy!
I also have the One. Love it.
Me, too. I clip it in my bra and no one ever sees it.
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AngryViking1970 wrote: »Holy smokes, you guys! I thought this thread slowed down on the weekends. LOL I have work to do!!! I also have an interview this afternoon for a promotion here, so if you could spare any extra mojo, I'd appreciate it!
*slinks off to catch up*
Good luck in your interview you'll do super great!0 -
xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »Coastalpath wrote: »This is long so don't expect people to read it - just need to get it out!
Like a lot of other posters here I am going through lots of life stresses at the moment and the last few days have felt very sad, numb and unmotivated. I am ever so slightly eating my feelings 'grief bacon' but am logging it all so I can see it in black and white. My confession today is that I am fed up with never feeling as though I am allowed to be stressed or upset. Work, home, health are all suffering at the moment, but I am just expected to suck it up. If one more person says to me 'it could be worse' I might scream. I am silently screaming and unfortunately the pain is beginning to show on my face. I know things could be worse, just doesn't mean that because someone somewhere has it worse than me that I just have to 'be fine' all the time.
Dealing with mixed emotions is so hard - so happy for friends and loved ones who have fantastic things happening, mixed with my grief and sadness for what I am secretly going through. Not wanting to see friends because I don't want to make them miserable mixed with worrying I am not being a good friend by seeing them and sharing in their joys. Or, worse, that I am making them feel guilty for being happy.
Feels better to 'get it out' but I am so sad at the moment and I just wonder when bad things will stop happening!
Your feelings are valid. What you are going through is real and it is difficult for you. We understand and I am sure we have all been there at some point. You ARE allowed to feel this way and you ARE allowed to vent.
Yup. This! Hugs to you.
Coastal (responding to the first post since I never saw it) I feel the same. I pretty much feel like I'm drowning. I'm expected to be the rock for everyone, and most of the time I stoically am. But times like right now, I just want to scream and cry and throw a fit. I want someone to comfort ME and no one is. I'm supposed to hold it together and do 1,000 different things well every day, without fail or exception.
I joke with people a lot that it sucks to be me, because I don't get a "down day", but it's true. I'm expected to be on point 24/7 and I'm struggling. I get the "count your blessings" and "it could be worse" a LOT. Yes, it could be. In the scheme of things, what bothers me could be construed as petty. It doesn't mean it hurts less or I'm less upset. I am grateful for what I have, but aren't I also allowed to be upset too?!
Warning- the below will make me sound like an ungrateful brat. I know this, but they are MY feelings. I'm working on processing them, but it takes time.
I found out on Saturday that good friends of ours (who have 2 boys about the same age as us) are wanting a 3rd. They want to try for a girl. They previously said they were done but the DH changed his mind. I went upstairs and cried. I have wanted 3 kids since I was little. DH said no, 2 was all he could take. He got a vasectomy last Nov so there will only be 2. I agreed because I don't believe in forcing someone to have more kids if they don't want to. I'm not the only one involved in the decision. DH also swore we could look into adopting, which helped ease my feelings about the V.
I have regretted it EVERY DAY since. When I see parents out with 3 or more kids, I'm envious. If one or more is a girl, I am so jealous. I want a daughter. I always have. I love my boys so much, but there is a part of me that will always hurt because I wanted a girl. Both times, the u/s tech told me they were girls and I was blissful for a few weeks until told they were boys. They will never know. I will NEVER tell them they aren't "enough" for me, because they are. I am grateful they are both here and healthy and I would NOT trade them for anything, but I feel a twinge every time I look at a girl or girl baby. DH has also now decided he doesn't want to adopt, so I feel a bit of a pang of "bait and switch" sometimes when I think about it. Mostly I want 3 kids, but not gonna lie, a girl would be awesome.
