My Fiance doesn't "Fancy" me anymore!? :-(

I read most but not all of the responses. Sorry if this is a repeat.

Let me get this straight....You worked all day, came home late, and had to pick up something for your dinner so you could eat before you got to bed instead of skipping a meal. If he was so concerned about your weight, it seems to me he could have had a nice, healthy dinner prepared for you when you came home. I, personally, don't fancy that he didn't.

If he wants you to succeed, how is he helping you? Did he encourage you when you ran with him? Did he tell you he is happy you are taking good care of yourself because he wants a long life together with you?

What if you had a terrible accident and suffered burns or scars on your face? Would he not fancy you then?

What if HE had a terrible accident with burns or scars...would he like you telling him you don't fancy him? What if he had an injury that didn't allow him to work out anymore and he gained weight. How would he feel if you said those things to him? What if he went bald? Maybe you wouldn't "fancy" that.

What if....What if....what if?

I believe we marry for life. For better or worse. In sickness and in health. Good times and bad. It doesn't sound like he is willing to take the bad with the good (and this isn't even bad. I have stretch marks. Trust me, even I don't fancy them!!).

He DEFINITELY could have worded this much better.

Good luck with this. As easy as it is for me to say "dump him", you obviously care a great deal about him and this can't be an easy situation for you. I hope you continue to come here for support. I hope you succeed in whatever YOU want for you.

And for what it's worth, you ARE beautiful!

I haven't read all the replies but I felt like I should reply. I don't see how he could not be physically attracted to you, you met when you were the same size (and it's not big at all).

IME though men don't really know how to communicate very well. He might be just missing the time you two spent together running and he might just be feeling like you are growing apart because you aren't doing the things you used to do. He *may* just not know how to articulate it properly. People need intimacy and not just in the bedroom but that connection that the two of you have that draws you to each other. Maybe he found that intimacy in the runs you did together and now that it's not there he's having a hard time with it.

Before you go breaking it off and calling it quits I seriously suggest sitting down and making sure he's not controlling and he does really find you attractive. Talk to him about his comment, how it made you feel, find out more about where he is coming from. Is he just missing the time between you two, how much is he willing to work at the relationship, how much are you willing to work on yourself (and hence, on the relationship), does he really not fancy YOU anymore or just this phase you are going through. Explain to him your depression and how you feel after work... talk about he can help you.

Men are more visual people they sometimes (imo) don't realize the emotional side of intimacy. Love comes from physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy. You will notice a lot of couples saying my partner loved me at every size it's because that connection is more than physical and this is what you want from a real solid relationship.

Please keep in mind you weren't healthy eating in the first place and you need to find that balance between food and emotions. If he's willing to help you by doing positive things and you are willing to work at the relationship too then I think the relationship can last. He can make you a delicious low calorie meal so you can come home from a long day of work to healthy food and then maybe you can find the energy to go for a run.

Take a look at yourself first and decide what you want to do for you, and where the intimacy is really "broken".

If he's just being a selfish superficial guy who just wants "arm candy", I say leave him because he's probably always going to be looking for the next best thing and he's not ready for a real relationship because you are going to have your ups and downs. Having children, getting old, etc. If he can't respect and love you for you then he's not worth it.

The one thing that caught my attention was being addicted to the scale and skipping meals. The question I would ask is, is it because you wanted the weight loss, or is it more because you felt like you needed the weight loss to keep him happy with you? It's easy to read too much between the lines that really isn't there.

If the exercise and diet are more about keeping him happy than about you, then in the long run it is only going to lead to frustration, and at some point you are going to throw up your hands and give up, because long term that's not sufficient motivation. Nor is it healthy. In the end, what's going to really work is because you want it for you, and especially if you feel like you deserve it for you.

Last thought: Love is ultimately wanting the very best for the other person. I think that leads to the question of, what is his motivation for wanting you to eat healthier and exercise? Is it because deep down he really cares for your well being and he knows that it's the best thing for you? Or is it because he wants a hot chick by his side which makes him look good? A phrase like I don't fancy you any more makes me think it's more about him. IF that is the case, that's not the kind of love that will keep you together for the long haul. If that's the case, thank God that it's popped up now instead of after you've married and had a family and all of that.

My thought was at least he was honest though, some people may say he's a jerk or mean or whatever, but to me it is better to be truthful than to string someone along, and just make the pain worse later on. Whilst it may not feel nice now, imagine if he dropped that bombshell when you've just got married. just had a child etc...

i kind of agree with this. my husband and i have had this conversation, as he has friends who now have very overweight partners and it makes for a very awkward 'do you really need that extra slice of pizza' conversation, but surely say something before the other person becomes physically unattractive?

might be too personal a question but how often are you intimate? has that stopped recently?

you need to talk about it, but i dont see why you would want to stay with someone who says they dont fancy you?

