Ask a mortician

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  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,503 Member
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    LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    What has been your favorite costume that someone was buried in? If I were to be buried, I'd want to look like a Jedi.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png

    That was the first time I've ever put chaps on someone.


    ..... but was it the last time ??
  • badgerface1k
    badgerface1k Posts: 125 Member
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    Have u ever been just about to embalm someone and they came to life at the last second?
  • LittleHearseDriver
    LittleHearseDriver Posts: 2,677 Member
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    badgerface1k wrote: »
    Have u ever been just about to embalm someone and they came to life at the last second?

    Nope, not yet
  • kellylynnshonting
    kellylynnshonting Posts: 108 Member
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    I bet you have a ton of stories. What is your favorite and why?
  • LittleHearseDriver
    LittleHearseDriver Posts: 2,677 Member
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    kellylynnshonting wrote: »
    I bet you have a ton of stories. What is your favorite and why?
    Not my favorite , but the only one I can think of.

    A few years ago we buried the wife of a well liked 80 year old black minister in town. At the funeral everyone praised him for being a loving and devoted husband. Six weeks later he got remarried. Thenat a funeral he preached, he was bragging about how he liked to take her out for ice cream so he would watch her lick the cone clean.

    We've turned into an inside joke at work and we refer to him as the ice cream man.
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
    badgerface1k wrote: »
    Have u ever been just about to embalm someone and they came to life at the last second?

    Nope, not yet

    True Story.

    Last year my aunt died. She was really old and was pronounced dead in a Columbus hospital and wheeled into another room with a sheet pulled over her body. 30 minutes later, a nurse sees the sheet move. My aunt went home from the hospital that night.

    Two weeks later I get a telephone call that she had passed away.

    My response: "Well, fool me once & shame on you.... fool me twice....."

    That's freaky
  • kellylynnshonting
    kellylynnshonting Posts: 108 Member
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    @LittleHearseDriver I am from Tennessee as well and I have to say that sounds familiar...at least the part of it being a well liked black minister. You probably can't go much further in detail, which is fine if you can't, but if I am thinking of the same person, are they based in Nashville?
  • LittleHearseDriver
    LittleHearseDriver Posts: 2,677 Member
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    No, ma'am. I work in a small town.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,639 Member
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    Coroners usually give you cause of death? And have you ever been suspicious of any death that seemed odd?

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,503 Member
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    Bucknutz247 wrote: »
    Hell I'd probably fake my death just to try and get a date with you. Lol


    that sounds a lil' desperate....



    although,upon first reading, I thought to myself: Hey, that's a pretty good idea!
  • LittleHearseDriver
    LittleHearseDriver Posts: 2,677 Member
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    Bucknutz247 wrote: »
    Hell I'd probably fake my death just to try and get a date with you. Lol
    You're such a romantic.

    ninerbuff wrote: »
    Coroners usually give you cause of death? And have you ever been suspicious of any death that seemed odd?

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png

    we cremated an attorney's wife who got up one night and supposedly choked on French fries during a midnight snack. He had a million dollar insurance policy in her.
  • Laurie6578
    Laurie6578 Posts: 154 Member
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    Can you explain in sequence how you prepare the body and do you break up the organs with the trocar? The thought of that freaks me out. a bit..I know makes no sense. Also, working so closely with the dead, do you have strong spiritual beliefs and if so, what do you believe happens after death?
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,503 Member
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    LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
    Laurie6578 wrote: »
    Can you explain in sequence how you prepare the body and do you break up the organs with the trocar? The thought of that freaks me out. a bit..I know makes no sense. Also, working so closely with the dead, do you have strong spiritual beliefs and if so, what do you believe happens after death?

    Close the eyes and mouth. Make a one inch incision at the base of the neck parallel with the collarbone, raise the Carotid artery and the jugular vein,insert spring angular forceps into the vein, inject embalming fluid through the carotid artery and drain the blood through the opening in the jugular. Once the tank on the embalming machine is empty remove the instruments. Insert the trocar into the abdomen one inch up and over to the left of the belly button. Move the trocar back and forth in a sawing motion while punturing the major organs. Then hypodermically inject the abdominal cavity with cavity fluid. Seal the opening with a trocar button. Give the deceased a bath and you're all done.

    Do you offer 'twofer sales' ?

    and...

    Do you have a frequent flyer program?


    btw.... your post above is fascinating; really, it is.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,503 Member
    edited January 2017
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    LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
    Laurie6578 wrote: »
    [ I believe we all go to one of two places when we die.

    I believe we all go to one of two places when we die.
    =================================

    One of those places is Los Angeles, isn't it?

    I've been there and the traffic is just pure Hell.
  • LittleHearseDriver
    LittleHearseDriver Posts: 2,677 Member
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    Motorsheen wrote: »
    LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
    Laurie6578 wrote: »
    Can you explain in sequence how you prepare the body and do you break up the organs with the trocar? The thought of that freaks me out. a bit..I know makes no sense. Also, working so closely with the dead, do you have strong spiritual beliefs and if so, what do you believe happens after death?

    Close the eyes and mouth. Make a one inch incision at the base of the neck parallel with the collarbone, raise the Carotid artery and the jugular vein,insert spring angular forceps into the vein, inject embalming fluid through the carotid artery and drain the blood through the opening in the jugular. Once the tank on the embalming machine is empty remove the instruments. Insert the trocar into the abdomen one inch up and over to the left of the belly button. Move the trocar back and forth in a sawing motion while punturing the major organs. Then hypodermically inject the abdominal cavity with cavity fluid. Seal the opening with a trocar button. Give the deceased a bath and you're all done.

    Do you offer 'twofer sales' ?

    and...

    Do you have a frequent flyer program?


    btw.... your post above is fascinating; really, it is.

    Last year, we had one family 3 times within 6 months and we gave them a discount. I felt so sorry for them.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,503 Member
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    LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
    Laurie6578 wrote: »
    Can you explain in sequence how you prepare the body and do you break up the organs with the trocar? The thought of that freaks me out. a bit..I know makes no sense. Also, working so closely with the dead, do you have strong spiritual beliefs and if so, what do you believe happens after death?

    Close the eyes and mouth. Make a one inch incision at the base of the neck parallel with the collarbone, raise the Carotid artery and the jugular vein,insert spring angular forceps into the vein, inject embalming fluid through the carotid artery and drain the blood through the opening in the jugular. Once the tank on the embalming machine is empty remove the instruments. Insert the trocar into the abdomen one inch up and over to the left of the belly button. Move the trocar back and forth in a sawing motion while punturing the major organs. Then hypodermically inject the abdominal cavity with cavity fluid. Seal the opening with a trocar button. Give the deceased a bath and you're all done.

    Do you offer 'twofer sales' ?

    and...

    Do you have a frequent flyer program?


    btw.... your post above is fascinating; really, it is.

    Last year, we had one family 3 times within 6 months and we gave them a discount. I felt so sorry for them.

    whoa.... I was clowning, that's rough.

    also, I was thinking about when you said that you had to rewrite an obit (sp?) several times for one family ( I think it was five revisions), why not include one revision in the price of your services and then charge extra for all future revisions? Why not get paid for your time, effort and sanity?

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