The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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Seems only a small victory but 2 days AF after drinking for over 28 years with only a couple of breaks it's a start and a need to do this for my health.
I am not usually good at sharing my hubby is great but likes it to be just us two which is ok as I dont really have friends as such previously colleagues who I got on well with but didnt socialise with so I have bottled this up for a long time . So here goes.
It started with a half a glass of cider to relax when the kids were young the hubby brought cartons of wine so a couple of glasses then larger glasses my body got used to it so hardly ever sick but over the last few years heart palpitations then blackouts sometimes i dont even know how I got to bed a bit like a machine( I know it sounds bad) but my fathers drowning, my mothers dementia and my sons debt all added fo my stress and my not sleeping that I think drinking seemed to help but it didnt really just numbed things.
So now I need to begin it will be hard hubby likes a drink and already last night put my glass out twice but I have started strong and feel determined. Wish me luck please.
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Seems only a small victory but 2 days AF after drinking for over 28 years with only a couple of breaks it's a start and a need to do this for my health.
I am not usually good at sharing my hubby is great but likes it to be just us two which is ok as I dont really have friends as such previously colleagues who I got on well with but didnt socialise with so I have bottled this up for a long time . So here goes.
It started with a half a glass of cider to relax when the kids were young the hubby brought cartons of wine so a couple of glasses then larger glasses my body got used to it so hardly ever sick but over the last few years heart palpitations then blackouts sometimes i dont even know how I got to bed a bit like a machine( I know it sounds bad) but my fathers drowning, my mothers dementia and my sons debt all added fo my stress and my not sleeping that I think drinking seemed to help but it didnt really just numbed things.
So now I need to begin it will be hard hubby likes a drink and already last night put my glass out twice but I have started strong and feel determined. Wish me luck please.
Absolutely we wish you luck! You have had 2 AF days already. That is hard to do but you did it!!
It is very understandable how we need to drink to numb our feelings. Life is so hard and it is clear you have had difficult times and tragedy.
I have had blackouts, as I gotten older, heart palpitations in the middle of the night, nauseas during the day and anxiety... You are not alone.
Whether you are are not an alcoholic, I can't say.
I know for me my issue was progressive, with each passing year, my disease got a little bit worse and then worse. Then, I could not stop at just one or two drinks like a normal person, I usually binged. If I didn't binge sometimes, it was a miracle probably.
Your husband is probably afraid he will not have his drinking buddy around if you quit. Also, a possibility is that if you start watching how much you drink, he may have to face how much he drinks. It is embarrassing sometimes to admit we drink too much.
Sometimes, I tell myself I am trying to literally save my life. I dont want to go on drinking and hurt someone inadvertently, or hurt my liver and kidneys.... sometimes these things scare me enough to stay sober for one more day.
Thanks for sharing your story. We all understand and feel how hard it is to start to analyze your drinking patterns and want better for yourself. But it sounds like you have determination. Just take it one day at a time.4 -
Thank you RubyRed4272
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Great to see so much activity this morning! @RubyRed427, that is awesome! Doesn't get much more stressful than that--not that these are bigger than death, war, and famine problems, but the intense fight-or-flight stress is so hard to deal with. But you did it! Sorry about the school situation. We left school yesterday instructed to be prepared not to return, but that will only happen if our Texas governor orders a school shutdown, and I don't think he will. Receiving last-minute notice like that had to be maddening.
@FeelinFooFoo, you are doing so great. We are all proud of you! What you said reminded me of a good answer to the "why are you not drinking?" question. If you say, "Because I'm unhappy (or miserable) when I drink," what come-back can they have? "Oh, please, be miserable!"???
@annliz23, you have come to the right group. We have ALL been through our own versions of your struggle, and this is a very supportive group. 2 days is huge. It's the hardest part. Kate Bee has a good blog post somewhere (actually, I think she is quoting Clare Pooley--Sober Mummy), about getting through that hard, early part in order to get to the part that is really wonderful. I, like many others, have lived that hard part over and over and over and over, with countless "Day One's" under my belt. I'm absolutely still a newbie to sobriety, but I can tell you that the view from Day 139 (20 weeks tomorrow--yay!) is pretty sweet and makes those early miserable days more than worth it. So hang in there. Journaling every single day was my salvation in the early days, and it's helpful to look back on those entries sometimes to remember where I've come from. I recommend journaling. Also, I made a list of "Things I Hated About Drinking," including things like 3 a.m. heart palpitations. I still refer to that list occasionally but referred to it all the time in the beginning. You might try that. Anyway, we're rooting for you! You deserve this.
