The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living

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  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 4,357 Member
    donimfp wrote: »
    @RubyRed427, that is so true. One of the insights I got from a person who has several years under her belt was that she stopped going to AA after a while because she felt the mindset (in her particular group, at least) of struggling to make it just one more day implied that alcohol was something desirable that she was giving up. Instead, she found it more helpful to think of it as something she was so glad to be free from and didn't even want to think about. I personally found that helpful. Again, the analogy to a bad boyfriend seems apt. After a while, why would we need to grit our teeth to get through each day without the jerk when we could move on to something better?

    Yes I can see that about AA. My sister doesn't use AA or any program and has been sober for 222+ days. I have been attending AA and for now it is working for me. I am reward driven. And I love the ideas on here about rewarding ourselves with a piece of jewelry or perhaps a service (like mani, pedi, massage). I am also eagerly looking forward to my two month coin.

    I just googled sober things to do in my city, and found the usual things like museums, zoo, etc. I think probably I am overthinking this; I can do anything I always enjoyed, just do it sober. (except for going to bars- too tempting)
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 4,357 Member
    Father Martin chalk talk on alcoholism. It's long but listen to it on a long walk. OR find Father Martin's talks in shorter segments. This man is brilliant; some people are born to speak and reach people.

    An alcoholic will not respond to treatment unless he wants to.....

    https://youtu.be/t7T5stQQFQg
  • aroze0928
    aroze0928 Posts: 254 Member
    JenT304 wrote: »
    Hi Everyone. Nothing alcohol related today. I wanted to share that my closest childhood friends' brother died this weekend from Covid. Please wear your masks and do the other things that science advises us to end this nightmare. We are all in this together.

    So sorry for thats news. My condolences to you and their family. ❤
  • dbanks80
    dbanks80 Posts: 3,685 Member
    JenT304 wrote: »
    Hi Everyone. Nothing alcohol related today. I wanted to share that my closest childhood friends' brother died this weekend from Covid. Please wear your masks and do the other things that science advises us to end this nightmare. We are all in this together.

    My condolences to the family! <3
  • aroze0928
    aroze0928 Posts: 254 Member
    Beka3695 wrote: »
    This is a convo with my husband today. 5:30 pm.... THIS helps me not want to drink.

    I’m having a super stressful day and started drinking thinkin.... now I’m nauseated at the thought.
    K: "how far are you driving"

    Me: what are you talking about

    K: I'm worried about you

    Me: why are you worried (thinking I drive 6 hrs home every other weekend or so)

    K: I don't want you drinking and driving

    Me: Kevin, I'm not drinking.... YOU are drinking.

    K: oh ok.

    Im sure he wishes you were home drinking with him. He'll turn it around eventually. If mine has theres hope. Speaking of mine hes down 8 pounds. Water weight im positive of that but he loses weight fast anyway. Another Af benefit
  • lorrainequiche59
    lorrainequiche59 Posts: 900 Member
    @JenT304 <3

    @RubyRed427 I hear your struggle <3 Have you gone on YouTube and searched for a video that may help with your cravings. I remember when my bro died and I had 2 bottles of wine sitting on my kitchen counter, even rinsed out a fave wine glass, but decided to search for a video & ended up watching Dick Cavett interview Dick Van *kitten*. That was the end of my craving. I'm not suggesting that particular video for you, but you may find something that speaks to what you are going through right now. You are doing so well...the struggle means we are still fighting and the fight IS worth it...you'll get through this bout and it will make you stronger for the next one...eventually it will get fewer & farther between...You CAN do this!!
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 4,357 Member
    @donimfp Positives: not having to think about moderating or counting drinks, worrying about a hangover ruining the weekend, being able to jump in the car and go anytime, morning coffee with no headache, sleeping so soundly, no racing heartbeat at night, .... all positives.

