Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))

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Replies

  • berlynnwall
    berlynnwall Posts: 669 Member
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    LBuehrle8 wrote: »
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    LBuehrle8 wrote: »
    I can't handle glasses 24/7. I primarily wear contacts and then pop them out the minute I get home from work! B) I've been wearing contacts for 19 years so I can take them out put them in no problem.


    This is me. I have worn contacts since I was like 14 or 16. They are the first thing that comes out when I get home. They don't bother me during the day, but the second I get home they MUST come out!

    Haha I'm exactly that way too! During the day I don't even think about them but once home I'm not completely comfortable until I've taken my rinse off shower, put on my sweats, and taken out my contacts!
    Nobody's mentioned the need to remove their bra the minute they walk through the door, so I guess that's just me then..?

    Nope. Definitely not just you!

    If I didn't wear a DD, I would. As it is, if I go braless I risk a black eye when I go up the stairs.

    I find the opposite, I am a H cup and cannot WAIT to get in the door and take it off because of the weight on my shoulders.....if I was smaller it would not bother me as much I don't think....

    Wait...an H cup? I didn't know that size existed! Wow. Impressive. I would hate that. Between running and riding I have always been grateful I am small chested.

    I'm a 32 J.

    It was SO nice to go from a 36 G to a 34 HH to a 32 J on this weight loss journey..../end sarcasm

    I consulted my doctor recently and asked her when some real boob shrinkage might happen and she said 'eventually, but for some women it never happens naturally'. I cried.
    I feel like gaining weight was the WORST thing I could have ever done to myself. I should have been more active. I look back and I was beautiful at 160 lbs, a 32 DD, and size 8/10, but I didn't appreciate my body.

    Confession: I am terrified that I could get amazing abs and try to show 'em off an no one will notice because BOOBS! I am afraid that they will be my body's most dominant feature and that I they wont affect my quality of life enough for me to get a reduction covered by insurance. This fear gets so bad, sometimes I self sabotage. Like today when I ate an ENTIRE FAMILY SIZE BAG of Lays Original Potato chips.
    :disappointed:

    When I was slim I wore a 38 C and I felt I looked nice. My chest grew larger with every baby, and never went back down. I am now at a 42E (or DD) and I feel you. I carry my weight in my hips and thighs, so I feel like the top of me is a "normal" size except for my huge chest just sitting there mocking me and making my shoulders hurt. I am also afraid that they will stay big. So far I am not seeing any change there :(
  • LBuehrle8
    LBuehrle8 Posts: 4,044 Member
    nonoelmo wrote: »
    @LBuehrle8 every time I see your name I think L Bueller.


    Edit to add, as in Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

    Anyone? Anyone?

    Hahaha you are not alone! When I was at the academy for officer training my captain ALWAYS have me a hard time about that! He'd go "bueller, bueller" every time he saw me!

    Just for clarification it's pronounced 'bur-lee'. Only people who are huge baseball fans ever get it correct haha
  • misskarne
    misskarne Posts: 1,765 Member
    Alas, I have the opposite issue - I was barely filling out a B before I gained all this weight, and even at 110kg I was in a C. Alas, I expect - based on prior experience - that my chest will shrink, probably before my butt and thighs do...
  • Susieq_1994
    Susieq_1994 Posts: 5,361 Member
    nonoelmo wrote: »
    nonoelmo wrote: »
    @susieq_82 (I think that is the right Susie) You are amazing. That hummus is the best hummus. I made it tonight. YUM. Thank you

    Nope, not that old! 1994 is my birth year. ;) I'm so glad you loved it as much as I do! You're very welcome. Did you use the 40g of tahina like I do because I'm stingy with my calories or 55g?

    aaye yae yae my daughter is not "that" much younger than you... :wink:

    lol ;) I'm an old soul, though. I don't get along with people my own age in general--they mostly seem to act like a bunch of kids. Most people seem to think I'm quite a bit older than twenty. :)
  • Susieq_1994
    Susieq_1994 Posts: 5,361 Member
    misskarne wrote: »
    Alas, I have the opposite issue - I was barely filling out a B before I gained all this weight, and even at 110kg I was in a C. Alas, I expect - based on prior experience - that my chest will shrink, probably before my butt and thighs do...