There is a way to be honest without being a jerk.

"Downward spiral" and "disappointed" are not words you should use. I hope he's a freaking Greek Adonis if he thinks he has authority to even say that crap to you.

That's abuse and all the women on this thread who say he's just being honest blah blah blah are probably in mentally abusive relationships. You don't let anyone talk to you like that. He sounds catty and bitter. I'd cut him loose. Life happens and we can't all exercise 3 hours a day 6 times a week. Sorry. After a 12 hour a day the only thing I want to do is freaking relax. If I worked 12 hours and came home to just want to relax and my man said he was disappointed and made some snide *kitten* comment about downward spiral, I'd tell him that he can go be disappointed somewhere else and go find some exercise barbie who wants to live to please him. Psh.

Some of us take fitness seriously and our relationships seriously. Others don't. The two don't mix. And a 12 hour day is light weight and laughable.

A 12 hour work day is not laughable. Don't be a douche.

Don't be lazy. People use their jobs as an excuse all the time on here to sit on the couch and eat too much. The fact that you can't see that this is what she's doing says more about you than her. I have an awesome spouse and we push each other. Both of us have worked far more hours than this and still managed to have kids and a social life that involved exercise. Sitting in front of the TV is neither good for the OP's health or her relationship. What's wrong with a walk with her fiance? Oh yea, she's too tired from all that sitting at work . . .

Sounds like you and the OP's fiancee were meant for each other!

My thought was at least he was honest though, some people may say he's a jerk or mean or whatever, but to me it is better to be truthful than to string someone along, and just make the pain worse later on. Whilst it may not feel nice now, imagine if he dropped that bombshell when you've just got married. just had a child etc...

i kind of agree with this. my husband and i have had this conversation, as he has friends who now have very overweight partners and it makes for a very awkward 'do you really need that extra slice of pizza' conversation, but surely say something before the other person becomes physically unattractive?

might be too personal a question but how often are you intimate? has that stopped recently?

you need to talk about it, but i dont see why you would want to stay with someone who says they dont fancy you?

There is a way to be honest without being a jerk.

"Downward spiral" and "disappointed" are not words you should use. I hope he's a freaking Greek Adonis if he thinks he has authority to even say that crap to you.

That's abuse and all the women on this thread who say he's just being honest blah blah blah are probably in mentally abusive relationships. You don't let anyone talk to you like that. He sounds catty and bitter. I'd cut him loose. Life happens and we can't all exercise 3 hours a day 6 times a week. Sorry. After a 12 hour a day the only thing I want to do is freaking relax. If I worked 12 hours and came home to just want to relax and my man said he was disappointed and made some snide *kitten* comment about downward spiral, I'd tell him that he can go be disappointed somewhere else and go find some exercise barbie who wants to live to please him. Psh.

Some of us take fitness seriously and our relationships seriously. Others don't. The two don't mix. And a 12 hour day is light weight and laughable.

A 12 hour work day is not laughable. Don't be a douche.

Don't be lazy. People use their jobs as an excuse all the time on here to sit on the couch and eat too much. The fact that you can't see that this is what she's doing says more about you than her. I have an awesome spouse and we push each other. Both of us have worked far more hours than this and still managed to have kids and a social life that involved exercise. Sitting in front of the TV is neither good for the OP's health or her relationship. What's wrong with a walk with her fiance? Oh yea, she's too tired from all that sitting at work . . .

You fail at being a troll. So you work 8am to 8pm or longer, still have time for a commute (if there is one) kids and exercise and adequate sleep? lol

My thought was at least he was honest though, some people may say he's a jerk or mean or whatever, but to me it is better to be truthful than to string someone along, and just make the pain worse later on. Whilst it may not feel nice now, imagine if he dropped that bombshell when you've just got married. just had a child etc...

i kind of agree with this. my husband and i have had this conversation, as he has friends who now have very overweight partners and it makes for a very awkward 'do you really need that extra slice of pizza' conversation, but surely say something before the other person becomes physically unattractive?

might be too personal a question but how often are you intimate? has that stopped recently?

you need to talk about it, but i dont see why you would want to stay with someone who says they dont fancy you?

There is a way to be honest without being a jerk.

"Downward spiral" and "disappointed" are not words you should use. I hope he's a freaking Greek Adonis if he thinks he has authority to even say that crap to you.

