Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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Well, I'm not sure why everyone says cats are so clean - they're just covered in cat spit.Italian_Buju wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »My poor pup has been so sick for a week now, just kinda tired and lethargic, plus a little sick to his stomach. Still eating (for the most part), but nothing seems to agree with him. Trying to get him in to see the vet in the next day or two - hopefully it's nothing serious and he just ate something bad! He might be almost seven years old, but he's still my baby
Hope it's just a passing thing and he's back to normal soon!
Mine have a nasty habit of eating *ahem* excrement (not sure if it's their own or the other dogs', not that it matters) which sometimes causes issues, although not as often as you'd expect.
It takes a strong stomach to clean up a puddle of vomited feces, let me tell you.
(Sorry if this post puts anyone off their lunch)
I worked at a doggie daycare for a while before I had my son and let me tell you, there were many days where I thought I was going to lose my lunch trying to clean up after the dogs would get sick from eating too much poop. OMG, seriously so disgusting!!!
OMG, that sounds awful! My mom has a kennel, and she's only had two dogs over the years that liked eating poop - Luckily Jazz isn't one of them, although he doesn't mind eating nasty stuff in the woods when we're hiking/camping, and he has no qualms about cleaning up if one of the cats eats too fast and throws it up. Love him, but dogs can be so gross.
Normally I wouldn't worry, but he usually has a stomach of steel; so I figure anything that could make him this sick for a week is a pretty bad sign
I hate waiting too, right now I'm just waiting for the vet to decide whether he has to come in, or if there's another over the counter remedy that we can try. Just call me back already!
Wow..only 2 dogs..how lucky of her!!! We had so many dogs that just loved eating it! There were some dogs that only liked certain other dog's poo and they would actually see that dog getting ready to head out(we left the back door open for the dogs to go in/out as needed) and they would actually follow them out to eat it. WARNING: GROSS---> There was this one Pug that would actually would eat it "fresh" out of the oven...if you know what I mean...always reminded me of a kid squirting Easy Cheese from the can into his mouth. *Shivers* And sorry if I grossed anyone out.
Let us know if/when he gets to the vet and how things turn out.
I have never had a dog, only cats....I think it will stay that way forever.....why are dogs so gross,, wtf??
Dogs are indeed gross, though. Agreed.
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If it makes you feel better, most of the people I know who have had weight loss surgery suffered in vain as they eventually gained back most or more than they initially lost. One is still doing well, the jury is still out on another but 4 are no better off now than they were before. It may work for some people but it doesn't work for everyone.karenwill2 wrote: »I resent people that have weight loss surgery. I feel like they are cheating. Not because they are taking the easy way out, but that they have the option. The most difficult way is my absolute only option ever. I suffer from envy.
It takes a lifestyle change to change your life.
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Italian_Buju wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »My poor pup has been so sick for a week now, just kinda tired and lethargic, plus a little sick to his stomach. Still eating (for the most part), but nothing seems to agree with him. Trying to get him in to see the vet in the next day or two - hopefully it's nothing serious and he just ate something bad! He might be almost seven years old, but he's still my baby
Hope it's just a passing thing and he's back to normal soon!
Mine have a nasty habit of eating *ahem* excrement (not sure if it's their own or the other dogs', not that it matters) which sometimes causes issues, although not as often as you'd expect.
It takes a strong stomach to clean up a puddle of vomited feces, let me tell you.
(Sorry if this post puts anyone off their lunch)
I worked at a doggie daycare for a while before I had my son and let me tell you, there were many days where I thought I was going to lose my lunch trying to clean up after the dogs would get sick from eating too much poop. OMG, seriously so disgusting!!!
OMG, that sounds awful! My mom has a kennel, and she's only had two dogs over the years that liked eating poop - Luckily Jazz isn't one of them, although he doesn't mind eating nasty stuff in the woods when we're hiking/camping, and he has no qualms about cleaning up if one of the cats eats too fast and throws it up. Love him, but dogs can be so gross.
