@donimfp Hugs to you. We are human (well some of us are...the "human" that invoked your drinking on Jan 6 is questionable and just reading your post raised my blood pressure at 5:45am). When I'm feeling like beating myself up, I remind myself that I drank 5 months less last year than I have in a decade and plan to continue the trend.
Doing Dry January and it's a good thing I announced it (on Less Alcohol and to my Meetup group) or I probably would have caved by now. Had 3 glasses of planned bubbly (NYE) since Thanksgiving. I think my therapist thinks that was playing with fire, but I guess some part of me still wants to prove I can drink "normally" on special occasions. Felt safe since I'd already announced Dry Jan, but it was a good reminder that even 3 glasses make me feel like crap the next day. I started out 2021 with Cheetos for breakfast.
@donimfp. You are not defined by one day of drinking. I had quit smoking by 9/11 and bought a pack of cigarettes that day. I did quit again. I did not identify as a smoker again. It was a slip.
We've experienced a national trauma as bad, if not worse, than 9/11. Worse because it was a self inflicted wound. Not to mention the continuing mounting death toll from this relentless pandemic. It is all too much. I am sure many many peope turned to alcohol or drugs for relief. I myself took a lorazapam.....yes it is prescribed but whatever, I needed to calm my nerves. If I had not had it on hand, I might have gotten some wine.
You are not at day 1. You are 6 months sober. You are one of my heroes on this thread. You inspire people that are active or merely lurk here, quietly following your journey. Forgive yourself.
Please don’t worry too much. That happens to so many people. Look at that adorable Dax Shepard- he relapsed after 15 years I think. Dust yourself off- keep counting and do not start at day 1! You are so brave to tell us - as you know we totally understand!!!
At my AA group someone relapsed after three years. So relapse happens ❤️
I blew it, bad. but today is a new day. I went on a binge and realized what I was doing and how bad I felt, how embarassing, etc. today is a new day, 1 hr,day at a time.
Thanks all you lovely people. @RubyRed427 the nod to Dax Shepard is just what I needed. I've been binge-watching The Good Place to stay halfway sane (Never saw it before now). In the episode I saw last night he showed up in a cameo on his wife's show. And yes, I've had great compassion for him and will try to spread some of it toward myself.
@donimfp I totally agree with what others have said, and like Jen said, you are definetly one of my heros on this thread. You are one of the reasons I decided to take the plunge !
But it's not always the easiest road to take, I think we all know that. One slip after 6 months ? I think you still should feel totally proud of yourself. It's all one massive learning curve. So slips might happen. Please don't beat yourself up, you've done absolutely AMAZING ! I am proud of your progress and you continue to inspire me with your honesty too ❤
One day, one hour, one minute at a time seems to be the best way to approach this. You've got a great attitude about it, new day, and new opportunity to get back at it.
Iv got a bit of catching up to do on my Sexy Sobriety course. I have started playing the video game (playing fallout 4) and I have been totally hooked so I haven't been doing much else. Not that there is much else to do... we are back in complete lock down in UK. I believe new laws are now in place so it's got helluva serious. It always was serious situation, but things have stepped up restricting peoples movement. Even take away shops have closed. (The horror 😱)
I have completely stopped watching news reports. I was finding it all so overwhelming. In fact, we have ordered a virtual reality head set for the video game which makes you look and feel like your in the actual video game.... think I will take virtual reality over reality for now. I guess it's a different type of escape but probably best for my mental health while we are living in a mad world at the moment.
I'm on day 77. Still can't quite believe I have been so long without a drink. I am drinking the NA beers and like Jen & Ruby said, I am also noticing how quick I can sometimes drink them. Maybe because they taste so much like the real thing! Guess I still equate the taste of beer / alcohol to relaxing or switching off. My work mate who attends AA often asks me to rethink using the NA beers / wine. I think he most likely has a good point but it's something I will work towards. It feels like a bit of a safety blanket to be honest and I'm not prepared to give them up right now.