Have a great weekend, everyone. It's the first day of my 10 day vacation, and I made a decision to get up and shower and put makeup on every day instead of heading to my computer in my pjs and maybe getting stuck in my pjs for the entire day before I knew what hit me. It feels good to smell and look good (not that I stunk, but you know--nice lotion, perfume) first thing on a Saturday. And when my daughter FaceTimed at 9 a.m., I looked nice and NOT hungover. Still can't get over that horrible "before" picture on July 6. Yikes.5 -
@donimfp Yahoo!! 20 weeks!! Yes, it does get a tiny bit easier with each passing day. After awhile, I keep thinking why would I want to ruin my trend or record. I like rewards! Don't we all? I hope you buy yourself something nice or get a nice massage this week! For me, I am waiting for my three month coin but for now, I touch my one month and two month coin which sits on my night stand each night. I also thank the universe for helping me stay sober one more day.
@annliz23 Take small steps now and you will make great gains. The days start to add up before you know it. On this thread, we have all tried different programs and it's nice to be part of a community of sober people who want the same thing.
I still get excited waking up on the weekends without feeling like death. I got so much accomplished today in general and I just don't want to ruin that good feeling for an hour or two of drinking.
I like seeing the thread hopping! You all motivate me!4 -
@FeelinFooFoo I do love Annie Grace! I did her 30 day about a year ago. Her videos are very good too.4
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Sober win: I had so much energy today. I made corn and poblano lasagna, which is my husband’s favorite. I realized that last time I made it I had to sit down because my back hurt (It’s a little labor intensive and takes a while). Today I felt like it was no big deal. Watched Food TV while I worked (standing), cleaned the kitchen as I went, then made asparagus soup, then boiled and mashed turnips from our CSA, then sliced kohlrabi, which I’d never had and discovered it’s delicious dipped in ranch dressing. And I never got tired!! Last time I made the lasagna (probably 6 months ago) I was certainly hungover and also 28 lbs. heavier. Sober life is good.9
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30 days! WooHoo FooFoo! That’s so much fun to say.6
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Thank you for the "welcomes" everyone. It is good to be here
Had a rough day today but didn't drink. My zoom wouldn't work for my mmeeting with my sponsor today which really bummed me out. Probably more then it should have but when your feelings start coming back they are a little overwhelmin sometimes. Also my cat is sick. I took him to the vet but what they did doesn't seem to be working... very worried. I am glad I have this group as a place to talk! Thank you! I know that tomorrow will be better. 118 days today! I'll take another 24 7 -
@FeelinFooFoo
Thank you! Woke up today. Had coffee and half a pastry. Waiting for the grocery store to open up at 7am and today I'm going to make some Filipino Chicken Adobe (no skin, no bone). Today will be a better day! Day 119 AF, tomorrow will be 120... 4 months! Can 't believe I've made it that long. One minute at a time sometimes... Yesterday was tough. I'm going to focus on the positive and stay in the now today. Enjoy the moments.
Dio (my sick kitty) came out of the back room to eat a little something this morning but he went back in. I hope he strarts feeling better or I'll have to take him to the vet again tomorrow. They are very much of the family. It pains me when they don't feel good. I have 5, all rescues. My husband likes to say "For free cats, they sure are expensive!" lol
Hope everyone has a fantastic day!!!6 -
@joelann10 Good morning! It feels pretty good to be sober. In the middle of the night I woke up and thought, I am so happy I am not drunk right now. The Filipino chicken Adobe sound delicious. Congrats on 4 months!!!5
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@RubyRed427, that is hilarious. Hope you smiled and went right back to sleep!
@joelann10, our cat Hendrix, age 15, is not eating either. We're taking him to the vet tomorrow. It is so worrying . . . especially to my husband, whom I call "Nanaw" when it comes to cats. I'll be saying a prayer for Dio when I say my prayers for Hendrix. Congratulations on 4 months!! I intended to stop counting at some point, but don't know if I ever will. It's fun to see the days stacking up. And the "fives" are always a good excuse for a treat. 120 sounds like treat day to me.6 -
12:30 and we just returned from having to put our beloved best cat ever, Hendrix, to sleep. We’re so sad, especially my husband, who adored that cat to an almost absurd degree. It was a blessing that when we determined at 9 pm that we needed to get him to a vet immediately, I was sober and able to drive us to the all night vet 25 miles away and to drive my grieving husband home. I think I was more tempted to drink when we got home than I have been in 20 weeks. But luckily resisting no longer feels like torture.
RIP Hendrix.11 -
12:30 and we just returned from having to put our beloved best cat ever, Hendrix, to sleep. We’re so sad, especially my husband, who adored that cat to an almost absurd degree. It was a blessing that when we determined at 9 pm that we needed to get him to a vet immediately, I was sober and able to drive us to the all night vet 25 miles away and to drive my grieving husband home. I think I was more tempted to drink when we got home than I have been in 20 weeks. But luckily resisting no longer feels like torture.
