I DO NOT WANT my cake and I DO NOT WANT to eat it too...

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  • Fullsterkur_woman
    Fullsterkur_woman Posts: 2,712 Member
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    What if she was recently diagnosed as diabetic? Does she need to scrape off the frosting and eat the cake then too or be considered rude?

    Anyway, the OP sounded to me like her mind was already made up that she was not going to eat cake, and wasn't looking to us to decide for her whether or not she was going to eat cake. She sounded to me like she wanted brainstorming for what to say to prevent hurting anyone's feelings. Personally, I'm working hard to let other people's hurt feelings be their problem if I am not doing anything to hurt them, but I think it's reasonable that the OP would be looking for that kind of information from us rather than questioning her decision.

    I suppose I should have just reassured her with a story about a close family member of mine. For a long while, he didn't like cake at his birthday, so we did a pie for him instead. Now he doesn't eat sugar/desserts at all, so there's been no pie for many a year now. Nobody gets on their ear about it. We just take him out for a steak, which he does enjoy immensely. And I order a very decadent dessert for myself because I want it, and I enjoy it. Nobody gets butt-hurt about that either.

    Personally, I'm sitting here thinking that if somebody wanted to make me a birthday treat and sweets did not exist, I'm thinking birthday nachos are in order...
  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
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    Am I the only one who sees how ridiculous it is to mention "sugar addiction" and then suggest as an alternative to sugary cake, using some sugary fruit concoction?
  • Fullsterkur_woman
    Fullsterkur_woman Posts: 2,712 Member
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    Am I the only one who sees how ridiculous it is to mention "sugar addiction" and then suggest as an alternative to sugary cake, using some sugary fruit concoction?
    Nope.
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
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    What if she was recently diagnosed as diabetic? Does she need to scrape off the frosting and eat the cake then too or be considered rude?

    Anyway, the OP sounded to me like her mind was already made up that she was not going to eat cake, and wasn't looking to us to decide for her whether or not she was going to eat cake. She sounded to me like she wanted brainstorming for what to say to prevent hurting anyone's feelings. Personally, I'm working hard to let other people's hurt feelings be their problem if I am not doing anything to hurt them, but I think it's reasonable that the OP would be looking for that kind of information from us rather than questioning her decision.

    I suppose I should have just reassured her with a story about a close family member of mine. For a long while, he didn't like cake at his birthday, so we did a pie for him instead. Now he doesn't eat sugar/desserts at all, so there's been no pie for many a year now. Nobody gets on their ear about it. We just take him out for a steak, which he does enjoy immensely. And I order a very decadent dessert for myself because I want it, and I enjoy it. Nobody gets butt-hurt about that either.

    Personally, I'm sitting here thinking that if somebody wanted to make me a birthday treat and sweets did not exist, I'm thinking birthday nachos are in order...

    If I were diabetic, and my brother were handing me a slice of birthday cake, I'd kick him in the nuts. That seems.... unlikely.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    lol this is one of my favorite threads of the day.


    also, birthday tacos should NOT be left off the list of cake alternatives.

    taco-bell-birthday-cake.jpg
  • Treece68
    Treece68 Posts: 780 Member
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    Is the issue that it store bought cake or that it's cake in general. I for one am upset if someone buys me a store bought cake because I can taste the fakeness in it. I make them from scratch. If it's just because you don't want to eat cake at all take a piece and walk around and leave it somewhere no one will know. Or you could talk to your sister or sister in law (whomever) and let them know you don't like cake but I do like ... that will solve the issue.
  • Fullsterkur_woman
    Fullsterkur_woman Posts: 2,712 Member
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    So we only have self-ownership sufficient to refuse something that *everybody* acknowledges will harm us, but not to refuse just because we don't want something? Because if we strip away all the bull puckey, what we're left with is a matter of self-ownership. Ownership implies the ability to exclude something based on sheer whimsy.

    I don't dance. Many people over many decades have wheedled, ridiculed and cajoled me, but the fact remains that it is my decision to make, for whatever reason or no freakin' reason at all, and frankly, anyone who doesn't eventually get over it and stop hassling me about it is ridiculous to me.

    Choosing not to eat cake, for whatever reason or for no reason at all, will not cause harm to anyone. Not even herself, which it's arguable that she has the right to do, but never mind that. So if the OP's family doesn't eventually settle down and stop hassling her about it, I'd say the problem is with their behavior, not hers.
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
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    So we only have self-ownership sufficient to refuse something that *everybody* acknowledges will harm us, but not to refuse just because we don't want something? Because if we strip away all the bull puckey, what we're left with is a matter of self-ownership. Ownership implies the ability to exclude something based on sheer whimsy.

    I don't dance. Many people over many decades have wheedled, ridiculed and cajoled me, but the fact remains that it is my decision to make, for whatever reason or no freakin' reason at all, and frankly, anyone who doesn't eventually get over it and stop hassling me about it is ridiculous to me.

    Choosing not to eat cake, for whatever reason or for no reason at all, will not cause harm to anyone. Not even herself, which it's arguable that she has the right to do, but never mind that. So if the OP's family doesn't eventually settle down and stop hassling her about it, I'd say the problem is with their behavior, not hers.

    Or she could just eat the cake and avoid all the hassle...
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
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    Are you currently getting treated for an eating disorder? ( as per previous posts) if so I would discuss this with your therapist. IMO it would be good for you to have a slice of cake. No foods are unhealthy in moderation and you need fats and sugar as part of a balanced diet.

