Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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orangesmartie wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »kellienw335 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »So, bad news: woke up feeling bleurgh today. Currently sitting in Krispy Kreme with a doughnut and a latte. Good news: I bought three, have eaten one, don't want the other two. Sucks to be me: on my way to work
How are things going with the boyfriend? You mentioned that it "imploded" and never went any further.
Its still broken. We called a truce over the weekend, due to travelling and climbing. But *shrug* we're talking, not sure whats going to happen
I am sorry. How is the girlfriend doing? You did advise that when one component is broken they all are. Because I am unbelievably nosy what is the issue. You kind of indicated it was minor but it seems to be escalating.
Beware, this is long - and remember you did ask!
To be honest, I am struggling with where I go from here. I love both of them very much, but he has totally devastated me with these things, after 3 years together.
Obviously this is a condensed version, but I don’t know what else to say.
I am so sorry. I confess I always wondered how a threesome could truly have an equal relationship, if you recall early on I said I didn't think I could handle it at all, I would always be insecure in that situation. But now that you are well into it and all of you love each other, I wonder if counseling for all of you would work? He sounds like he has a lot of issues period, which he needs to work on and which affect all 3 of you. Certainly spending the night at a Starbucks is not healthy for you. Read Susie's later post on taking care of yourself... you need to do that first and foremost. You will never be happy in this relationship if you are not happy with yourself. Then and only then can you make a relationship equitable and work...and you have 2/3 to make work which is incredibly difficult, I would imagine.
Hugs to you and feel free to message me anytime you need a sympathetic ear. Without much productive advice I an afraid. XOXOXOX
It can work, its just difficult. Triadic relationships such as ours are rare, because, its generally not easy to find two other people that you fall in love with, who also fall in love with each other.
I think when i say equal, i don't mean equal in terms of how much you love someone, but more, that you view the relationships as equally important. I love both my partners, but for different reasons. I have never tried to quantify it (i love Mrs more than Mr for example). I just know that i love them both, very much. I guess its the same as having more than one child. You generally love them for all their quirks and faults, and don't think i love X more than Y.
He does have issues and we are trying to support him in working on them, he let them slide when he started this new job and we're back to telling him it is essential. I have suggested group counselling, but trying to find a counsellor that can deal with our dynamic is tough.
Staying at starbucks wasn't my first choice, but all the hotels were full, so it seemed the safest option, well lit, toilets, drinks, CCTV. It wasn't like i was going to get a lot of sleep anyway. Next time, i'll book a hotel before storming out
The thing is, when we're all working and pulling in the same direction, our relationships are absolutely amazing, so easy and comfortable. we all get on so well, have such similar views on things and can spend hours having random conversations, about not very much. We've even designed our dream house (for when we win the lottery) to the extent of getting out a laptop and drawing floorplans in paint. We have been friends a very long time and i think perhaps what we have is more a difference in language X means Y to me, but him it means Z. I need to clarify this, and will be doing so this weekend. Equally, when things go wrong, they go spectacularly wrong.
I have to say, I really appreciate all of you letting me vent here, even though i'm sure most of you are horrified at the situation and i'm not making it look any better but it is helping me sort out my thoughts and feelings, without getting into that nasty internal negative spiral.
I'm going to confess this and hope I don't get blasted. From my religious (Christian) view point, I don't agree with @orangesmartie's relationship set-up. However, my religion also says "Judge not." So, I have not been judging, but listening and learning. I find that I have learned a lot when I listen without judging. So, thank you, @orangesmartie, for helping me improve on me.
ETA: A big chicken part of me wants to delete this ASAP...0 -
WestCoastJo82 wrote: »WestCoastJo82 wrote: »That sewing machine! I want!
Mine is just a basic little Brother but it is pale pink - I can't claim responsibility for that though as it was my mother's before she decided she needed a fancier one.
I'm glad you all understand my feelings about frying food in the house. Soooo stinky. We don't have an exhaust fan over our stove either (or anywhere in the kitchen), so everything I cook lingers unless I open the windows. Not too practical in our minus 40 degree winters either as it's a recipe for a burst water pipe.
The smell of Saturday morning bacon haunts me all weekend, too, it's terrible.
So this doesn't help in the winter, but fry outside! I used to have a fry daddy that I could plug in, so I would plug it into the outdoor outlet and fry away. I'm debating setting up my camping stove outside the next time I do fried chicken to keep the fry smell outside, and I feel like that should work as well.
Re gross girls: I was an odd combination of total tomboy that loved to get dirty and rough house, but I would do it while wearing the most frilly dresses possible. My face and hair was always a super-mess though.