    That would be me. I don't even have one anymore--I look like a 12 year old girl. :o
  • the_great_unknown
    the_great_unknown Posts: 194 Member
    I think I am a hot mess, because I have a few

    1) If I am going over my calories, I just stop logging. Totally works, right?
    2) I can't keep sweets around the house. Or snack foods.
    3) I am a stress eater, but since I don't keep junk food in the house, I once ate almost a cup of raisins. That was a low point for me.
    4) If I get too hungry, I don't seem to have any willpower at all and will end up eating ice cream from a drive through (Sonic, Wendy's, McDonald's).
  • Susieq_1994
    Susieq_1994 Posts: 5,361 Member
    I think I am a hot mess, because I have a few

    1) If I am going over my calories, I just stop logging. Totally works, right?
    2) I can't keep sweets around the house. Or snack foods.
    3) I am a stress eater, but since I don't keep junk food in the house, I once ate almost a cup of raisins. That was a low point for me.
    4) If I get too hungry, I don't seem to have any willpower at all and will end up eating ice cream from a drive through (Sonic, Wendy's, McDonald's).

    You're not alone! :) Most of us have been through this. If I go into a grocery store when I'm hungry, I want to buy EVERYTHING and eat EVERYTHING I see! :o Sometimes when you're just starting out or haven't been at it that long, it's important to not let yourself get TOO hungry--That's when self-control tends to fail the most. :)
  • Susieq_1994
    Susieq_1994 Posts: 5,361 Member
    Confession: MFP's newest blog post (http://blog.myfitnesspal.com/3-ways-your-breakfast-is-sabotaging-your-weight-loss/) is really annoying me. It's just grating on my nerves without even bothering to read it. Breakfast doesn't sabotage anyone, it's not alive! /endrant
  • This content has been removed.
  • Susieq_1994
    Susieq_1994 Posts: 5,361 Member
    Caitwn wrote: »
    Confession: MFP's newest blog post (http://blog.myfitnesspal.com/3-ways-your-breakfast-is-sabotaging-your-weight-loss/) is really annoying me. It's just grating on my nerves without even bothering to read it. Breakfast doesn't sabotage anyone, it's not alive! /endrant

    Speak for yourself. My cat ate a spider this morning. It was alive. And had it been capable of sabotage, I'm sure a good effort would have been made.

    lol! Well, live breakfast could sabotage you... Pretty badly, too. As an example, the live octopus delicacy in South Korea can stick in your throat with the suction cups on its tentacles if you don't chew it well. ;) Nevertheless, the blog is still really annoying.
  • BodyByBex
    BodyByBex Posts: 3,685 Member
    Caitwn wrote: »
    Confession: MFP's newest blog post (http://blog.myfitnesspal.com/3-ways-your-breakfast-is-sabotaging-your-weight-loss/) is really annoying me. It's just grating on my nerves without even bothering to read it. Breakfast doesn't sabotage anyone, it's not alive! /endrant

    Speak for yourself. My cat ate a spider this morning. It was alive. And had it been capable of sabotage, I'm sure a good effort would have been made.

    I laughed out loud. :laugh:
  • Susieq_1994
    Susieq_1994 Posts: 5,361 Member
    *whining* Guuuuuys (Well, girls...)! I got two new abuse flags. I'm curious and I want to know what posts they were on! I hate this anonymous flagging thing--I NEED TO KNOW WHAT GOT FLAGGED. I don't care who flagged it, I just want to know what I said that was apparently so offensive! :o (I actually went back to see if it was my reply to MrFitness, but it wasn't. And that's like... The rudest post I've ever made on this forum. Who would have thought!)
    *end of whining*
  • Oberon21
    Oberon21 Posts: 13,235 Member
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    LBuehrle8 wrote: »
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    LBuehrle8 wrote: »
    I can't handle glasses 24/7. I primarily wear contacts and then pop them out the minute I get home from work! B) I've been wearing contacts for 19 years so I can take them out put them in no problem.


    This is me. I have worn contacts since I was like 14 or 16. They are the first thing that comes out when I get home. They don't bother me during the day, but the second I get home they MUST come out!

    Haha I'm exactly that way too! During the day I don't even think about them but once home I'm not completely comfortable until I've taken my rinse off shower, put on my sweats, and taken out my contacts!
    Nobody's mentioned the need to remove their bra the minute they walk through the door, so I guess that's just me then..?

    Nope. Definitely not just you!

    If I didn't wear a DD, I would. As it is, if I go braless I risk a black eye when I go up the stairs.

