The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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I blew it, bad. but today is a new day. I went on a binge and realized what I was doing and how bad I felt, how embarassing, etc. today is a new day, 1 hr,day at a time.
With each experience, we learn and grow, and it really gives us good perspective. We know we dont want to live like that. I have had dozens of day 1. I have felt such despair especially lying in the dark in the middle of the night. So, we know how you are feeling. Write down some thoughts about your binge , keep it somewhere private, and reread it once in awhile. I reread some short online journal entries from July 2019 and OMG I forgot about some of those dreadful, dangerous moments where I drank 7 cocktails in an evening. So, perhaps some journaling this weekend could be therapeutic.5 -
Today, I booked a getaway trip alone to a beach. Do you know one of the things I thought when I booked the hotel?.. I wonder if they have a nice bar.
I also thought maybe just for that vacation, I will drink a little. Then, I laughed at "a little".
So, that thought lurks in my mind, too.5 -
Yeah @RubyRed427, I’ve flirted with “a little “ too. I am in so much pain right now. A little isn’t worth it. And I have no idea how that once-a-year drinker Foo Foo describes finds that helpful. I don’t ever want to experience this again.6
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I love how everyone is so honest and brave here, pouring out all their feelings, fears etc. This thread has been an absolute Godsend to me. I am nowhere near saying "never again" to alcohol, but to read all the negative reactions here truly reinforces that even one night of indulgence is not worth it.6
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I, too, have thoughts of traveling alone. But even if I could convince DH I'd be fine, I would also want to drink "a little." In Ireland. Bahahaha. And then I get mad, because this issue is causing me to miss adventures (well, when we can have adventures again) because I can't trust myself. Hoping I get to the point I can.
Oh, IMO, simply the BEST! Cheers to a healthy weekend!
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"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, any one can start from now and make a brand new ending." ~ Carl Bard ~
Today is a new beautiful day to make healthy choices that will create the ending we are looking forward to. What is done is done and we cannot change that, but we can change how we view it. Nothing is wasted if we learn from it and I have learned so much from all my friends on this thread.
As @JenT304 stated, the courage & honesty that is expressed here on a daily basis as we share our struggles and victories is truly inspiring and I don't remember who it was that made the point that we don't know who we may help as we work out our own sobriety. There are likely ones who come in this group to read the posts but never share...yet, the help they receive may be lifesaving for them.
May we all have a Happy, Healthy AF Day!!
AND the sun is shining in my part of the Earth...I am SO excited...this is day 3 of sun for us in our normally overcast sky. 
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Hi guys!!! Still here, still AF. I’ve dropped by and read, just haven’t posted in a while.
I have been dealing with my rocky marital issues that I posted about quite a while back. So far, I have remained strong and not drank. I have thought “one glass of wine would so take the edge off” but I know that one glass would lead to a whole bottle.
I have remained strong and for that I am proud. I am also proud of each and every one of you!!! This thread has been a lifesaver! Literally!!8 -
I've come to the realization that alcohol can be dangerous by association, especially at my age. I had an episode over Thanksgiving that will forever remain a mystery. Bottom line is that I probably should have been taken to the ER, but wasn't. Why? It was assumed that it was alcohol-induced. The evidence which has come to light indicates otherwise (though I did have 2 glasses of bubbly). I was acting fidgety, unresponsive, and in between those, seemingly fine, and then the finale was vomiting for 36 hours.
All that to say that it is important to understand how people around you are going to respond to you if/when you are having a medical emergency when you have a history of overdrinking. And to have important conversations to ensure you are taken care of properly. Below is a paragraph from my journal (spoiler mode to conserve space).After a month wondering what happened, I was alone with his sister on Christmas Eve. I said, “Soo...about Thanksgiving. Did I drink one of your bottles of Champagne? Chug the gin?” (Excellent name for a band, BTW.) She said no--that she thought I was having a drug interaction. (Which through my lens of Everyone Judges Me, I interpreted as “I thought you were tripping on drugs.”) She said I was fine, then sat on the couch very fidgety. Then passed out. Then was fine. Then passed out and… Well, whew. What a relief! It wasn’t booze! And then it hit me, “Or is it?” I had chills and 36 hours of vomiting. I probably should have been taken to the ER. But I wasn’t because it was assumed I drank too much (or was tripping). I survived, but what if I have a stroke? “Oh, ya, she’s slurring her words again and can’t remember the rules to her own made-up game. Lisa’s been into the wine again. Let’s put her to bed.” Nooooo! I didn’t drink! But I can’t get the words out.6 -
I know many people worldwide have struggled with mental health issues during this bizarre pandemic. I've felt grateful that I used 2020 to get sober and lose weight. But Wednesday's events have really messed with my head. A lot. I'm not sure what to do, but I think extreme self care is called for. That's all. At least the weather is beautiful in my world today.7
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i had to drive by several of the stores I would buy booze from and I pulled over and saw @RubyRed427 and @FeelinFooFoo and other replies and it was SOOO hard but I kept driving. Had dropped off my kids with their Dad for his visitation (which is another habit I would drink after) and I went up to my dad's for dinner then went home, cuddled my furbaby and fell asleep. I'm on day 2 right now AGAIN, am at work right now but drinking my tea and water. I did eat WAY too much chocolate last night (I'm never a sweets person) which I'm attributing to the alcohol cravings since it's sugar...Hope everyone has a good day!10
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I have no way of verifying this, but I have a feeling that the extreme sadness I'm feeling about the week's events would not be so extreme if I hadn't put that poison into my system. I know extreme events can create extreme emotions, but I still think the alcohol (as we all know, a depressant) is making it worse. Not that I'm drinking, but I figure it will take a good week until it's really gone from my system. I guess a bright side of this is that I can add one more item to my "Things I Hated About Drinking" list.