RIP Hendrix.
Oh how upsetting, pets become part of the family , my heart goes put to you please stay strong 🤗🤗4 -
So far 4 days in, sleep seems to be the biggest issue as I lie awake for hours then doze for a bit, feeling so drained but even though last night I was tempted to grab a glass I grabbed a peppermint instead so that's a positive.6
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12:30 and we just returned from having to put our beloved best cat ever, Hendrix, to sleep. We’re so sad, especially my husband, who adored that cat to an almost absurd degree. It was a blessing that when we determined at 9 pm that we needed to get him to a vet immediately, I was sober and able to drive us to the all night vet 25 miles away and to drive my grieving husband home. I think I was more tempted to drink when we got home than I have been in 20 weeks. But luckily resisting no longer feels like torture.
RIP Hendrix.
So sorry for your loss! I love my pets more than most people. It is heart breaking to lose them.5 -
It was a rough weekend. I almost drank.... but didn't. I ate everything instead. Here is a post I made on another thread:Here is the DAMAGE:
As I posted above about the Zaxby's on Friday night... There were leftovers and I snacked on them all weekend. DH and I picked up a pizza Saturday and I ate my fair share. Family drama happened Sunday morning as I was getting ready to start my drive back. I stopped by Taco Bell and bought a dozen Cinnabon Delights. A DOZEN!!! I ate them all before I reached the next town on my drive. YEP! This happened. THEN several hours into my drive I stopped by Burger King for a Whopper Jr and Jalapeno cheddar bites.... THEN I arrived at my daughters and found leftover blueberry pancakes in the fridge. I ate them with my bare hands like a raccoon in the garbage... I then ate chocolate chips and a chocolate/PB snack cake from the pantry and finished the day with 2 squares of a Lindt chocolate bar.
I am really proud to be sober today. I am ashamed of my relationship with food. Currently, there are so many things out of my control. I am focusing on managing those that are IN my control, like what I put in my mouth. I am focusing on what I can influence. Lastly, I am focusing on how I react and respond to those things outside of my control.
Today is one of those minute by minute days.
STAY STRONG MY SOBER FRIENDS7 -
@donimfp my condolences to you and your husband on the loss of your dear pet. Obviously we all feel that pets are family members and there is a hole once they are gone. You did the right thing, not allowing him to suffer. Hugs.4
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@annliz23 , Hang in there! Sleep troubles were horrible when I stopped drinking. My journal entries confirm that! The good news is that after a couple of weeks my sleep became better than it ever was when drinking. It gets better. I still have bouts of insomnia but they are relatively rare. Good job with the peppermint.6
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@donimfp
Oh my gosh! I am SO SORRY. The pain of losing a furbaby is awful. I am so glad you stayed strong. And what a blessing you were able to be there and drive and support your husband through it. Being sober gives many gifts to us, even if it doesn't seem like it at the time. RIP Hendrix, you were loved.5 -
I'm at 120 days today! 4 months Who would'a thought??? Honestly, Saturday was the worst, truest craving I've had the whole time for alcohol. I made it through it though! I was sad because of my cat, depressed in general... and the thought of wine sounded SO good. Just to slip into my little oblivion... but I didn't and Sunday was great. No hangover, got up early, had a great day... what a difference a day makes!
Stay strong everyone!
@becka3695
I've been working on acceptance and my reactions to situations as well. It's tough but with enough practice, it will come naturally to us!6 -
@joelann10 and all you guys, thank you for your condolences. The house seems a little empty today without Hendrix, but it was the right thing to do.
"What a difference a day makes!" SO true. One of the many good things about keeping a journal is reading back through it to get insight from myself. There are many entries, especially in early days, saying things like, "Why the kitten am I doing this? I want a drink. There's no point to this," etc., etc. Invariably, the very next day's entry says something like, "Whew! That was a close one. I have no desire to drink today and am glad I didn't yesterday." The lesson to myself is . . . just wait ONE more day and see how you feel.8 -
@donimfp Sweet Hendrix! I am sure he lived such a beautiful life with you; my sympathies to you and your family.
As for eating a lot, I am eating too much. During my AA meeting, there was a lady from overeaters anon. She says she binges with food. She also mentioned maybe some people who have problems with alcohol, also have problems with food. It dawned on me that maybe my brain is all about binging- Food sometimes, alcohol, probably drugs If I ever took them, which I didn't. I think my brain has a faulty off switch with food and alcohol.
I'm in a slump this year with food - trying to stay sober at any costs.
A few years ago, I had no trouble eating properly and losing 27 pounds.
