Would you remain friends with someone that cheated?

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  • BellydanceBliss
    BellydanceBliss Posts: 330
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    I agree. People make mistakes and we all deserve forgiveness.

    thats how I view it.
  • xsmilexforxmex
    xsmilexforxmex Posts: 1,216 Member
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    That would be an issue between them so yes I would remain friends.. It's not my place to judge and I would see it as if someone quit talking to me for something that was not wrongly done towards them they never were a true friend in the first place. How can you be so judgemental torwards someone and honestly call them 'friend'?
  • BADGIRLstl
    BADGIRLstl Posts: 473 Member
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    Can I ask this question? Would you all be friends or hang around people who robbed a bank, murdered someone or their family, was a serious crack head/herion addict? My point is, why do you have to judge a person or be wrong, if you simply choose not to be involved with that character? I'm not saying my boy who started the thread is right or wrong OR that I agree or disagree w/ him....but damn, it's his decision...just like its your decision to do what you want to do? If you choose to hang around the robber, the murderer, and the addict b/c they are not doing harm to you, than more power to YOU!
  • BADGIRLstl
    BADGIRLstl Posts: 473 Member
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    Yes, and I have. They didn't cheat on me, they cheated on their partner because there was something in their relationship that just didn't work.

    That has nothing to do with our friendship.

    I have a wide variety of friends -- some who do drugs (beyond marijuana), some who never miss mass on Sunday, some who uphold the law, others who repeatedly break it...I guarantee we all have friends like this. The difference is, people tell me a lot more than they tell others. People have told me the most personal, intimate things about themselves within minutes of meeting me; I think you'd be shocked at the things very normal, trustworthy people have done in the past. You would be a very lonely person if only you knew every secret every one of your friends and family members have hidden.

    Loving someone is accepting their flaws, because let's face it -- we've all got them.

    Now does that mean I would take back a partner who cheated on me? HELL NO. I have more respect for myself than that. Friends are different.
    I like how you put this.
  • kb455
    kb455 Posts: 679 Member
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    Yes. I try not to judge people. I don't know their business or private life and head space to know why they do anything. Being a cheater in a relationship isn't a reason for a person to be ostracised by the people around them.

    I feel the same. I'm FAR from perfect... I don't expect my friends to be either. I would absolutely remain friends with someone if they cheated on their spouse. Their infidelity wouldn't change who they are TO ME.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    I kept thinking about this topic last night and I think I've figured out why it bothers me so much...

    My husband is my best friend. Before he is my lover, provider, father of children, etc, he is my number one friend and confidant. If I visualize myself as the cheater and if I was willing to do something so despicable to my BEST friend, then I would likely have no hesitation betraying other friends. You know what I mean? I guess I don't see how a friendship with ones spouse is of LESS value than friendship with friends. In my eyes if someone is willing to betray their spouse/loved one, they are willing to do anything and, yes, that makes them untrustworthy and unreliable as a true friend. I'd remain civil and help out as needed (as I would do for any person friend or no), but I would not consider them someone to rely on.
    Yes but not everyone is in that kind of relationship. My friend cheated on her husband, and while it was wrong, he was by no means her best friend at that point. He had accused her of cheating for years even though she hadn't, and their relationship was terrible.
  • lacroyx
    lacroyx Posts: 5,754 Member
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    if the said friend that cheated was a family, my own family, then no. otherwise it just depends.
  • BADGIRLstl
    BADGIRLstl Posts: 473 Member
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    I kept thinking about this topic last night and I think I've figured out why it bothers me so much...

    My husband is my best friend. Before he is my lover, provider, father of children, etc, he is my number one friend and confidant. If I visualize myself as the cheater and if I was willing to do something so despicable to my BEST friend, then I would likely have no hesitation betraying other friends. You know what I mean? I guess I don't see how a friendship with ones spouse is of LESS value than friendship with friends. In my eyes if someone is willing to betray their spouse/loved one, they are willing to do anything and, yes, that makes them untrustworthy and unreliable as a true friend. I'd remain civil and help out as needed (as I would do for any person friend or no), but I would not consider them someone to rely on.
    This is exactly where I thought he was coming from. Not saying that this is what I would do, or how I would handle it...but I understand his reasoning.
  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
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    Depends on the friend and the situation.

    None of my friends are habitual cheaters - I probably wouldn't be friends with a habitual cheater to begin with...

    None of my friends have cheated on their spouse to my knowledge. Boyfriends yes... but they didn't commit to them for life.