    I find the opposite, I am a H cup and cannot WAIT to get in the door and take it off because of the weight on my shoulders.....if I was smaller it would not bother me as much I don't think....

    Wait...an H cup? I didn't know that size existed! Wow. Impressive. I would hate that. Between running and riding I have always been grateful I am small chested.

    I'm a 32 J.

    It was SO nice to go from a 36 G to a 34 HH to a 32 J on this weight loss journey..../end sarcasm

    I consulted my doctor recently and asked her when some real boob shrinkage might happen and she said 'eventually, but for some women it never happens naturally'. I cried.
    I feel like gaining weight was the WORST thing I could have ever done to myself. I should have been more active. I look back and I was beautiful at 160 lbs, a 32 DD, and size 8/10, but I didn't appreciate my body.

    Confession: I am terrified that I could get amazing abs and try to show 'em off an no one will notice because BOOBS! I am afraid that they will be my body's most dominant feature and that I they wont affect my quality of life enough for me to get a reduction covered by insurance. This fear gets so bad, sometimes I self sabotage. Like today when I ate an ENTIRE FAMILY SIZE BAG of Lays Original Potato chips.
    :disappointed:

    Well I have seen women with great abs and huge breasts and they show of both. It sounds like it's already affecting your quality of life. I'd see about reduction.
  • Oberon21
    Oberon21 Posts: 13,235 Member
    Lefty1290 wrote: »
    I'm leaving for VA on Thursday for a family reunion and I'll be back Sunday. I'm sad to lose my log in streak, but I'm excited to dig in to all of the rich, southern food: biscuits and gravy, cornbread, pork chops, fried chicken, various desserts...no calorie counting for me. I'll make sure to bring snacks because there can be quite a gap between meals: breakfast at 9 AM, lunch around 2 PM, and dinner at 6-7 PM.

    Have fun! Why can't you log in with someone's computer or your phone?
  • Oberon21
    Oberon21 Posts: 13,235 Member
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    Okay i am now back on page 908...almost back to where I left off on Thursday and encountering myself. Looks like my next post is my 1000 so I was going to post something but then chickened out. So will post this 'would you tell someone they look terrible' confession.

    When I go to the gym I never wear underwear. A LONG time ago I basically totally exposed myself to a trainer wearing looser shorts when he was holding my ankles and I was doing sit ups. I know he saw EVERYTHING. But we just pretended nothing was going on (both too embarrassed I think...and its funny that Bare A**ed is part of that word) so to this day, when I go to a dressing room and try on looser shorts that don't have a built in panty I do the 'stress test'... basically stand with my butt to the mirror and contort myself in every way possible. As long as nothing gets exposed, I buy them. :)

    My friend and I now have a standing joke whenever I buy something new...did it pass the stress test?
    Is there a reason for this??

    After that incident, I would have started!

    It's completely uncomfortable. Rides up my butt and I sweat so badly. Most of the stuff I wear now has built in liners or is tight enough not to do that.
  • Oberon21
    Oberon21 Posts: 13,235 Member
    *whining* Guuuuuys (Well, girls...)! I got two new abuse flags. I'm curious and I want to know what posts they were on! I hate this anonymous flagging thing--I NEED TO KNOW WHAT GOT FLAGGED. I don't care who flagged it, I just want to know what I said that was apparently so offensive! :o (I actually went back to see if it was my reply to MrFitness, but it wasn't. And that's like... The rudest post I've ever made on this forum. Who would have thought!)
    *end of whining*

    I'll bet they are thinking they are hitting the like button.
  • ohgeeque
    ohgeeque Posts: 224 Member
    Yesterday I got my self tanner in the mail and forced myself to try it (I was scared!) I have to say... I kind of like the results! The list of things that could go wrong was enormous: too dark, streaks, orangeness, weird deposits of dark color around certain areas, horrible smell. So at first I only tried my legs.

    The color isn't very dark at all... I can probably make it darker if I apply more coats, but I don't want to be super dark. It gives me more of a slight ''golden glow,'' if that makes sense. I didn't notice that the smell was bad until I rubbed it on my upper body... it stinks. At least now the smell seems to have faded.

    What did you use? What did you use? I don't want a tan, I just don't want to blind innocent bystanders with the gleaming whiteness of my skin.
  • ohgeeque
    ohgeeque Posts: 224 Member
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    LBuehrle8 wrote: »
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    LBuehrle8 wrote: »
    I can't handle glasses 24/7. I primarily wear contacts and then pop them out the minute I get home from work! B) I've been wearing contacts for 19 years so I can take them out put them in no problem.


