The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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I hope everyone had a great weekend. Mine was ok. I went out to dinner with hubby and drank 3 glasses of wine then went a bought more wine so Saturday was not good for me. There is a small victory normally when I binge I continue to drink on Sunday and eat like crap. But I didn't drink on Sunday so I was able to get up this morning and go to my Alpha Strength class.8
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@dbanks80 You have been through a lot. Be encouraged that you cut your binge short.
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Hello all, just thought I'd pop in again. I just came back to MFP after gaining some covid weight. It seems I've been finding comfort in food and it's time I get a handle on it. I wanted to thank all of you SO much for being at the start of my journey almost 2 years ago. Today, I am just one week shy of 1 year and 10 months sober!!! I couldn't have done it without this group. Many hugs and understanding vibes out to the newbies. It's toughest in the beginning and I understand the struggle. I had more day 1's than I can count, but keep trying. If I can do it, so can you. One day at a time. 7
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Well done @MountainLaurel787 and good to see you.
I took a selfie on July 6, first day of Sober School and my last Day 1, as Kate asked us to. Then I took one on August 16, 6 weeks later. I took another at week 12 and another yesterday at the 18 week mark. Steady improvement but yesterday’s and the first one almost look like 2 different people. Encouraging and a bit horrifying at the same time. I showed my husband and he was shocked. I guess alcohol can gradually take a physical toll without our noticing. And without those who see us daily noticing.7 -
@donimfp that is so awesome! I have googled before and after photos of people that have gone without booze for a while and the difference is shocking. They look years younger.5
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I went to lunch today (outdoors of course) with a friend I have not seen for a year, Thanks, Covid. We both had iced teas then she ordered a beer which was fine with me. The server, however, would not take no for an answer when I kept politely saying 'no, thank you'. He'd say, "wine? a cocktail? No? Are you sure? Can I twist your arm?" I think he thought he was being clever or funny and it really didn't bother me THAT much as I am feeling pretty happy NOT drinking, but if it had been another day and I was in a different frame of mind, it might have made me say, "oh why not?!" I just let it go but really, alcohol is so ingrained in our culture, people just find it surprising when you turn it down. Crazy.5
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So true, FooFoo. My bills eating out are MUCH cheaper now that I am not drinking. Like at least a third less.4
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I went to lunch today (outdoors of course) with a friend I have not seen for a year, Thanks, Covid. We both had iced teas then she ordered a beer which was fine with me. The server, however, would not take no for an answer when I kept politely saying 'no, thank you'. He'd say, "wine? a cocktail? No? Are you sure? Can I twist your arm?" I think he thought he was being clever or funny and it really didn't bother me THAT much as I am feeling pretty happy NOT drinking, but if it had been another day and I was in a different frame of mind, it might have made me say, "oh why not?!" I just let it go but really, alcohol is so ingrained in our culture, people just find it surprising when you turn it down. Crazy.
Several months ago, we were talking about how to decline. Someone said “Thanks, but I’ve reached my lifetime limit.” I have used this one and it works quite well.
I have also found that when the table is dry they don’t press as bad as when just one person is dry. Maybe one day society will shift the norm.3 -
Time to vent:
I am 255 days sober. I am very proud of myself. As you know, I live between my daughters home in Florida where I nanny my grandson and my permanent home in Georgia. My husband is also an alcoholic.
When I was home last week he went less than 24 hrs dry and went into detox. He was pitiful and miserable. He had a seizure from detox. It lasted a full 2 minutes and was the scariest thing I have ever seen. I was on the phone with 911 when he came out. He refused treatment. The next day, I told him that I would stay and help him, but he had to check himself into rehab. He refused and I came back to Florida.
Has becoming sober wrecked anyone else’s marriage? About 2 mos into sobriety I realized that +75% of my drinking was to put up with his drinking. Sadly, I have now lost any love I have for him. We are doing a major home reno due to a water loss and once it is complete I am planning to ask for a divorce. I know it is the best thing for me and my recovery.
