going dutch on a first date
Replies
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On a first date, I would always be willing to pay my share of the tab. I also believe that if a girl asks a guy out, she should be willing to foot the bill and vice versa. I have been with my bf for almost 3 years now and we always take turns paying for nights out.0
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You must have missed this part:
No...No.
This gets me sh1t with the feministy types....of which I am one. But hair, clothes, shoes, makeup....the list goes on and on. These are all things I'm expected to pay for. Most men I know had their parents paying for their clothes up until college and own 3 or 4 pairs of shoes. I think that if I'm expected to dress up to go out on dates or to the bar and I have to pay for all that sh1t, then it's not too crazy to have a few of my drinks paid for or my meal.
And I'm not going to be a b1tch. If you can't afford my rum and coke or my $7-10 meal, we probably shouldn't be dating. No scrubs.
But it's funny how the gender norm I agree with is the one where I get free sh1t. Very rarely do gender norms swing towards the ladies.
Guys are spending more on their clothes and personal hygiene these days.
So, if a guy can't afford or doesn't want to support you, that makes him a scrub?
I am saddened that so many women feel they need to put men to the test, as if blowing money on a first date somehow showed how responsible or generous he is. It just shows how flashy he is.
I still say they have to put the toilet seat down.
I don't understand the contention that guys should have to pay for the date because a girl has to pay to look nice.
I don't know about anyone else, but I don't do my hair or my makeup or buy my clothes for anyone other than myself. I'm not doing all of these things to attract a future mate. I'm not a peacock or something (though I know the ones that get their tails all displayed are the men..) but anyway, when I dress how I do it's for me, not for anyone else.
I am rather disgusted at the thought that how women look is to solely impress men and that men should have to pay for a woman because she had to pay to get her hair done.
A man pays becanse that is what a man does.
If a woman has a flat tire and is about to put on the spare.. NO!!!!
A man will always do that for her.
A man will do the dirty things although the woman is totally capable of doing it herself.
That is what a man does.
And a man pays for the meal when dating.
Even if she made it perfectly clear that she isn't going to "put out" yet.
The man picks up the bill.
Ew. I would never be with a man who thought I was somehow incapable of changing my own spare, or getting myself dirty, and of paying my own way.
That is so uncharming and so unappealing.
I would appreciate a guy who offered a help, but not a man who thinks I am incapable of doing these things on my own.
"A man will do the dirty things although the woman is totally capable of doing it herself"
I suppose I am still just a bit old fashoned.
But, the "charm" of it has yet to fail me.
Well, I wouldn't know anymore since I have been off the market for over 14 years but, it worked in the past.
Insinuating that a man should do these things for a woman because that's "what a man does" also indicates these are not things that a woman does.
A woman is entirely capable of doing things on her own and doesn't need someone to treat her as an invalid.0 -
No...
A man pays becanse that is what a man does.
If a woman has a flat tire and is about to put on the spare.. NO!!!!
A man will always do that for her.
A man will do the dirty things although the woman is totally capable of doing it herself.
That is what a man does.
And a man pays for the meal when dating.
Even if she made it perfectly clear that she isn't going to "put out" yet.
The man picks up the bill.
Flat tire? I did an engine swap on my car. Whoopsie...I broke the rules. Although, to be fair, I DID need a man... so I could borrow his engine hoist.0 -
I always pay for the first few when I ask a woman out, though I do take it as a sign of character if the woman offers, and if she steps up after a few dates and pitches in.
However, these days, with both sexes working, it doesn't matter.
The one exception is unless there's some kind of income disparity (e.g. an MBA asks out a social worker and wants to split the bill at five-star restaurants).0 -
Ah, so your disingenuous offer to pay is simply a surprise "test" for the guy. If he accepts, he's friend-zoned, while if he goes all caveman on you and responds "No! You woman! Me big man! Me pay!" then he's dating material.I always offer to pay but if he accepts it on a first date then he's probably going to the friend zone.
I used to not be strict about this and, consequently, I always ended up with guys who were never chivalrous and never treated me to anything because I didn't hold them to that standard in the beginning.
This said, I'm no gold digger. Walks in the park, museums, window shopping and strolling are all free dates.