@FeelinFooFoo and @mtngrl3, Hooray for both of you!!!! @mtngrl3, I'm not a sweets person, either, but in early sobriety, I came to LOVE dark chocolate and healthy hot chocolate. I still lost weight, so I figure it's a good, healthy trade-off.7 -
Here's a link to the podcast where Dax Shepard talks about his relapse after 16 years. Somebody may have already posted it, but I don't remember seeing it. https://armchairexpertpod.com/pods/day-72
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Tried this today. It was far better than I was expecting. I will be enjoying this again in the near future.6 -
@donimfp we are all traumatized by what is going on in our country. It is truly frightening. I suggest watching as little news as possible, get some self care....baths, tea, mani pedi if you can still get out with covid and all....good take out food etc. Do what you can to soothe yourself.7
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definitely agree with tuning out the “news”. it’s never as bleak as they want you to believe.3
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Yeah, unfortunately I don't think "they" are exaggerating the bleakness this time. It would be hard to. But still, watching it is not helpful. Tonight I've been rereading The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober (Catherine Gray), and it's reinforcing how good I feel when I'm not drinking. I skimmed through the first part of the book where she recounts her nightmarish drinking but reading about her successful and joyful "final" attempt at sobriety is a good reminder of a lot of things. Reading this thread is definitely one of my strategies for success. I'm also going to go back to the Sober School curriculum and start it again at Day 1. I have permanent access to it after taking the course. Hanging in there. I struggled with sleep the first week, and it looks like that struggle might be back on this Day 190/Day 2.7
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@donimfp I am struggling to sleep as well. I was awake at 3 AM, heart pounding. Not alcohol induced but news/life's stress induced. I need to go on a long walk in the woods today or something.5
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Even with my edible, I'm not staying asleep. I watched 2 Datelines between 3-5am last night. Funny, I equate middle of the night Datelines w/ drinking a beer to help with hangover setting in (from when I was living alone so no one to judge me). The beer is now a bowl of cereal.5
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@mainelylisa, I’m a Dateline junkie. Love Keith Morrison’s spooky voice. Nerd fun fact: he’s Matthew Perry’s stepfather. But I can’t imagine watching it in the middle of the night.
I fessed up to my next door neighbor and friend who was 7 years sober in December. She’s so compassionate and is making me a list of meditation resources that she’s found useful. I don’t know how anyone could possibly do this alone. I’m not happy to have relapsed but it has reminded me of what awesome support I’m lucky enough to have. This group at the top. Hey! It’s snowing in Texas! My Cleveland born husband sniffs that it’s not exactly “real” snow but I’ll take our beautiful half inch before it melts.7 -
@donimfp In a few days, you will feel better. And then you'll hit your stride again. I totally get that alcohol exacerbates emotions for a few days after.
I remember last March walking in the dark outside my apartment just weeping as I walked. I also drunk texted a mean text to a friend on that walk. It was all because of the wine I drank. I am so happy not to be drunk texting anyone these days.
I was on my AA meeting yesterday and announced my fourth month sobriety and everyone clapped. It was just so perfect. Between you and those claps, I felt really good.
I am meeting with my therapist tomorrow and can't wait to tell him I'm over 4 months sober. I haven't seen him in about 6 weeks I think.
One other perk that I love is that on weekend mornings, I wake up without a hangover and get loads of things done. Lots of school work yesterday gave me a migraine but I slept it off.
Today, I did more school work; it's really never-ending. I do have to set a timer sometimes and say "stop working". It is never enough and I have spent two decades doing school work on weekends. Just venting.
@FeelinFooFoo Shower Radio sounds great!