Normally I wouldn't worry, but he usually has a stomach of steel; so I figure anything that could make him this sick for a week is a pretty bad sign I hate waiting too, right now I'm just waiting for the vet to decide whether he has to come in, or if there's another over the counter remedy that we can try. Just call me back already!
Wow..only 2 dogs..how lucky of her!!! We had so many dogs that just loved eating it! There were some dogs that only liked certain other dog's poo and they would actually see that dog getting ready to head out(we left the back door open for the dogs to go in/out as needed) and they would actually follow them out to eat it. WARNING: GROSS---> There was this one Pug that would actually would eat it "fresh" out of the oven...if you know what I mean...always reminded me of a kid squirting Easy Cheese from the can into his mouth. *Shivers* And sorry if I grossed anyone out.
Let us know if/when he gets to the vet and how things turn out.
I have never had a dog, only cats....I think it will stay that way forever.....why are dogs so gross,, wtf??
Haha, I don't know. They can be pretty gross...but so awesome too!0 -
Well, I'm not sure why everyone says cats are so clean - they're just covered in cat spit.Italian_Buju wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »My poor pup has been so sick for a week now, just kinda tired and lethargic, plus a little sick to his stomach. Still eating (for the most part), but nothing seems to agree with him. Trying to get him in to see the vet in the next day or two - hopefully it's nothing serious and he just ate something bad! He might be almost seven years old, but he's still my baby
Hope it's just a passing thing and he's back to normal soon!
Mine have a nasty habit of eating *ahem* excrement (not sure if it's their own or the other dogs', not that it matters) which sometimes causes issues, although not as often as you'd expect.
It takes a strong stomach to clean up a puddle of vomited feces, let me tell you.
(Sorry if this post puts anyone off their lunch)
I worked at a doggie daycare for a while before I had my son and let me tell you, there were many days where I thought I was going to lose my lunch trying to clean up after the dogs would get sick from eating too much poop. OMG, seriously so disgusting!!!
OMG, that sounds awful! My mom has a kennel, and she's only had two dogs over the years that liked eating poop - Luckily Jazz isn't one of them, although he doesn't mind eating nasty stuff in the woods when we're hiking/camping, and he has no qualms about cleaning up if one of the cats eats too fast and throws it up. Love him, but dogs can be so gross.
Normally I wouldn't worry, but he usually has a stomach of steel; so I figure anything that could make him this sick for a week is a pretty bad sign I hate waiting too, right now I'm just waiting for the vet to decide whether he has to come in, or if there's another over the counter remedy that we can try. Just call me back already!
Wow..only 2 dogs..how lucky of her!!! We had so many dogs that just loved eating it! There were some dogs that only liked certain other dog's poo and they would actually see that dog getting ready to head out(we left the back door open for the dogs to go in/out as needed) and they would actually follow them out to eat it. WARNING: GROSS---> There was this one Pug that would actually would eat it "fresh" out of the oven...if you know what I mean...always reminded me of a kid squirting Easy Cheese from the can into his mouth. *Shivers* And sorry if I grossed anyone out.
Let us know if/when he gets to the vet and how things turn out.
I have never had a dog, only cats....I think it will stay that way forever.....why are dogs so gross,, wtf??
Dogs are indeed gross, though. Agreed.
my dog plankton would always go after the cats litter box. the cat is long gone, but now wolverine is always going after planktons poo and leaving bits here and there. drives me crazy.0 -
kelly_c_77 wrote: »kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »My poor pup has been so sick for a week now, just kinda tired and lethargic, plus a little sick to his stomach. Still eating (for the most part), but nothing seems to agree with him. Trying to get him in to see the vet in the next day or two - hopefully it's nothing serious and he just ate something bad! He might be almost seven years old, but he's still my baby
Hope it's just a passing thing and he's back to normal soon!
Mine have a nasty habit of eating *ahem* excrement (not sure if it's their own or the other dogs', not that it matters) which sometimes causes issues, although not as often as you'd expect.
It takes a strong stomach to clean up a puddle of vomited feces, let me tell you.