My daughters hair!.... I brush it constantly. Knotted up. I keep pushing her to be more SELF AWARE and start doing things for herself and without prompts. The struggle is real.
I will say I am quite proficient at simple braids though. I need to learn to french braid.
Yeah, I'm sure my hair embarrassed my parents. I would brush it sometimes, but it just would get crazy tangled anyway.
Mastering the braid will do wonders for you - I'm 33 and until I chopped all my hair off (pixie cut for the win!), my hair lived in a messy bun. I never really figured the hair thing out.
BTW - awesome on the amusement park NSV! I LOVE roller coasters.
Thanks! Worst times are after swimming or after waking up. I've made it a habit to braid her hair after her shower or before bedtime and that helps a LOT the next day.
I love coasters, too! The BEST part is Kings Dominion is a mere <15 minutes from home. We get season passes every year and we burn em up! It also has a water park inside so we often go swim then dry off by riding coasters before we leave. We also have a Busch Gardens-Water Country less than an hour away as well. Blessed!
Coaster fiend here. We have been known to book holidays based on what coasters were nearby. We were lucky enough to visit Ceder Point in Ohio a few years ago which I loved. I'd love to go back but it's a bit of a trek from the UK! Our most local proper coaster park is Alton Towers. Unfortunately there was a crash there on the Smiler last month and two teenagers had to have legs amputated! Hasn't put me off since I believe it to be a one-off and I'm sorry for those teens, but I'm sad the coaster will inevitably go - I've ridden it and it was a fun one!0 -
WestCoastJo82 wrote: »WestCoastJo82 wrote: »WestCoastJo82 wrote: »That sewing machine! I want!
Mine is just a basic little Brother but it is pale pink - I can't claim responsibility for that though as it was my mother's before she decided she needed a fancier one.
I'm glad you all understand my feelings about frying food in the house. Soooo stinky. We don't have an exhaust fan over our stove either (or anywhere in the kitchen), so everything I cook lingers unless I open the windows. Not too practical in our minus 40 degree winters either as it's a recipe for a burst water pipe.
The smell of Saturday morning bacon haunts me all weekend, too, it's terrible.
So this doesn't help in the winter, but fry outside! I used to have a fry daddy that I could plug in, so I would plug it into the outdoor outlet and fry away. I'm debating setting up my camping stove outside the next time I do fried chicken to keep the fry smell outside, and I feel like that should work as well.
Re gross girls: I was an odd combination of total tomboy that loved to get dirty and rough house, but I would do it while wearing the most frilly dresses possible. My face and hair was always a super-mess though.
My daughters hair!.... I brush it constantly. Knotted up. I keep pushing her to be more SELF AWARE and start doing things for herself and without prompts. The struggle is real.
I will say I am quite proficient at simple braids though. I need to learn to french braid.
Yeah, I'm sure my hair embarrassed my parents. I would brush it sometimes, but it just would get crazy tangled anyway.
Mastering the braid will do wonders for you - I'm 33 and until I chopped all my hair off (pixie cut for the win!), my hair lived in a messy bun. I never really figured the hair thing out.
BTW - awesome on the amusement park NSV! I LOVE roller coasters.
Thanks! Worst times are after swimming or after waking up. I've made it a habit to braid her hair after her shower or before bedtime and that helps a LOT the next day.
I love coasters, too! The BEST part is Kings Dominion is a mere <15 minutes from home. We get season passes every year and we burn em up! It also has a water park inside so we often go swim then dry off by riding coasters before we leave. We also have a Busch Gardens-Water Country less than an hour away as well. Blessed!
I'm sure @LBuehrle8 will back me up on this: If you ever go to Ohio you MUST go to Cedar Point https://www.cedarpoint.com/. It's consistently rated as one of the best parks and is the self-professed "Roller Coaster Capital of the World"
Totally agree! Wish I could go back one day!
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kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »WestCoastJo82 wrote: »WestCoastJo82 wrote: »That sewing machine! I want!
Mine is just a basic little Brother but it is pale pink - I can't claim responsibility for that though as it was my mother's before she decided she needed a fancier one.
I'm glad you all understand my feelings about frying food in the house. Soooo stinky. We don't have an exhaust fan over our stove either (or anywhere in the kitchen), so everything I cook lingers unless I open the windows. Not too practical in our minus 40 degree winters either as it's a recipe for a burst water pipe.
The smell of Saturday morning bacon haunts me all weekend, too, it's terrible.
So this doesn't help in the winter, but fry outside! I used to have a fry daddy that I could plug in, so I would plug it into the outdoor outlet and fry away. I'm debating setting up my camping stove outside the next time I do fried chicken to keep the fry smell outside, and I feel like that should work as well.