    This is me. I have worn contacts since I was like 14 or 16. They are the first thing that comes out when I get home. They don't bother me during the day, but the second I get home they MUST come out!

    Haha I'm exactly that way too! During the day I don't even think about them but once home I'm not completely comfortable until I've taken my rinse off shower, put on my sweats, and taken out my contacts!
    Nobody's mentioned the need to remove their bra the minute they walk through the door, so I guess that's just me then..?

    Nope. Definitely not just you!

    I have to change from a "don't you dare move" bra to an "aaaahhhh" bra.
  • Glinda1971
    Glinda1971 Posts: 2,328 Member
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    Tubbs216 wrote: »
    LBuehrle8 wrote: »
    pofoster21 wrote: »
    LBuehrle8 wrote: »
    I can't handle glasses 24/7. I primarily wear contacts and then pop them out the minute I get home from work! B) I've been wearing contacts for 19 years so I can take them out put them in no problem.


    This is me. I have worn contacts since I was like 14 or 16. They are the first thing that comes out when I get home. They don't bother me during the day, but the second I get home they MUST come out!

    Haha I'm exactly that way too! During the day I don't even think about them but once home I'm not completely comfortable until I've taken my rinse off shower, put on my sweats, and taken out my contacts!
    Nobody's mentioned the need to remove their bra the minute they walk through the door, so I guess that's just me then..?

    Nope. Definitely not just you!

    If I didn't wear a DD, I would. As it is, if I go braless I risk a black eye when I go up the stairs.

    I find the opposite, I am a H cup and cannot WAIT to get in the door and take it off because of the weight on my shoulders.....if I was smaller it would not bother me as much I don't think....

    Wait...an H cup? I didn't know that size existed! Wow. Impressive. I would hate that. Between running and riding I have always been grateful I am small chested.

    I'm a 32 J.

    It was SO nice to go from a 36 G to a 34 HH to a 32 J on this weight loss journey..../end sarcasm

    I consulted my doctor recently and asked her when some real boob shrinkage might happen and she said 'eventually, but for some women it never happens naturally'. I cried.
    I feel like gaining weight was the WORST thing I could have ever done to myself. I should have been more active. I look back and I was beautiful at 160 lbs, a 32 DD, and size 8/10, but I didn't appreciate my body.

    Confession: I am terrified that I could get amazing abs and try to show 'em off an no one will notice because BOOBS! I am afraid that they will be my body's most dominant feature and that I they wont affect my quality of life enough for me to get a reduction covered by insurance. This fear gets so bad, sometimes I self sabotage. Like today when I ate an ENTIRE FAMILY SIZE BAG of Lays Original Potato chips.
    :disappointed:

    When I was slim I wore a 38 C and I felt I looked nice. My chest grew larger with every baby, and never went back down. I am now at a 42E (or DD) and I feel you. I carry my weight in my hips and thighs, so I feel like the top of me is a "normal" size except for my huge chest just sitting there mocking me and making my shoulders hurt. I am also afraid that they will stay big. So far I am not seeing any change there :(

    The largest I wear is a 44DD which is probably not the right size but it fits. I'm hoping for some skin shrinkage because they are starting to look really deflated and saggy which is grossing me out.

    And to think I thought they were big at a 36C.
  • qn4bx9pzg8aifd
    qn4bx9pzg8aifd Posts: 258 Member
    Caitwn wrote: »
    Confession: MFP's newest blog post (http://blog.myfitnesspal.com/3-ways-your-breakfast-is-sabotaging-your-weight-loss/) is really annoying me. It's just grating on my nerves without even bothering to read it. Breakfast doesn't sabotage anyone, it's not alive! /endrant

    Speak for yourself. My cat ate a spider this morning. It was alive. And had it been capable of sabotage, I'm sure a good effort would have been made.

    lol! Well, live breakfast could sabotage you... Pretty badly, too. As an example, the live octopus delicacy in South Korea can stick in your throat with the suction cups on its tentacles if you don't chew it well. ;)Nevertheless, the blog is still really annoying.

    O. M. G.

    That... is SUCH a disgusting visual(/thought/scenario/nightmare)...