(Sorry if this post puts anyone off their lunch)
I worked at a doggie daycare for a while before I had my son and let me tell you, there were many days where I thought I was going to lose my lunch trying to clean up after the dogs would get sick from eating too much poop. OMG, seriously so disgusting!!!
OMG, that sounds awful! My mom has a kennel, and she's only had two dogs over the years that liked eating poop - Luckily Jazz isn't one of them, although he doesn't mind eating nasty stuff in the woods when we're hiking/camping, and he has no qualms about cleaning up if one of the cats eats too fast and throws it up. Love him, but dogs can be so gross.
Normally I wouldn't worry, but he usually has a stomach of steel; so I figure anything that could make him this sick for a week is a pretty bad sign I hate waiting too, right now I'm just waiting for the vet to decide whether he has to come in, or if there's another over the counter remedy that we can try. Just call me back already!
My mom's dog who is a silky terrier loves to eat poop. I swear she's messed up. She even once waited until I got a Kleenex to clean up some poop & when she saw I had the Kleenex she hurried up & ate it. Chewy also has OCD but that's another story.
My family has a maltese poodle named Max- he looooves to sniff his own poop (I haven't seen him eat it yet) and he also LOVES to eat tissues and toilet paper! My brothers and parents have to be very careful to make sure the roll of toilet paper is out of his reach and no one leaves tissues lying around or he'll eat them!
Our Dachshund (RIP) used to eat toilet paper too! But it was always for attention...because he would only do it when we had guests over. It was like his way of saying, "Hey everyone, look at me..look what I can do"! We had to start either keeping the bathroom doors closed or putting the toilet paper out of his reach.
Haha aww poor little guy just wanted some attention!0 -
I'll explain how I learned this.Thanks @noaddedsugarx I look forward to all your new (to me) vocabulary!!
My exhubby is from Ireland - the words he used/uses:
a kitchen cupboard is a press
a trash can is a bin
a gas station is a garage
a sweater is a jumper
the letter z is zed
the number 3 is not three but tree
one person can be addressed as "you" but more than one is "yous"
edit to add:
sneakers or tennis shoes are runners
My SO is English and we always joke if we ever had kids and it was a boy we'd name him Zed because he doesn't understand the letter "Z" and I don't get how one letter can be a word!
Also one time we were facetiming and I told him I was going to have to borrow a pair of pants from my sister as it was colder out than I thought it would be and I had only packed shorts. He cracked up and I had no idea until he quit long enough to say "I knew what you meant when you said pants but I couldn't help laughing because here we use the word pants to mean underwear" I still get a kick out of that! It's just so foreign to me I had no idea!
A piece of advice for you. Don't comment on your 'fanny' if you happen to be in the UK. If you don't know why, ask your bf, he'll explain! Fanny-pack is also a no-no!
I was about 21 and one of a bunch of British summer students working on a summer camp in Connecticut (sp?). It was a horse camp, and on the first day we were in a big riding arena trotting the girls around on their ponies. Suddenly the instructor shouted out "Come on girls, SQUISH THOSE FANNIES INTO THE SADDLE!!" You can imagine we were all a cross between hysterical and mortified!
That is AWESOME! I can only imagine haha! And yes you spelled Connecticut correctly!
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Carlos_421 wrote: »xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »
You're not missing anything. We have Church's Chicken, Popeye's, KFC all around me... they all stink. Not worth the calories.
TAKE IT BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!
Popeyes Cajun fries are among the best ever. The chicken strips are fantastic as well.
I miss Popeye's gravy. Don't live anywhere near one anymore, and I doubt I could make it fit even if I did, but it was closer to what I'd make at home than the grease curd at KFC.0 -
Confession...
I love butter and cheese. When I was in high school I'd melt an entire block of chedar cheese and eat it with a fork.
I also been known to take bites out of real butter sticks.
Reforming fat kid problems...
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My friend's dog does this - Apparently it's a submission thing for them to eat the other dog's poop. So glad ours don't do this. Ugh!spacequiztime wrote: »
The first time I watched my brother's dog, I came home from school and wondered if there was something wrong with my cat because there was a big mess in his litter box and no poop.
