The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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Quick post. Yesterday was 6 months. Yesterday our president incited terrorists. Yesterday I drank. Today I’m very depressed. Didn’t want to post but think I need to. I guess I drank “today “ too because I drank at 3 am when I stayed up praying to witness Congress doing the right thing. Crap. Now we’ll see if I can rebound. I’m still gonna count days from July 6.
Yes, you CAN rebound. This is just part of your journey. Progress not perfection.
Keep going!! 6 -
@lorrainequiche59 thank you. I am devastated right now. How foolish to think I had this thing licked.11
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Oh, and that’s why I’m keeping the count at 186 instead of 1. It’s 186 days of the journey. Not 186 of sobriety (now).6
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@donimfp Hugs to you. We are human (well some of us are...the "human" that invoked your drinking on Jan 6 is questionable and just reading your post raised my blood pressure at 5:45am). When I'm feeling like beating myself up, I remind myself that I drank 5 months less last year than I have in a decade and plan to continue the trend.
Doing Dry January and it's a good thing I announced it (on Less Alcohol and to my Meetup group) or I probably would have caved by now. Had 3 glasses of planned bubbly (NYE) since Thanksgiving. I think my therapist thinks that was playing with fire, but I guess some part of me still wants to prove I can drink "normally" on special occasions. Felt safe since I'd already announced Dry Jan, but it was a good reminder that even 3 glasses make me feel like crap the next day. I started out 2021 with Cheetos for breakfast.7 -
@donimfp. You are not defined by one day of drinking. I had quit smoking by 9/11 and bought a pack of cigarettes that day. I did quit again. I did not identify as a smoker again. It was a slip.
We've experienced a national trauma as bad, if not worse, than 9/11. Worse because it was a self inflicted wound. Not to mention the continuing mounting death toll from this relentless pandemic. It is all too much. I am sure many many peope turned to alcohol or drugs for relief. I myself took a lorazapam.....yes it is prescribed but whatever, I needed to calm my nerves. If I had not had it on hand, I might have gotten some wine.
You are not at day 1. You are 6 months sober. You are one of my heroes on this thread. You inspire people that are active or merely lurk here, quietly following your journey. Forgive yourself. 7 -
Please don’t worry too much. That happens to so many people. Look at that adorable Dax Shepard- he relapsed after 15 years I think. Dust yourself off- keep counting and do not start at day 1! You are so brave to tell us - as you know we totally understand!!!
At my AA group someone relapsed after three years. So relapse happens ❤️8 -
I blew it, bad. but today is a new day. I went on a binge and realized what I was doing and how bad I felt, how embarassing, etc. today is a new day, 1 hr,day at a time.10
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Thanks all you lovely people. @RubyRed427 the nod to Dax Shepard is just what I needed. I've been binge-watching The Good Place to stay halfway sane (Never saw it before now). In the episode I saw last night he showed up in a cameo on his wife's show. And yes, I've had great compassion for him and will try to spread some of it toward myself.9
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One silver lining of my indulgence is that I'm reminded of how absolutely crappy drinking makes me feel for a few days afterward. Of course even at my worst I didn't stay up until 3 or 4 a.m. drinking!! But ugh--nausea, headache, bloaty face . . . not pretty. Still, I AM feeling cravings like I hadn't in months. For me personally, the NA "cocktails" are a godsend--grapefruit juice and tonic. Also, I continue to find Holly Whitaker's book inspiring, and I am just at the part where she's addressing the very early days of sobriety, and since I'm kind of back there, it's helpful.
FooFoo, 77 days is so awesome! I'll have to wait until 2022 to have a completely AF calendar year, but that's ok.7 -
I blew it, bad. but today is a new day. I went on a binge and realized what I was doing and how bad I felt, how embarassing, etc. today is a new day, 1 hr,day at a time.
With each experience, we learn and grow, and it really gives us good perspective. We know we dont want to live like that. I have had dozens of day 1. I have felt such despair especially lying in the dark in the middle of the night. So, we know how you are feeling. Write down some thoughts about your binge , keep it somewhere private, and reread it once in awhile. I reread some short online journal entries from July 2019 and OMG I forgot about some of those dreadful, dangerous moments where I drank 7 cocktails in an evening. So, perhaps some journaling this weekend could be therapeutic.5 -
Today, I booked a getaway trip alone to a beach. Do you know one of the things I thought when I booked the hotel?.. I wonder if they have a nice bar.
I also thought maybe just for that vacation, I will drink a little. Then, I laughed at "a little".
