Would you remain friends with someone that cheated?

MyTime1985

I personally think cheating is one of the worst things you can possibly do to someone. I would never do it and regardless of what is going on in the relationship, IT IS NEVER ACCEPTABLE!!!!!!! Having said that, all my friends know I feel this way. I don't know that I would end a true friendship if they cheated on their spouse but they would be very well aware of how I felt about it and I would encourage them to come clean.


The best person to discuss relationship problems with is the person you're in the relationship with!

jsteffen80

This is sort of near and dear to me... Cheating has caused me to reevaluate two different friendships. I've decided to remain friends in neither case.

It wasn't necessarily the adultery itself that caused the change, but in both cases I started picking up on cues that hinted at other less than desirable moral and ethical values. I don't need friends that I feel have a lack of integrity.

fiveferrels

he without sin/fault cast the first stone!!!

honeysprinkles

I don't have any married friends yet, but obviously if a friend cheated on their significant other I'd still keep them as a friend. Their relationships are their own business and not mine. I'm not here to judge anyone when it comes to that part of their lives.

The only circumstance where I could see it causing problems between us as friends is if I was good friends with both of them.

jcstanton

If one of your friends cheated on their spouse, would you remain friends with them?

I wouldn't. A friend has to be someone I can trust. If they can't honor their marriage vows, there's no way I can trust them to honor whatever relationship we've built.

Depending on the circumstances, I wouldn't totally cut the person out of my life, but I would not longer consider them a "friend."

I wouldn't say I wouldn't be their friend anymore, but, seeing them betray the most sacred trust like that, would make it more difficult for me to trust them like I did before. Also, it would largely depend on whether or not there seemed to be any sincere remorse for what they had done, and if they confessed to the affair themselves or if they were found out. To me, it's hard to know for sure if a person is TRULY sorry for what they have done when they've been caught redhanded and couldn't deny the wrongdoing if they wanted to do so. I mean, are they REALLY sorry for what they did, or are they just sorry they got caught. Would they have broken off the affair on their own if they hadn't been caught? Or would it have continued indefinitely? You can't ever be sure in that situation, so it takes longer for a person to earn back trust under those circumstances. Hope that makes sense the way I've written it. In any case, forgiveness should be given freely, but trust is EARNED.

To those who would say, "Well, it's not me they cheated on. It shouldn't affect my friendship with them or my trust in them." All I can say is, if they betrayed the trust of their spouse, the ONE person to whom they've vowed to be faithful until death, what's to keep them from betraying your trust and being disloyal to you, who are merely their friend and to whom they've made no vow of loyalty?

lilchicksta94

Yes. Even though I think it's wrong, it's not my relationship and if they're a valued friend to me then I would stay friends with them. However, I had one of my best friend's sleep with my other best friend's husband (we were 3 very close friends). I was so disgusted that I just said screw this and pushed away from all of them. I just couldn't deal with the drama and thought it was disgusting that she could sleep with our friend's husband. I would tell my friend straight out that what they did is wrong and I think it sucks but then move on from there. But if they lie or lose my trust then I end it right then and there.

MinnieInMaine

What I don't get is people who think it's ok for someone in a "bad" relationship to cheat! Really? Why doesn't that person just end the bad relationship and move on with their lives? There are several excuses but none are really valid as far as I'm concerned. Either stay in the relationship you're in and work on improving it or get the hell out. Maybe it's too hard for me to understand because (let's go with the extreme) I've never been in a severely abusive relationship but wouldn't cheating just bring on more stress and drama? Wouldn't it be easier to leave that person and THEN find someone new?

I've actually had the experience where a friend cheated on her husband. I was also really good friends with her hubby so it was a really tough situation for me to be in. I tried to be a good friend and keep her secret and still hang out with her and all that but I just couldn't do it after a while. i was losing sleep and I was completely stressed out about the whole thing. In my mind & heart, it was the same as my sister-in-law cheating on my brother - my loyalties were divided. After about 6 months, I ended the friendship because it was all too much for me. The best advice I got was from my brother - you may not be able to pick your family but you can choose who your friends are. And in this case, I no longer chose to be friends with this woman.

However, since she was part of my circle of friends, I had to be around her, and after a couple of years we ended up reconciling. It was tough for a while but we got past it. Our relationship has never been what it used to be but I still love her like a sister.

ETA: On the other hand, I used to work with a woman who cheated on her husband and while I let her know straight up that I disapproved and thought she should stop for the sake of her kids, herself and her husband, I still hung out with her now and then. Then again, I had to see her every day at work so it's not like I could completely cut ties with her. What I'm trying to say though is I think it depends, for me, on how closely tied I am to the couple.

sg1982

NO! NEVER EVER!

tonihayden

Of course I would. Each and everyone of us makes mistakes daily...some small some life altering but everyone deserves respect and reverence despite their shortcomings.

EDesq

If one of your friends cheated on their spouse, would you remain friends with them?

I wouldn't. A friend has to be someone I can trust. If they can't honor their marriage vows, there's no way I can trust them to honor whatever relationship we've built.

Depending on the circumstances, I wouldn't totally cut the person out of my life, but I would not longer consider them a "friend."