    Oh, how I wish that it were possible to unread that... (where's that selective memory suppressant measure from The Blacklist, when ya need it...?! ;) )
  • ohgeeque
    ohgeeque Posts: 224 Member
    I don't usually obsess about food. When I get close to my limit, it is almost always coffee that shoots me over the top. However, I had the best lunch ever yesterday. Well, maybe not ever, but certainly since I started counting calories. No, it was really the best lunch ever.

    Prime Rib Salad. Prime rib, sliced thin, beautiful. It was laid out on a big bed of fresh lettuce, tomatoes, cukes, and other salady veggies. I think there was some kind of dressing on the side but I didn't pay attention to it. I watched my son and husband eat peanut butter pie and chocolate pie but I didn't care. I had prime rib...yummm.

    I think I am going back there for lunch today.
  • orangesmartie
    orangesmartie Posts: 1,870 Member
    edited June 2015
    Hi all,

    Sorry I haven’t been around for a while. Well I’ve been reading, but not posting. I’m having a really bad couple of weeks and I didn’t want to dump it all on you guys. However, I have missed you all immensely. Its strange how much I rely on this thread for fun and motivation. I don’t think you’ll ever know how much you have all helped motivate me.

    My diet and exercise has gone out of the window, the binge monster is well and truly in situ and my brain is telling me all sorts of horrible things, about how fat and unfit I am, and always will be, and theres little point trying. And no matter how much weight I lose, my boyfriend will still never love me and I’ll never be able to climb the mountain and blah blah blah blah.

    I look in the mirror and I hate what I see. I’m so fat and just can’t see how I’m going to get it off. And I know binge eating isn’t going to help, but I seem totally incapable of controlling it.

    There’s a bit of an issue going on between my boyfriend and I. We need to address it, but I am avoiding the issue. Because, irrational me says he’s going to tell me all the things I don’t want to hear (that I believe about myself). So the poor guy has been getting a really hard time, for something I *think* he might say. I’m not being very grown up about things at the moment.

    Most of the problem is I have not been taking my anti-depressants properly. I miss lots of days at a time, and that is obviously contributing to the blackness. Rationally I know I can fix that. I have reminders on my phone and email to take it, but I mostly just ignore them. I don’t know why. I know they help.

    And just to make another excuse, theres a lot going on. My mum has cancer and is having her operation today. Her recovery time means I need to be home to have Charlie (2yo nephew) a lot more, which interferes with my life a bit, and well just excuses really. I feel overwhelmed with everything.

    I’m sorry to dump this all on you, but a couple of people here told me it might help to get it out. And a big thank you to those of you who messaged me to check in: @pofoster21, @girldownsouth and @nonoelmo @Lois_1989. I really did appreciate it, and it was nice to think people noticed and cared enough to send a note. I hope I can remember to do the same for others.

    I am trying to remember that today is a new day and all I can do is try. And some advice given to me in a message was that you will be able to help me with that. And I know its true. As a support group, you lot are amazing.
  • Lois_1989
    Lois_1989 Posts: 6,410 Member
    Hi all,

    Sorry I haven’t been around for a while. Well I’ve been reading, but not posting. I’m having a really couple of weeks and I didn’t want to dump it all on you guys. However, I have missed you all immensely. Its strange how much I rely on this thread for fun and motivation. I don’t think you’ll ever know how much you have all helped motivate me.

    My diet and exercise has gone out of the window, the binge monster is well and truly in situ and my brain is telling me all sorts of horrible things, about how fat and unfit I am, and always will be, and theres little point trying. And no matter how much weight I lose, my boyfriend will still never love me and I’ll never be able to climb the mountain and blah blah blah blah.

    I look in the mirror and I hate what I see. I’m so fat and just can’t see how I’m going to get it off. And I know binge eating isn’t going to help, but I seem totally incapable of controlling it.

    There’s a bit of an issue going on between my boyfriend and I. We need to address it, but I am avoiding the issue. Because, irrational me says he’s going to tell me all the things I don’t want to hear (that I believe about myself). So the poor guy has been getting a really hard time, for something I *think* he might say. I’m not being very grown up about things at the moment.

    Most of the problem is I have not been taking my anti-depressants properly. I miss lots of days at a time, and that is obviously contributing to the blackness. Rationally I know I can fix that. I have reminders on my phone and email to take it, but I mostly just ignore them. I don’t know why. I know they help.

    And just to make another excuse, theres a lot going on. My mum has cancer and is having her operation today. Her recovery time means I need to be home to have Charlie (2yo nephew) a lot more, which interferes with my life a bit, and well just excuses really. I feel overwhelmed with everything.