Thanks for clearing that up.0 -
I've paid for dinner sometimes. It's a nice change of pace. Do I expect it, no. Is it nice yes. The only thing I expect is going dutch on dessert.0
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I have my own money. I don't care who pays. If I like somebody and I want to spend time with them, it's inconsequential.0
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no way. If he asked he should pay but I always bring my money just in case he doesn't have good etiquette. In the case, he won't have a second date.0
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I would much rather be charmed by a man's intellect and his wit rather than his wallet.0
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If I ask a guy out then I will pay. If he asks me out, I think he should pay. However if a guy pays for me, I like to pay for the next date.0
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My husband and I went dutch on our first date. I was a little miffed at first, but at the same time, I was trying to friend zone him so I can't be too mad.
We've been together 3.5 years now and married for almost 2 so it obviously didn't affect us too badly :P0 -
You must have missed this part:
No...No.
This gets me sh1t with the feministy types....of which I am one. But hair, clothes, shoes, makeup....the list goes on and on. These are all things I'm expected to pay for. Most men I know had their parents paying for their clothes up until college and own 3 or 4 pairs of shoes. I think that if I'm expected to dress up to go out on dates or to the bar and I have to pay for all that sh1t, then it's not too crazy to have a few of my drinks paid for or my meal.
And I'm not going to be a b1tch. If you can't afford my rum and coke or my $7-10 meal, we probably shouldn't be dating. No scrubs.
But it's funny how the gender norm I agree with is the one where I get free sh1t. Very rarely do gender norms swing towards the ladies.
Guys are spending more on their clothes and personal hygiene these days.
So, if a guy can't afford or doesn't want to support you, that makes him a scrub?
I am saddened that so many women feel they need to put men to the test, as if blowing money on a first date somehow showed how responsible or generous he is. It just shows how flashy he is.
I still say they have to put the toilet seat down.
I don't understand the contention that guys should have to pay for the date because a girl has to pay to look nice.
I don't know about anyone else, but I don't do my hair or my makeup or buy my clothes for anyone other than myself. I'm not doing all of these things to attract a future mate. I'm not a peacock or something (though I know the ones that get their tails all displayed are the men..) but anyway, when I dress how I do it's for me, not for anyone else.
I am rather disgusted at the thought that how women look is to solely impress men and that men should have to pay for a woman because she had to pay to get her hair done.
A man pays becanse that is what a man does.
If a woman has a flat tire and is about to put on the spare.. NO!!!!
A man will always do that for her.
A man will do the dirty things although the woman is totally capable of doing it herself.
That is what a man does.
And a man pays for the meal when dating.
Even if she made it perfectly clear that she isn't going to "put out" yet.
The man picks up the bill.
Ew. I would never be with a man who thought I was somehow incapable of changing my own spare, or getting myself dirty, and of paying my own way.
That is so uncharming and so unappealing.
I would appreciate a guy who offered a help, but not a man who thinks I am incapable of doing these things on my own.
"A man will do the dirty things although the woman is totally capable of doing it herself"
I suppose I am still just a bit old fashoned.
But, the "charm" of it has yet to fail me.
Well, I wouldn't know anymore since I have been off the market for over 14 years but, it worked in the past.
Insinuating that a man should do these things for a woman because that's "what a man does" also indicates these are not things that a woman does.
A woman is entirely capable of doing things on her own and doesn't need someone to treat her as an invalid.
I am not with a man because I need him to do anything, least of all pay for me. My man is very chivalrous, but he respects that I'm independent and strong willed and I am perfectly capable of looking after myself too. I think it shows my respect for him that I don't expect things from him, and it shows his affection for me that he does it anyway.0 -
Dating is so awkward. lol. I say if he asked you out he should pay. Although, I am quite fond of the Rock Paper Scissors duel to decide who pays for dinner.
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I've never let a guy pay and would be embarassed to do so. Then again, I am dutch.0
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Aaaaand he's asking his friends "Should i have let her pay? I mean, I was going to pay, but she offered. The last time I tried to pay the whole bill, the chick I was with like, freaked out on me..." :laugh:0
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This thread makes me glad I met my fiance, and further proves the irrationality of about half the female species. Look I ain't saying shes a gold digger, but.......0
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I've never let a guy pay and would be embarassed to do so. Then again, I am dutch.
