The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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I started reading Quit Like a Woman. I’d downloaded a sample last summer but never got to it until the reminder. I’m finding it very helpful and reinforcing. She talks about how the alcohol industry uses the “Drink Responsibly” mantra as a clever way to tell consumers that any problem with their product is the fault of the drinker, not the (addictive) drink. She also notes that when we talk about the opioid crisis or about tobacco we correctly focus on the dangers of the substances and the irresponsibility of those who push them. But when it comes to alcohol, which kills more people, the problem is that some (presumably irresponsible) people “just can’t handle it”. That kind of discussion is the focus of the book, rather than her personal story—just FYI.6
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OMG I just discovered a completely alcohol free vodka. At Beyond Spirits. It’s not cheap! But I ordered a bottle to try it. A truly AF. martini as a splurge would be so nice (If it tastes good). And their drinks are truly 0%, not .5 or something.4
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My husband is on day 4 and I could not be happier or more surprised, frankly. I thought he would bend on the weekend but he stuck to the Heineken 00. He is sleeping better which means I am sleeping better.8
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My cousin was drunk last night and texted me weird things. I wonder if he's embarrassed today.
His wife texted me too and said she thought the new year would be different.
I said how could it be different if HE doesn't think he has a problem or want to change.
We can't wish him to change or magically make him a sober person. It is truly a personal decision.
We, on this thread, make this decision each day: today, I will not drink.
I asked him to do Dry January with me and he said he would do "Saucy January".
I texted him there is a better way than relying on that liquid.
He replied "Death".
That is where his mind is.
It seems he'd rather die than quit. This is tragic to me.
I asked him to go to coffee with me this week and we can talk.
I was so sad last night but I have to keep telling myself I cannot make someone quit, it's hard enough to make me quit and abstain. Sigh8 -
@rubyRed427 That is really sad about your cousin and I feel for his wife too. It must be so hard watching this slow motion train wreck.3
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RubyRed427 wrote: »https://people.com/books/chrissy-teigen-talks-about-the-book-that-inspired-her-sobriety/
HEre's a book I have not heard of: Quit like a woman by Holly Whitaker
Chrissy Tiegen discusses her four weeks of sobriety.
I am reading this and liking it. I think what I get out of it is that you have to change what is making you drink.
Trying out a dry January. First day back to work and not sure I can do it. I hate my job. I was so zen this morning then crap started piling up. I so want to go buy something. I have one can in the fridge. I was going to throw it out but I had wasting stuff. I will get past tonight but not sure I can do more than that.8 -
use it to boil bratwurst in, or something similar, then you’re neither wasting it nor drinking it!trishfit2014 wrote: »I have one can in the fridge. I was going to throw it out but I had wasting stuff.
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@RubyRed427, I hate to hear of such a sad case as your cousin. Remember I wrote about my extremely similar brother-in-law? I just learned he’s been sober almost a year! I don’t know any details but I suspect there was finally some loss he found worth fighting for. Your cousin says he’d choose death over sobriety. That’s a hard nut to crack. I don’t know if a real threat of losing marriage or family would make a difference. That’s what I’m guessing turned my totally out of control BIL around.5
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Thanks for your posts about my cousin. 💜
His dad was a raging mean alcoholic. His brother died of a heart attack but severe alcoholic. The other two brothers are alcoholic. It is a slow moving descent into the abyss for this family.
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trishfit2014 wrote: »RubyRed427 wrote: »https://people.com/books/chrissy-teigen-talks-about-the-book-that-inspired-her-sobriety/
HEre's a book I have not heard of: Quit like a woman by Holly Whitaker
Chrissy Tiegen discusses her four weeks of sobriety.
I am reading this and liking it. I think what I get out of it is that you have to change what is making you drink.
Trying out a dry January. First day back to work and not sure I can do it. I hate my job. I was so zen this morning then crap started piling up. I so want to go buy something. I have one can in the fridge. I was going to throw it out but I had wasting stuff. I will get past tonight but not sure I can do more than that.
You can do it! Fight as if your life depends on it. You need to get past ten days and you will feel a little relief. Find a substitute and treat yourself to nice coffee or tea . We are rooting for you.