    I’m sorry to dump this all on you, but a couple of people here told me it might help to get it out. And a big thank you to those of you who messaged me to check in: @pofoster21, @girldownsouth and @nonoelmo @Lois_1989. I really did appreciate it, and it was nice to think people noticed and cared enough to send a note. I hope I can remember to do the same for others.

    I am trying to remember that today is a new day and all I can do is try. And some advice given to me in a message was that you will be able to help me with that. And I know its true. As a support group, you lot are amazing.

    Anytime sweety, you know where I am if you need a vent/chat. You will be fine, concentrate on feeling better first. <3
  • Glinda1971
    Glinda1971 Posts: 2,328 Member
    @orangesmartie I'm so sorry that you are going through all that.

    I'm sending you virtual hugs, tonnes of them.

    And I believe you can climb that mountain!
  • misskarne
    misskarne Posts: 1,765 Member
    Hugs for orangesmartie.

    In figure skating, we say that falling is learning. When you're learning a new movement, a new jump etc, you will fall, and you should wear those falls as a badge of pride. You're just having a fall moment, that's all. It's a building block to your future :)
  • kelly_c_77
    kelly_c_77 Posts: 5,658 Member
    edited June 2015
    Checking in from page 918. I spent the last 37 hours in bed. No joke. On average, my Fitbit tells me I take 27,000 steps a day. Yesterday, my total was 414. I got so unbelievably sick Monday afternoon that I called my husband home from work early so I could rest. After lots and lots of vomiting(sorry) and sleeping and a tiny bit of food yesterday, I'm feeling much better. Not quite 100% but ok enough that my husband went back to work today (he took yesterday off because we don't have anyone else to help watch our son). Anyway, while I am very thankful that my husband took time off from work checking in on me and making sure I had everything I needed and he kept our son happy, fed, (and alive)...holy cow, the house(kitchen mostly) was a disaster! Like I said, I was literally in bed for 37 hours except for bathroom trips so when I came downstairs this morning...OMG! Dishes, crumbs, empty cans, cat's water bowl just about empty,..etc etc. Thank goodness I'm back to join the living because I'm afraid to see what the house would have looked like after another day without me!
    Hope everyone else is doing well..I've got some catching up to do...in between cleaning!! ;)
    ETA: I hope I don't sound b*tchy...I really do appreciate my husband..so, so much for so many things beyond helping me when I am sick. I think it's just nice to see that I am needed..he got a glimpse into my day as a stay at home mom...it's not just all relaxing with our son playing games, and having fun. There's cleaning, laundry, dishes, and meals to be made, cats to take care of, etc. etc.
    Ok enough.
  • Susieq_1994
    Susieq_1994 Posts: 5,361 Member
    Hi all,

    Sorry I haven’t been around for a while. Well I’ve been reading, but not posting. I’m having a really bad couple of weeks and I didn’t want to dump it all on you guys. However, I have missed you all immensely. Its strange how much I rely on this thread for fun and motivation. I don’t think you’ll ever know how much you have all helped motivate me.

    My diet and exercise has gone out of the window, the binge monster is well and truly in situ and my brain is telling me all sorts of horrible things, about how fat and unfit I am, and always will be, and theres little point trying. And no matter how much weight I lose, my boyfriend will still never love me and I’ll never be able to climb the mountain and blah blah blah blah.

    I look in the mirror and I hate what I see. I’m so fat and just can’t see how I’m going to get it off. And I know binge eating isn’t going to help, but I seem totally incapable of controlling it.

    There’s a bit of an issue going on between my boyfriend and I. We need to address it, but I am avoiding the issue. Because, irrational me says he’s going to tell me all the things I don’t want to hear (that I believe about myself). So the poor guy has been getting a really hard time, for something I *think* he might say. I’m not being very grown up about things at the moment.

    Most of the problem is I have not been taking my anti-depressants properly. I miss lots of days at a time, and that is obviously contributing to the blackness. Rationally I know I can fix that. I have reminders on my phone and email to take it, but I mostly just ignore them. I don’t know why. I know they help.

    And just to make another excuse, theres a lot going on. My mum has cancer and is having her operation today. Her recovery time means I need to be home to have Charlie (2yo nephew) a lot more, which interferes with my life a bit, and well just excuses really. I feel overwhelmed with everything.