Any advice?7 -
I don't have advice, @Beka3695, but I want to say I'm so sorry you are going through this. 255 days is HUGE, and it sounds like the sobriety obviously has helped you think clearly. I feel sure that living in your truth can only lead eventually to positive things, but I'm sorry you have to go through this difficult transition time. I'm thinking of you.6
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I don't have advice, @Beka3695, but I want to say I'm so sorry you are going through this. 255 days is HUGE, and it sounds like the sobriety obviously has helped you think clearly. I feel sure that living in your truth can only lead eventually to positive things, but I'm sorry you have to go through this difficult transition time. I'm thinking of you.
Thank you. I do agree that sobriety has cleared my thinking. It had helped me see what was holding me down all along.
I believe better things will follow!!!6 -
Time to vent:
I am 255 days sober. I am very proud of myself. As you know, I live between my daughters home in Florida where I nanny my grandson and my permanent home in Georgia. My husband is also an alcoholic.
When I was home last week he went less than 24 hrs dry and went into detox. He was pitiful and miserable. He had a seizure from detox. It lasted a full 2 minutes and was the scariest thing I have ever seen. I was on the phone with 911 when he came out. He refused treatment. The next day, I told him that I would stay and help him, but he had to check himself into rehab. He refused and I came back to Florida.
Has becoming sober wrecked anyone else’s marriage? About 2 mos into sobriety I realized that +75% of my drinking was to put up with his drinking. Sadly, I have now lost any love I have for him. We are doing a major home reno due to a water loss and once it is complete I am planning to ask for a divorce. I know it is the best thing for me and my recovery.
Any advice?
Beka, I am truly sorry for what you are going through. It's hard enough to stay sober during good times, but during these heartbreaking times with your husband, you are still rocking it!!
From what I have seen in my family ( a bunch of alcoholics).... If a person does not want to change or become sober, the spouse has to decide if this is how he/she wants to live for the rest of their life. Being married to an alcoholic is unbelievably tough. It can wreck so many lives.
I think your heart knows what is best for you. We all have that inner voice that speaks to us. It's that gut feeling that we often push away. I know you will make the right decision for you.
My husband (ex) was a daily drinker- probably always topped off. Beer after work, wine with dinner, and two scotches to end the night. As I strove to become sober, he would always say "good for you Ruby, you should stay alcohol free" but all the while, pouring himself another scotch. I felt NO support from him. That is not why I divorced him but it made me quite sad. Like I was sprinting uphill all alone.
Perhaps, you can talk to an addiction counselor. I find counselor have so many experiences with patients, they know what the odds are that your husband will quit or not quit. You probably know that already if he will ever want to quit.
I am not telling you what to do, just brainstorming and telling you what I have experienced.
We are here for you. We are rooting for you. Your health and happiness matter!
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@Beka3695 I thought it was interesting you said "your sobriety wrecked the marriage."
Please don't blame yourself for everything. I'm sure he had a big part in that as well.5 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »@Beka3695 I thought it was interesting you said "your sobriety wrecked the marriage."
Please don't blame yourself for everything. I'm sure he had a big part in that as well.
You are right...it was wrecked before. My sobriety gave me the clarity to see just how wrecked.
2 years ago we began counseling and went for over a year till the therapist retired. I was still drinking during most of this time so alcohol was not the top of the list of issues.
Thank you all for letting me get this off my chest. Things are changing on a daily basis. I feel like I am just holding on for the ride.
This is what needs to happen.6 -
Going scrapbooking this weekend! In the past, I would fill a big bag with a few bottles of wine and go "clinking" down the hotel hallway with bottles. One time, I made a mix drink for the girls that was pure alcohol and so tasty. I kept warning my friend, don't drink too much of this, it is strong. By the end of the night, she was throwing up.
This year and last year, I arrived much lighter (no bottles) just some snacks to fill the cravings. If the girls go to the hotel bar, I will order a mock tail.
@FeelinFooFoo Hooray! Three weeks is a lot!!! Yeah, don't ruin that streak and enjoy a good weekend not hungover!