Re gross girls: I was an odd combination of total tomboy that loved to get dirty and rough house, but I would do it while wearing the most frilly dresses possible. My face and hair was always a super-mess though.
My daughters hair!.... I brush it constantly. Knotted up. I keep pushing her to be more SELF AWARE and start doing things for herself and without prompts. The struggle is real.
I will say I am quite proficient at simple braids though. I need to learn to french braid.
Yeah, I'm sure my hair embarrassed my parents. I would brush it sometimes, but it just would get crazy tangled anyway.
Mastering the braid will do wonders for you - I'm 33 and until I chopped all my hair off (pixie cut for the win!), my hair lived in a messy bun. I never really figured the hair thing out.
BTW - awesome on the amusement park NSV! I LOVE roller coasters.
Thanks! Worst times are after swimming or after waking up. I've made it a habit to braid her hair after her shower or before bedtime and that helps a LOT the next day.
I love coasters, too! The BEST part is Kings Dominion is a mere <15 minutes from home. We get season passes every year and we burn em up! It also has a water park inside so we often go swim then dry off by riding coasters before we leave. We also have a Busch Gardens-Water Country less than an hour away as well. Blessed!
The only ride that ever made me throw up (not on the ride but after) was at King's Dominion & I think it was called Outer Limits?
Yup that's it. The indoor coaster. I was able to ride it a few times before they changed the harness and now I can't fit the lap bar over my knees due to my long legs. Oh well, at least I did get to ride it beforehand.0 -
Verklempt! I just dropped daughter at airport. She's flying solo - with a change of planes even. She is doing well overall. Eating is MUCH better, she stops when she is full. She is not obsessing so much over her weight. I hid the scale. I got rid of her FAT mirror. It was evil, added lumps and pounds to even her slender figure. She now comes and looks in my mirror which is not a mean, lying, evil mirror. She is much happier. She is looking forward to school and to checking out colleges. She is checking out one college this week. Oh, WestcoastJo I may have to ask you in PM where you are (of course you don't have to answer). I also may forget to do it as I am leaving tonight with SO.
Do you hear that? It is getting louder. In N Out protein style no cheese or sauce is calling me!! (It is unusual that I'm called by food so I must go check it out.)
Great to her your daughter is doing a lot better with body image & not obsessing about her weight. I wish we had In N Out on the East Coast.0 -
WestCoastJo82 wrote: »WestCoastJo82 wrote: »That sewing machine! I want!
Mine is just a basic little Brother but it is pale pink - I can't claim responsibility for that though as it was my mother's before she decided she needed a fancier one.
I'm glad you all understand my feelings about frying food in the house. Soooo stinky. We don't have an exhaust fan over our stove either (or anywhere in the kitchen), so everything I cook lingers unless I open the windows. Not too practical in our minus 40 degree winters either as it's a recipe for a burst water pipe.
The smell of Saturday morning bacon haunts me all weekend, too, it's terrible.
So this doesn't help in the winter, but fry outside! I used to have a fry daddy that I could plug in, so I would plug it into the outdoor outlet and fry away. I'm debating setting up my camping stove outside the next time I do fried chicken to keep the fry smell outside, and I feel like that should work as well.
Re gross girls: I was an odd combination of total tomboy that loved to get dirty and rough house, but I would do it while wearing the most frilly dresses possible. My face and hair was always a super-mess though.
My daughters hair!.... I brush it constantly. Knotted up. I keep pushing her to be more SELF AWARE and start doing things for herself and without prompts. The struggle is real.
I will say I am quite proficient at simple braids though. I need to learn to french braid.
Yeah, I'm sure my hair embarrassed my parents. I would brush it sometimes, but it just would get crazy tangled anyway.
Mastering the braid will do wonders for you - I'm 33 and until I chopped all my hair off (pixie cut for the win!), my hair lived in a messy bun. I never really figured the hair thing out.
BTW - awesome on the amusement park NSV! I LOVE roller coasters.
Thanks! Worst times are after swimming or after waking up. I've made it a habit to braid her hair after her shower or before bedtime and that helps a LOT the next day.
I love coasters, too! The BEST part is Kings Dominion is a mere <15 minutes from home. We get season passes every year and we burn em up! It also has a water park inside so we often go swim then dry off by riding coasters before we leave. We also have a Busch Gardens-Water Country less than an hour away as well. Blessed!
Coaster fiend here. We have been known to book holidays based on what coasters were nearby. We were lucky enough to visit Ceder Point in Ohio a few years ago which I loved. I'd love to go back but it's a bit of a trek from the UK! Our most local proper coaster park is Alton Towers. Unfortunately there was a crash there on the Smiler last month and two teenagers had to have legs amputated! Hasn't put me off since I believe it to be a one-off and I'm sorry for those teens, but I'm sad the coaster will inevitably go - I've ridden it and it was a fun one!
