going dutch on a first date

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  • RunDoozer
    RunDoozer Posts: 1,699 Member
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    If you go dutch, whose requirement is it now to put out?
  • JeepBrah
    JeepBrah Posts: 150
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    Id never pay for a chick first date
  • styledsky
    styledsky Posts: 121 Member
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    I've never met a guy that did all that! Wow, impressive! I like the old ways better as well, and manners go a long way too! Another thing which so many people seem to lack these days.

    Sorry that you have not met someone like that when you clearly would like to. I will be honest and add that I don't get every door every day or anything like that - but for any event/outing I always try to behave in that manner. I hold the stairwell doors open at the office too. Just the way I was brought up and what I consider good manners.
  • lynn1982
    lynn1982 Posts: 1,439 Member
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    I prefer going dutch on a first date, but it also really depends on each person's circumstances and how the date is going. I've actually had guys get mad at me if they paid for the first date and then I refused a second one. I always pull out my wallet when the bill comes, but more of than not, the guy usually insists on paying. My last boyfriend paid on the first date and used the line "you'll get the next one." He claimed he was trying to gauge my interest in a second date. And I did! But it wasn't because he paid for the first... I also went on a date once where the guy took me to an expensive Belgian restaurant, ordered 3 pints and got REALLY drunk (I ordered 1 and didn't eat the food that he had ordered for both of us before I got there due to allergies), and then when the bill came he claimed that we weren't actually on a date so we should split it down the middle. He was too drunk to even see into his wallet, so I made sure he paid for what he ordered and I paid for my one drink... I don't think the guy needs to pay for the first date. I think it depends on how it's going and how things feel.
  • Blair_Waldorf
    Blair_Waldorf Posts: 41 Member
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    Haha, pretend to be nice just to maybe "round the bases"! Totally met guys like that, some that think just because they paid for dinner or put in a minimal effort that they deserve a kiss or something else, lol! Nope :laugh:
  • 73Freckles
    73Freckles Posts: 201 Member
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    unfortunately i think chivalry is dead. thankfully i've been happily married for 16 years but in this day and age i would say whoever asks the other person out should pay.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
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    I suppose that it's fair, but it should vbe something that is decided on in advance. Having said that, and, given that I should probably be in a museum somewhere, when I ask a woman out, I pay. I open doors, pay for dates and treat my women (wife, daughters, female friends) with respect and deference. If that is seen as anti-feminist, rather than chivalrous to some, well, don't worry about it. I've been off the market for a quarter of a century anyways.
  • Blair_Waldorf
    Blair_Waldorf Posts: 41 Member
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    I suppose that it's fair, but it should vbe something that is decided on in advance. Having said that, and, given that I should probably be in a museum somewhere, when I ask a woman out, I pay. I open doors, pay for dates and treat my women (wife, daughters, female friends) with respect and deference. If that is seen as anti-feminist, rather than chivalrous to some, well, don't worry about it. I've been off the market for a quarter of a century anyways.


    Hahaha, you're awesome dude! :smile:
  • inskydiamonds
    inskydiamonds Posts: 2,519 Member
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    Its mindboggling how much feelings there is about this topics.

    Some of you mention that the man should almost wrestle the bill out of the womans hand. I wouldn't meet a man again if he did that to me. I want to pay for myself, and would feel disrespected if disallowed.

    I too am shocked at this sentiment.
    I wasn't raised that I need some man to take care of me and shower me with gifts. I can afford my own meals and I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to pay my share.

    If I was on a first date and the guy wouldn't let me pay my share, he would not be getting a second date.

    I hate this reminder that there's such a difference between men and women.
  • inskydiamonds
    inskydiamonds Posts: 2,519 Member
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    In a long term relationship (or friendship), if people want to split costs based on how much each person makes, that's reasonable to me. So is an occasional treat of one person taking the other person out and paying for everything. But it shouldn't be an expectation, and it shouldn't be one-sided.

    In a new relationship or dating situation, it's very uncomfortable. Having the expectation that someone I don't really know should pay for me makes me feel I don't respect myself as an independent and capable individual. It feels parental to me, or creates subtle expectations that set the tone for the relationship as something other than an equal partnership. I don't need to be "taken care of".. if I am with someone it is because I enjoy their company, but it doesn't change my own responsibilities for myself. I honestly don't understand why having a door held open for me or a meal paid for should make me feel special.. it seems so arbitrary and superficial. There are other ways of showing real respect, like honesty and accountability and dedication, that are much more meaningful.

    This!
  • MG_Fit
    MG_Fit Posts: 1,143 Member
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    If the intention was a date, I think he should have paid. Friends go dutch.

    However if I ever as a girl friend out for a meal or drinks I ALWAYS offer to pay.
  • irishblonde2011
    irishblonde2011 Posts: 618 Member
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    I would always offer to pay half(I'm a women) no matter who did the inviting. I think it's just basic manners.
  • Becoming_A_Butterfly
    Becoming_A_Butterfly Posts: 2,534 Member
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    if he asked you out on the date then he should pay, imo.

    I've been asked out before by women, yet still expected to pay. I don't think this should be an automatic reason not to go dutch. But I always pay the first date so meh.

    Whoever initiated the date should pay. If she asked you out, she should pay. It's a bit lame to ask someone to go out with you, then sit back and give him the honor of paying for you.

    After the first date, taking turns paying or going dutch seems fair to me.
  • Becoming_A_Butterfly
    Becoming_A_Butterfly Posts: 2,534 Member
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    unfortunately i think chivalry is dead.

    Chivalry is not dead, and it should not be a one-way street. I am respectful and loving to my boyfriend of 7 years, and he is the same to me. Why this is complex or political to some perplexes me.
  • SteveJWatson
    SteveJWatson Posts: 1,225 Member
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    I suppose, were I single I might offer to pay the full bill if I took someone out, but I wouldn't ask them out again, Id be expecting for them to offer to go Dutch - this is 2013.

    I find the notion of a woman expecting the man to pay somewhat pathetic and I tend to be attracted to independent women.
  • sissiluv
    sissiluv Posts: 2,205 Member
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    Going dutch on a first date sounds perfectly reasonable to me.
  • oh_em_gee
    oh_em_gee Posts: 887 Member
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    IME, on a good first date, he's paid. But in those cases, he offered, I accepted graciously. In all cases, I was the broke one, so maybe that came into play too.

    ETA: I always bring money with me on a first date and am prepare to pay my way. We've also split it where one person gets, for example, mini gold, and the other pays for ice cream after.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    I always offer to pay but if he accepts it on a first date then he's probably going to the friend zone.

    I used to not be strict about this and, consequently, I always ended up with guys who were never chivalrous and never treated me to anything because I didn't hold them to that standard in the beginning.

    This said, I'm no gold digger. Walks in the park, museums, window shopping and strolling are all free dates.
  • Zekela
    Zekela Posts: 634 Member
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    I always offer to pay when I was single. My first date with my husband I offered and he politely declined, I offered to pay the tip and he said he'd get that as well. I thought I should have paid since I suggested that we go to that restaurant... but oh well... He's such a sweet guy :-)

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