That's abuse and all the women on this thread who say he's just being honest blah blah blah are probably in mentally abusive relationships. You don't let anyone talk to you like that. He sounds catty and bitter. I'd cut him loose. Life happens and we can't all exercise 3 hours a day 6 times a week. Sorry. After a 12 hour a day the only thing I want to do is freaking relax. If I worked 12 hours and came home to just want to relax and my man said he was disappointed and made some snide *kitten* comment about downward spiral, I'd tell him that he can go be disappointed somewhere else and go find some exercise barbie who wants to live to please him. Psh.

Some of us take fitness seriously and our relationships seriously. Others don't. The two don't mix. And a 12 hour day is light weight and laughable.

A 12 hour work day is not laughable. Don't be a douche.

Don't be lazy. People use their jobs as an excuse all the time on here to sit on the couch and eat too much. The fact that you can't see that this is what she's doing says more about you than her. I have an awesome spouse and we push each other. Both of us have worked far more hours than this and still managed to have kids and a social life that involved exercise. Sitting in front of the TV is neither good for the OP's health or her relationship. What's wrong with a walk with her fiance? Oh yea, she's too tired from all that sitting at work . . .

You fail at being a troll. So you work 8am to 8pm or longer, still have time for a commute (if there is one) kids and exercise and adequate sleep? lol

Yes. Lots of people do. I guess if that's your view of things so be it.

You women are all the same. You b*tch and moan about us not communicating enough, not expressing our feelings, etc. But when we tell you how we feel we somehow turn into the "abusive, controlling" one because you don't like what we are saying.

BTW, telling someone you aren't attracted to them anywhere is FAR from abusive language (or controlling behavior for that matter) ....if you want verbal abuse I can provide real examples.

It's entirely possible he's using your weight as an excuse to get out of the relationship (easier if he can blame it on you instead of himself). I think it's best to get some counseling -- you can go by yourself if he isn't interested. No one needs a partner who makes life harder.

There is tough love, and then there is being an *kitten*.

Although I agree with honesty, I also think there should be tact...

I also was in the same situation with my boyfriend of three years, and he has done nothing but help thankfully.

If ever he was mean and just said you're too fat for me, I would probably be upset too, even though it would be true.. The truth hurts sometimes, but you should use this horrible thing to turn it into a good thing. I would feel like crap and just not want to do anything, but if anything, prove you can do it

I hope you work things out

My thought was at least he was honest though, some people may say he's a jerk or mean or whatever, but to me it is better to be truthful than to string someone along, and just make the pain worse later on. Whilst it may not feel nice now, imagine if he dropped that bombshell when you've just got married. just had a child etc...

i kind of agree with this. my husband and i have had this conversation, as he has friends who now have very overweight partners and it makes for a very awkward 'do you really need that extra slice of pizza' conversation, but surely say something before the other person becomes physically unattractive?

might be too personal a question but how often are you intimate? has that stopped recently?

you need to talk about it, but i dont see why you would want to stay with someone who says they dont fancy you?

There is a way to be honest without being a jerk.

"Downward spiral" and "disappointed" are not words you should use. I hope he's a freaking Greek Adonis if he thinks he has authority to even say that crap to you.

That's abuse and all the women on this thread who say he's just being honest blah blah blah are probably in mentally abusive relationships. You don't let anyone talk to you like that. He sounds catty and bitter. I'd cut him loose. Life happens and we can't all exercise 3 hours a day 6 times a week. Sorry. After a 12 hour a day the only thing I want to do is freaking relax. If I worked 12 hours and came home to just want to relax and my man said he was disappointed and made some snide *kitten* comment about downward spiral, I'd tell him that he can go be disappointed somewhere else and go find some exercise barbie who wants to live to please him. Psh.

Some of us take fitness seriously and our relationships seriously. Others don't. The two don't mix. And a 12 hour day is light weight and laughable.

A 12 hour work day is not laughable. Don't be a douche.

Don't be lazy. People use their jobs as an excuse all the time on here to sit on the couch and eat too much. The fact that you can't see that this is what she's doing says more about you than her. I have an awesome spouse and we push each other. Both of us have worked far more hours than this and still managed to have kids and a social life that involved exercise. Sitting in front of the TV is neither good for the OP's health or her relationship. What's wrong with a walk with her fiance? Oh yea, she's too tired from all that sitting at work . . .

You fail at being a troll. So you work 8am to 8pm or longer, still have time for a commute (if there is one) kids and exercise and adequate sleep? lol

Yes. Lots of people do. I guess if that's your view of things so be it.

By all means, please post your schedule because we would all love to know how you work more than 12 hours in a day and still have time to do everything else.