I heard about what happened in USA it's just tragic news. It's the last thing anyone needs right in the middle of a global pandemic ❤
One silver lining of my indulgence is that I'm reminded of how absolutely crappy drinking makes me feel for a few days afterward. Of course even at my worst I didn't stay up until 3 or 4 a.m. drinking!! But ugh--nausea, headache, bloaty face . . . not pretty. Still, I AM feeling cravings like I hadn't in months. For me personally, the NA "cocktails" are a godsend--grapefruit juice and tonic. Also, I continue to find Holly Whitaker's book inspiring, and I am just at the part where she's addressing the very early days of sobriety, and since I'm kind of back there, it's helpful.
FooFoo, 77 days is so awesome! I'll have to wait until 2022 to have a completely AF calendar year, but that's ok.
One silver lining of my indulgence is that I'm reminded of how absolutely crappy drinking makes me feel for a few days afterward. Of course even at my worst I didn't stay up until 3 or 4 a.m. drinking!! But ugh--nausea, headache, bloaty face . . . not pretty. Still, I AM feeling cravings like I hadn't in months. For me personally, the NA "cocktails" are a godsend--grapefruit juice and tonic. Also, I continue to find Holly Whitaker's book inspiring, and I am just at the part where she's addressing the very early days of sobriety, and since I'm kind of back there, it's helpful.
FooFoo, 77 days is so awesome! I'll have to wait until 2022 to have a completely AF calendar year, but that's ok.
When I did the Annie Grace 30 days experiment, during it she has a video of herself drinking a bottle of wine. Nothing else, just her having the wine. She was noting how it made her feel & think. As part of the experiment.
She said that she knows a woman who, once per year, carries out this 'experiment' for herself. The woman finds it helpful to keep her on the sober path as it always, without fail, reminds her just how bad drinking actually makes her feel. So it helps her to stay sober the rest of the year. So maybe you can just look at it like that cos it sounds like your being reminded of the bad parts about drinking. Which will only help you long term I guess 💖
I blew it, bad. but today is a new day. I went on a binge and realized what I was doing and how bad I felt, how embarassing, etc. today is a new day, 1 hr,day at a time.
With each experience, we learn and grow, and it really gives us good perspective. We know we dont want to live like that. I have had dozens of day 1. I have felt such despair especially lying in the dark in the middle of the night. So, we know how you are feeling. Write down some thoughts about your binge , keep it somewhere private, and reread it once in awhile. I reread some short online journal entries from July 2019 and OMG I forgot about some of those dreadful, dangerous moments where I drank 7 cocktails in an evening. So, perhaps some journaling this weekend could be therapeutic.
Today, I booked a getaway trip alone to a beach. Do you know one of the things I thought when I booked the hotel?.. I wonder if they have a nice bar.
I also thought maybe just for that vacation, I will drink a little. Then, I laughed at "a little".
So, that thought lurks in my mind, too.
Yeah @RubyRed427, I’ve flirted with “a little “ too. I am in so much pain right now. A little isn’t worth it. And I have no idea how that once-a-year drinker Foo Foo describes finds that helpful. I don’t ever want to experience this again.
I love how everyone is so honest and brave here, pouring out all their feelings, fears etc. This thread has been an absolute Godsend to me. I am nowhere near saying "never again" to alcohol, but to read all the negative reactions here truly reinforces that even one night of indulgence is not worth it.
I, too, have thoughts of traveling alone. But even if I could convince DH I'd be fine, I would also want to drink "a little." In Ireland. Bahahaha. And then I get mad, because this issue is causing me to miss adventures (well, when we can have adventures again) because I can't trust myself. Hoping I get to the point I can.
Oh, IMO, simply the BEST! Cheers to a healthy weekend!
