going dutch on a first date

if he asked you out on the date then he should pay, imo.

Hmm, I've had guys pay for the meal before and i've also had dates where we went dutch. I think it all depends on what the guy interpreted the dinner to be. Sometimes it is confusing and I've mistakenly called "hangouts" as dates before and freaked them out.

if he asked you out on the date then he should pay, imo.

I've been asked out before by women, yet still expected to pay. I don't think this should be an automatic reason not to go dutch. But I always pay the first date so meh.

I used to get weird about guys paying on the first date so I usually insisted we went dutch. But if I liked him and we went out on a second date, then I'd let him pay if he wanted to.

I guess I didn't want to feel obliged if he paid. But maybe that's coz I was out of the dating scene for so long so when I was back it it, I over-thought everything!

i think a guy should pay, as it helps offset the cost of being a woman.

i mean, the cost of make-up, hair cuts, high heels, lingerie, waxing....

I think if the second date hinges on who paid for the first date, then the first date was doomed before it began. Societal norms suggest the man pays for the date. If the woman (or man) wants to pay, I do not think the other person should feel offended. I am not sure how you go about asking a first date to go dutch anyway.

I've never had a date ASK to go dutch. And 99% of guys were gracious when I said that it was important for me to pay half.

I also feel bad if I know I earn more than the guy, because societal norms notwithstanding, a date is a chance for both people to decide if there's something there that should be explored, so why should he get hit up more than me, especially if I can afford it more?

Who ever asked the person out should also say, "How about Dutch or Is Dutch OK." Then the other party can decide. But for sure BOTH should should know the economic status of the date BEFORE a bill/tab or payment is expected. This is a simple communication situation...if you can't communicate up front any future relationship might be doomed. If a woman is unsure of the situation date/hangout/Dutch...she should ask for clarity.

thanks for the input so far.

to answer your question: when the bill came he got out his card and then i paused and dug for mine and then put it down. im just so used to the guy saying, "oh, no i got this" that i was surprised he didnt say or do anything. if he was going to be old fashioned and open the door for me, then he should pay for the date too, right?

it just feels like so many guys are halfassing it and chivalry is dead these days. in the grand scheme of things its not that big of a deal. but i felt cheapened thats all.

oh you can never know what that meant. you'd have to ask him. my hubby for instance told me that he'd pull out his card/cash to pay and not expect the girl to try to pay but any who did, he thought they were trying to make some kind of point and was kind of disappointed. some were outright insistent and it meant something to them. i never pay and don't even try (he said later this was a good sign to him, and I've heard this from others too). Unless they make subtle or not so subtle hints about the place being "expensive" "pricey" or the like, then i pay and don't make a big deal, but then it colors the relationship going forward for me. kind of like hubby said it colored it for him when these girls attempted or insisted on paying for themselves. everyone feels so different about this it's hard to talk through. it's awkward. you kind of just have to see what the other person does, don't make a big deal about it, but just decide for yourself if that's what you like. and then many months or years later have the talk we did if you're still together. lol. OR you could ask him tomorrow or on the next date, if it made him feel awkward when you offered to pay? he might say no that's fine and you have your answer you two have different values. or he might say yeah that was a big slap in the face, or did you think i'd ask you out if i couldn't afford it, or were my pants messed up what made you think i couldnt' afford a simple dinner, or any number of things i've heard when misreading that situation. good luck. dating's messy. glad i'm married. lol.

who asked who out? That person should pay.

If he asked you out, he should pay.

Whoever invites should pay. If he asked you out, he should have paid. If you asked him, you were right in paying. If someone invited me out but made me pay for the meal there wouldn't be a second date.

Now in a serious relationship/marriage, however, you should figure out something that both partners agree on. Maybe it is 50/50, maybe it is more traditional, whatever works!

I am rather traditional when it comes to dating, so I go in expecting to pay. If the girl says she is ok with paying her share when the check comes, I will ask her to spare my fragile man ego and let me pay, or challenge her to rock paper scissors. If she wins, I leave a very nice tip for the server.

I don't know, I'm not in the dating market any more, but when I was, I always paid, opened the door for the girl, etc, etc, but then I'm old fashioned and girls were expecting this sort of treatment at the time. Nowadays women have, in theory if not always in practice, equality with men so maybe that changes things. After all if a male friend says "fancy meeting up at the pub tonight", I don't expect him to pay. Just throwing it out there.

On the first date with my current partner he wouldn't let me pay for anything (he asked me out), so he bought cinema tickets and dinner. I tried to pay, and made it clear I'd pay for the second date. Now we are more serious we kinda just alternate who pays/splitting the bill.

People don't really "date" where I live, but I'd never expect someone else to pay for me. When I lived in the UK before, I had a friend who worked out of town a lot and liked to go out for dinner at nice restaurants with me when he was home.. he always insisted on paying (he made about 3x what I did), but I was always really uncomfortable with it.