Whoa that's nuts! I hope they make a decent recovery!0 -
orangesmartie wrote: »I have to say, I really appreciate all of you letting me vent here, even though i'm sure most of you are horrified at the situation and i'm not making it look any better but it is helping me sort out my thoughts and feelings, without getting into that nasty internal negative spiral.
Not horrified! I actually find relationships with multiples, including polygamy, fascinating. It's not for me, but I've researched it quite a bit. The fact that I feel like I kind of know you and really want you guys to be able to work this out and be happy adds a whole new level to my education on the subject. I hope that isn't somehow offensive or insensitive. I'm team Mr Mrs & Ms Orangesmartie all the way!0 -
@FroggyBug If you can find a local Yarn Shop, there are sometimes informal gatherings of people knitting or crocheting just to be social. There is always someone willing to watch/ give pointers. (My local shop has "Knit Night every Thursday night, just for people to gather and visit while knitting or crocheting.) If you lived closer, I'd teach you how to crochet. I've been crocheting most of my life!
Thanks for the tip. I'll check around. I wish you could teach me haha.
I REALLY want to learn. I think it would give me something to do when I'm stressed out. 0 -
I am becoming addicted to dieting and exercising. I obsess about the calories I consume and burn. Whenever I have an available length of time I want to fill it with walking, running or weights and frequently do. I have started listening to books so I don't have to sit and read. The scale is driving me nuts; I weigh myself everyday but it never makes me happy.
I need to finish my reports so I can start a sewing project. That usually absorbs my focus. Hopefully, it will become my new obsession.
PS. I love roller coasters, sweet gherkin pickles, platform shoes, and pedicures. My dog's name is Woola. He is a Labrador Retriever who is dumb as mud and sweet as pie. My younger son is a curly-topped ging and my older son is a breaded Brooklyn hipster.0 -
lilaclovebird wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »I have for my list:
-Exercise for a minimum of 30 minutes
-Stay within 100 calories of my goal without using earned exercise calories
-Some alcohol (Red wine < 5 oz.)
-Do some gosh darn food prep because my dad keeps eating it all!
(at least he's eating healthy food)
Alright, I know, I'm starting off light. Sometimes we need baby steps.
OH! And look into getting a fitbit since everyone seems to love them so much.
That would be SO annoying. I'm actually thankful that I no longer live with my family because I hated it when people would eat my food without asking! Since I prepare the majority of our meals, my husband doesn't do that, which I'm also very thankful for.
As for baby steps, I agree! As you can see by my list, I'm just starting out crawling, really. Very easy things.
... Everyone in this thread is going to own a Fitbit soon, thanks to my announcement. And that will be AWESOME.
I've had people ask me why I don't move out on my own. I make enough money and I could go to school and cook my own meals and have ALL the benefits of living on my own. However, and my father is too proud to admit it so my mother told me, the household would not be able to run without my rent money that I pay them.
My mom is currently up in Dallas, TX taking care of my cousin Sheri as she fights her 3rd battle with breast cancer. When she gets back she wants to get a job and go back to work, save some money again and get a house that is smaller and easier to maintain on the lower budget they have since my other Uncle died and we weren't getting his disability anymore.
I don't begrudge them a dime of my rent because now that I pay that rent, it pays for my food(I just pick out healthier stuff and cook it myself), my shampoo, water that I use, the use of the room, the bed, the internet. Granted it is more than I would actually pay for an apartment in Bastrop for all of those things, but I also owe them a debt for supporting me when I first got divorced. They were there when I needed them and now it's my turn to stay, even though sometimes I don't want to, because they need me.
That's a really sweet and mature thing to do for them. I'm sure the appreciate it more than you know. Also, sorry to hear about your aunt, I hope she comes through treatment successfully.
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FluffySandwich wrote: »I'm almost done with Survivor 29 and I am really upset by the final three. One of them I like ok (and I think for sure is going to win), the other two I never really liked... and the person I wanted to win got voted out in fourth place. ARGH. Hate it when that happens.
On another note, I keep hearing some weird sound coming from my kitchen and I'm not sure what it could be. I told my boyfriend our apartment must be haunted or something. It almost sounds like some water is splashing on the floor violently, but I can't find anything wrong. We recently had an ant infestation so maybe a big ant is making noise in our wall as revenge for our ant murder.
Creepy. I hope you can figure out what it is. If you do, let us know.
Back in about 2009 or 2010, we had a few months were my whole family was experiencing weird things (in different locations) that I've never been able to explain to this day. It was really weird... I felt like we were all haunted for a while too.0 -
FluffySandwich wrote: »Congrats @bkhamill !!!
