Should your S.O./Spouse have a say so if they feel you are too thin or too large?

GemstoneofHeart

Depends on the motive. If it is out of love and respect for the other person and their health, absolutely. If it is to tear them down and manipulate them, no.

Tionne31

An unpopular perspective I'm sure but I make it a point to take people exactly as they are and if/when things change (in any and all ways) we come to the table and renegotiate the terms of our relationship to include potentially ending the relationship if need be. I have zero interest in telling another adult how to look, live, etc. I can only focus on the ways our interaction is mutually beneficial and sever ties when it is not.

KANGOOJUMPS

please, do this FOR YOU!

GemstoneofHeart

SexyTimesMike wrote: »

I believe it is always in your best interests regardless of how hard it is to hear.

I wouldn't give a blanket statement like that. There are lots of people who use it as manipulation or to cover up their own insecurities. My ex sure did and hence why he is now my ex. It sounds like you have a real winner and a great partner!

SecularVegan

I told my boyfriend to stop eating so much or he's gonna end up like his brother. (Bed ridden from obesity, triple bypass, and diabetic)
Now we are both vegan and don't have to worry about that ever happening
I feel that if you love someone, you should stop them harming themselves. As long as it's coming from love and not a personal attack.

vmbourg

My husband and I have both gained and lost weight in our relationship. My smallest was 130 and largest was 215. Honestly, I felt no difference in our relationship, other than I felt like crap, I was more reserved and overall needed a change. But never did I feel like his affection/attention changed towards me in regards to my weight. But, when I feel better , I notice he is just a little more "hands on" than usual. When he gains weight it takes me awhile to notice, but if it is something detrimental to his health, l see no problem in pointing it out. It's all in the motive and intention.

forwardmoving

SecularVegan wrote: »

I told my boyfriend to stop eating so much or he's gonna end up like his brother. (Bed ridden from obesity, triple bypass, and diabetic)
Now we are both vegan and don't have to worry about that ever happening
I feel that if you love someone, you should stop them harming themselves. As long as it's coming from love and not a personal attack.

Cuz there are no overweight vegans?

peckchris3267

If you get into a relationship and the person immediately gains 100 pounds then yes, you should say something about it. That weight gain can have a significant impact on a relationship in many ways.

STLBADGIRL

forwardmoving wrote: »

SecularVegan wrote: »

I told my boyfriend to stop eating so much or he's gonna end up like his brother. (Bed ridden from obesity, triple bypass, and diabetic)
Now we are both vegan and don't have to worry about that ever happening
I feel that if you love someone, you should stop them harming themselves. As long as it's coming from love and not a personal attack.

Cuz there are no overweight vegans?

This is what I was thinking.... LOL

fishgutzy

Depends on whether one has a distorted self image.
When I was bulimic I had a seriously distorted self image. I'm 6' even. When i puked my was down to 155 I still thought I was fat.
As a kid I was the only pudgy one in the family and wad constantly told I was fat. I weighed about 190 when I graduated from high school. Finished boot camp at 175. But never thought I was not fat.
At 56 I still have to rely input from my wife because that little fat guy is still in my head.

Alatariel75

STLBADGIRL wrote: »

forwardmoving wrote: »

SecularVegan wrote: »

I told my boyfriend to stop eating so much or he's gonna end up like his brother. (Bed ridden from obesity, triple bypass, and diabetic)
Now we are both vegan and don't have to worry about that ever happening
I feel that if you love someone, you should stop them harming themselves. As long as it's coming from love and not a personal attack.

Cuz there are no overweight vegans?

This is what I was thinking.... LOL

Oreos are vegan. Just sayin.

STLBADGIRL

Alatariel75 wrote: »

STLBADGIRL wrote: »

forwardmoving wrote: »

SecularVegan wrote: »

I told my boyfriend to stop eating so much or he's gonna end up like his brother. (Bed ridden from obesity, triple bypass, and diabetic)
Now we are both vegan and don't have to worry about that ever happening
I feel that if you love someone, you should stop them harming themselves. As long as it's coming from love and not a personal attack.

Cuz there are no overweight vegans?

This is what I was thinking.... LOL

Oreos are vegan. Just sayin.

bawhhahahahahahhahahaaaaaa! I'm seriously laughing - HARD!

AshleyAppleJuice

An SO should know if you would be comfortable with those kinds of discussions.
I have low self-esteem and wish my SO would tell me the truth, but I know it would destroy me.
So I'm just going to gauge his reaction with his actions when I keep losing weight.
He's already admitted I look better than I used to.. and yes I got upset at the time.. I didn't show that I was upset but now it just motivates me.

STLBADGIRL

AshleyAppleJuice wrote: »

An SO should know if you would be comfortable with those kinds of discussions.
I have low self-esteem and wish my SO would tell me the truth, but I know it would destroy me.
So I'm just going to gauge his reaction with his actions when I keep losing weight.
He's already admitted I look better than I used to.. and yes I got upset at the time.. I didn't show that I was upset but now it just motivates me.

This is where I was @AshleyAppleJuice . I knew I needed and wanted to lose weight, but when the subject was brought up by him I would get upset or my feelings would get hurt. But most of that came from how I viewed myself internally. I had to change the views that I had for myself because that wasn't fair to him or the self hatred I put on myself.

anacline

My husband seems to want to complain that he won't be able to play with my fat once I loose weight. ( Yes, he's a bit of a weirdo) But otherwise he's fine with it. I can't express how completely happy that I have found someone that doesn't dump on me for not having "the perfect body."

AudreyJDuke

What a fascinating discussion. Agree with so many perspectives! Thanks.

STLBADGIRL

AudreyJDuke wrote: »

What a fascinating discussion. Agree with so many perspectives! Thanks.

@AudreyJDuke Hey Great....What perspectives do you agree with?

Angel49kitty

I have a tendency to date people who find me beautiful despite my curvier, heavy-set body shape OR have the opinion of "I accept you as you are, and if you want to change then I support you" and that I should make sure I'm losing weight for myself and not to be attractive to others. Exception being my last ex who wasn't attracted to me at all because I wasn't small enough; we *sort of* had a discussion about it - it didn't last long.

I'm a blunt person in general, but also encouraging. I don't typically bring up topic of weight unless my partner does first, and then I tell it how I see it - then try to support whatever change they want to make.

STLBADGIRL

Angel49kitty wrote: »

I have a tendency to date people who find me beautiful despite my curvier, heavy-set body shape OR have the opinion of "I accept you as you are, and if you want to change then I support you" and that I should make sure I'm losing weight for myself and not to be attractive to others. Exception being my last ex who wasn't attracted to me at all because I wasn't small enough; we *sort of* had a discussion about it - it didn't last long.

I'm a blunt person in general, but also encouraging. I don't typically bring up topic of weight unless my partner does first, and then I tell it how I see it - then try to support whatever change they want to make.

I can get with bringing the concern with me AND supporting me!