The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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I am checking out for a few days. I don't want anyone to worry about my silence cause y'all know that is usually not an issue for moi. BUT my heart is really hurting right now and I need to process some grief. My brother died today from a heart attack.It's really hard to believe!!!!!! that he is gone. He was such a good man, a good husband, father & especially good grandpa. He was with 3 of his grandchildren swimming & as he got out of the water he was having trouble breathing...paramedics were called but they couldn't revive him. I just got home from his place.
As I was driving home I thought of alcohol and how to me it is an enemy...I need friends and family right now...if I turned to alcohol it would be like turning to my enemy for comfort. There will be lots of alcohol in the next few days among my Fam, but I am fighting the fine fight...besides there's not enough wine in the world to numb this out!
Please take care
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Oh @lorrainquiche59 I am so sorry. Please take care and I hope you find peace getting through with this difficult time. I'm glad you know that one or two or three wines isn't enough so why bother.
Check in when you can. 💓2 -
@lorrainequiche59 I am sure I speak for the entire family here that you have our deepest condolences. I will be praying for you and sending love and light your way. You are such an important part of our "squad" and we all wish you comfort in your time of sorrow. *HUGS*
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@lorrainequiche59 my deepest sympathies to you. I’m so sorry.1
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@lorrainequiche59 I am so very sorry for your loss!2
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I’m sorry to hear that I’ll be praying for you and yours2
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@lorrainequiche59 I’m so sorry for your loss, my deepest sympathies to you. (((HUGS)))2
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Thank you for all the love from my Sober Squad Fam It is SO tough to believe still. The pain comes in waves...it seems to be like that for everyone of us. One of my Fam expressed it best, "It's like we're waiting for him to walk around the corner"
There was a huge temptation to drink yesterday and as I was sitting there among the cigarette smoke and those who were drinking and buzzing from other substances, I thought, "I wish I could have a cigarette, a joint and a bottle of wine" I "want" to do none of those things, but I'd like to kill the pain for a sec, to numb it away for a moment. BUT none of those things will fix ANY thing...it will only prolong my grief and add more pain to my grief.
This may be a long blurb cause I'm just needing to write right now...One of my protections was sharing with my now deceased Brother Gord (my fave) that I had stopped drinking and he asked me if something had happened to "make me" give it up and I said, "No, I just got sick of myself" and became too dependent and wanted to stop before I couldn't, before it wasn't my choice and he said, "Good for you" so I think I made him proud of me cause I definitely think he knew I had a problem....but he never actually thought of it like that...if that makes any sense. He liked his drink too, but I cannot remember ever seeing him loaded just buzzed, but I know that it took the edge off of his emotional pain cause we were raised in the same home and he didn't like to talk about the past...so I know he medicated it away on some level.
I have more Fam arriving at Gord's today and will be meeting them there and being tempted one more time. I am very thankful that I have been open about my problem with some in my Fam because they have shared it with others in my Fam so I've had several commenting on my sober status and asking me how long and why etc so it's opening up some dialogue that I hope will help them one day to address their own issue and it will protect me from giving in...HOW can I give in ?? They would TOTALLY understand if I did and there would be absolutely NO judgement from any of them, but I do believe on some level some of them would be disappointed but at the same time happy to see me get some relief like they are getting some relief...in fact I think it will get harder temptation-wise in the next few days because right now most are too numb from the grief to need numbness from alcohol, but once the reality really begins to sink in that Gord is not going to walk around the corner anymore, that's when the REAL drinking will kick in. But my plan of action is to take my leave if it becomes too difficult...one the other hand, I will likely see some behaviors that will reinforce my gratitude for being sober.
I didn't think I'd be back on the thread for at least a week, but this is my support...how can I stay away!! So I thank you all for putting up with my blurbs and letting me wear my on my sleeve and I hope you guys realize how much I actually care for you all even though I've never met any of you personally...we share a common struggle and desire to be sober or none of us would be here.
I also have a firm hope in how the Bible describes the future here on Earth when I WILL see my brother Gord walk around that corner, young again, healthy again with a second chance at the Real Life, when "the enemy death" will never ever take our loved ones again...the life that the Bible describes...Life in this current system is NOT that life...too much pain...this is not God's will...this was never his purpose grow old, get sick and die but he will fix it through his heavenly Kingdom (or government) that most of us have likely prayed for at some point in our life..."no more sickness, pain or death...the former things will pass away" For any Bible readers that is a blurb from Revelation 21:3,4...and THAT folks is the end of my preaching...I just want to share that because I truly believe this!!
So while I am heart broken right now, I have a real hope that will help me cope...that is what I need to crave rather than ethanol. The time when all this crap that we experience in this system will be a distant memory...
Thank you for listening...I WILL be back
BIG HUGS to all my Sober Squad Peeps
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@lorrainequiche59 You are so loving and strong. And it's ok to be weak too and cry hard. I am so relieved you didn't turn to alcohol. I'm very proud of you. I am happy you wrote your piece to give you some outlet. We are here for you, hugs, prayers and love.3
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https://americanaddictioncenters.org/alcoholism-treatment/anxiety
While doing research this week, I stumbled upon the link between people who have anxiety and are alcoholics. About 60% person of people with anxiety will become alcoholics. I remember taking my daughter to her psychiatrist because she was having panic attacks and severe anxiety; the doctor asked her is there anyone in your family who has anxiety? She replied, "Yes my mom does.". I looked at her shocked, because I never thought I did. But obviously she thinks I do, so it is possible that I have anxiety and never saw the writing on the wall.
It also has me thinking that maybe I do have anxiety. I reflect back to my life and see now that alcohol could have been a coping skill dealing with anxiety.
