going dutch on a first date

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  • zachatta
    zachatta Posts: 1,340 Member
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    I don't think 'chivalry' and paying for dinner are in any way connected. Politeness and manners cost nothing, remember? :tongue:

    GET YOUR WELL THOUGHT OUT LOGIC AND LEAVE THIS THREAD GOOD SIR!
  • inskydiamonds
    inskydiamonds Posts: 2,519 Member
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    A woman who will only spend time with you if you pay. Hmm, there's a word for that. It escapes me at the moment.
  • haroon_awan
    haroon_awan Posts: 1,208 Member
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    I agree with what the Norwegian and Icelandic ladies have said.

    Sometimes, when a guy pays he expects things in return, eg kiss, second date, sex etc.
    Some guys think it's more "manly" to always pay.
    Some guys think men should always pay no matter what.

    The thing is, being open minded about situations like this is the best way to go. Why not have this discussion with your date at the dinner table and sort it out there and then? And no, it shouldn't be too awkward because the topic will come up sooner or later and that will make it even more awkward. If you like each other enough then this should be something you can talk about and eventually come to an agreement.

    For example, I might say "I was on a fitness website the other day and a woman posted a topic about who should pay for dinner. I think that .... what do you think?"
  • Blair_Waldorf
    Blair_Waldorf Posts: 41 Member
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    The polite thing to do is to pay for the date if you asked him out and allow him to pay if he asked you out.

    But this is all about your expectations, as far as gender roles are concerned. Frankly, I appreciate and respect traditional gender roles because I think they are based on our biological tendencies. Women and men are equal in the workplace and in the eyes of the law, but socially, we are very, very different creatures. One is not better or worse than the other; we're just different, which, by definition, means we are not equal. I think romantic relationships are more harmonious when men and women fill complementary roles, rather than the woman trying to take on more of the male responsibilities to prove she's on the same level, or a man trying to control his chivalrous impulses so the woman doesn't think he's being sexist. At some point, you're going to come to resent each other over the fact that you can't just be who you are.

    Since the dawn of time, there have been women who used men like ATM machines, so I am not suggesting that this doesn't happen; what I am suggesting is that, as a man, you should be able to tell the difference between a woman like that and a woman who believes that a grown man who is interested enough to ask her out actually WANTS to buy her dinner. For example, I am well-educated, have a great job, have my own place, my own car, pay my own bills. I am clearly not a gold-digger; I am the epitome of the "independent" woman. But I'm also not going to offer to pay for a dinner that YOU invited me to share with you. If you expect me to and are going to make judgments about my character based on the fact that I didn't, then it's best that we don't see each other again because we are not going to get along well.

    You rock, lady!!:smile:
  • Blair_Waldorf
    Blair_Waldorf Posts: 41 Member
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    I guess I'm just confused as to why a man would ask a woman out if he didn't want to pay. Is this a result of the online dating craze? You're essentially going out with total strangers all the time, and you don't want to drop $100 two or three times a week on women you will probably never see again?

    If that's the case, be more selective about who you ask out on a DATE. Start with doing something together that doesn't cost anything. Or at most invite her to have a drink with you, and then you're out maybe $10 and 20 minutes if it doesn't go well. I don't think anyone here is suggesting that a man is required to ask a virtual stranger to a fancy, expensive dinner for a first date.

    But I know from my own dating experience that if a man asks you to have dinner with him and expects you to offer to pay (at a restaurant HE chose, no less), he doesn't like you all that much. If he did, he would keep his monetary concerns under his hat. No real man wants a woman he's trying to impress to think he can't pay for dinner. And if he's not trying to impress you, he doesn't like you. It's biology.

    And men, if you suspect you're dating a woman who is a gold-digger, well, no one is holding a gun to your head.

    Totally agree!! :smile:
  • mattagascar
    mattagascar Posts: 708 Member
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    I would NEVER wear wood shoes on a first date
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
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    I would NEVER wear wood shoes on a first date

    Why?
    It might work...
  • nicolemtracy
    nicolemtracy Posts: 301 Member
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    I think if he asked you out then he should pay, but if he said something along the lines of "I'm heading to such and such for drinks with some friends, do you want to come?" It could be more or less assumed that you're paying for yourself.
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    This thread makes me glad that I don't date.
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
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    This thread makes me glad that I don't date.

    I'd buy for you in a heartbeat. As long as it was happy hour and $1 beers...
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    This thread makes me glad that I don't date.

    I'd buy for you in a heartbeat. As long as it was happy hour and $1 beers...

    Be still my heart.
  • aminer31
    aminer31 Posts: 54 Member
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    chivalry is dead. he should pay
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
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    chivalry is dead. he should pay

    I suppose he should put the toilet seat down too?
    Open the door for you?


    Pfft.
  • rushikareddy
    rushikareddy Posts: 604 Member
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    I would love to go Dutch on a first date! But the guys don't like it if I do! They just ignore my offer!
  • haroon_awan
    haroon_awan Posts: 1,208 Member
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    chivalry is dead. he should pay

    I suppose he should put the toilet seat down too?
    Open the door for you?


    Pfft.

    HAHAHAHA
  • rushikareddy
    rushikareddy Posts: 604 Member
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    chivalry is dead. he should pay

    I suppose he should put the toilet seat down too?
    Open the door for you?


    Pfft.
    Lol hahahaha doesn't matter if he opens the door or puts down the toilet seat, as long as he is a kind and funny guy ! WIT above all lol
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
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    This thread makes me glad that I don't date anybody but Cliff.

    Fixed it for you.:love::flowerforyou: :love:

    For the OP, I pay to me it's really no big deal.
    You say "let's go dutch" you could be seen as being cheap.
    If I ask a lady out I'm probably into her....so paying just shows I give a (bleep)
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
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    No.

    This gets me sh1t with the feministy types....of which I am one. But hair, clothes, shoes, makeup....the list goes on and on. These are all things I'm expected to pay for. Most men I know had their parents paying for their clothes up until college and own 3 or 4 pairs of shoes. I think that if I'm expected to dress up to go out on dates or to the bar and I have to pay for all that sh1t, then it's not too crazy to have a few of my drinks paid for or my meal.

    And I'm not going to be a b1tch. If you can't afford my rum and coke or my $7-10 meal, we probably shouldn't be dating. No scrubs.

    But it's funny how the gender norm I agree with is the one where I get free sh1t. Very rarely do gender norms swing towards the ladies.

    Guys are spending more on their clothes and personal hygiene these days.

    So, if a guy can't afford or doesn't want to support you, that makes him a scrub?

    I am saddened that so many women feel they need to put men to the test, as if blowing money on a first date somehow showed how responsible or generous he is. It just shows how flashy he is.

    I still say they have to put the toilet seat down.
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
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    The man should ALWAYS pay.
    Always.

    Now that I am married, my wife always pays but, she is the one who balances the bank account and, lets face it,, our money is all combined anyway.
  • Barbellerella
    Barbellerella Posts: 1,838 Member
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    I'll pay if I think he's gonna put out.

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