I confess that I am only 21 years old and don't think I'm ready to have a baby by any means, but sometimes I have dreams that I am very pregnant or have an infant and wake up feeling strangely empty, confused, and sad. Any one else do this? Or did this?
I used to have those all the time in my early 20s. Now I actually am pregnant, my dreams have been completely devoid of anything baby-related. Funny how the brain works. I did dream my mattress was made of cheese the other night. I had to lie really still and evenly to avoid crumbling it!0 -
TigerNY128 wrote: »TigerNY128 wrote: »spacequiztime wrote: »
Do you mind sharing where you're heading to? Sounds like a fun 4th of July weekend.TigerNY128 wrote: »Hello friends!! I haven't been around today at all I've already missed so much so here goes all in one-
@Coastalpath it was good to hear from you I was beginning to wonder where our other Brit had gone off to!
@nonoelmo I'm super excited to see your Elsa dress I loooove Frozen!! Edit: yeah just remembered it's NOT frozen it's the princess Bride-- still can't wait to see it I love costumes!!
@Susieq_1994 you're exactly two days younger than my second youngest brother! He'll be 21 on the 6th and then my youngest brother will be 18 on October 7th! And thanks for the recipe thread I've never been much of a cook but I've really wanted to try lately!! Oh and your wedding dress was stunning!
@riderfangal I hope you're having a blast on your date! And if not, there will be plenty others!
@pofoster21 @orangesmartie I'm sorry it was a crappy day I hope tomorrow goes well for you both!! (Hugs)
@TigerNY128 glad you're checking in I was wondering if you'd left us too!
If I missed anyone I do apologize! Hope everyone is having a great weekend and can't wait to catch up Monday when I should be working haha ❤️
No way, never leaving this thread!! I'm leaving for vacation on Wednesday though so I may not be checking in for a few days until I get back! I'm sure I'll have thousands of posts to catch up on...
We are headed to Amelia Island, Florida for 5 days. I've never been there but it's supposed to be beautiful!
Do you have pictures? I plan on posting vacation pictures once I'm properly caught up on this thread.
I'll look through my phone...I'm awful at taking pictures, I always forget! Most of them are probably me and my boyfriend, but I'll look.
I'm the opposite. I have way too many pictures. It seems like I always have to be either taking a picture or a video like I don't want to forget anything that happens in life. I'm weird like that. I still have an old school HDD camcorder that I use (used it on my birthday) and yes I do look at my pictures and watch the videos.
Edit: @bkhamill -Congrats!!0 -
You're dealing with a lot of stuff, so losing weight is an achievement! Great going! I hope everyone makes a speedy recovery, and that you don't also succumbxLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »HI ALL! Popping in because I wasn't really on yesterday. Both boys have Hand Foot and Mouth virus (lovely daycare, they get something every other week) and I was home with them. Luckily, they must've had it for a few days already with no symptoms, because they don't have fevers and they're acting normal. My 3.5 yr old is ok, just saying his mouth hurts but my 10 mos old had blisters on his hands yesterday and trying to put bandaids on a baby and get him to keep his hands out of his mouth was next to impossible. They're both going into the Pediatrician this morning with DH (who has the virus now as well) to get the letter clearing them for daycare.
I shaved off a tiny bit of weight, which is a miracle, because yesterday I lived off coffee with cream and bites of things like half of a hotdog. I'm now only 3 lbs away from my first goal, 8 lbs from my "final" goal, and so ridiculously happy about it.
We're picking up our dog (who we're re-naming Clover Belle, her name from the foster home is Dixie but my oldest DS says it and it sounds like an unfortunate body part so we can't keep her name) on Saturday still and everyone's excited. I sanitized the house yesterday, washed and bleach watered everything not bolted down, so I think it should be clean enough for when she arrives.
Also, regarding the bolded, you do know how dogs work, right? They eat mouldy sandwiches off the street, given half a chance. The dirtier the better!
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WestCoastJo82 wrote: »Thanks for all the lovely congratulations wishes! I feel special The problem is I've been here before, never quite reached my goal (right now it's 145) and then gained it all back again. Any long-term maintainers got any tips?
I'm feeling guilty because my step count's been terrible for the past week. It's hot and I just can't get the energy up, and there always seem to be other things to do.
I'm sure everyone's strategy to maintain will be different, but I've maintained the same 5ish pound range for 2+ years now. For me, what's been helpful is having that 5 lb range and then continuing to weigh all the time (daily, typically) to make sure I'm in that range. I haven't logged food in maintenance other than an occasional spot check, because I got pretty good at estimating when I was losing. That being said, I know a lot of other people have been successful doing the opposite of me: tossing the scale and continuing to log food. So maybe staying mindful one way or another might be the ultimate tip.