@JenT304 As you know, I deactivated from facebook. And I don't miss it one bit.
@mainelylisa Sometimes, it's our hormones that screw our sleep. And stress!
@mtngrl3 Awesome that you drove right by~~ The key is not to have it in the house. You are making great strides.
I remember when I quit two years ago, I had the habit of drinking wine while cooking. I really cooked so I could drink wine! That was such a hard habit to break; but it is possible to change our habits.
@Beka3695 I like the Heinekens the best out of all the AF beers. I have tried a few.5 -
Yeah, unfortunately I don't think "they" are exaggerating the bleakness this time.
please forgive me if this isn’t what you need to hear, but i’m saying it just in case it is:
it sounds to me like you’re passing responsibility for your failure onto someone else. those kittenheads who stormed the castle didn’t pour alcohol down your throat. you did. own it as yours; don’t try and justify it to yourself because the world sucks. the world has always sucked and will always suck. you have to let your perception be your reality, and if your perception is “woe is the world, guess i’ll have a drink”, guess what’s going to happen?
you kittened up. big deal. next time, get in here and let us know you’re on the verge of slipping. someone will listen and help you through it.
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I’m not passing responsibility to anyone but myself. Good Lord.9
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certainly, my apologies
i’m a tough love kinda person, and only wish someone had slapped me around a long time ago.
no harm intended6 -
I only have a few things to say.
1.The word "love" is ironic in this context.
2. Call me crazy, but being "slapped around" is not what most of us, certainly not me, need right now (or ever).
3. Explaining under what circumstances I caved and drank (and which I have clearly blamed myself for) is in no way "justifying" drinking. Just to explain that I wasn't walking in a lovely field and suddenly decided to drink. I was witnessing an attack on our country such as I have certainly never seen in my 65 years.
4. If you read my posts, my struggle is with NOT blaming myself too much. Hardly the opposite.
5. Decrying the thugs that devastated a whole country is not "shifting responsibility" for my relapse.
5. The "loving" reminder that the thugs did not pour alcohol down my throat was beyond insulting. I in no way, shape, or form deserved that rebuke.
6. I've learned that anything that begins "forgive me if this . . ." is usually followed by something that is pretty unforgivable, just like "I mean no offense but . . . [I'm about to say something offensive]"
7. I'm kind of mad at myself for even responding and not just walking away, but I value this community too much to leave. And I've been up the whole damn night.
8. Words (and certainly tone) matter. We've clearly seen that this week.
9. I don't know how old you are, but the explanation that this is a tough world almost made me laugh.
10. Finally, and most importantly, I'm on day 191/3 thanks to the loving, compassionate response to my honest owning up to my very painful relapse. I hope others will not be reluctant to use this forum as a safe place to come, especially when you are feeling angry at yourself and vulnerable.9 -
again i apologize most humbly
i’m 44 years old, my name is jeremy, you can call me that if you like, amongst the other names i’m sure you have for me
i’m no stranger to being the voice of unpopular opinion, one would think i’d learn to keep my mouth shut, but alas
it was always a fun bar conversation to tell folks i don’t believe in government when they wanted to talk about politics, only to be labelled an anarchist, whatever that means, and all the impressions that go along with that label, no matter how inaccurate
ironically, i realized nearly too late, my propensity to wallow in my own “nobody understands me” self pity was a major catalyst for my drinking. i’m glad i’ve moved on. i have plenty of friends that never did move on, and some of them are dead. i wish myself or somebody else could have slapped them around before they ended up in a fatal addiction. i miss them, and imagine what it would be like to share sobriety.
we all face our individual journeys in our individual ways, perhaps what i’ve written here was more for myself than anyone else. your reaction to what i’ve said is your own, it was not what i intended but i have no control over that, only what i say, which in hindsight i clearly shouldn’t have, but now i’m rambling in a circle...7 -
a few weeks ago, after i first started posting in this thread, i had a really rough weekend
it seems that outing myself to random strangers on the internet triggered some grievous desires4 -
i had a friend in high school tell me he gets kittened up because he couldn’t handle reality.
he’s now in prison for slamming into a parked semi truck at full highway speed, killing his wife and two others. there were no skid marks.
https://kowb1290.com/three-killed-in-crash-near-evanston/5 -
all this somber reminiscing is doing wonders for my mood this morning lol
but it is what it is, and helps remind me why i don’t drink4 -
another friend of mine, jimmy pacheco, who i knew all through jr high and high school (yes, we were drinking buds, and coincidentally was the first person i got high on weed with) died in his early 20’s, though not directly from alcohol.
he was 300+ pounds—i’m sure the excessive day drinking didn’t help that—and had an adverse reaction to drugs administered during stomach band surgery.6
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