My family has a maltese poodle named Max- he looooves to sniff his own poop (I haven't seen him eat it yet) and he also LOVES to eat tissues and toilet paper! My brothers and parents have to be very careful to make sure the roll of toilet paper is out of his reach and no one leaves tissues lying around or he'll eat them!kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »My poor pup has been so sick for a week now, just kinda tired and lethargic, plus a little sick to his stomach. Still eating (for the most part), but nothing seems to agree with him. Trying to get him in to see the vet in the next day or two - hopefully it's nothing serious and he just ate something bad! He might be almost seven years old, but he's still my baby
Hope it's just a passing thing and he's back to normal soon!
Mine have a nasty habit of eating *ahem* excrement (not sure if it's their own or the other dogs', not that it matters) which sometimes causes issues, although not as often as you'd expect.
It takes a strong stomach to clean up a puddle of vomited feces, let me tell you.
(Sorry if this post puts anyone off their lunch)
I worked at a doggie daycare for a while before I had my son and let me tell you, there were many days where I thought I was going to lose my lunch trying to clean up after the dogs would get sick from eating too much poop. OMG, seriously so disgusting!!!
OMG, that sounds awful! My mom has a kennel, and she's only had two dogs over the years that liked eating poop - Luckily Jazz isn't one of them, although he doesn't mind eating nasty stuff in the woods when we're hiking/camping, and he has no qualms about cleaning up if one of the cats eats too fast and throws it up. Love him, but dogs can be so gross.
Normally I wouldn't worry, but he usually has a stomach of steel; so I figure anything that could make him this sick for a week is a pretty bad sign I hate waiting too, right now I'm just waiting for the vet to decide whether he has to come in, or if there's another over the counter remedy that we can try. Just call me back already!
My mom's dog who is a silky terrier loves to eat poop. I swear she's messed up. She even once waited until I got a Kleenex to clean up some poop & when she saw I had the Kleenex she hurried up & ate it. Chewy also has OCD but that's another story.
I ended up having to shut the dog out of my room when I realized what happened.
Church's Chicken has the best biscuits, crappy chicken though.
Dogs love cat poop. My chihuahua used to occasionally grab a snack without me knowing, and them try to give me a kiss. Ugh. Best reason to keep a litter box clean!
My boss has a dog that will try to grab the other dogs' poo. During the winter she calls them Poopsicles.
Dogs are crazy sometimes.
Do any of your dogs really enjoy underwear out of the dirty laundry basket? Nasty!
Umm, yeah (hides head in shame). Our jack Russell is terrible about this.
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Leslierussell4134 wrote: »Confession...
I love butter and cheese. When I was in high school I'd melt an entire block of chedar cheese and eat it with a fork.
I also been known to take bites out of real butter sticks.
Reforming fat kid problems...
Hey... I hate to cook and don't eat meat... I might try this.
@bkhamill hope you have a great vacation (although it has already started by this time)
Good luck to all of you who are going to start limiting your alcohol consumption. And, if this turns out to be more difficult than you think it should be, don't be afraid to seek help.0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »
Thanks, it is getting better, the bruise is much uglier, so that means it came up to the surface more and is now much less painful today.
Glad to hear it is improving because it looks painful. But, you still haven't told us what you did to earn that nasty injury! Just being nosy.
Umm... it is embarrasing. I was using my elyptical (the as a step to reach something, and the darn thing spun around and threw me off.
I have a scar on my elbow from a treadmill, where I was trying to jump off to join an exercise class I was late for. I thought I hit the 'off' button, but didn't, stepped back on it to get off, it caught me, I went flying but being an idiot I grabbed the hand rail, and lay on the moving treadmill with my skin on my elbow getting ripped off before I realized I should just let go and fly off the treadmill. It was SO embarrassing. And then I had to fill out an incident report, everyone came running over, etc.
I once also went to do a push up, my elbow gave out and I fell on my face. I was a teenager working out at home. I gave myself a fat lip. I refused to go to school until it went down as I didn't want anyone to know I gave myself a fat lip trying to do a push up (oh, the irony).