(Seems a little weird saying this as I just confessed I'm really pissed because I'm one pound over what I want to be - but I'm quite sure it's just DOMS, so I figure I still count as a long-term maintainer).
I've been maintaining within a 5 lb range for over a year (until last month). I tried not logging food for 6 weeks and ended up 6 lbs over my lowest, so I'm back to logging now. I weigh daily, record my weight weekly. I'm trying to keep the same activity level as when I was losing weight. My ultimate goal is to be able to maintain within that 5 lb range without logging food. I think maintenance is harder than losing was!
I was a fat kid growing up and then lost like 70ish pounds when I was a teen (with logging calories on paper and exercise). Then I gained it all back in my 20s. I know for sure I will have to log my food forever if I want to maintain my weight once I hit my goal. I just can't seem to keep control of myself otherwise. I'm okay with this though as long as it helps me.0 -
I feel the same way. I really wish you all well.kellienw335 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »I have to say, I really appreciate all of you letting me vent here, even though i'm sure most of you are horrified at the situation and i'm not making it look any better but it is helping me sort out my thoughts and feelings, without getting into that nasty internal negative spiral.
Not horrified! I actually find relationships with multiples, including polygamy, fascinating. It's not for me, but I've researched it quite a bit. The fact that I feel like I kind of know you and really want you guys to be able to work this out and be happy adds a whole new level to my education on the subject. I hope that isn't somehow offensive or insensitive. I'm team Mr Mrs & Ms Orangesmartie all the way!0 -
Thanks for the thoughts on maintaining. I'm another who will probably have to keep logging in some way in order to keep the weight off. I find that a bit depressing, but I guess the idea of yoyo-ing for the rest of my life is worse.0
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xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »Coastalpath wrote: »This is long so don't expect people to read it - just need to get it out!
Like a lot of other posters here I am going through lots of life stresses at the moment and the last few days have felt very sad, numb and unmotivated. I am ever so slightly eating my feelings 'grief bacon' but am logging it all so I can see it in black and white. My confession today is that I am fed up with never feeling as though I am allowed to be stressed or upset. Work, home, health are all suffering at the moment, but I am just expected to suck it up. If one more person says to me 'it could be worse' I might scream. I am silently screaming and unfortunately the pain is beginning to show on my face. I know things could be worse, just doesn't mean that because someone somewhere has it worse than me that I just have to 'be fine' all the time.
Dealing with mixed emotions is so hard - so happy for friends and loved ones who have fantastic things happening, mixed with my grief and sadness for what I am secretly going through. Not wanting to see friends because I don't want to make them miserable mixed with worrying I am not being a good friend by seeing them and sharing in their joys. Or, worse, that I am making them feel guilty for being happy.
Feels better to 'get it out' but I am so sad at the moment and I just wonder when bad things will stop happening!
Your feelings are valid. What you are going through is real and it is difficult for you. We understand and I am sure we have all been there at some point. You ARE allowed to feel this way and you ARE allowed to vent.
Yup. This! Hugs to you.
Coastal (responding to the first post since I never saw it) I feel the same. I pretty much feel like I'm drowning. I'm expected to be the rock for everyone, and most of the time I stoically am. But times like right now, I just want to scream and cry and throw a fit. I want someone to comfort ME and no one is. I'm supposed to hold it together and do 1,000 different things well every day, without fail or exception.
I joke with people a lot that it sucks to be me, because I don't get a "down day", but it's true. I'm expected to be on point 24/7 and I'm struggling. I get the "count your blessings" and "it could be worse" a LOT. Yes, it could be. In the scheme of things, what bothers me could be construed as petty. It doesn't mean it hurts less or I'm less upset. I am grateful for what I have, but aren't I also allowed to be upset too?!
Warning- the below will make me sound like an ungrateful brat. I know this, but they are MY feelings. I'm working on processing them, but it takes time.
I found out on Saturday that good friends of ours (who have 2 boys about the same age as us) are wanting a 3rd. They want to try for a girl. They previously said they were done but the DH changed his mind. I went upstairs and cried. I have wanted 3 kids since I was little. DH said no, 2 was all he could take. He got a vasectomy last Nov so there will only be 2. I agreed because I don't believe in forcing someone to have more kids if they don't want to. I'm not the only one involved in the decision. DH also swore we could look into adopting, which helped ease my feelings about the V.