I feel so alone, because DH is d-o-n-e. 2 is enough for him, he doesn't remotely want a 3rd. Talking to him about it doesn't help, because he has a hard time sympathizing with me. Ok, so he joked around and said I could get a dog to "mother". I agreed. Now last night he is reneging and saying "well, we can get a dog when we get x, y, and z done around the house". This will literally be YEARS. He knows this. Bait and switch #2.
He also said I could look into getting a new car within the month. So I've been plotting out savings, trade-in value, etc. This past weekend he decided nope, my Jeep runs fine for now and maybe we'll think about it in 6 months. Bait and switch #3.
I'm frustrated, I'm sad, I feel like everything I want always comes last after everyone else, and yes I know this is all first world problems, but right now it's rough. On top of it, I'm dieting strictly, so I think I'm just in a funk and crabby from that too. It's the one thing I feel like I'm succeeding at, though, so I don't want to give it up. I have 10.5 lb to go. I'm SO close. I just want to accomplish Something, ya know?
*ok, sorry for the pathetic vent. Carry on*
This doesn't sound like a partnership to me, more like a dictatorship. This would not be OK with me. Hugs to you.0 -
confession: i'm attempting to "date" again...and it's seemingly terrible. i think staying home, getting drunk and dancing around my kitchen with the dogs might be a way better option.
went out with a dude on saturday evening. went to a local bar for beverages and chatting, and had a really fun time. i'd had a few dates previously that were kinda meh, so i thought ok cool, finally a fun time!
have some beverages, play a bunch of songs on the jukebox (are they still called that?), lots of fun convo and eventually the evening wears down and it's time to call it a night. and dude's like oh, i'm having such a good time with you, let's go back to your place to "snuggle" for a while. (and yes, he literally said snuggle).
ummm...no?
and he starts to get all huffy about it. and i'm like dude, i had a lot of fun on this FIRST date, but i think there should be a few more before i'm inviting you back to my place. and he starts freaking out, wanting to know how i couldn't trust him, he's such a good guy and just liked being with me so much he didn't see what the big deal was. he just wants to hold me and snuggle for awhile! so we argue back and forth about it for a few minutes and finally i say i'm done, have a good night and leave.
seriously? yeah because trying to guilt me into letting you come over to my place is an AWESOME first date.
then i get home and i have all these msg's from him saying he's leaving the dating website he found me on because he just can't handle how ppl are, and what was my problem that i couldn't trust him?!
well duh, we live in the same area, of course that makes him trustworthy!
sigh...
UGH Why are some men such crazies?! Seriously. Before I met my SO now I went out with a guy and I was so excited because he seemed totally normal and down to earth and the date was going so well! We did end up going back to my apartment (because we met at a bar right down the street from me and he already knew where I lived) and watched a movie. He got angry and I had to kick him out because I wouldn't sleep with him ON THE FIRST DATE!! Okay so if it felt right and people BOTH want to on the first date then hey it's your world who am I to judge? But to get angry with me because I'm not feeling it on the first date? Um no, CRAZY! Needless to say never saw him again. Sorry @KylerJaye but you have to get through the frogs to get to the prince!0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »Guys, remember that London Dairy new ice cream flavor I mentioned? The Red Velvet Cheesecake one? IT IS TO DIE FOR. Seriously. It's SO good! It has swirls of ooey gooey red velvet caramel-textured stuff, chunks of a dense, chewy red velvet cake, and generously sized chunks of cheesecake. The ice cream itself has a cream cheese-like taste, similar to cream cheese frosting but not as sweet or rich. SO GOOD.
The other two are okay. I'm just sad that the cheesecake one is finished because I shared it with my husband (he didn't like the other two).
Oh man oh man this sounds soooo yummy!!0 -
Stopping by to say I was totally judging the guy in my left who kept his elbow on the arm rest and ordered a gin at 7 am!!!!0
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@Coastalpath and @xLoveLikeWinterx I'm sorry you're both struggling right now- what you're feeling is perfectly acceptable as they're YOUR feelings, please don't let anyone try and tell you what you can and cannot feel. I totally understand the whole "it could be worse". Yes it could be but this is your reality and what you live in every day. I hope things pan out for both of you (((many hugs)))0
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Susieq_1994 wrote: »AngryViking1970 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Yeah, I'm just a leeetle bit older than you.