    Your future trip sounds perfect. I love Beatrix Potter's books, so sweet and pretty.
    I like your journal idea.
    Yes, I have to check out Bex today!
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 4,357 Member
    @FeelinFooFoo I am sure it will be worth the price! I think being sober gives us a more peaceful state of mind. Working through cravings and thinking through the drink is easier when you string together many days of AF.
    My problem is when I drink two days in a row and then a third day, I keep wanting more. It become like a runaway train.

    The cravings start to lessons (as you know) around 10 days and then 1 month....
    It's also easier to say "no alcohol period" than try to negotiate and ration my alcohol in my mind. Best wishes! You did one month before (maybe more even?) and you can do it again!
  • donimfp
    donimfp Posts: 795 Member
    @FeelinFooFoo, that is interesting that you are encountering such resistance and skepticism from your loved ones. I think your reply is perfect: All you need from them is your love and support, not their advice or approval. I don't know, but it might reassure your partner if you tell him you aren't using the "N" word (Never). That is Kate Bee's approach in the Sober School. Even though I don't intend to drink again, I don't scare myself by saying I'm never going to drink again. I set a goal. Once I reach that, I set another one. My goal was to reach 100 days, which I did on Oct. 13. Then I set another goal--6 months, which will be January 6. At that time, I'll set my next goal. Maybe that would help your partner not feel overwhelmed, like he's "losing" his drinking buddy forever, if you just told him you plan to give it a go for at least x amount of time, at which time you'll reassess. Then if you want to return to drinking, you can. If you want to continue, you can. It did make me happy to think on October 14 that I had a guilt-free opportunity to make a choice to go back to drinking if I wanted to. I chose not to.

    Anyway, I think you're doing great and learning a lot. Kate's class was expensive, but I've saved an amazing amount of money overall compared to what I would have spent if I'd continued drinking. Not to mention all the other benefits.

    You go girl. You have love and support here!!
  • dbanks80
    dbanks80 Posts: 3,685 Member
    FeelinFooFoo wrote: »
    My partner & brother (mostly my partner) has been moaning at me about the price of SS membership. I repeated a line that I have learnt from Bex. I said " All that I need is your love & support." I said to him, surely if you see that I am getting something positive from this, then you would think the money is worth it?? Besides, I could easily waste £60 on buying rubbish! And, it's my money to spend how I wish, anyway !! 😊

    My brother has been saying "Oh, but you will crack / crumble by Christmas & new year, you will DEFINITELY drink!! Again, said to him, all I need is your love & support....

    He asked to bet me £50 that I drink at Christmas and New year so I now have £50 riding on this. (Coming to think of it, that could go towards paying for another subscription 😆) I guess they are just worried I'm being 'ripped off' but you can hit cancel at any time, you arnt locked into something. So my brother has also said 'I bet you cancel that membership soon! Once you've drank again!'

    I really get the vibe that the idea of me always not drinking, bothers them a little. My bro has been trying to encourage me to keep drinking. Saying 'your drinking wasnt that bad'. He compared it to other folks drinking habits. But he misses the point that it was MY drinking I was worried about, NOT other peoples! If Brenda down the street can happily drink X2 bottles of wine a night, does that mean that I should then feel okay that I only drink 1 bottle of wine a night?? Of course not that sounds ridiculous but it appears that that's what people tend to do with alcohol. That's the same as quitting your exercise programme because you found out that Karen doesn't exercise, so why should you ?!?

    My partner has also hinted at not being comfortable with a 'never again' approach. Although he is generally supportive of me, he said, "well, there is nothing wrong with drinking now and again."

    I can understand his point in saying this, but again, he is not ME and he doesnt get effected quite so badly by alcohol. And, I'm kinda fed up spending weekends laid up in bed trying to nurse the anxiety & low mood.

    I think when people do that it causes them to reflect on their own convictions. So dont take it personal. I have learned to navigate around the pressure. Friends telling me I am no fun when I dont drink even my own husband said i need to get the stick out of my A**. But I dont let it get to me anymore because I am doing something to better me and to make ME a happier healthier person.
  • dbanks80
    dbanks80 Posts: 3,685 Member
    I cannot say I will never drink. I am learning to just drink moderately.

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