The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living

wiigelec

sorry.

happy monday everybody!

donimfp

@wiigelec, a wise person once said that if two people agree on everything, one of them isn't necessary. Obviously both you and I are necessary. We agree that sobriety is important. As @JenT304 said, I don't think you should have presumed as much as you did regarding my motives or what I needed to be schooled on. However, no hard feelings. This is too valuable a forum to mess up. Peace.

wiigelec

However, no hard feelings.

Thanks, I appreciate that.

RubyRed427

@FeelinFooFoo amazing amazing videos - aha moments in each

SunnyDays930

@FeelinFooFoo I've been up since 3 am. I thought when I stopped drinking, sleep would come easier. At least my heart isn't racing. I watched both of your Ted Talks and I really liked them. Thank you for posting.

donimfp

I commiserate on the sleep issues. But the silver lining is that when I go to work after getting only a few hours of sleep, at least I'm not hungover. That makes SUCH a difference. I'm back at work today for the first time since mid-December since some of our kids had COVID over the break. For the first time, I got up early enough to do some meditation before leaving home. That seems to be making a difference in my day. After last week, I am SO glad not to be drinking. It feels incredibly better.

RubyRed427

Hi friends, just catching up on posts. @donimfp I cringe when someone is giving tough love to me. I think I revert back to the painful memories of my childhood. So, I do not respond well to it. I am happy you didn't let it keep you from posting.

@wiigelec I am sure you meant no harm and you probably do respond better to tough love; you wish someone would have said that to you.

RubyRed427

I think sleep is also hormonal and environmental. When I watch TikTok before bed, my dreams are fast paced and I think about all the things I watched before bed.

I really need to get into a better routine- calm music, limited bright screen before bed, bubble bath.... but still I do think for me my hormones screw with my sleep.

RubyRed427

I'm still sober- half way to five months.

@donimfp I really do appreciate your honest post about drinking; it has helped me in many ways. Even though you went through heck for many days after, you bounced back and probably have even more determination! So proud of you.

I have been walking a lot morning and evening in my basement; I think that is helping with stress of school. I listened to @FeelinFooFoo TedTalk posts and other self help videos while I walk.

wiigelec

I am sure you meant no harm and you probably do respond better to tough love; you wish someone would have said that to you.

@RubyRed427 yeah i think it has a lot to do with where i grew up and where i work.

rock springs is a pretty industrial place in the middle of the desert with a somewhat sordid history, and i work in the oil field where nothing is sugar coated.

i understand that approach doesn’t work for everybody

RubyRed427

wiigelec wrote: »

I am sure you meant no harm and you probably do respond better to tough love; you wish someone would have said that to you.

@RubyRed427 yeah i think it has a lot to do with where i grew up and where i work.

rock springs is a pretty industrial place in the middle of the desert with a somewhat sordid history, and i work in the oil field where nothing is sugar coated.

i understand that approach doesn’t work for everybody

I'm a teacher and a nurturer. But I can understand how you have to be tough at work and no nonsense to get the job done.

nuffer

Sleep is a tough one. After decades of using booze to put me to bed every night, I'm still struggling to find a solution that works reliably without it, even after over 600 days free from alcohol. Aging, lack of exercise, lack of sunlight, and various injuries are all contributors, I believe.

Some things that have helped me: reducing screen time well before turning in, getting exercise earlier in the day, spending time outdoors in natural light, giving any OTC pain relievers time to become effective, and sometimes cannabis (indica, not sativa).

Staying asleep -- that's a whole nuther thing!

wiigelec

RubyRed427 wrote: »

I'm a teacher and a nurturer. But I can understand how you have to be tough at work and no nonsense to get the job done.

i think it’s more that some of the kids i grew up with were manipulative, lying thieves, and there was a lot of peer pressure.

part of me is very angry at myself for being weak (physically and mentally), and maybe i project that outwards more than i should.

lifting weights and training bjj has helped me begin to overcome my physical weakness, and i’ve developed a no-nonsense attitude, where i don’t put up with any attempts at manipulation or peer pressure

honestly though, there is a charming, funny and helpful guy hiding under all this crust!

donimfp

wiigelec, you and I are the perfect storm. We all have our pasts, our stories. Imagine a little girl with an abusive father who screamed at her and would not tolerate any signs of "weakness" (aka, sincere fear or sadness or uncertainty) or indeed anything short of perfection, straight A's, graduate degrees, etc. Imagine her (grown up now) getting up the courage to admit that she had failed miserably at one of the most important battles of her life and was terribly mad at herself that she got scared and terrified and blew her sobriety. In her experience, letting her slip show could result in catastrophe. Serious catastrophe. Imagine her risking letting it show and encountering support from the wonderful women she's developed trust in for the last few years. Imagine her relief. Imagine then a man her son's age decides to help her out by "slapping her around" and telling her to quit trying to justify her drinking because (as she might not yet know) the world sucks.