How are you managing with your Ramadan fasting?
Just an eeny bit, surely we can still be birthday almost-twins. So far so good! I've had my period for the last few days, so I haven't had to fast, but I'll start fasting again today since it finished off a few hours ago.
And to answer the question before it gets asked: In Islam, it's prescribed in the Quran and hadith that women who have their periods are excused from fasting, most likely due to weakness and blood loss (I also think it's so we can eat during the day, since we tend to crave like crazy and be super-hungry... ); we're also excused from our five daily prayers during our periods. You aren't supposed to make up the prayers (most likely because you'd have like 35 prayers to pray if your period lasted five days!), but you do have to make up the fasts at another time, because it's obligatory to complete the full thirty days of fasting.
You know, I've learned more from you about Islam in the last few months than I have from anyone else anywhere for the last 45 years. LOL
And that makes me happy! The more people learn about what Islam is REALLY about, the less ignorance and hate there will be everywhere. An awesome example is the lady here (sorry, can't remember which one of you it was!) who used my explanations to tell her mother more about Islam--my dawah spreads!
Your dawah truly does spread! I was sharing all this information with my husband this weekend. He thought it was all very interesting.
ETA: I can't believe your husband is a lurker and you never mentioned it before!0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »Coastalpath wrote: »This is long so don't expect people to read it - just need to get it out!
Like a lot of other posters here I am going through lots of life stresses at the moment and the last few days have felt very sad, numb and unmotivated. I am ever so slightly eating my feelings 'grief bacon' but am logging it all so I can see it in black and white. My confession today is that I am fed up with never feeling as though I am allowed to be stressed or upset. Work, home, health are all suffering at the moment, but I am just expected to suck it up. If one more person says to me 'it could be worse' I might scream. I am silently screaming and unfortunately the pain is beginning to show on my face. I know things could be worse, just doesn't mean that because someone somewhere has it worse than me that I just have to 'be fine' all the time.
Dealing with mixed emotions is so hard - so happy for friends and loved ones who have fantastic things happening, mixed with my grief and sadness for what I am secretly going through. Not wanting to see friends because I don't want to make them miserable mixed with worrying I am not being a good friend by seeing them and sharing in their joys. Or, worse, that I am making them feel guilty for being happy.
Feels better to 'get it out' but I am so sad at the moment and I just wonder when bad things will stop happening!
Your feelings are valid. What you are going through is real and it is difficult for you. We understand and I am sure we have all been there at some point. You ARE allowed to feel this way and you ARE allowed to vent.
Yup. This! Hugs to you.
Coastal (responding to the first post since I never saw it) I feel the same. I pretty much feel like I'm drowning. I'm expected to be the rock for everyone, and most of the time I stoically am. But times like right now, I just want to scream and cry and throw a fit. I want someone to comfort ME and no one is. I'm supposed to hold it together and do 1,000 different things well every day, without fail or exception.
I joke with people a lot that it sucks to be me, because I don't get a "down day", but it's true. I'm expected to be on point 24/7 and I'm struggling. I get the "count your blessings" and "it could be worse" a LOT. Yes, it could be. In the scheme of things, what bothers me could be construed as petty. It doesn't mean it hurts less or I'm less upset. I am grateful for what I have, but aren't I also allowed to be upset too?!
Warning- the below will make me sound like an ungrateful brat. I know this, but they are MY feelings. I'm working on processing them, but it takes time.
I found out on Saturday that good friends of ours (who have 2 boys about the same age as us) are wanting a 3rd. They want to try for a girl. They previously said they were done but the DH changed his mind. I went upstairs and cried. I have wanted 3 kids since I was little. DH said no, 2 was all he could take. He got a vasectomy last Nov so there will only be 2. I agreed because I don't believe in forcing someone to have more kids if they don't want to. I'm not the only one involved in the decision. DH also swore we could look into adopting, which helped ease my feelings about the V.