Lol I've secretly always wanted to see someone fly off the treadmill.. glad you're ok tho
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pofoster21 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »
Thanks, it is getting better, the bruise is much uglier, so that means it came up to the surface more and is now much less painful today.
Glad to hear it is improving because it looks painful. But, you still haven't told us what you did to earn that nasty injury! Just being nosy.
Umm... it is embarrasing. I was using my elyptical (the as a step to reach something, and the darn thing spun around and threw me off.
I have a scar on my elbow from a treadmill, where I was trying to jump off to join an exercise class I was late for. I thought I hit the 'off' button, but didn't, stepped back on it to get off, it caught me, I went flying but being an idiot I grabbed the hand rail, and lay on the moving treadmill with my skin on my elbow getting ripped off before I realized I should just let go and fly off the treadmill. It was SO embarrassing. And then I had to fill out an incident report, everyone came running over, etc.
I once also went to do a push up, my elbow gave out and I fell on my face. I was a teenager working out at home. I gave myself a fat lip. I refused to go to school until it went down as I didn't want anyone to know I gave myself a fat lip trying to do a push up (oh, the irony).
At least we have something to look back and laugh about huh?
Well, folks, I am officially on vacation in 5 minutes! I am probably never going to be able to catch back up on this thread when I return in a week, but I will try, if it is too bad I may just have to skip ahead. Have a good week all, and the relaxed, hopefully somewhat tanned version of me will be back next week!
Enjoy your vacation, take some pics to share with us when you come back!
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annette_15 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »
Thanks, it is getting better, the bruise is much uglier, so that means it came up to the surface more and is now much less painful today.
Glad to hear it is improving because it looks painful. But, you still haven't told us what you did to earn that nasty injury! Just being nosy.
Umm... it is embarrasing. I was using my elyptical (the as a step to reach something, and the darn thing spun around and threw me off.
I have a scar on my elbow from a treadmill, where I was trying to jump off to join an exercise class I was late for. I thought I hit the 'off' button, but didn't, stepped back on it to get off, it caught me, I went flying but being an idiot I grabbed the hand rail, and lay on the moving treadmill with my skin on my elbow getting ripped off before I realized I should just let go and fly off the treadmill. It was SO embarrassing. And then I had to fill out an incident report, everyone came running over, etc.
I once also went to do a push up, my elbow gave out and I fell on my face. I was a teenager working out at home. I gave myself a fat lip. I refused to go to school until it went down as I didn't want anyone to know I gave myself a fat lip trying to do a push up (oh, the irony).
Lol I've secretly always wanted to see someone fly off the treadmill.. glad you're ok tho
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pofoster21 wrote: »bainsworth1a wrote: »IAmTheGlue wrote: »kellienw335 wrote: »Finally caught up! My confession is I've been drinking too much...every single day for quite awhile. I am making a commitment to not drink Monday through Thursday this week. Please think good thoughts for me!
ETA: A little embarrassed to admit this quasi publicly, but hoping admitting it on here will make me face reality. Since I know there are several of you that have admitted to stopping for good.
You are so not judged. I'm thinking about (not yet committed to ) a dry June. Yes, it is a big enough of a deal to not drink for an entire month for me but June is my worst month. My dad died 3 years ago on his and my mother's 43rd wedding anniversary, right after Father's Day. I tend to drink and cry from one to the other. I try to keep that as discrete as possible (the drinking, not the crying ) so I'm not a super horrible example to my kids but seriously, it is excessive and it needs to stop.
You are not alone. Many people struggle with cutting back on drinking.
I am sorry for your loss. My father died right after 4th of july 1990 and I still morn him. He was a shot and a beer guy and drank every night before he went to bed. I toast him with a shot and a beer on 4th of july and on his birthday in October. It makes me feel better to keep this ritual in his memory.
My dad died 26 years ago this June, 3 days before my parents wedding annivesary and again, right after Father's Day. Still miss him every day.