@Beka3695 Thinking of you! Maybe hang out with a good girlfriend and talk about the situation. Maybe write your husband a letter and let him know how you're feeling about his drinking.... See what he says.
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I don't have advice, @Beka3695, but I want to say I'm so sorry you are going through this. 255 days is HUGE, and it sounds like the sobriety obviously has helped you think clearly. I feel sure that living in your truth can only lead eventually to positive things, but I'm sorry you have to go through this difficult transition time. I'm thinking of you.
Have a great weekend! Thinking of you! 3 -
I'm down 6.2 lbs due to no alcohol which led to sensible food choices and portion control. My annual physical is Jan 6 which is about 7 weeks away. I'm hoping to be down 20 and have my liver and cholesterol numbers in the excellent range. I like my Dr. so much I am doing it for her praise as much as for my own benefit. I promised her last year I would try and I don't want her to think I am not listening to her advice.
@RubyRed427 You have totally got this. Glad you have a plan and have a great time!
@FeelinFooFoo I am so proud and inspired by you! Great job!
Have a great and healthy weekend, Everyone!2 -
@JenT304 Congrats on your weight loss!!! Yahoo! xo
The scrapbook girls have been texting this morning... one is bringing Crown apple bottle and other lots of alcohol she stated.... I will sit there with my teapot and tea. I'm bringing all the tea elements to scrapbooking.2 -
WOW @JenT304 that is awesome weight loss!! Congratulations! It makes a huge difference with no alcohol.
@RubyRed427 You got this! I know you will refrain and be strong.
I am doing well. Haven't been drinking. My Alpha Strength class is having a dinner get together. I cannot make it because i have to work tonight. Glad i have an excuse not to drink.
Next Thursday I am going to ATL to celebrate my sisters 50th bday. She already told me she bought a case of champagne!! Good grief!! I am feeling a little anxiety around that. This is the first time seeing her since my son's funeral and I DO NOT want this trip to turn into a pity party about me. I told her I am celebrating her bday. I dont want to about my son, her nephew. I need a nice break.
Hope you all have a great weekend!!
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A mantra that is now working for me, instead of "one day at a time", I am saying to myself, "tomorrow will not be a day 1." Day 1's are so dreadful as anyone on this thread knows, this thought is a powerful deterrent.6
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WOW @JenT304 that is awesome weight loss!! Congratulations! It makes a huge difference with no alcohol.
@RubyRed427 You got this! I know you will refrain and be strong.
I am doing well. Haven't been drinking. My Alpha Strength class is having a dinner get together. I cannot make it because i have to work tonight. Glad i have an excuse not to drink.
Next Thursday I am going to ATL to celebrate my sisters 50th bday. She already told me she bought a case of champagne!! Good grief!! I am feeling a little anxiety around that. This is the first time seeing her since my son's funeral and I DO NOT want this trip to turn into a pity party about me. I told her I am celebrating her bday. I dont want to about my son, her nephew. I need a nice break.
Hope you all have a great weekend!!
I have been thinking of you. It may be hard to abstain but you can do it. You may want to have a mantra "not one sip" or " I will feel so good in the morning."
When I went to Nashville with friends for a weekend, they drank in each and every bar. I tagged along and had my fill of club soda with a lime, but I also went to Starbucks a few times for specialty coffee drinks. So, have a back up- bring some good alternatives or go and get coffee for a treat. Order AF mojitos or other AF drinks.
Best part of your trip may be mornings- beautiful breakfasts, maybe a hike, delicious coffees and NO hangover. That will be so refreshing!! Enjoy your sister's birthday
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A mantra that is now working for me, instead of "one day at a time", I am saying to myself, "tomorrow will not be a day 1." Day 1's are so dreadful as anyone on this thread knows, this thought is a powerful deterrent.