Last night, I went to an AA meeting. It was the best decision. I would equate a meeting with fellow alcoholics to be like this.... You know when you are so thirsty and parched, and you get a cold glass of water and chug it down. You are so happy you drank the water and instantly feel better? Well that's how I felt going and leaving the meeting. Ahhhhh there was a calmness in my heart. I will probably go to another meeting today as well. As many meetings as I feel like going to. It may not be for everyone, but alcoholism is such an isolating disease and sometimes being with other people who are going through the exact same thing as you is comforting.7 -
Good morning friends! It's a brand new day!! I 'm feeling great! Day 3 and just for today I will not drink.
Probably some of you are thinking "Ruby is always starting over- day 1 forever...." But guess what? I will never give up on me and I will never give up on you!!!
Let us know how you're doing- good or bad.
"Begin with Yes" is a great facebook page to like.
Here are the recent quotes:
Be gentle with yourself- you are doing the best you can.
Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know until you lived through it.
Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
Hugs and kisses, my friends!
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@lorrainequiche59 I am thinking of you so much. Sending you love and hugs.4
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GOOD Morning to Everyone SO far the drinking has been kept to a minimum while I've been at my brother's. I am glad to see that actually. Yesterday, wasn't as huge of a tempter as I anticipated, but I volunteered to be Designated Driver for some of my Fam that arrived from the city for the day...the one thing about being sober is that I can engage in conversation and be present...so I appreciate that benefit...my healing process has more clarity...and I feel more connected to my family this round...The Celebration of my Bro's life won't be for a couple of weeks yet...they are awaiting word from the venue that they're hoping to use...we have family coming from afar so it will be helpful for them to be able to solidify travel plans...
SO thankful to be AF
PS - I forgot to hit post for the above blurb before I abandoned my laptop, leaving it outside on my patio area (thank goodness it didn't rain) as my friend treated me to lunch...we met at the restaurant and as she got out of her car she had a beautiful bouquet of flowers in a vase for moi....THEN after lunch we donned our bathing beauty bods and went floating in our inflatables on a lake for hours this aft....I REALLY needed this afternoon
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RubyRed427 wrote: »@lorrainequiche59 You are so loving and strong. And it's ok to be weak too and cry hard. I am so relieved you didn't turn to alcohol. I'm very proud of you. I am happy you wrote your piece to give you some outlet. We are here for you, hugs, prayers and love.
Hey I am certainly weak at present and I've been bawling my face off ... on & off for days now...I am a huge proponent of tears...I prefer to think of it as poison leaking out of my eyes, because if we hold it all in and put on a brave front that poison will rot us from the inside out...Thank you for allowing me to be weak and to bare my heart 5 -
@lorrainequiche59 I was so sorry to read your post and learn about what you've been going through. Sending you my prayers! And so very proud of you for not giving in to the temptation of alcohol at what must the hardest time ever to not numb yourself. I am inspired by you.
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I haven't checked in for awhile and I apologize, but sometimes it makes things easier for me to distance myself from all of the talk about alcohol. I don't mean that disrespectfully at all to anyone who needs to talk it out, but most days I don't even think about alcohol and when I check in here, I start thinking about it some again. But I was one of those who needed to talk it out a lot at the beginning, so I do want to lend support to all those struggling.
I do notice drinking on TV shows and even in books I read and I always think to myself, I am so glad that isn't me anymore. I don't miss hangovers or that general feeling of ugh after drinking. I met some people today at a restaurant for someone's birthday and everyone ordered alcohol except me and I was just happy about it instead of feeling left out. I knew I'd have plenty of energy for an afternoon workout and I would enjoy the rest of my day off instead of feeling tired or rundown from the alcohol. That's motivation for me to stay AF.
I am 201 days AF today and I love it! 10 -
Quiche, I am glad you are staying strong in what is a very stressful and upsetting time. I'm really proud of you.
Ruby, I like what you said about never giving up no matter how many day 1's we have. That's how I felt with the 100 times I tried to quit smoking. I know one of these days the AF life will REALLY click for me. I get what VeggieGirl is saying...sometimes we don't want to think about alcohol at all. That's why I have no desire to go to any stop smoking threads...because it is totally in my rear view mirror. I don't feel like I'm "in recovery" when it comes to smoking. I am just a non smoker. I would love to totally be a non drinker too. I'm still working on it. It is not as easy for me as quitting smoking for reasons we have talked about here before, the main one being it is expected and condoned not condemned.
I wish you all a healthy and happy day 5 -
Lorraine I'm so sorry about your brothers passing!😥 I haven't been around cuz tbh I was drinking last week ALOT everyday! My family got mad,sad, concerned about me and I just couldn't stop I was just so out of control 😭 day 4 and yeah I still feel rough but I'll get through, have a great AF day all6
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Lorraine I'm so sorry about your brothers passing!😥 I haven't been around cuz tbh I was drinking last week ALOT everyday! My family got mad,sad, concerned about me and I just couldn't stop I was just so out of control 😭 day 4 and yeah I still feel rough but I'll get through, have a great AF day all
Happens to the best of us!! Be gentle with yourself. Move on. One day at a time is all you can focus on.4 -
Lorraine I'm so sorry about your brothers passing!😥 I haven't been around cuz tbh I was drinking last week ALOT everyday! My family got mad,sad, concerned about me and I just couldn't stop I was just so out of control 😭 day 4 and yeah I still feel rough but I'll get through, have a great AF day all
SO happy to hear from you...I MISSED YOU We ALL missed you! Ditto to Ruby's loving words to you
THANK YOU for all the & hugs from everyone. 4
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