We all have our stories. You didn't know mine, and I didn't know yours. I'm not sure how you read my posts as coming from someone who could benefit from a little slapping around, but you did. What you wish someone would have done to you (I assume because you believe such slapping would have helped you) is not necessarily what the next person needs.

So now that we've both shared a little of "where we are coming from" can we please move on with the understanding that the general purpose of this thread is indeed to be supportive and empathic? I'm not saying "tough love" is never appropriate, but sometimes it isn't what is called for, especially when someone has clearly expressed his or her hurt and disappointment in him/herself. For my part, I will try to understand that sometimes what feels like a bully might actually be a charming, funny, and helpful guy. That's hard for me to grasp given my own story. But the fact that I'm writing this rather than dropping out of sight and considering myself "bullied victim, end of story" tells me that I'm trying hard to grow beyond my story. I hope this makes sense at all. I want to say that I do feel empathic toward you because you've explained some of your own backstory. And I also want to declare (probably really to my dad) that I have a right to express vulnerability and weakness without fear of being shamed for it.

wiigelec

if i could go back and hit delete instead of send, i would

i am realizing now what i wrote was for me and not you, and i am truly sorry to have caused you pain.

yes, let us move on, forward in our battles, in the appropriate spirit of this community

donimfp

No worries. I'm glad you didn't hit delete. It was a good learning experience for me. As I said . . . person for whom perceived weakness pushes buttons meets person for whom perceived bullying pushes buttons equals perfect storm. I think there may be a Lifetime movie in this. I'm an aspiring screenwriter so who knows? Thanks, @wiigelec.

Everybody have a good day. Guess what! Today is my new Day 5, so I get to go back to rewards every 5 days. Mocha latte, here I come!

RubyRed427

I went to my hairdresser. He and I have been together for 15 years. We share a lot of personal stories. I told him I am four months sober and he automatically said "did you know that alcohol is a class one carcinogen?"

So I looked it up:
Class 1 means that it is known that this substance causes cancer in humans. UV radiation is in this category, because science has shown that UV causes between 95-99% of skin cancers in humans. And UV is in good company in this class, which also has asbestos, tobacco and a range of chemicals with scary names.

Yes another reason for us to stay sober.

SunnyDays930

@FeelinFooFoo about 5 or 6 years ago we went on vacation with another couple. 3 of us were former smokers. On the vacation, my husband and the other wife thought it would be fun to smoke since it's vacation and why not. Several times I was offered a cigarette with the encouragement, "oh it is fun! We are on vacation! C'mom!" I resisted. My husband had a devil of a time getting back off of nicotine after this. It was months, no, closer to a year, of patches, gum, discomfort etc. All for 3 days worth of "fun". I have to look at alcohol in the same way. It is a poisonous, addictive substance that was killing me and vacation is no excuse. I know I would immediately regret it and be back to square one.

If I Can get through inauguration day, worried out of my mind about potential violence, I can get through anything. I'd love to celebrate with champgane but it will just be sparkling fake stuff.

donimfp

Here's a link to some NA drinks I received in my inbox. Don't know if they will be of interest, but I might try one or two.

@JenT304, you are so right. Just a couple days drinking made my first couple days sober very difficult. Luckily, I feel like I'm settling back into my regular alcohol-free pattern without too much trouble. I'd say I dodged a bullet. Foo Foo I think you'll enjoy your next holiday abroad sober. That will be an adventure!

http://www.eatingwell.com/gallery/2061934/mocktail-recipes-thatll-get-you-through-dry-january-with-ease/?did=598479-20210114&utm_campaign=etg-nonewsubs_relationship-builder&utm_source=eatingwell.com&utm_medium=email&utm_content=011421&cid=598479&mid=48777736283&slide=7c07ed56-748a-4d20-a827-63bd3371edd2#7c07ed56-748a-4d20-a827-63bd3371edd2

donimfp

That is so awesome Foo Foo! I agree on the cost benefit of a course that is working for you. I don’t know how Sexy Sobriety works but after taking the Sober School course we have lifetime access to the course. I’m doing it over right now. I started Monday so today was Day 4 of the 42-day course. To my surprise when I went back to the material and once again wrote answers to the various discussion questions I discovered other women from my. July 6 group also redoing the work either just for extra reinforcement or because they have now decided to go full time sober or whatever. So there’s even an ongoing community in addition to the ongoing content—for free. Best $500 I’ve ever spent.