I have regretted it EVERY DAY since. When I see parents out with 3 or more kids, I'm envious. If one or more is a girl, I am so jealous. I want a daughter. I always have. I love my boys so much, but there is a part of me that will always hurt because I wanted a girl. Both times, the u/s tech told me they were girls and I was blissful for a few weeks until told they were boys. They will never know. I will NEVER tell them they aren't "enough" for me, because they are. I am grateful they are both here and healthy and I would NOT trade them for anything, but I feel a twinge every time I look at a girl or girl baby. DH has also now decided he doesn't want to adopt, so I feel a bit of a pang of "bait and switch" sometimes when I think about it. Mostly I want 3 kids, but not gonna lie, a girl would be awesome.
I feel so alone, because DH is d-o-n-e. 2 is enough for him, he doesn't remotely want a 3rd. Talking to him about it doesn't help, because he has a hard time sympathizing with me. Ok, so he joked around and said I could get a dog to "mother". I agreed. Now last night he is reneging and saying "well, we can get a dog when we get x, y, and z done around the house". This will literally be YEARS. He knows this. Bait and switch #2.
He also said I could look into getting a new car within the month. So I've been plotting out savings, trade-in value, etc. This past weekend he decided nope, my Jeep runs fine for now and maybe we'll think about it in 6 months. Bait and switch #3.
I'm frustrated, I'm sad, I feel like everything I want always comes last after everyone else, and yes I know this is all first world problems, but right now it's rough. On top of it, I'm dieting strictly, so I think I'm just in a funk and crabby from that too. It's the one thing I feel like I'm succeeding at, though, so I don't want to give it up. I have 10.5 lb to go. I'm SO close. I just want to accomplish Something, ya know?
*ok, sorry for the pathetic vent. Carry on*
This doesn't sound like a partnership to me, more like a dictatorship. This would not be OK with me. Hugs to you.
I'm so sorry for you! I'm kind of thinking the same thing that Quik said..
Sending hugs!0 -
AngryViking1970 wrote: »Holy smokes, you guys! I thought this thread slowed down on the weekends. LOL I have work to do!!! I also have an interview this afternoon for a promotion here, so if you could spare any extra mojo, I'd appreciate it!
*slinks off to catch up*
Good luck with your interview! You'll do super great!0 -
confession: i'm attempting to "date" again...and it's seemingly terrible. i think staying home, getting drunk and dancing around my kitchen with the dogs might be a way better option.
went out with a dude on saturday evening. went to a local bar for beverages and chatting, and had a really fun time. i'd had a few dates previously that were kinda meh, so i thought ok cool, finally a fun time!
have some beverages, play a bunch of songs on the jukebox (are they still called that?), lots of fun convo and eventually the evening wears down and it's time to call it a night. and dude's like oh, i'm having such a good time with you, let's go back to your place to "snuggle" for a while. (and yes, he literally said snuggle).
ummm...no?
and he starts to get all huffy about it. and i'm like dude, i had a lot of fun on this FIRST date, but i think there should be a few more before i'm inviting you back to my place. and he starts freaking out, wanting to know how i couldn't trust him, he's such a good guy and just liked being with me so much he didn't see what the big deal was. he just wants to hold me and snuggle for awhile! so we argue back and forth about it for a few minutes and finally i say i'm done, have a good night and leave.
seriously? yeah because trying to guilt me into letting you come over to my place is an AWESOME first date.
then i get home and i have all these msg's from him saying he's leaving the dating website he found me on because he just can't handle how ppl are, and what was my problem that i couldn't trust him?!
well duh, we live in the same area, of course that makes him trustworthy!
sigh...
Wow! Weirdo! There are good guys out there! Don't give up!0
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