@Beka3695 I can relate to your recent Saturday food binge. Just focus on today- New day. Hope today brings you some peace.
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@donimfp - you are so stron you can do it, I think your right some of us just skip from one thing to another it's so hard.
@Beka3695 - Saturday was just one day, you can always come back from it.
@joelann10 - Your so inspiring!
@Rubyred427- Thanks for your support
I finally feel I am on the right forum where no one criticises me.
So today will be day 6 but last night I gave in and had 1 small drink, I know I should go back to day1 but I think if I do go back to day 1 again it will be my downfall and I will just fail so I am going to log it but consider it just a blip and not add it but learn from it.
It's been really hard lately, I pulled my back 2 weeks ago and have been in agony since, I am used to back pain as I had a fall and my back and hip always hurt but not like this, so I went to the physio who gave me exercises to do but he said the main problem was the arthritis in my back lol!
Not seeing my mum who has server dementia ,and is bedridden in a home miles away has added to stress,
then finally I had a phone call telling me my only friend of 35 years has a bleed on the brain and will not come out of hospital hence the lapse.
To be honest I feel better sharing normally I bottle things up,
The plus is since stoping my heart rate has gone down from 70 - 90 to 55 - 65 and stress levels showing low so the alcohol definitely pushed them up.
Take care everyone
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To everyone struggling with food, I feel ya. Still, it is far better than drinking. Let's cut ourselves some slack this week...it is Thanksgiving here in the US after all, and many of us will be dining without our families. If you eat an extra piece of pie, don't beat yourself up. I know I won't.7
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@annliz23, as far as I'm concerned, counting days is just a tool. If you like it, use it. If not, don't. So you get to choose how you count your days, and I can totally see how not starting the count over because of one small blip would be more motivating than starting over. Anyway, it's your count. You get to make the "rules." No "count police" on this forum, for sure.
Hope everyone is ready for a nice Thanksgiving, whatever form it takes this crazy year!7 -
@FeelinFooFoo , I’ve found a few AF beers that I think are delicious. I have yet to find an AF wine worth drinking. If you find one, please share the info.
It’ll be a first AF holiday season for me and a lot of us. Strategizing is no doubt a good idea!6 -
Autocorrect wanted “stargazing “. Might be another good idea.4
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Lots of reading to catch up with all you gabby gals LOL It is wonderful to see SO much activity in this group. I have read a couple of pages but have a couple more to go from last time I signed in here. WELCOME to all the newbies
@FeelinFooFoo thank you for the link to that updated video. I haven't watched the entire video...I've had lots of stuff going on, but I will soon.
@Rubyred427 It is so sad to hear about your cousin's decline and I can feel for both he and his wife...this is such a hard road they are on. I've been in the wife's position many years ago married to an alcoholic and although the years & distance have softened the pain of that "other" life, I still can recall the stress, anxiety, anxious worry, feelings of helplessness and desire to control the uncontrollable. I'm sure that observing your cousin's current choices is like watching a train wreck in slow motion. It was interesting when I read your account and your cousin referred to his wife as controlling, he's likely correct. That is what happens when someone you love is out of control!! I'm not diagnosing your cousin's wife as codependent, but that goes with the territory of living with an addict. At least that is the effect it had on me. In fact, I was likely primed for codependency before I even met my ex husband. THEN after all was said & done I developed my own drinking issue and it's ALL about control...whether you are the drinker or the loved one of the drinker it's about trying to control the pain. If I remember correctly you had gotten your own copy of The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie and she also has written several books on codependency...In fact her Letting Go book is a compilation of much of her writings re: codependency. It was in part her writings that started my healing journey. I hope your cousins wife is able to find her focus and shift it from your cousin's issue...it's such a heartache.
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Hi @lorrainequiche59 Yes, I bought the Art of letting go. I must find that and revisit it. And yes, I agree , my cousin's wife is codependent. I see that now. And the more he drinks, the more controlling she gets. She is so frightened and wants her old life back with him. It's a vicious circle.
@FeelinFooFoo Once in awhile I drink a Heineken OO and it tastes just like a real Heinenken. The difference is I only have one and have no desire for more. It does not and has not triggered me personally. Just like @donimfp I have not found a good AF wine. I have tried. I'd like to know if yours tastes good.
@annliz23 I would not start counting over. You have come so far. No need to start over. Everyone has their own "rules" for themselves. My sister's rule is if she's 99% sober most of the year, then it's a good year.
I happen to be counting days to get that AA three month coin that I want! LOL We all have our own way of measuring how we are doing. So no worries- don't start over. Do what works for you.
@joelann10 Four months!! Way to go!
@JenT304 Sorry your table will be missing one special daughter - but maybe you guys can face time and celebrate in your own way.
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