    I’m sorry to dump this all on you, but a couple of people here told me it might help to get it out. And a big thank you to those of you who messaged me to check in: @pofoster21, @girldownsouth and @nonoelmo @Lois_1989. I really did appreciate it, and it was nice to think people noticed and cared enough to send a note. I hope I can remember to do the same for others.

    I am trying to remember that today is a new day and all I can do is try. And some advice given to me in a message was that you will be able to help me with that. And I know its true. As a support group, you lot are amazing.

    I'm so sorry to hear you're going through all that. :(

    Missing medication will definitely cause issues, but when you're already depressed it's really hard to care. Maybe place it next to your bedside with a cup of water and just pop it into your mouth when you wake up without really thinking about it?

    Dumping things is what this thread is here for! I wondered where you were, but @pofoster21 just said you were taking a little break, so I thought maybe catching up with the thread was getting to be too much work and you were busy.

    Be kind to yourself! It's so easy to look in the mirror and hate what we see--I'm going through it in a big way now that I've gained 10 kg and it's really hard to get my rear in gear even with that. Self-hatred seems to make it harder, not easier. Especially with binge-eaters, from what I've read, because it creates a really vicious cycle. Try not to put yourself down, although coming from the same place of body-hating, I know that's really, really hard.

    I'm really sorry about your mom--I hope that her operation and recovery go smoothly. I understand how resentment can sneak up on us when our normal lives are disrupted, even when we feel it might be misplaced--that's a very normal reaction to such a happenstance.

    As for the boyfriend issues... I often find it's best to suck it up and talk it out, because otherwise it just keeps getting bigger and uglier and harder to clear up when it might have been easy to deal with at first.

    Whatever happens in the next few days or weeks... Be gentle with yourself. You're not a loser or a pig or ugly or anything like that. You matter and people care about you! And also... You can totally kick that mountain's rear end!
  • Glinda1971
    Glinda1971 Posts: 2,328 Member
    kelly_c_77 wrote: »
    Checking in from page 918. I spent the last 37 hours in bed. No joke. On average, my Fitbit tells me I take 27,000 steps a day. Yesterday, my total was 414. I got so unbelievably sick Monday afternoon that I called my husband home from work early so I could rest. After lots and lots of vomiting(sorry) and sleeping and a tiny bit of food yesterday, I'm feeling much better. Not quite 100% but ok enough that my husband went back to work today (he took yesterday off because we don't have anyone else to help watch our son). Anyway, while I am very thankful that my husband took time off from work checking in on me and making sure I had everything I needed and he kept our son happy, fed, (and alive)...holy cow, the house(kitchen mostly) was a disaster! Like I said, I was literally in bed for 37 hours except for bathroom trips so when I came downstairs this morning...OMG! Dishes, crumbs, empty cans, cat's water bowl just about empty,..etc etc. Thank goodness I'm back to join the living because I'm afraid to see what the house would have looked like after another day without me!
    Hope everyone else is doing well..I've got some catching up to do...in between cleaning!! ;)
    ETA: I hope I don't sound b*tchy...I really do appreciate my husband..so, so much for so many things beyond helping me when I am sick. I think it's just nice to see that I am needed..he got a glimpse into my day as a stay at home mom...it's not just all relaxing with our son playing games, and having fun. There's cleaning, laundry, dishes, and meals to be made, cats to take care of, etc. etc.
    Ok enough.

    Glad you're feeling better!
  • Italian_Buju
    Italian_Buju Posts: 8,030 Member
    I am also among those who enjoy Big Brother. My boyfriend can't believe me, he thinks it's a load of crap (which, ok, maybe it is). It's just so cheesy and entertaining. I also love Survivor and RuPaul's Drag Race.

    :#
  • Italian_Buju
    Italian_Buju Posts: 8,030 Member
    jlwhelan2 wrote: »
    nonoelmo wrote: »
    jqgokbjj3agb.jpg
    I took my daughter to Ethiopian food tonight. Her first time. It is so good at least to me and she liked it a lot too. Savory and just spicy enough to be really tasty. Mmmm.

    Her follow up visit with the nutritionist is tomorrow.

    That looks terrible, lol....sorry, glad you enjoyed it though!

    Ha! That really did make me laugh. It probably does not photograph well and, yes, my tastes don't run to sweets (except dark chocolate) but despite the lack of photogenic properties of this meal it was delicious.

    I am confused.....is this another account or something?