Fiancé accused me of cheating :/

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Replies

  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
    maybe he is just temporarily intimidated that you are getting in shape..i say let them meet once..is your trainer gay ?? you said coupled..if he is, invite both of them so that could show he isnt into you for sure :laugh: :wink: good luck

    Sigh... Things would be much simpler if he were.

    I have not met his gf, but this might be an idea.
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
    I am considering counselling. He can be really insecure about other men/what I wear/me going out and it's starting to take its toll. This is the first time he has outright accused me of being unfaithful though

    Good luck, and be careful, because that's a red flag. Sounds like he has jealousy issues, and you may not be able to solve them.

    i just saw this and i agree. When they give you crap for what you wear, they are taking it too far. I'm sorry girl. He has some issues he needs to address. I still think if you are engaged and you love him, it's probably salvagable. But i also think things need to change.

    I agree that changes need to be made. I think he would be willing to try. Despite this drama, he really does have a heart of gold, and he loves me.
  • darylinny
    darylinny Posts: 146
    I have a personal trainer that I have been working with for years! He's a very attractive man and my husband has never had a problem with him. In fact he's become a great friend to both of us. I've heard this from people at my gym who have personal trainers too, their significant other accuses them of cheating. I think your fiance sees you changing and equating your change with leaving him behind. Insecurity and jealousy are natural when change is taking place. Good luck on helping him see that he's your fiance for a reason and that no matter the physical changes in your body, your heart is still with him.
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
    In my personal experience, the guys that accuse you of cheating are cheating themselves.
  • rm7161
    rm7161 Posts: 505

    It boils down to who is more important to you: your fiancee or your trainer.

    GIVE UP THE F#CKING TRAINER! CHANGE GYMS!

    Doing this will reassure your finance that he is the most important man in your life. It will not escalate his insecurity - the people who think this are idiots, really.

    I take it you're the idiot who hasn't been in an abusive relationship. I have, and she is describing a situation that goes further than just the trainer, it extends to what she is wearing when the two of them are out together, when men look at her when she goes out, etc. So this idiot has some experience with it, experience with someone who regularly kicked the **** out of me emotionally in this way, threatened my life after I left him, and the statistics of women who are beaten and eventually killed by men like this are sobering.

    Thank you. This man needs counselling and I hope he is able to overcome it without experiencing the hell that other women have had to endure.
  • ziggyc
    ziggyc Posts: 191 Member
    Dump him.

    An accusation is serious and clearly shows that he does not trust you.
    Once that line is crossed, it is impossible to go back.

    yeah, this is the sensible and not at all over reactionary thing to do:huh:

    haha. awesome.
  • _DaniD_
    _DaniD_ Posts: 2,186 Member
    Just break up. Then date me.
  • gabby365
    gabby365 Posts: 29 Member
    Ok. Hi all.

    I normally don't post things that are this serious or personal but I don't really have anywhere else to bounce this around.

    My partner accused me of cheating on him. With my trainer.

    My trainer and I are friends and nothing more. We don't see each other outside of the gym and he is also (happily!) coupled. We share quite a few non fitness related hobbies and will often spend some time chatting about them in the gym.

    Part of me wants to feel bad for my fiancé because if he honestly thinks I've cheated he must be hurting a lot.

    But mostly I'm just really insulted and very angry that he doesn't believe that I respect the commitment I made by saying 'Yes' when he proposed.

    Has anyone else had a similar experience/ can give a girl some advice?

    Fiance? RUN! While you still can...
  • denisemuill
    denisemuill Posts: 19 Member
    I agree with you......He owns these feelings not you.
  • ApocalypticFae
    ApocalypticFae Posts: 217 Member
    My approach to these things is to think about how you would feel if the situation were reversed, and go from there. In this case, how would you feel if your fiance was working out with a cute female trainer? (Although you seem like a confident and level-headed chick, so this probably wouldn't bother you much. :smile:) But it can be a good starting point before you have a conversation with him.
  • minsch
    minsch Posts: 144 Member
    In my personal experience, the guys that accuse you of cheating are cheating themselves.

    I totally agree
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
    Just break up. Then date me.

    Not at all seriously considered for a few seconds...
  • n0ob
    n0ob Posts: 2,390 Member
    Just break up. Then date me.

    /grabs tripod, camera, drill, popcorn and coconut oil
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,275 Member
    Just break up. Then date me.

    Not at all seriously considered for a few seconds...
    you gotta jump on that...come on now!!! \m/
  • VanessaGS
    VanessaGS Posts: 514 Member
    In a relationship you have to give and take. Have you thought about changing trainers to a female? Maybe start paying more attention to your man. He probably feels like your distant right now. Good luck.
  • MidwestAngel
    MidwestAngel Posts: 1,897 Member
    Just break up. Then date me.

    FR sent!
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
    Just break up. Then date me.

    /grabs tripod, camera, drill, popcorn and coconut oil

    ...drill?
  • mariannekehl
    mariannekehl Posts: 66 Member
    Has your fiancé met your trainer? Maybe invite him to one of your sessions and then he can see for himself that you are just friends

    That is what I was going to say! When I 1st started working out my husband was convinced I had a "boyfriend" at the gym - he tried to make it sound like he was kidding but he wasn't. Finally I told him that if he was really worried about it he was welcome to join me - that ended that conversation.
  • cdpark617
    cdpark617 Posts: 316 Member
    I agree with you......He owns these feelings not you.
    I see you will make a great wife for someone.

    If you are committeed to the relationship you both own the feelings. You need to talk it out. It is not unthinkable that he might not want either of you to have relationships with other single people once married. It is important to discuss expactations and determine if you both can live up to those expectations.

    It is not unreasonable to try and understand his views, now is the time, before you start a family.

    Good luck!
  • tomomatic
    tomomatic Posts: 1,794 Member
    Crazy...
    This shouldn't be a surprise: If you marry him, this is going to be a pattern for the rest of your life. You must love him (why else would you be engaged). If you don't work out his insecurities, he's going to be a mess.

    Why is he insecure? Has he been cheated on in the past? Has it happened someone close to him?

    I'm hopeful that you two can work this out.

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