I have regretted it EVERY DAY since. When I see parents out with 3 or more kids, I'm envious. If one or more is a girl, I am so jealous. I want a daughter. I always have. I love my boys so much, but there is a part of me that will always hurt because I wanted a girl. Both times, the u/s tech told me they were girls and I was blissful for a few weeks until told they were boys. They will never know. I will NEVER tell them they aren't "enough" for me, because they are. I am grateful they are both here and healthy and I would NOT trade them for anything, but I feel a twinge every time I look at a girl or girl baby. DH has also now decided he doesn't want to adopt, so I feel a bit of a pang of "bait and switch" sometimes when I think about it. Mostly I want 3 kids, but not gonna lie, a girl would be awesome.
I feel so alone, because DH is d-o-n-e. 2 is enough for him, he doesn't remotely want a 3rd. Talking to him about it doesn't help, because he has a hard time sympathizing with me. Ok, so he joked around and said I could get a dog to "mother". I agreed. Now last night he is reneging and saying "well, we can get a dog when we get x, y, and z done around the house". This will literally be YEARS. He knows this. Bait and switch #2.
He also said I could look into getting a new car within the month. So I've been plotting out savings, trade-in value, etc. This past weekend he decided nope, my Jeep runs fine for now and maybe we'll think about it in 6 months. Bait and switch #3.
I'm frustrated, I'm sad, I feel like everything I want always comes last after everyone else, and yes I know this is all first world problems, but right now it's rough. On top of it, I'm dieting strictly, so I think I'm just in a funk and crabby from that too. It's the one thing I feel like I'm succeeding at, though, so I don't want to give it up. I have 10.5 lb to go. I'm SO close. I just want to accomplish Something, ya know?
*ok, sorry for the pathetic vent. Carry on*
I'm sorry, that must be tough.
Mr. Mo has wanted to have another kid pretty much since Rachael was born. I never wanted to have kids (didn't have the best childhood) when we got married, so having one was more than enough for me. Plus, I was in labor for 27 hours and still ended up having an emergency C-section. The thought of having to go through that again, was too much for me.
While we were on vacation, he asked me why we never had another kid because it makes him sad when he sees a family with a couple kids strolling down the beach or sitting together at a restaurant. I didn't really have a great answer besides the ones mentioned above, and I feel guilty for not having more of his babies (we make beautiful kids ). Now, we're both in our late 30's and as far as I'm concerned, that ship has sailed, especially with all the SD drama. But I still feel bad for him, but not bad enough to want to have another kid.
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There's a lot in here!I am becoming addicted to dieting and exercising. I obsess about the calories I consume and burn. Whenever I have an available length of time I want to fill it with walking, running or weights and frequently do. I have started listening to books so I don't have to sit and read. The scale is driving me nuts; I weigh myself everyday but it never makes me happy.
I need to finish my reports so I can start a sewing project. That usually absorbs my focus. Hopefully, it will become my new obsession.
PS. I love roller coasters, sweet gherkin pickles, platform shoes, and pedicures. My dog's name is Woola. He is a Labrador Retriever who is dumb as mud and sweet as pie. My younger son is a curly-topped ging and my older son is a breaded Brooklyn hipster.
Are you eating enough? Are your goals a bit too aggressive if you're giving yourself a hard time for not meeting them? Maybe back off the exercise a little for a week or two? Or rather than go for the extra walk, sit down and start your sewing project (what is it? I'm working on a quilt at the moment, in shades of pink and brown - the colours make me happy, but I think it will look like a baby quilt when it's done!)
P.S. I hate roller coasters, and if required to go on one, I keep my eyes closed tight the entire time while going "EEEEEEeeeeeeeeee". The only kind of pickles I really like are the tiny baby gherkin ones. I have no opinion about platform shoes, and have only had one pedicure in my life. Your boys sound lovely!
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xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »Coastalpath wrote: »This is long so don't expect people to read it - just need to get it out!
Like a lot of other posters here I am going through lots of life stresses at the moment and the last few days have felt very sad, numb and unmotivated. I am ever so slightly eating my feelings 'grief bacon' but am logging it all so I can see it in black and white. My confession today is that I am fed up with never feeling as though I am allowed to be stressed or upset. Work, home, health are all suffering at the moment, but I am just expected to suck it up. If one more person says to me 'it could be worse' I might scream. I am silently screaming and unfortunately the pain is beginning to show on my face. I know things could be worse, just doesn't mean that because someone somewhere has it worse than me that I just have to 'be fine' all the time.
Dealing with mixed emotions is so hard - so happy for friends and loved ones who have fantastic things happening, mixed with my grief and sadness for what I am secretly going through. Not wanting to see friends because I don't want to make them miserable mixed with worrying I am not being a good friend by seeing them and sharing in their joys. Or, worse, that I am making them feel guilty for being happy.