RubyRed427

https://nattygal.com/2021/01/15/six-sensational-mocktails-for-dry-january-or-any-time/



Look how good these look!

SunnyDays930

@RubyRed427 That mock Boody Mary looks like a meal! Yum!

aroze0928

FeelinFooFoo wrote: »

Drinking alcohol, I found, played into all my negative feelings....it held me back.

Isnt that the truth. Not a fun place to be always wallowing in self pity. Dwelling on the past. Just an overall sense of heavy misery. Thanks for the reminder.

donimfp

RubyRed427 wrote: »

https://nattygal.com/2021/01/15/six-sensational-mocktails-for-dry-january-or-any-time/



Look how good these look!

Every one of these looks good! I'm going to try the Moscow Mule today. Thanks for the link!

SunnyDays930

Yesterday a bunch of factors came together to make me feel as though I had been drinking even though I hadn't. First, we had carpeting installed which meant excessive banging of mallets plus I couldn't leave the house or really move around much so I was pretty innactive until around 4 pm, when we went out and had a massive tray of nachos and 2 AF beers. Came home and had tons and tons of candy. Slept horribly and in that state between awake and asleep I thought, "Did I drink? Did they switch my NA to real beer? (Even though it was in a bottle so no). My husband said he felt gross too and chalked it up to all the candy. Just goes to show how our bodies are really affected by these things; what we eat and how much we move. I'm dieting and Saturday is my cheat meal day but honestly, after that, I think I may pass that up. I felt like crap last night and still a bit now.

RubyRed427

Went scrapbooking with three ladies this weekend. Last night, they made beautiful old fashioned drinks and pear vodka was on the counter the whole time. I watched the vodka level shrink as the day wore on. I still stayed the course. They did shots over me and clinked their glasses. I think my sobriety muscle grew enormously. I could have caved at any minute but I didn't. Boy, I wanted to have an old fashioned. Sigh.

My one friend drank several drinks and talked non-stop. OMG it was getting on my nerves because we were in a small room, so I just had to listen to the same stories over and over. She woke up this morning feeling dizzy, she said.

I woke up refreshed and worked out.
The sacrifices we make at night are well worth it in the morning.

SunnyDays930

I'm proud of how far you have come, @RubyRed427

donimfp

@RubyRed427, you are a rock star!!

I've been doing really well. Day 10 since nightmare relapse. Oddly enough, my biggest temptation came tonight (last night now) when I was watching the wonderful Masterpiece Theatre "All Creatures Great and Small" (a great stress reliever in these troubled times, along with the preceding Masterpiece Mystery "Miss Scarlet and the Duke). Anyway, there was a cozy scene of two characters innocently playing some board game and each drinking a small, civilized glass of sherry. That looked so good. When I lived in Edinburgh, I loved it when someone would offer a glass of sherry (and at that time, just one was good enough for me). I had to talk myself down by reminding myself that those days of the innocent one little glass are long gone. But I fixed a grapefruit juice and tonic with lime and was soon fine. My go-to tactic at the moment is "Playing that movie to the end," and the end is not pretty.

RubyRed427

I was telling @JenT304 that my sister called me craving so badly for alcohol and she’s nearly 11 months sober. So I guess the cravings sneak up and tap you on the shoulder but I’m happy she called. Call someone when you’re craving and you can just chat - it’s so isolating sometimes to be on a sober journey but maybe we are just needing a friend that isn’t named “vodka” 😀

donimfp

My good friend and next-door-neighbor who is 7 years sober said during these last weeks she has had to fight cravings like she hasn't in years. I firmly don't believe we are doomed to a lifetime of daily battles. If I thought that, I think I might just go ahead and drink. However, it is enlightening to learn that those from-time-to-time cravings can evidently strike out of the blue no matter how long it's been. Good to know. Good for your sister, @RubyRed427. I'm sure it's nice that she now has you as someone who can completely relate.