So, that thought lurks in my mind, too.5 -
Yeah @RubyRed427, I’ve flirted with “a little “ too. I am in so much pain right now. A little isn’t worth it. And I have no idea how that once-a-year drinker Foo Foo describes finds that helpful. I don’t ever want to experience this again.6
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I love how everyone is so honest and brave here, pouring out all their feelings, fears etc. This thread has been an absolute Godsend to me. I am nowhere near saying "never again" to alcohol, but to read all the negative reactions here truly reinforces that even one night of indulgence is not worth it.6
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I, too, have thoughts of traveling alone. But even if I could convince DH I'd be fine, I would also want to drink "a little." In Ireland. Bahahaha. And then I get mad, because this issue is causing me to miss adventures (well, when we can have adventures again) because I can't trust myself. Hoping I get to the point I can.
Oh, IMO, simply the BEST! Cheers to a healthy weekend!
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"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, any one can start from now and make a brand new ending." ~ Carl Bard ~
Today is a new beautiful day to make healthy choices that will create the ending we are looking forward to. What is done is done and we cannot change that, but we can change how we view it. Nothing is wasted if we learn from it and I have learned so much from all my friends on this thread.
As @JenT304 stated, the courage & honesty that is expressed here on a daily basis as we share our struggles and victories is truly inspiring and I don't remember who it was that made the point that we don't know who we may help as we work out our own sobriety. There are likely ones who come in this group to read the posts but never share...yet, the help they receive may be lifesaving for them.
May we all have a Happy, Healthy AF Day!!
AND the sun is shining in my part of the Earth...I am SO excited...this is day 3 of sun for us in our normally overcast sky. 5 -
Hi guys!!! Still here, still AF. I’ve dropped by and read, just haven’t posted in a while.
I have been dealing with my rocky marital issues that I posted about quite a while back. So far, I have remained strong and not drank. I have thought “one glass of wine would so take the edge off” but I know that one glass would lead to a whole bottle.
I have remained strong and for that I am proud. I am also proud of each and every one of you!!! This thread has been a lifesaver! Literally!!8 -
I've come to the realization that alcohol can be dangerous by association, especially at my age. I had an episode over Thanksgiving that will forever remain a mystery. Bottom line is that I probably should have been taken to the ER, but wasn't. Why? It was assumed that it was alcohol-induced. The evidence which has come to light indicates otherwise (though I did have 2 glasses of bubbly). I was acting fidgety, unresponsive, and in between those, seemingly fine, and then the finale was vomiting for 36 hours.
All that to say that it is important to understand how people around you are going to respond to you if/when you are having a medical emergency when you have a history of overdrinking. And to have important conversations to ensure you are taken care of properly. Below is a paragraph from my journal (spoiler mode to conserve space).After a month wondering what happened, I was alone with his sister on Christmas Eve. I said, “Soo...about Thanksgiving. Did I drink one of your bottles of Champagne? Chug the gin?” (Excellent name for a band, BTW.) She said no--that she thought I was having a drug interaction. (Which through my lens of Everyone Judges Me, I interpreted as “I thought you were tripping on drugs.”) She said I was fine, then sat on the couch very fidgety. Then passed out. Then was fine. Then passed out and… Well, whew. What a relief! It wasn’t booze! And then it hit me, “Or is it?” I had chills and 36 hours of vomiting. I probably should have been taken to the ER. But I wasn’t because it was assumed I drank too much (or was tripping). I survived, but what if I have a stroke? “Oh, ya, she’s slurring her words again and can’t remember the rules to her own made-up game. Lisa’s been into the wine again. Let’s put her to bed.” Nooooo! I didn’t drink! But I can’t get the words out.6 -
I know many people worldwide have struggled with mental health issues during this bizarre pandemic. I've felt grateful that I used 2020 to get sober and lose weight. But Wednesday's events have really messed with my head. A lot. I'm not sure what to do, but I think extreme self care is called for. That's all. At least the weather is beautiful in my world today.7
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i had to drive by several of the stores I would buy booze from and I pulled over and saw @RubyRed427 and @FeelinFooFoo and other replies and it was SOOO hard but I kept driving. Had dropped off my kids with their Dad for his visitation (which is another habit I would drink after) and I went up to my dad's for dinner then went home, cuddled my furbaby and fell asleep. I'm on day 2 right now AGAIN, am at work right now but drinking my tea and water. I did eat WAY too much chocolate last night (I'm never a sweets person) which I'm attributing to the alcohol cravings since it's sugar...Hope everyone has a good day!10
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