"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, any one can start from now and make a brand new ending." ~ Carl Bard ~
Today is a new beautiful day to make healthy choices that will create the ending we are looking forward to. What is done is done and we cannot change that, but we can change how we view it. Nothing is wasted if we learn from it and I have learned so much from all my friends on this thread.
As @JenT304 stated, the courage & honesty that is expressed here on a daily basis as we share our struggles and victories is truly inspiring and I don't remember who it was that made the point that we don't know who we may help as we work out our own sobriety. There are likely ones who come in this group to read the posts but never share...yet, the help they receive may be lifesaving for them.
May we all have a Happy, Healthy AF Day!!
AND the sun is shining in my part of the Earth...I am SO excited...this is day 3 of sun for us in our normally overcast sky.
Hi guys!!! Still here, still AF. I’ve dropped by and read, just haven’t posted in a while.
I have been dealing with my rocky marital issues that I posted about quite a while back. So far, I have remained strong and not drank. I have thought “one glass of wine would so take the edge off” but I know that one glass would lead to a whole bottle.
I have remained strong and for that I am proud. I am also proud of each and every one of you!!! This thread has been a lifesaver! Literally!!
I've come to the realization that alcohol can be dangerous by association, especially at my age. I had an episode over Thanksgiving that will forever remain a mystery. Bottom line is that I probably should have been taken to the ER, but wasn't. Why? It was assumed that it was alcohol-induced. The evidence which has come to light indicates otherwise (though I did have 2 glasses of bubbly). I was acting fidgety, unresponsive, and in between those, seemingly fine, and then the finale was vomiting for 36 hours.
All that to say that it is important to understand how people around you are going to respond to you if/when you are having a medical emergency when you have a history of overdrinking. And to have important conversations to ensure you are taken care of properly. Below is a paragraph from my journal (spoiler mode to conserve space).
After a month wondering what happened, I was alone with his sister on Christmas Eve. I said, “Soo...about Thanksgiving. Did I drink one of your bottles of Champagne? Chug the gin?” (Excellent name for a band, BTW.) She said no--that she thought I was having a drug interaction. (Which through my lens of Everyone Judges Me, I interpreted as “I thought you were tripping on drugs.”) She said I was fine, then sat on the couch very fidgety. Then passed out. Then was fine. Then passed out and… Well, whew. What a relief! It wasn’t booze! And then it hit me, “Or is it?” I had chills and 36 hours of vomiting. I probably should have been taken to the ER. But I wasn’t because it was assumed I drank too much (or was tripping). I survived, but what if I have a stroke? “Oh, ya, she’s slurring her words again and can’t remember the rules to her own made-up game. Lisa’s been into the wine again. Let’s put her to bed.” Nooooo! I didn’t drink! But I can’t get the words out.
I know many people worldwide have struggled with mental health issues during this bizarre pandemic. I've felt grateful that I used 2020 to get sober and lose weight. But Wednesday's events have really messed with my head. A lot. I'm not sure what to do, but I think extreme self care is called for. That's all. At least the weather is beautiful in my world today.
Replies
Doing Dry January and it's a good thing I announced it (on Less Alcohol and to my Meetup group) or I probably would have caved by now. Had 3 glasses of planned bubbly (NYE) since Thanksgiving. I think my therapist thinks that was playing with fire, but I guess some part of me still wants to prove I can drink "normally" on special occasions. Felt safe since I'd already announced Dry Jan, but it was a good reminder that even 3 glasses make me feel like crap the next day. I started out 2021 with Cheetos for breakfast.
We've experienced a national trauma as bad, if not worse, than 9/11. Worse because it was a self inflicted wound. Not to mention the continuing mounting death toll from this relentless pandemic. It is all too much. I am sure many many peope turned to alcohol or drugs for relief. I myself took a lorazapam.....yes it is prescribed but whatever, I needed to calm my nerves. If I had not had it on hand, I might have gotten some wine.
You are not at day 1. You are 6 months sober. You are one of my heroes on this thread. You inspire people that are active or merely lurk here, quietly following your journey. Forgive yourself.
