going dutch on a first date

Kmanouchehri90

Whoever invites should pay. If he asked you out, he should have paid. If you asked him, you were right in paying. If someone invited me out but made me pay for the meal there wouldn't be a second date.

Now in a serious relationship/marriage, however, you should figure out something that both partners agree on. Maybe it is 50/50, maybe it is more traditional, whatever works!

brevislux

I think you should share the bill. But, if the guy really wants to pay then I'd let him do it, because it's really not worth making a scene over something so silly. I just say I want to split the bill and tell the guy I wouldn't like him to pay for me.

whierd

I am rather traditional when it comes to dating, so I go in expecting to pay. If the girl says she is ok with paying her share when the check comes, I will ask her to spare my fragile man ego and let me pay, or challenge her to rock paper scissors. If she wins, I leave a very nice tip for the server.

ron2e

i think a guy should pay, as it helps offset the cost of being a woman.

i mean, the cost of make-up, hair cuts, high heels, lingerie, waxing....

What about the guy's costs - beer, beer and more beer? You don't think we naturally look this way do you?

ron2e

I don't know, I'm not in the dating market any more, but when I was, I always paid, opened the door for the girl, etc, etc, but then I'm old fashioned and girls were expecting this sort of treatment at the time. Nowadays women have, in theory if not always in practice, equality with men so maybe that changes things. After all if a male friend says "fancy meeting up at the pub tonight", I don't expect him to pay. Just throwing it out there.

clioandboy

This is 2013 right????????

Pookylou

On the first date with my current partner he wouldn't let me pay for anything (he asked me out), so he bought cinema tickets and dinner. I tried to pay, and made it clear I'd pay for the second date. Now we are more serious we kinda just alternate who pays/splitting the bill.

Stormchasegrl

thanks for the input so far.

to answer your question: when the bill came he got out his card and then i paused and dug for mine and then put it down. im just so used to the guy saying, "oh, no i got this" that i was surprised he didnt say or do anything. if he was going to be old fashioned and open the door for me, then he should pay for the date too, right?

it just feels like so many guys are halfassing it and chivalry is dead these days. in the grand scheme of things its not that big of a deal. but i felt cheapened thats all.

1) I LOVE your pic!
2) IMO, It always seems to depend on feel. That part is always awkward nowadays. It's great to sit back and have him just "be the man," but he expects a contribution more and more.
3) Despite that, I believe that if you believe the typical gender roles of a man to "man up and be a man" (even if you woman up and work too!), he should shell out on the 1st date (especially if he asked you.)
3a) If you asked him, you offer a little bit more than #3

Again, just my view.

silverainn

People don't really "date" where I live, but I'd never expect someone else to pay for me. When I lived in the UK before, I had a friend who worked out of town a lot and liked to go out for dinner at nice restaurants with me when he was home.. he always insisted on paying (he made about 3x what I did), but I was always really uncomfortable with it.

Ascolti_la_musica

The person who extends the invitation should pay. This is true of friends, family, AND dates.

hdutoit17

If the guy asks you out - he should pay.
If its a blind date I think both can pay cause neither of you picked each other, but if he really likes you in the end it would be nice for him to pay.


When you start dating seriously then I would go half half or sometimes pay. My husband gets the bigger salary so will obviously pay the bill more often.

Grokkster

I think we should look at the situation this way:

1. The man didn't discuss, prior to the date, how to cover the bill because he fully intended to foot the bill;
2. When the bill came, he drew out his card without asking you to do the same. Again, because he intended to foot the bill;
3. When you also drew out your card, he didn't say no. This was probably because (a) he wasn't expecting that and couldn't mentally recover fast enough to say no; or (b) he thought you might feel strongly about going dutch and didn't want to belittle you by insisting on paying the bill 100%.

Skinny_minny_mo

go dutch? no way!!

you should offer (and be prepared to pay if need be) but he should persist and wrestle the bill out of your hand if need be.

that said, ladies dont oder the most expensive dish on the menu.

jennifer_417

Why would you offer to pay if you're going to be offended by...paying? Way to be disingenuous.

skamnorth

I just recently learned how big a culturedifference this is, with americans compared to where Im from (Norway.), from a online discussion where a american female was worried that her norwegian suitor didn't like her because he didn't pay for her part of the meal.

When I visited US a while back and went out with a couple of male friends of mine, they wouldn't let me pay. I was actually not thrilled by this.

Here's the thing. Me, and most other norwegian girls, wouldn't want anyone else to be paying for me on a date or a meet or even at a bar. Doing that signals to me that I somehow owe that person something in return. In that respect, forcefully paying for my part of the meal, or my drinks signals to me a lack of respect. I feel allowing me to pay for myself helps me define myself as a independant person. It respects my boundries.

I let people pay for me only if I trust them to not have ulteriour motives: If Im already steady with someone, if it is in a business occation or family or very close friends.

Its strange how different it is.

twelfty

i've always been one to pay, however a woman i've had a few dates with recently we've taken it in turns to pay, i think it shows a mutual respect, it's very refreshing for me with previous women taking my willingness to pay from the outset as me being a bank for the rest of the relationship.

finding a woman who says "no dw about paying every time, it's not your money i want" is a decent quality to have in this day and age

money is the route of all evil, and should have no place in finding love imo

iceqieen

I must echo the norwegians.. Although Icelandic girls will let guys pay for their drinks at bars.. which I guess is the extent of our "dating" scene :P

In all seriousness - offering to pay while not being willing to pay and then being offended is just silly mindgames and completely unfair to the other person -regardless of the culture or status of equality.

Scribble27

I always pay. It's like an unwritten law!

CristinaL1983

I always plan on paying for my portion of a first date. If I don't end up liking the person, I don't want to feel indebted or like an escort (who is being bought off for their time). If he insists on paying, I am not going to make a scene, it's not worth it. I will ask, "Are you sure?" Or offer to leave the tip, pick up movie tickets or whatever. I feel better about it. I have known plenty of guys who feel like they are owed something for paying for dinner and don't want to end up in that position.

After the first date, I figure it's up to the person that asked the other out to pay. (That usually ends up alternating). If I don't like someone, there won't be a second date so first date rules don't really apply.

Having said that, whether he lets me pay for my portion or not, I expect the door to be opened for me. That might be kind of weird. I'm not going to be upset if it's not but it would definitely throw me off.

CuddlyIrish

I must be pretty old fashioned but the guy needs to pay for a first date.....just saying.