Addiction does seem to stem from unresolved trauma and stress. What we have to find is good coping skills that doesn’t make us sicker. Think of Dry January as a positive- recite positive mantras. We are here for you.6 -
I liked Holly Whitaker's suggestion to be aware of things you (you PERSONALLY) can't f*** with. She listed hers, with alcohol being first and foremost. Then she listed things she CAN f*** with without destroying her health or her soul, things that aren't necessarily good for you but that don't send her into that kind of place--examples Diet Coke, gluten, dairy, casually making out (as opposed to casual sex, which was on her "can't" list).
I liked this because the emphasis was on the fact that we're each a unique individual. There are things I know I can't f*** with, too, like alcohol. But that's ok. And also, I know there are some things that aren't great that I can mess around with (Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Cheez-It mix) but that I don't overdo and don't send me to a bad place.8 -
trishfit2014 wrote: »RubyRed427 wrote: »https://people.com/books/chrissy-teigen-talks-about-the-book-that-inspired-her-sobriety/
HEre's a book I have not heard of: Quit like a woman by Holly Whitaker
Chrissy Tiegen discusses her four weeks of sobriety.
I am reading this and liking it. I think what I get out of it is that you have to change what is making you drink.
Trying out a dry January. First day back to work and not sure I can do it. I hate my job. I was so zen this morning then crap started piling up. I so want to go buy something. I have one can in the fridge. I was going to throw it out but I had wasting stuff. I will get past tonight but not sure I can do more than that.
What makes most of us drink is avoiding/numbing uncomfortable feelings/pain, stress etc You are on the right track by reading about other people's experiences and by coming to this group. Getting past last night is a great start and if that is all you can do right now, that's ok...Just keep coming back to this group and keep checking in.
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It's great to see everyone survived another "drinking season" and are starting the new year out strong.
@FeelinFooFoo 70 days
@RubyRed427 4 months
Sad about your cousin. Sounds like there is definitely a generational thing going on with his Fam.
which is typical of alcoholism usually until someone breaks the cycle. I hope it is your cousin that breaks it as you are for yours.
@VeggieGirlforLife 2 Years You are correct, about alcohol not making the stress better...it only compounds it.
@JenT304 Great to hear that your hubby is doing Dry January and he reached his first milestone staying the course this past weekend. I'm thinking your example is rubbing off.
~Hope everyone has a great week~
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Thank you @lorrainequiche59. I am very happy that my husband is doing dry January. He seems content having one NA Heineken at night. I am very surprised he doesn't seem to think this is "hard". I guess I was more addicted than he. He says he is feeling sharper and less agitated. These are good things.6
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I bought a bottle of Fre, non alcoholic chardonnay, yesterday. I opened it and had a glass and it just tasted like white grape juice. The thing is, I felt compelled to keep filling my glass. I drank the whole bottle in an hour. It just made me think, there is no way I will ever be able to drink in moderation. I'm glad I didn't feel compelled to buy the real thing as I was and still am pretty upset about what went down at the Capitol yesterday. We live in the DC metro area and it was deeply unsettling. I'm glad we survived this coup attempt but our democracy is certainly fragile.7
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If you're sober after yesterday's events, then you are a Rock Star, my friends. I saw a few funny tweets saying you get a free pass if you drank yesterday because of the terrorist attack during Dry January.
I'm still sober like many of you.9 -
I stayed sober too, Ruby, though someone on my fb thread wrote DRY JANUARY IS OFFICIALLY OVER. I was glad that I was fully present to witness (on the news) a truly dark day for our nation.6
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I bought a bottle of Fre, non alcoholic chardonnay, yesterday. I opened it and had a glass and it just tasted like white grape juice. The thing is, I felt compelled to keep filling my glass. I drank the whole bottle in an hour. It just made me think, there is no way I will ever be able to drink in moderation. I'm glad I didn't feel compelled to buy the real thing as I was and still am pretty upset about what went down at the Capitol yesterday. We live in the DC metro area and it was deeply unsettling. I'm glad we survived this coup attempt but our democracy is certainly fragile.