Do you wear wooden shoes?
Cause that's awesome.0 -
LOL
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if a man invites u out he should pay. i'm married now but i never went dutch on a date.0
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chivalry is dead. he should pay
I suppose he should put the toilet seat down too?
Open the door for you?
Pfft.
Craziness I know! LOL0 -
I have a pair of wooden shoes. But I'm Swedish not Dutch.0
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Didn't read all the replies. This is weird to me. I don't get women who are all, "I'm an independent woman, no one's going to control me or tell me what to do" but then all of a sudden when the check comes they're old-fashioned and want to be taken care of. I agree that on the first date the asker should pay. Usually I would grab the second thing (like coffee or a movie after) if the man was nice enough to buy dinner, back in the stone age when I dated. Subsequent dates should be a rough split, tempered by who earns more and who plans what outing. Why should a guy go broke paying for everything to spend time with me if I like him, too? I think that's insane.0
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The lesson here appears to be: Any decision a man makes regarding the check on the first date has the potential to be not only wrong, but offensive enough to preclude a second date - including asking for input and believing the answer given.
Welcome to dating in the 21st century.0 -
Man...
Not only is chivelry dying a slow death but, it appears that many of the women actually get offended when a man tries to do the things that a man is supposed to do.
The world is changing and I am staying the same.0 -
I think that he should have paid.
I am the same as you in that I go to pay but expect the man to.
However, I have then gone out on further dates with guys where I have paid for us to go and eat to show it's not a man vs women type situation, but that's it's the appropriate thing to do.0 -
Wow. This is a total train-wreck of a thread. I had no idea women were so complicated, and I am one! For god's sake. If I'm on a first date, I have no problem offering to pay if I asked him out, or offering to go dutch if he asked me. Whether he accepts or not, I don't care. It's not a deal-breaker. I know how to change a tire, and change my oil and all that happy horsesh*t. But if a guy wants to do it for me because it makes him happy to help, GO AT IT. I don't care! It doesn't threaten my feminism to accept kind behaviors. Cripes, people need to chill out. It's no wonder dating is so hard - too many f*cking crazy women out there have scared the nice guys away.0
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Look, it's your food and your belly. Expect to pay for it unless offered. If he pays, he is doing something nice that he doesn't have to. If your friend asked you to go out for lunch, you wouldn't expect them to pay because they asked you.
And if he pays for you on the first date, it doesn't hurt to return the favor on the second.0 -
No...
A man pays becanse that is what a man does.
If a woman has a flat tire and is about to put on the spare.. NO!!!!
A man will always do that for her.
A man will do the dirty things although the woman is totally capable of doing it herself.
That is what a man does.
And a man pays for the meal when dating.
Even if she made it perfectly clear that she isn't going to "put out" yet.
The man picks up the bill.
Flat tire? I did an engine swap on my car. Whoopsie...I broke the rules. Although, to be fair, I DID need a man... so I could borrow his engine hoist.
Engine hoists are for losers, what you need is to hang the engine off the forks of a matbro using nylon rope - it adds a whole new level of wobbly uncertainty to the operation...:bigsmile:0 -
No...
A man pays becanse that is what a man does.
If a woman has a flat tire and is about to put on the spare.. NO!!!!
A man will always do that for her.
A man will do the dirty things although the woman is totally capable of doing it herself.
That is what a man does.
And a man pays for the meal when dating.
Even if she made it perfectly clear that she isn't going to "put out" yet.
The man picks up the bill.
Flat tire? I did an engine swap on my car. Whoopsie...I broke the rules. Although, to be fair, I DID need a man... so I could borrow his engine hoist.
Engine hoists are for losers, what you need is to hang the engine off the forks of a matbro using nylon rope - it adds a whole new level of wobbly uncertainty to the operation...:bigsmile:
:drinker: :drinker: :drinker:0 -
Man...
Not only is chivelry dying a slow death but, it appears that many of the women actually get offended when a man tries to do the things that a man is supposed to do.
The world is changing and I am staying the same.
Because women don't want to rely on a man to do the things that they can do...
it's not hard to understand, really....Men suck...0
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