For sure Jen!! Tomorrow won't be day 1! I hate that anxious climb out of day 1 that always happens after drinking .... But that won't be us! And no racing night heart beats either! 5 -
Good job, everyone. Hope everyone's weekend it good, enjoyable, alcohol free. My colleagues called me on my drive home yesterday and begged me to come to Happy Hour because a former colleague was coming. I said I would and was really looking forward to my first AF Happy Hour. But then I called my husband to tell him I was going, and he said, "No Way!" I was shocked. But then I remembered . . . Oh, yeah. COVID. It hadn't even crossed my mind. I guess because I go to work every day and all has been well, I don't even think about it. The mask has just become part of my clothing. But I decided not to go and take the risk of being out in a crowded public place. So the AF Happy Hour will have to wait.
Day 131 for me today. Today (actually Friday . . . I'm up at 1:30 unable to sleep--unfortunately being sober hasn't exempted me totally from insomnia), anyway, today/Friday was a stressful day at work. Driving home, I told my husband, "If I were still drinking, today would be a triple-vodka day." But luckily I really wasn't even considering going back, as y'all say, to another Day 1. I do rely on my Curious Elixirs and delicious coffees and teas and V-8 juice with pepper--all the things I like to drink--to see me through. Hopefully one day I won't feel the need to have a drink of any kind as a response to stress. Not there yet.
@JenT304, I'm adding my congrats on the weight. I have been really happy with my own weight loss so far since I quit drinking. I'm down 26.8 pounds--with about that much still to go. And it's because, like you said, I'm making better choices in most areas of my life since quitting. I think your blood numbers will make you very happy. I just had to have a liver function test (think I mentioned that) because of a medication, and it was so great to have a very good result. I guess our bodies really do heal when the toxin is removed.6 -
FeelinFooFoo wrote: »https://amp.theguardian.com/society/2019/jun/08/adrian-chiles-honest-about-alcohol-drinks-industry-dangers
Found this quite interesting reading. The alcohol industry relies on problem drinkers!
I saw this guy's documentary on YouTube. It was interesting to see his realization of how subtly his problem developed. At the end he chose to attempt moderation and it would be interesting to know how that has worked for him over time. The recommended weekly allowance of 14 units of alcohol aka poison interests me also...it showed a bottle of wine being 10 units...that was my daily intake most days & occasionally more prior to stopping. All that I can say to my liver is, "You are very welcome!!"
I can't remember where I heard this but it may have been Craig Beck about how the government not only profits financially from problem drinking, but it lulls the masses into submission. I am not promoting protests against the powers that be or anything like that, but I find that reasoning interesting because alcohol is an anesthetic and it does lull us...we drink to dull our senses so the uncomfortable is more tolerable...it makes me think about the increased alcohol consumption since COVID began and the fact that alcohol kills approximately 3 MILLION people annually (pre-Covid stat), but the government isn't addressing that death toll. Tis a mixed up world we live in.
It looks like we may be headed for another lockdown in my part of the world just like the conspiracy types have been warning was going to happen way long ago...I'm not promoting that view either, but it's interesting to me that the predicted pattern that has been foretold seems to be playing out as they predicted. My take on this is, "I have NO control over what I cannot control." But what I can control is whether I drink today...and today I am not drinking...YAY me..."You are welcome again liver." LOL
FANTASTIC progress in this group btw...I am SO proud of you all
Happy, healthy AF wonderful day to all 5 -
hi all, last night I blew it so today is day 1 again. my alcohol consumption has gone WAY down, I want it entirely gone. you guys are awesome just looking for some tips and some encouragement.6
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@mtngrl3, I venture to guess that every one of us on this forum has had more Day 1's than we care to count. I know I have. I hesitate to give any advice because I'm just now for the first time on a good roll past my day 1 (132 days today). But I can tell you what changed for me last July 6 (my last Day 1) was that I was in a class offered by Kate Bee. I don't really think it was the class per se. I think it was that having spent the money for it, I was all in to make quitting drinking my full-time job for awhile. Someone compared it to pregnancy. During pregnancy, you get to make that your "job." All your energies--what you read, what you do, what you eat and drink, what you think about--goes into that, and rightly so. I really made going AF my full-time job for a few weeks, maybe the whole 6 weeks of the class.