GET REAL!!! Life does NOT work like that. Query: Isn't friendship a matter of Loyalty AND a DIFFERENT Dynamic than a sexual relationship. Example: I know people who are TERRIBLE Spouses BUT GREAT Parents. Most things are a Case by Case bases...don't Generalize!

jcstanton

Can I ask this question? Would you all be friends or hang around people who robbed a bank, murdered someone or their family, was a serious crack head/herion addict? My point is, why do you have to judge a person or be wrong, if you simply choose not to be involved with that character? I'm not saying my boy who started the thread is right or wrong OR that I agree or disagree w/ him....but damn, it's his decision...just like its your decision to do what you want to do? If you choose to hang around the robber, the murderer, and the addict b/c they are not doing harm to you, than more power to YOU!

Agreed. I'm not hanging out with drug dealers because I don't want to be around people like that who make choices like that. I wouldn't want to hang around child molesters, rapists, women beaters, *kitten* in general, etc.

Everyone who says they don't judge are full of crap. EVERYONE judges. If I knew one of my friends were cheating on their spouse, I would lose respect for them. There is never an excuse for cheating. End the relationship. Just because you aren't in love or whatever, doesn't excuse you to just go cheat. Cheating is selfish and people do it so they can have their cake and eat it too. Cheating destroys trust, self esteem, self worth, and crushes everyone involved. You can come up with whatever excuse you want to help you sleep at night, but when it comes down to it, you didn't have the guts to end your relationship before getting involved with someone else. And yes...I will judge you for it because I don't believe in God and don't throw out some disclaimer that only God can judge.

Not to mention that, in MOST cases, it's not usually the one who is being treated like crap in the relationship who does the cheating. It's usually the abuser/jerk who does the cheating. At least, in my personal experience, anyway. (My parents' marriage, my marriage, my aunt's/uncle's marriages, close friends, etc...)

stcar

NO! NEVER EVER!

for all the people saying things like this (no, never), I call bullsh*t. What if it were your sister or brother or child who cheated on their spouse? written off? I doubt it. never say never.

stcar

How judgemental this thread is.

For what it is worth, if anybody were to judge me the way some are judging situations on here and would just disown me because they did not consider something I had done to their own satisfaction, then I would not want them as a "friend" anyway.

AGREE!!!!!!!!

totally agree!

jsteffen80

NO! NEVER EVER!

for all the people saying things like this (no, never), I call bullsh*t. What if it were your sister or brother or child who cheated on their spouse? written off? I doubt it. never say never.

I have a much more strained relationship with my sister since she cheated on her husband, which was something like 8 years ago... Same with my mother. I don't know that she cheated on my dad, or my stepdad, but I'm fairly sure she did, and that was 12+ years ago. It really bothers me still.

I continue to love both of these people, because they are my family, but there is quite a bit of distance between them and me since.

stcar

NO! NEVER EVER!

for all the people saying things like this (no, never), I call bullsh*t. What if it were your sister or brother or child who cheated on their spouse? written off? I doubt it. never say never.

I have a much more strained relationship with my sister since she cheated on her husband, which was something like 8 years ago... Same with my mother. I don't know that she cheated on my dad, or my stepdad, but I'm fairly sure she did, and that was 12+ years ago. It really bothers me still.

I continue to love both of these people, because they are my family, but there is quite a bit of distance between them and me since.

that makes sense, I wouldn't say I respect the decisions my friends/family have made to cheat at all, it's kind of sad actually...but this is the world that we live in and I love them for other reasons

SalubriousGyrl

If one of your friends cheated on their spouse, would you remain friends with them?

I wouldn't. A friend has to be someone I can trust. If they can't honor their marriage vows, there's no way I can trust them to honor whatever relationship we've built.

Depending on the circumstances, I wouldn't totally cut the person out of my life, but I would not longer consider them a "friend."

For these simple reasons are why friendships never last. We are all human and capable of making mistakes. We had to crawl before we learned how to walk. We are all capable of making a mistake and infidelity is no expection. We should not judge our friends based on our own beliefs and judgements.

At this time when this occurs, it the time when our friends need us the most. Just because the relationship with their signicant other failed doesn't mean that the friendship with fail as well. Don't be so judgemental and be supportive of one another. That's what friendship is all about.

It amazes me how some people are so quick to judge others and immediately they fail to recognize their own wrongdoings. You mean you never made a mistake? You never cheated, chatted, flirted while in a relationship. It happens people. Only the sloppy ones get caught. But just because they decide that this is how they want to live their lifes, doesn't mean a great friendship should end.

I watched my father cheat on my mother. I saw the pain in her eyes and how it affected their relationship. Guess what, I still love my father and have a great relationship with him. He realized his mistake and is still to this day paying for it.

I dated a guy for 8 mos, had a great relationship, and found out that he was married and it ended the relationship. there were no signs, and i immediately thought about his wife and envisioned that same pain that my mom felt when she found out about my dad. does that make me a bad person because i dated a married man and did not know.

Friendships are friendships for a reason, and my bff's know that i got their backs till the day i die. I would never end a friendship based on of their infidelity. that is their business and in no way does it affect me.

ninerbuff

If one of your friends cheated on their spouse, would you remain friends with them?

I wouldn't. A friend has to be someone I can trust. If they can't honor their marriage vows, there's no way I can trust them to honor whatever relationship we've built.

Depending on the circumstances, I wouldn't totally cut the person out of my life, but I would not longer consider them a "friend."

Lol, I think there's a difference between trust of friends and trust in marriage. There's an old saying "if you treated your friends like your spouse, you wouldn't have many friends". Meaning many people treat their friends much better than their spouses and may do more for them too. This is totally subjective, but I have 2 great friends that have cheated on their spouses, are still with them and is are great fathers to their kids. I've never had any issue with distrust with either of them and have had them both go to the wall for me.


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