going dutch on a first date

jessmart83 · March 2013

On a first date, I would always be willing to pay my share of the tab. I also believe that if a girl asks a guy out, she should be willing to foot the bill and vice versa. I have been with my bf for almost 3 years now and we always take turns paying for nights out.

inskydiamonds · March 2013

No.

This gets me sh1t with the feministy types....of which I am one. But hair, clothes, shoes, makeup....the list goes on and on. These are all things I'm expected to pay for. Most men I know had their parents paying for their clothes up until college and own 3 or 4 pairs of shoes. I think that if I'm expected to dress up to go out on dates or to the bar and I have to pay for all that sh1t, then it's not too crazy to have a few of my drinks paid for or my meal.

And I'm not going to be a b1tch. If you can't afford my rum and coke or my $7-10 meal, we probably shouldn't be dating. No scrubs.

But it's funny how the gender norm I agree with is the one where I get free sh1t. Very rarely do gender norms swing towards the ladies.

Guys are spending more on their clothes and personal hygiene these days.

So, if a guy can't afford or doesn't want to support you, that makes him a scrub?

I am saddened that so many women feel they need to put men to the test, as if blowing money on a first date somehow showed how responsible or generous he is. It just shows how flashy he is.

I still say they have to put the toilet seat down.

I don't understand the contention that guys should have to pay for the date because a girl has to pay to look nice.

I don't know about anyone else, but I don't do my hair or my makeup or buy my clothes for anyone other than myself. I'm not doing all of these things to attract a future mate. I'm not a peacock or something (though I know the ones that get their tails all displayed are the men..) but anyway, when I dress how I do it's for me, not for anyone else.

I am rather disgusted at the thought that how women look is to solely impress men and that men should have to pay for a woman because she had to pay to get her hair done.

No...
A man pays becanse that is what a man does.
If a woman has a flat tire and is about to put on the spare.. NO!!!!
A man will always do that for her.
A man will do the dirty things although the woman is totally capable of doing it herself.
That is what a man does.
And a man pays for the meal when dating.
Even if she made it perfectly clear that she isn't going to "put out" yet.
The man picks up the bill.

Ew. I would never be with a man who thought I was somehow incapable of changing my own spare, or getting myself dirty, and of paying my own way.

That is so uncharming and so unappealing.

I would appreciate a guy who offered a help, but not a man who thinks I am incapable of doing these things on my own.

You must have missed this part:

"A man will do the dirty things although the woman is totally capable of doing it herself"

I suppose I am still just a bit old fashoned.
But, the "charm" of it has yet to fail me.
Well, I wouldn't know anymore since I have been off the market for over 14 years but, it worked in the past.

Insinuating that a man should do these things for a woman because that's "what a man does" also indicates these are not things that a woman does.

A woman is entirely capable of doing things on her own and doesn't need someone to treat her as an invalid.

SatchGallamax · March 2013

No...
A man pays becanse that is what a man does.
If a woman has a flat tire and is about to put on the spare.. NO!!!!
A man will always do that for her.
A man will do the dirty things although the woman is totally capable of doing it herself.
That is what a man does.
And a man pays for the meal when dating.
Even if she made it perfectly clear that she isn't going to "put out" yet.
The man picks up the bill.

Flat tire? I did an engine swap on my car. Whoopsie...I broke the rules. Although, to be fair, I DID need a man... so I could borrow his engine hoist.

Granville_Cocteau · March 2013

I always pay for the first few when I ask a woman out, though I do take it as a sign of character if the woman offers, and if she steps up after a few dates and pitches in.

However, these days, with both sexes working, it doesn't matter.

The one exception is unless there's some kind of income disparity (e.g. an MBA asks out a social worker and wants to split the bill at five-star restaurants).

RllyGudTweetr · March 2013

I always offer to pay but if he accepts it on a first date then he's probably going to the friend zone.

I used to not be strict about this and, consequently, I always ended up with guys who were never chivalrous and never treated me to anything because I didn't hold them to that standard in the beginning.

This said, I'm no gold digger. Walks in the park, museums, window shopping and strolling are all free dates.

Ah, so your disingenuous offer to pay is simply a surprise "test" for the guy. If he accepts, he's friend-zoned, while if he goes all caveman on you and responds "No! You woman! Me big man! Me pay!" then he's dating material.