    In general - I treat my friends the way I want to be treated. If I made a big mistake in life the last thing I would want would be for my friends to abandon me in a time of need. My friends treat me well and I them. I hope if any did cheat on their spouse they would feel they could come to me without fear of punishment. I am their friend, not their spouse and our relationships are completely different.
  • scs143
    scs143 Posts: 2,190 Member
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    Yes.

    Marriage and best friendship are very different from each other, even though one may include the other. Friendship is a far less demanding relationship than a marriage. My best friend and I have no sexual relationship, we have no children together, we do not share finances and aren't intimate in the various ways a marriage is.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    If one of your friends cheated on their spouse, would you remain friends with them?

    I wouldn't. A friend has to be someone I can trust. If they can't honor their marriage vows, there's no way I can trust them to honor whatever relationship we've built.

    Depending on the circumstances, I wouldn't totally cut the person out of my life, but I would not longer consider them a "friend."

    I had a friend who cheated, I remained friends with his wife, when they got back together it caused issues in the overall friendships. Before my DH and I really enjoyed have couple evenings with them, after there were no more couple evenings. They got back together for 2 years, then she cheated, and that was the end of it. I've told them both that their relationship issues are none of my business and that I'm going to maintain the friendships independently of each other because I missed them both over the past few years. If I had a good friend who cheated on their spouse I would encourage them to do the right thing, if I had a good friend who's spouse cheated on them I would support my friend, but I've learned from personal experience that when you're friends with both you just mind your p's and q's and stay the flock out of it.
  • kugagirl
    kugagirl Posts: 12
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    How judgemental this thread is.

    For what it is worth, if anybody were to judge me the way some are judging situations on here and would just disown me because they did not consider something I had done to their own satisfaction, then I would not want them as a "friend" anyway.
    AGREE!!!!!!!!
  • 1WorkoutAtATime
    1WorkoutAtATime Posts: 719
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    yup, we all make mistakes and need forgiveness...
  • higgi1982
    higgi1982 Posts: 19
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    there are a few friends that i would stand by and still be friends with no matter what they did , but would let them know that cheating isnt something i agree with
  • MissTattoo
    MissTattoo Posts: 1,203 Member
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    Can I ask this question? Would you all be friends or hang around people who robbed a bank, murdered someone or their family, was a serious crack head/herion addict? My point is, why do you have to judge a person or be wrong, if you simply choose not to be involved with that character? I'm not saying my boy who started the thread is right or wrong OR that I agree or disagree w/ him....but damn, it's his decision...just like its your decision to do what you want to do? If you choose to hang around the robber, the murderer, and the addict b/c they are not doing harm to you, than more power to YOU!

    Agreed. I'm not hanging out with drug dealers because I don't want to be around people like that who make choices like that. I wouldn't want to hang around child molesters, rapists, women beaters, *kitten* in general, etc.

    Everyone who says they don't judge are full of crap. EVERYONE judges. If I knew one of my friends were cheating on their spouse, I would lose respect for them. There is never an excuse for cheating. End the relationship. Just because you aren't in love or whatever, doesn't excuse you to just go cheat. Cheating is selfish and people do it so they can have their cake and eat it too. Cheating destroys trust, self esteem, self worth, and crushes everyone involved. You can come up with whatever excuse you want to help you sleep at night, but when it comes down to it, you didn't have the guts to end your relationship before getting involved with someone else. And yes...I will judge you for it because I don't believe in God and don't throw out some disclaimer that only God can judge.
  • beckylawrence70
    beckylawrence70 Posts: 752 Member
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    Yes I would.......
  • megmay2591
    megmay2591 Posts: 621 Member
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    I think that when someone cheats it's a huge mistake, there are many circumstances and different types of people that cheat. Maybe this person wasn't feeling like they could talk to someone about their feelings before they cheated, and they just needed a friend to talk to? If someone was once a friend I wouldn't just cast them aside.
  • JessicaHoskins
    JessicaHoskins Posts: 116
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    I know a couple that are separated (though legally married); going through a nasty divorce. Yes, she has a boyfriend but I am & will continue to be her friend, because it's not in my place to say how she should live her own life. Plus, the circumstances are complicated...
  • 15in8
    15in8 Posts: 141 Member
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    Life will lead you to a place where you will have a greater understanding of this issue.
  • srenebailey
    srenebailey Posts: 39 Member
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    I agree too. There are too many things to consider. In truth, now days, who isn't a cheater? How many friends would we really have if we cut out all those who cheated? I'm not saying everybody is a cheater, but there are a whole lot of them out there, so, I say, live and let live.

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