I find that too. I do that with my NA beer, drink it fast. Just like I would drink my alcohol fast. Thank God for both of us it was just juice.
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Quick post. Yesterday was 6 months. Yesterday our president incited terrorists. Yesterday I drank. Today I’m very depressed. Didn’t want to post but think I need to. I guess I drank “today “ too because I drank at 3 am when I stayed up praying to witness Congress doing the right thing. Crap. Now we’ll see if I can rebound. I’m still gonna count days from July 6.11
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Quick post. Yesterday was 6 months. Yesterday our president incited terrorists. Yesterday I drank. Today I’m very depressed. Didn’t want to post but think I need to. I guess I drank “today “ too because I drank at 3 am when I stayed up praying to witness Congress doing the right thing. Crap. Now we’ll see if I can rebound. I’m still gonna count days from July 6.
Yes, you CAN rebound. This is just part of your journey. Progress not perfection. Keep going!! 6 -
@lorrainequiche59 thank you. I am devastated right now. How foolish to think I had this thing licked.11
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Oh, and that’s why I’m keeping the count at 186 instead of 1. It’s 186 days of the journey. Not 186 of sobriety (now).6
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@donimfp Hugs to you. We are human (well some of us are...the "human" that invoked your drinking on Jan 6 is questionable and just reading your post raised my blood pressure at 5:45am). When I'm feeling like beating myself up, I remind myself that I drank 5 months less last year than I have in a decade and plan to continue the trend.
Doing Dry January and it's a good thing I announced it (on Less Alcohol and to my Meetup group) or I probably would have caved by now. Had 3 glasses of planned bubbly (NYE) since Thanksgiving. I think my therapist thinks that was playing with fire, but I guess some part of me still wants to prove I can drink "normally" on special occasions. Felt safe since I'd already announced Dry Jan, but it was a good reminder that even 3 glasses make me feel like crap the next day. I started out 2021 with Cheetos for breakfast.7 -
@donimfp. You are not defined by one day of drinking. I had quit smoking by 9/11 and bought a pack of cigarettes that day. I did quit again. I did not identify as a smoker again. It was a slip.
We've experienced a national trauma as bad, if not worse, than 9/11. Worse because it was a self inflicted wound. Not to mention the continuing mounting death toll from this relentless pandemic. It is all too much. I am sure many many peope turned to alcohol or drugs for relief. I myself took a lorazapam.....yes it is prescribed but whatever, I needed to calm my nerves. If I had not had it on hand, I might have gotten some wine.
You are not at day 1. You are 6 months sober. You are one of my heroes on this thread. You inspire people that are active or merely lurk here, quietly following your journey. Forgive yourself. 7 -
Please don’t worry too much. That happens to so many people. Look at that adorable Dax Shepard- he relapsed after 15 years I think. Dust yourself off- keep counting and do not start at day 1! You are so brave to tell us - as you know we totally understand!!!
At my AA group someone relapsed after three years. So relapse happens ❤️8 -
I blew it, bad. but today is a new day. I went on a binge and realized what I was doing and how bad I felt, how embarassing, etc. today is a new day, 1 hr,day at a time.10
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Thanks all you lovely people. @RubyRed427 the nod to Dax Shepard is just what I needed. I've been binge-watching The Good Place to stay halfway sane (Never saw it before now). In the episode I saw last night he showed up in a cameo on his wife's show. And yes, I've had great compassion for him and will try to spread some of it toward myself.9
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One silver lining of my indulgence is that I'm reminded of how absolutely crappy drinking makes me feel for a few days afterward. Of course even at my worst I didn't stay up until 3 or 4 a.m. drinking!! But ugh--nausea, headache, bloaty face . . . not pretty. Still, I AM feeling cravings like I hadn't in months. For me personally, the NA "cocktails" are a godsend--grapefruit juice and tonic. Also, I continue to find Holly Whitaker's book inspiring, and I am just at the part where she's addressing the very early days of sobriety, and since I'm kind of back there, it's helpful.
FooFoo, 77 days is so awesome! I'll have to wait until 2022 to have a completely AF calendar year, but that's ok.7
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