Thanks for clearing that up.

stephaniemejia1671 · March 2013

I've paid for dinner sometimes. It's a nice change of pace. Do I expect it, no. Is it nice yes. The only thing I expect is going dutch on dessert.

Contrarian · March 2013

I have my own money. I don't care who pays. If I like somebody and I want to spend time with them, it's inconsequential.

Jonesie1984 · March 2013

no way. If he asked he should pay but I always bring my money just in case he doesn't have good etiquette. In the case, he won't have a second date.

inskydiamonds · March 2013

I would much rather be charmed by a man's intellect and his wit rather than his wallet.

Joreanasaurous · March 2013

If I ask a guy out then I will pay. If he asks me out, I think he should pay. However if a guy pays for me, I like to pay for the next date.

ashlinmarie · March 2013

My husband and I went dutch on our first date. I was a little miffed at first, but at the same time, I was trying to friend zone him so I can't be too mad.

We've been together 3.5 years now and married for almost 2 so it obviously didn't affect us too badly :P

susheetush · March 2013

No.

This gets me sh1t with the feministy types....of which I am one. But hair, clothes, shoes, makeup....the list goes on and on. These are all things I'm expected to pay for. Most men I know had their parents paying for their clothes up until college and own 3 or 4 pairs of shoes. I think that if I'm expected to dress up to go out on dates or to the bar and I have to pay for all that sh1t, then it's not too crazy to have a few of my drinks paid for or my meal.

And I'm not going to be a b1tch. If you can't afford my rum and coke or my $7-10 meal, we probably shouldn't be dating. No scrubs.

But it's funny how the gender norm I agree with is the one where I get free sh1t. Very rarely do gender norms swing towards the ladies.

Guys are spending more on their clothes and personal hygiene these days.

So, if a guy can't afford or doesn't want to support you, that makes him a scrub?

I am saddened that so many women feel they need to put men to the test, as if blowing money on a first date somehow showed how responsible or generous he is. It just shows how flashy he is.

I still say they have to put the toilet seat down.

I don't understand the contention that guys should have to pay for the date because a girl has to pay to look nice.

I don't know about anyone else, but I don't do my hair or my makeup or buy my clothes for anyone other than myself. I'm not doing all of these things to attract a future mate. I'm not a peacock or something (though I know the ones that get their tails all displayed are the men..) but anyway, when I dress how I do it's for me, not for anyone else.

I am rather disgusted at the thought that how women look is to solely impress men and that men should have to pay for a woman because she had to pay to get her hair done.

No...
A man pays becanse that is what a man does.
If a woman has a flat tire and is about to put on the spare.. NO!!!!
A man will always do that for her.
A man will do the dirty things although the woman is totally capable of doing it herself.
That is what a man does.
And a man pays for the meal when dating.
Even if she made it perfectly clear that she isn't going to "put out" yet.
The man picks up the bill.

Ew. I would never be with a man who thought I was somehow incapable of changing my own spare, or getting myself dirty, and of paying my own way.

That is so uncharming and so unappealing.

I would appreciate a guy who offered a help, but not a man who thinks I am incapable of doing these things on my own.

You must have missed this part:

"A man will do the dirty things although the woman is totally capable of doing it herself"

I suppose I am still just a bit old fashoned.
But, the "charm" of it has yet to fail me.
Well, I wouldn't know anymore since I have been off the market for over 14 years but, it worked in the past.

Insinuating that a man should do these things for a woman because that's "what a man does" also indicates these are not things that a woman does.

A woman is entirely capable of doing things on her own and doesn't need someone to treat her as an invalid.

I am not with a man because I need him to do anything, least of all pay for me. My man is very chivalrous, but he respects that I'm independent and strong willed and I am perfectly capable of looking after myself too. I think it shows my respect for him that I don't expect things from him, and it shows his affection for me that he does it anyway.

CurvaciousBeautyToBe · March 2013

Dating is so awkward. lol. I say if he asked you out he should pay. Although, I am quite fond of the Rock Paper Scissors duel to decide who pays for dinner.

acpgee · March 2013

I've never let a guy pay and would be embarassed to do so. Then again, I am dutch.

blytheandbonnie · March 2013

Aaaaand he's asking his friends "Should i have let her pay? I mean, I was going to pay, but she offered. The last time I tried to pay the whole bill, the chick I was with like, freaked out on me..." :laugh:

jsickman12 · March 2013

This thread makes me glad I met my fiance, and further proves the irrationality of about half the female species. Look I ain't saying shes a gold digger, but.......