    Are you people KIDDING me!!!?! This person is wondering how to politely decline cake, and all of a sudden she has a disorder? Come on people.... :noway:

    She doesn't have a disorder because she's trying to decline cake. She has issues because she wants to decline cake because she's demonized sugar, etc.
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
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    Are you currently getting treated for an eating disorder? ( as per previous posts) if so I would discuss this with your therapist. IMO it would be good for you to have a slice of cake. No foods are unhealthy in moderation and you need fats and sugar as part of a balanced diet.

    Are you people KIDDING me!!!?! This person is wondering how to politely decline cake, and all of a sudden she has a disorder? Come on people.... :noway:

    She doesn't have a disorder because she's trying to decline cake. She has issues because she wants to decline cake because she's demonized sugar, etc.

    Yes, this. It seems like some kind of disordered eating to me. Creating awkward social situations for yourself over genuinely trivial and infrequent food consumption is not a healthy relationship with food.
  • Iron_Feline
    Iron_Feline Posts: 10,750 Member
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    Are you currently getting treated for an eating disorder? ( as per previous posts) if so I would discuss this with your therapist. IMO it would be good for you to have a slice of cake. No foods are unhealthy in moderation and you need fats and sugar as part of a balanced diet.

    Are you people KIDDING me!!!?! This person is wondering how to politely decline cake, and all of a sudden she has a disorder? Come on people.... :noway:

    Hmmmm, SHE has said in HER previous posts that she is being treated for an ED.

    I did not say it was due to not wanting the cake. Please learn to read posts before jumping to conclusions. :noway:
  • AbbsyBabbsy
    AbbsyBabbsy Posts: 184 Member
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    Honestly, you could cut a watermelon to look like a cake, and use fresh berries to make a sauce, using their own natural sugars over the watermelon. You could do whatever you like or make these suggestions.

    If I went to a birthday party and they served this concoction as the "birthday cake" I'd be rather disappointed. I have zero doubt that it would be the subject of conversation and laughter for years.

    It's a cake. For normal people, the matter of what it was made out of and who ate how much of it will be forgotten in a matter of hours, if noted at all.

    If I were in a social circle with someone who harped on a freaking CAKE for years, the subject of laughter would be them.
  • Fullsterkur_woman
    Fullsterkur_woman Posts: 2,712 Member
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    Or she could just eat the cake and avoid all the hassle...
    So what happens if we replace "eat the cake" with "put out because he bought her dinner" or perhaps less controversially "wear a kilt in Scotland"? What I'm trying to say is, it's wrong to hassle somebody because they've made a decision that is a personal preference that bucks the norm but doesn't hurt anyone. MYOFB, in other words.

    I'm setting aside the whole issue of demonizing sugar as an eating disorder. I think it's a worthy question; it just doesn't inform the question of whether or not somebody has the right to refuse something.
  • Fullsterkur_woman
    Fullsterkur_woman Posts: 2,712 Member
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    It's a cake. For normal people, the matter of what it was made out of and who ate how much of it will be forgotten in a matter of hours, if noted at all.

    If I were in a social circle with someone who harped on a freaking CAKE for years, the subject of laughter would be them.
    This! What kind of off-the-deep-end people would obsess about what somebody else *didn't* eat that one time?! Weird.
  • glynda66
    glynda66 Posts: 184 Member
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    <PERK> Did someone say cake?!
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
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    Honestly, you could cut a watermelon to look like a cake, and use fresh berries to make a sauce, using their own natural sugars over the watermelon. You could do whatever you like or make these suggestions.

    If I went to a birthday party and they served this concoction as the "birthday cake" I'd be rather disappointed. I have zero doubt that it would be the subject of conversation and laughter for years.

    It's a cake. For normal people, the matter of what it was made out of and who ate how much of it will be forgotten in a matter of hours, if noted at all.

    If I were in a social circle with someone who harped on a freaking CAKE for years, the subject of laughter would be them.

    We clearly run in different circles.

    For which I am grateful. I don't wanna be friends with people who give me watermelon/fruit in place of cakes at parties because I'm bad at not looking like I'd rather be somewhere else.
  • msliu7911
    msliu7911 Posts: 639 Member
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    Can I has your cake? I was under on fats and carbs last night.

    LOL :laugh:
  • Fullsterkur_woman
    Fullsterkur_woman Posts: 2,712 Member
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    <PERK> Did someone say cake?!
    Everybody loves cakes!! </Donkey> :bigsmile:
  • CoderGal
    CoderGal Posts: 6,800 Member
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    'unhealthy'(sugar, fat and other 'questionable' food-like products)items.
    Without sugar your brain wouldn't be able to function, you would be dead.
    Without fat you would not be able to absorb all your fat soluble nutrients, you would be dead.

    You may want to unskew your idea of what healthy is.

    As for the cake, if you don't want it, you don't have to eat it. But I advise telling everyone before hand so they know. Don't be rude about it, that's all. I have eaten food I do not want to be polite. It hasn't killed me yet, I've managed to lose weight as planned, and it's put smiles to peoples faces, including my own when it's yummy. I'm not trying to convince you to eat things you don't want. But I don't like it when people skew their vision and start thinking particular foods grew evil and will do bad things to you. Health is a balance. It's better to have cake and eat it to then to be hungry. It's better to be happy then to deprive yourself of things you like. But it's good that you are trying to put your health first. But you can get in all your healthy stuff and if you'd like, you can still enjoy your cake.
  • mia1984xxx
    mia1984xxx Posts: 6
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    I would just have a small slice and eat a tiny bit of it

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