For me that looked like reading everything I could get my hands on. The books like Craig Beck's and Annie Grace's and Jason Vale's, yes, but also the "Quit Lit" books were really inspiring to me because I felt like the authors were going along on the journey with me (except I never woke up with a stranger, like so many of them seem to have done--they're generally much younger than I). I read Bex Weller, Lotta Dann, Sarah Hepola, Clare Pooley, and a few others I can't remember right now. I also took advantage of this forum as well as the one connected with the class. This is a wonderful place to come, as you have done, for encouragement! I let myself sleep a lot. I experimented with delicious AF substitutes (Curious Elixirs was my best find). I journaled every single day so when I felt weak I could look back through and remember that this was what I wanted. I made a list titled "What I Hated About Drinking" and referred to it often--still do sometimes. I bought myself awesome rewards every five days (lotions, perfume, books, puzzles, whatever). I still do that, but every 20 days or so when I notice it's an even number.
Anyway, my point is, if you're really serious about not wanting yet another Day 1, you might try going into this wholeheartedly and give yourself permission to put absolutely everything else that you can on hold--of course doing things you have to do to be responsible, but other than that--housework and "trivia" like that I felt could wait. And it did.
It really is nice on this side of the pool. I'll try to include a link to the article that reference is from. Best to you!!!
https://humanparts.medium.com/https-medium-com-kristicoulter-the-24-hour-woman-3425ca5be19f#.pkmq36aey
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hi all, last night I blew it so today is day 1 again. my alcohol consumption has gone WAY down, I want it entirely gone. you guys are awesome just looking for some tips and some encouragement.
@donimfp Great list. Thanks for compiling it. I want to check out a few I have not read from your list.
Mtngirl- Read some of these authors' books. It will make you feel good. You will realize you are not the only one who struggles.
I know when I began about three years ago to become sober (along with the people on this thread), I treated it like a college class. I read, took notes, studied addiction. Many of us have read the books suggested above. Watch some youtube Craig Beck videos. He is no nonsense.
I once read a celebrity quote that said "Acting is my hobby. Staying sober is my job." Makes sense.
Yes, we have all had many Day 1 days. So, dust yourself off and try again. Never give up. One day it will click and you will be having one month sober, and so on.
One more thing, we are all one day away from Day 1. It can happen to me. At any given moment, I can succumb and think "well why not, I'll have Just one." I heard recently that after you stop for awhile, if you drink again you don't just pick up where you left off. The disease is progressive. Instead your drinking habit picks up where you would have been if you kept on drinking- I'm not saying it right- it's progressive.
Keep trying. I feel for you. I have been in your shoes. Just keep trying. And always always be kind to yourself. You are doing the best you can. I am proud of all of us for striving to be sober even though it is so damn hard.5 -
FeelinFooFoo wrote: »Couple of observations....
My brother looks like a zombie this morning (drank almost a full bottle of vodka to himself last night)
Someone at work yesterday said they would be having a drink with their family later on. What stuck out was the fact they felt they had to justify their drinking by saying "Well, it is Friday after all!" ........
So, the day of the week dictates when you should drink alcohol? If that's not social conditioning, I don't know what is. Also, the weekend gives the excuse to get totally out of it.....probably a marketing tool so that the booze companies and pubs can rake it in every single weekend.....🤑🤑🤑
Ouch! I can feel his pain way over here. I have looked and felt like that dozens of times. It is so soul crushing besides feeling like you want to die from the hangover pain.
As much as I truly wish I could drink. I know that if I bought a bottle of vodka today, it would be gone in two days. I would just keep topping off my drink. I have zero limits.
But Foo Foo at least it wasn't you. Sometimes, it's ok to think that. He will learn and he will want what you have.6 -
Scrapbooking update: Last night the girls had one or two drinks (they are normal drinkers). I had none. I know that in the past by now, I would have been on my second bottle of wine. I would keep disappearing from this scrapbook room to fill up my coffee cup with wine.
So, one more day sober. I'm content.7
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