At my AA group someone relapsed after three years. So relapse happens ❤️
None of us have this..one day at a time
But it's not always the easiest road to take, I think we all know that. One slip after 6 months ? I think you still should feel totally proud of yourself. It's all one massive learning curve. So slips might happen. Please don't beat yourself up, you've done absolutely AMAZING ! I am proud of your progress and you continue to inspire me with your honesty too ❤
One day, one hour, one minute at a time seems to be the best way to approach this. You've got a great attitude about it, new day, and new opportunity to get back at it.
I have completely stopped watching news reports. I was finding it all so overwhelming. In fact, we have ordered a virtual reality head set for the video game which makes you look and feel like your in the actual video game.... think I will take virtual reality over reality for now. I guess it's a different type of escape but probably best for my mental health while we are living in a mad world at the moment.
I'm on day 77. Still can't quite believe I have been so long without a drink. I am drinking the NA beers and like Jen & Ruby said, I am also noticing how quick I can sometimes drink them. Maybe because they taste so much like the real thing! Guess I still equate the taste of beer / alcohol to relaxing or switching off. My work mate who attends AA often asks me to rethink using the NA beers / wine. I think he most likely has a good point but it's something I will work towards. It feels like a bit of a safety blanket to be honest and I'm not prepared to give them up right now.
I heard about what happened in USA it's just tragic news. It's the last thing anyone needs right in the middle of a global pandemic ❤
FooFoo, 77 days is so awesome! I'll have to wait until 2022 to have a completely AF calendar year, but that's ok.
When I did the Annie Grace 30 days experiment, during it she has a video of herself drinking a bottle of wine. Nothing else, just her having the wine. She was noting how it made her feel & think. As part of the experiment.
She said that she knows a woman who, once per year, carries out this 'experiment' for herself. The woman finds it helpful to keep her on the sober path as it always, without fail, reminds her just how bad drinking actually makes her feel. So it helps her to stay sober the rest of the year. So maybe you can just look at it like that cos it sounds like your being reminded of the bad parts about drinking. Which will only help you long term I guess 💖
With each experience, we learn and grow, and it really gives us good perspective. We know we dont want to live like that. I have had dozens of day 1. I have felt such despair especially lying in the dark in the middle of the night. So, we know how you are feeling. Write down some thoughts about your binge , keep it somewhere private, and reread it once in awhile. I reread some short online journal entries from July 2019 and OMG I forgot about some of those dreadful, dangerous moments where I drank 7 cocktails in an evening. So, perhaps some journaling this weekend could be therapeutic.
I also thought maybe just for that vacation, I will drink a little. Then, I laughed at "a little".
So, that thought lurks in my mind, too.
Oh, IMO, simply the BEST! Cheers to a healthy weekend!
Today is a new beautiful day to make healthy choices that will create the ending we are looking forward to. What is done is done and we cannot change that, but we can change how we view it. Nothing is wasted if we learn from it and I have learned so much from all my friends on this thread.
As @JenT304 stated, the courage & honesty that is expressed here on a daily basis as we share our struggles and victories is truly inspiring and I don't remember who it was that made the point that we don't know who we may help as we work out our own sobriety. There are likely ones who come in this group to read the posts but never share...yet, the help they receive may be lifesaving for them.
May we all have a Happy, Healthy AF Day!!
I have been dealing with my rocky marital issues that I posted about quite a while back. So far, I have remained strong and not drank. I have thought “one glass of wine would so take the edge off” but I know that one glass would lead to a whole bottle.
I have remained strong and for that I am proud. I am also proud of each and every one of you!!! This thread has been a lifesaver! Literally!!
All that to say that it is important to understand how people around you are going to respond to you if/when you are having a medical emergency when you have a history of overdrinking. And to have important conversations to ensure you are taken care of properly. Below is a paragraph from my journal (spoiler mode to conserve space).