Funny how it never seems any easier.....my father died on Dec 3rd, 1991, I still cry every single time that anniversary passes. He died very suddenly, and inadvertently left me alone with my crazy mother, so it was really difficult. He was the person I loved most in the world, and I still miss him every day. My son is named after him, and it makes me tear up when I think about how my son never got to meet him. My sister said she cried a lot when he died too, not only because he was a great stepdad to her, but because she felt bad for the way he was treated by our mother and when he died she felt bad that he wasted so many years of his life being treated like that.0 -
Started having intense belly pains this morning and went to the ER... Found out after 6 hours that it's ovarian cysts... one is 1.7 inch and the other 1.3 inch. I guess it explains why I gain water when I ovulate and only lose it after my period. Yikes. But the first thing I did when I got home, once I was sure it wasn't a digesting issue, is have some streak and broccoli... and a big bowl of ice cream and two cookies. But I still have 1100 calories left today.
And really hoping the pain doesn't come back.
Sorry to hear that!! What do they do about that??
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kellienw335 wrote: »I re-discovered my favourite instant hot chocolate the other day - it comes in single-serve sachets, 47cal a sachet, and if I add my taste of milk (which is very little), the whole drink comes in under 100cal.
I've found a new kind of heaven. Especially as it's now very, very, very, extremely, definitely winter here.
Now I'm curious. Where are you?
Australia. Down in the Capital Country, where it does actually get cold (unlike Sydney's routine whinging at this time of year). It was -7C when I woke up this morning. (And I still walked to work so obvious idiot is obvious.)0 -
karenwill2 wrote: »I resent people that have weight loss surgery. I feel like they are cheating. Not because they are taking the easy way out, but that they have the option. The most difficult way is my absolute only option ever. I suffer from envy.
My DR has asked me if I was interested in surgery, and I flat out do not even want to discuss it. Seriously, it is not cheating, you can still over eat and undo all the stuff it did. I have known several people to do this, long term success is EXTREMELY low, something like 5%.
When you are at the size that you do qualify for this, there MANY other problems.....nobody gets to that size from simply liking food.....you cannot 'cheat' your way into fixing what is wrong internally that made you get to that size!0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »I keep getting bumped ahead and missing posts, which I don't realize exist unless someone quotes them later.
Me too! I feel like sometimes I missed whole conversations. So weird. I thought it was me reading backwards, that I was skipping stuff sometimes when I have a lot of pages I have missed. So, if I don't reply to anyone or express sympathy I apologize in advance and in arrears.
Glad this is not only me! Sometimes I see someone quote something and all I can do is scratch my head and wonder where that post came from!!0 -
Carlos_421 wrote: »xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »
You're not missing anything. We have Church's Chicken, Popeye's, KFC all around me... they all stink. Not worth the calories.
TAKE IT BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!
Popeyes Cajun fries are among the best ever. The chicken strips are fantastic as well.
The best thing from Popeyes is the cheesecake! SOOOO good for a fast food place! The actual food I can take or leave......0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Edit: This is to Susie:
Oh, I'm so sorry you're feeling bad. There's no rhyme or reason to depression, so try not feel like you're wrong to feel the way you do. I think guilt is a very common issue.
I'm very worried about your talk of dying though. Do you have a doctor who's helping you? Is your husband around?
Not to worry, I've never been suicidal. I just want to... Stop existing, if that makes sense. It's almost midnight here and my husband is asleep, but he's around to wake up if I need him.
Nope, I don't have a doctor. I mentioned it like five million posts back, but I'm terrified of doctors. I tried to get help once and I just couldn't make it through the sessions. I broke down after my second one and never went back. I also never spoke to the doctor directly (my husband had to speak for me), because I have selective mutism and couldn't speak. It was a pretty useless attempt, to be honest. :-/
Have you tried videoconferencing with any doctors? There is a woman at the barn that is a psychiatrist. She has some patients she video conferences with. Perhaps that would work for you? By not being in person maybe that would help with the fear of speaking? And allow you to be more open?
Nope, it wouldn't help. I've tried it with my husband, and it doesn't make it any easier whether it's on a video conference or face to face. Plus, I'm pretty sure the doctors here don't offer the option, so the point is pretty moot anyway. :-/
You have to have a doctor there? Can't go outside of the country? I would think a good psychiatrist would understand there are options here like maybe you write letters back and forth or something.