Feels better to 'get it out' but I am so sad at the moment and I just wonder when bad things will stop happening!
Your feelings are valid. What you are going through is real and it is difficult for you. We understand and I am sure we have all been there at some point. You ARE allowed to feel this way and you ARE allowed to vent.
Yup. This! Hugs to you.
Coastal (responding to the first post since I never saw it) I feel the same. I pretty much feel like I'm drowning. I'm expected to be the rock for everyone, and most of the time I stoically am. But times like right now, I just want to scream and cry and throw a fit. I want someone to comfort ME and no one is. I'm supposed to hold it together and do 1,000 different things well every day, without fail or exception.
I joke with people a lot that it sucks to be me, because I don't get a "down day", but it's true. I'm expected to be on point 24/7 and I'm struggling. I get the "count your blessings" and "it could be worse" a LOT. Yes, it could be. In the scheme of things, what bothers me could be construed as petty. It doesn't mean it hurts less or I'm less upset. I am grateful for what I have, but aren't I also allowed to be upset too?!
Warning- the below will make me sound like an ungrateful brat. I know this, but they are MY feelings. I'm working on processing them, but it takes time.
I found out on Saturday that good friends of ours (who have 2 boys about the same age as us) are wanting a 3rd. They want to try for a girl. They previously said they were done but the DH changed his mind. I went upstairs and cried. I have wanted 3 kids since I was little. DH said no, 2 was all he could take. He got a vasectomy last Nov so there will only be 2. I agreed because I don't believe in forcing someone to have more kids if they don't want to. I'm not the only one involved in the decision. DH also swore we could look into adopting, which helped ease my feelings about the V.
I have regretted it EVERY DAY since. When I see parents out with 3 or more kids, I'm envious. If one or more is a girl, I am so jealous. I want a daughter. I always have. I love my boys so much, but there is a part of me that will always hurt because I wanted a girl. Both times, the u/s tech told me they were girls and I was blissful for a few weeks until told they were boys. They will never know. I will NEVER tell them they aren't "enough" for me, because they are. I am grateful they are both here and healthy and I would NOT trade them for anything, but I feel a twinge every time I look at a girl or girl baby. DH has also now decided he doesn't want to adopt, so I feel a bit of a pang of "bait and switch" sometimes when I think about it. Mostly I want 3 kids, but not gonna lie, a girl would be awesome.
I feel so alone, because DH is d-o-n-e. 2 is enough for him, he doesn't remotely want a 3rd. Talking to him about it doesn't help, because he has a hard time sympathizing with me. Ok, so he joked around and said I could get a dog to "mother". I agreed. Now last night he is reneging and saying "well, we can get a dog when we get x, y, and z done around the house". This will literally be YEARS. He knows this. Bait and switch #2.
He also said I could look into getting a new car within the month. So I've been plotting out savings, trade-in value, etc. This past weekend he decided nope, my Jeep runs fine for now and maybe we'll think about it in 6 months. Bait and switch #3.
I'm frustrated, I'm sad, I feel like everything I want always comes last after everyone else, and yes I know this is all first world problems, but right now it's rough. On top of it, I'm dieting strictly, so I think I'm just in a funk and crabby from that too. It's the one thing I feel like I'm succeeding at, though, so I don't want to give it up. I have 10.5 lb to go. I'm SO close. I just want to accomplish Something, ya know?
*ok, sorry for the pathetic vent. Carry on*
I'm sorry, that must be tough.
Mr. Mo has wanted to have another kid pretty much since Rachael was born. I never wanted to have kids (didn't have the best childhood) when we got married, so having one was more than enough for me. Plus, I was in labor for 27 hours and still ended up having an emergency C-section. The thought of having to go through that again, was too much for me.
While we were on vacation, he asked me why we never had another kid because it makes him sad when he sees a family with a couple kids strolling down the beach or sitting together at a restaurant. I didn't really have a great answer besides the ones mentioned above, and I feel guilty for not having more of his babies (we make beautiful kids ). Now, we're both in our late 30's and as far as I'm concerned, that ship has sailed, especially with all the SD drama. But I still feel bad for him, but not bad enough to want to have another kid.
When I married my husband, I had one son and he had three daughters. We never thought of having kids and felt we had enough. I got a dog for our first anniversary; she was our kid . Well fast forward a few years and surprise! at 39 I was pregnant. We weren't trying or trying to avoid it, just happened. I had her after I turned 40. I knew I was done after that, so got that factory shut down. You never know. We love her just as much as any of the others and don't regret a minute of it. After that, his oldest daughter, who is in her 20's, had a little girl about 15 months after we had Olivia. Crazy stuff.
ETA: I put up a pic of little bit on the random pics thread.0
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