Lame Jokes. And I mean REALLY lame.
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Capt_Apollo wrote: »personally, i like steak puns... They're a rare medium, well done
Reminds me of: Television is called a medium because it is neither rare, nor well-done.
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_Terrapin_ wrote: »What did the Buddhist order from the hot dog vendor? One. . . .with everything.
There is a sequel to this joke.
When the Buddhist paid for the hot dog with a twenty, he asked for his change, and the vendor said, " Change must come from within."0 -
Texasgntlman wrote: »How many men does it take to change a toilet paper roll?
Nobody knows because it's never been done
LOL I like this one even more because a guy is telling it!
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Knock knock.
Who's there?
To.
To Who?
To whom.0 -
How come sharks do not eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.0 -
There are only two types of people in the world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data...0
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A duck walks into a bar three days in a row and asks the bartender "you got any grapes?"
The bartender fed up says you ask me that one more time and I'm going to nail your beak shut. Next day the duck walks in and asks," you got any nails?" Bartender says "no". Then duck says then "you got any grapes?"0 -
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Never mind, I better not spread it.0 -
Texasgntlman wrote: »There is a whole list of jokes about a guy with no arms and no legs: I'll start it and you can ad too it.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of the door? -Matt
What do you call a man with no arms and legs floating in the lake? -Bob
What do you call a man with no arms and legs beside a hole in the ground? -Doug
...the one who's in the hole is Phil.
...in a pile of leaves, Russell.
...in the mailbox, Bill.
...on the wall, Art.
...stuck in the tub, Dwayne (drain, said with a lisp)
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coolraul07 wrote: »Texasgntlman wrote: »There is a whole list of jokes about a guy with no arms and no legs: I'll start it and you can ad too it.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of the door? -Matt
What do you call a man with no arms and legs floating in the lake? -Bob
What do you call a man with no arms and legs beside a hole in the ground? -Doug
...the one who's in the hole is Phil.
...in a pile of leaves, Russell.
...in the mailbox, Bill.
...on the wall, Art.
...stuck in the tub, Dwayne (drain, said with a lisp)
where do you find a man with no arms and legs?? Right where you left him.
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...if she was leaning again a fence, she'd be Eileen.TheBeachgod wrote: »What do you call a woman with no arms and legs lying in a cow pasture? Patty.
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A limbo champion walks into a bar...
...and loses his title.0 -
Capt_Apollo wrote: »coolraul07 wrote: »Texasgntlman wrote: »There is a whole list of jokes about a guy with no arms and no legs: I'll start it and you can ad too it.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of the door? -Matt
What do you call a man with no arms and legs floating in the lake? -Bob
What do you call a man with no arms and legs beside a hole in the ground? -Doug
...the one who's in the hole is Phil.
...in a pile of leaves, Russell.
...in the mailbox, Bill.
...on the wall, Art.
...stuck in the tub, Dwayne (drain, said with a lisp)
where do you find a man with no arms and legs?? Right where you left him.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating facedown in the ocean?
F***ed.0 -
A priest, rabbi and minister walk in to a bar .. the bartender says "what is this, some kind of joke?"Capt_Apollo wrote: »personally, i like steak puns... They're a rare medium, well done
Reminds me of: Television is called a medium because it is neither rare, nor well-done.
On TV there was a news report about an escaped midget who can talk to the dead. The reporter said there was "a small medium at large".
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a head walk in to a bar
the head orders a drink.. he grows a torso
surprised, he orders another drink and arms grow
he orders another and legs grow
He is feeling quite drunk at this point and walks outside
he gets hit by a car crossing the street
the bartender says "he should have quit when he was a head"
clap
clap
clap0 -
Capt_Apollo wrote: »There are only two types of people in the world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data...
There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.0 -
I can incorporate any Bruno Mars song into a conversation.
Don't believe me? Just watch.0 -
Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?
It runs in your jeans.
I had to wait until my son took 4th grade science to tell him that one.0 -
_Terrapin_ wrote: »What did the Buddhist order from the hot dog vendor? One. . . .with everything.
There is a sequel to this joke.
When the Buddhist paid for the hot dog with a twenty, he asked for his change, and the vendor said, " Change must come from within."
Yes, and the last part. Wen the vendor doesn't give the change to the Buddhist he says "I have something you ought to be more interested in then the change." The Buddhist inquires "What?" The vendor pulls out a chocolate covered mint with a hole through the center. He holds it up to the sun and asks the Buddhist what he sees. The Buddhist replies, "Sunlight coming through", the vendor says, "it is A light in mint" and this why Buddhists ought to avoid processed 'less ideal' meats. bwahahahahahaha
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Did you just make that up? If so, that's pretty good. I haven't heard it before.0
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