Not even within the country. My insurance only covers care within the healthcare clinics available inside my husband's work campus. And psychiatrists aren't exactly affordable without any form of insurance to cover their fee. :-/
I'm not comfortable going back to the only available psychiatrist available there (who didn't work out the first time) with my tail between my legs and admitting that I cancelled the third session and the counseling appointment that was supposed to follow it, and didn't even attempt to try the medication he tossed at me without even bothering to let me try to speak.
Susieq_1994, I don't blame you for not wanting to try medication that was 'tossed at you' (I know what you meant) without the doctor even bothering to let you try to speak... so-called doctors like that are a bane to their profession (not to mention, any patients), in my opinion...
I understand how and why various specific disorders would seemingly 'require' a form of detachment, when it comes to clinical therapeutic 'guidance' of such... however, when it comes to severe depression and anxiety (both of which I contended with for the majority of my life), clinical detachment and simply 'throwing some pills' at someone -- and sans any actual 'talk therapy' (let alone, bothering to even listen to an extent that would at least allow the patient to learn what talking with a given therapist would even 'feel' like (let alone, allowing a patient to get even an inkling of a specific clinician's interactive 'style', and get at least an initial impression as to whether it might help or hinder)) -- subjecting a patient to detachment and indifference, let alone 'out of the gate', is a surefire way to make patients experiencing severe depression (not to mention, if/when anxiety is thrown into the mix (let alone, highly impacted self-esteem (not to mention, tenuous trust))) -- yes, 'treating' a patient with severe depression and anxiety, and who comes into the office while in an acute state, to a negative clinical experience, is something I'll never understand about 'the profession', and especially when it comes to psychiatrists...
Susieq_1994, I realize that your options for talk therapy are limited... but if there is any way whatsoever for you to talk with a psychologist (versus a psychiatrist (if pills end up being recommended, a psychologist can always request such in conjunction with a psychiatrist, who can write the prescription, but who does not need to be involved with the 'talk therapy' aspect)) -- and specifically, to talk with a *female* psychologist -- and ideally, one who is capable of emanating calm, is compassionate, and has a caring clinical 'style' -- if there is any way whatsoever for you to talk with such a clinician, (and potentially one who is experienced in trauma counseling), I cannot help thinking that that 'type' of professional would perhaps be an ideal 'match' for you, and assisting you, and providing what would be needed...
In the meantime, it would likely be helpful to (1) continue interacting with a caring community (such as the many caring folks communicating via this thread), (2) possibly read some posts by others who have contended with severe depression and/or anxiety (and via various support forums/groups that are found online), (3) 'feed' your soul with a form of 'soothing' whose capacity to 'deliver calm' only you would know the 'identity' and 'nature' of, or would otherwise 'know it when you felt it' -- for me, I found that reading, and involving a few specific 'kinds' of written pieces, helped me to 'hold on to something' (even fleetingly), when the intense emotional, anxiety-riddled 'spikes' ('abysses', really) associated with severe depression began to overwhelm me... and among the 'writings' that I read, were a few specific memoirs, some so-called 'classic' literature (and those written by a few specific authors), and (this might sound unexpected) some elegiac tributes written by those who had experienced loss (the sadness found in such writing resulted in my not feeling so alone... additionally, after a specific point in time, and my having experienced the deaths of two of the most important people in my life, I could relate to the profound sense of wrestling with grief)... additionally, when I was 'able', I ended up forcing myself to go to public venues in which I would be surrounded by people (such as a mall) -- and even if I didn't know anyone in my midst (and no matter how bad the overhead music was), and even if I talked with no one, it ultimately resulted in my no longer being in the environment which had been my 'reclusive retreat', and represented an important 'exposure' of my mind to a different form of 'space', and 'association'... I also sat in front of a beach at times, and listened to the waves, and to the sounds of human voices, and sounds of children laughing... it became a different 'soundtrack' to my experience of trying to 'get through a difficult timeframe', and became part of my limited 'arsenal' of 'things to try' when experiencing 'episodes' in which my severe depression had become more intense (I was 'highly functioning', and most would never have guessed what I contended with for so much of my life... and the compassion of two specific psychologists -- and their caring demeanor, and willingness to 'be there' when I needed emergency assistance -- was critical to my ultimately 'making it through' a kind of 'minefield' of post-traumatic hell)...
I'll send you a message later this evening, with the names of some poets, writers, and specific written works which made a difference for me...
In the meantime, I feel compelled to touch on a specific reality...
...there is a tendency for some(/many) to "compare" aspects of their life to those of others (and especially to those perceived as being less fortunate, or otherwise seemingly 'having it worse')... or to "focus" self-analytic attention on the seeming 'incongruity' of their current 'internal life' with any of various external realities or material blessings... or to in any way 'remind' themselves of how much worse things could be (as though being on the 'better' side of an associated greater-than/less-than symbol, in conjunction with emotional pain, somehow makes for a negative becoming a positive, or otherwise could in any way render a negative circumstance 'better', by virtue of relativity)... and they(/we) errantly think that any of this type of comparative 'logic' would or 'should' somehow make a difference, and result in feeling gratitude, or *anything* positive (to 'replace' or 'override' the state of depression, in conjunction with an attempt for a guilt-like 'trigger' to magically alter/shift perspective, and suddenly 'make it go away', or otherwise render it a far less difficult negative than what it is)...
...but it's dangerous to engage in that form of thinking... because it's punitive -- it's a form of extending a kind of 'punishment' (let alone, one that is entirely undeserved) to/at/toward/'against' oneself... it equates to denying or otherwise not 'allowing' a critical reality -- that the way one feels is valid, and is understandable... it deprives us of acknowledging our reality for what it is... it tries to help us 'avert our eyes' from what we would seem to be too afraid to 'see', or to 'allow' ourselves to admit... or which we somehow think we should have the capacity to suddenly 'shake off'... when the fact of the matter is, that we need to extend to ourselves the very compassion, empathy, understanding, kindness, patience, and love that we would extend to another, were they to be 'in our shoes', and experiencing all that we have experienced... acknowledging our pain -- and allowing ourselves to accept its validity -- is a kind of pivotal first 'step'...
Susieq_1994, please stop feeling guilty, and feeling as though you should somehow feel 'better' because of any of various external aspects of life -- how you feel inside is real... and is valid... and is not something to feel guilty about... it is something to feel compassion for... and extend understanding to... and acknowledge with gentle kindness, and empathy...
...and give yourself credit for something indescribably important and incredibly powerful -- recognize the remarkable nature of your tenacity -- and the fact that you have not given up, and will not give up (I realize that if we possessed a kind of painless and convenient 'off switch', it is completely normal to want to 'power oneself off', so as not to experience the emotional pain of severe depression, and the intense difficulties of anxiety and other potential complicating factors -- and that it's not the same as being suicidal)... I realize that reaching out to others is a form of trying to help ourselves -- and it can make such a difference, even if 'only' in the sense that it can help us to 'buy time', to make it through a spike in emotional difficulty (though ideally, it can also involve an element of not feeling alone inside)...
Traumatic realities from childhood can affect us deeply, and profoundly (and perhaps more so for those who are deeply sensitive and/or highly perceptive)... and an aspect of any severe depression which emanates from such can involve intermingled elements of grief, and subconscious wrangling with senses of loss that would seem to go beyond the ability of language to adequately describe... whatever the case may be, and despite the fact that my younger self (from even 10 years ago) would never have been able to fathom that I would be where I am today, when it comes to 'this', I feel compelled to convey to you, Susieq_1994, that there is hope... and that the seemingly unthinkable -- and in a positive sense -- is actually possible...
I fervently hope that you are able to work with a caring female professional whose insights, compassion, and understanding will aid you more than you can currently imagine...
...and I am giving you a gentle, caring hug from afar... and with the tears that are currently welled in my eyes conveying a form of empathy that goes very, very deep...0
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