An open letter...
Replies
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Dr Mr. (Will) Smith,
Please don't take this wrong. I mean no ill by it. I have loved you for decades. You were the first to understand my parents just didn't understand. You made that courageous move to live with Uncle Phil in California even though we know you were scared. You saved our planet from aliens and the wild west from the evil doctor. You have given us so much and asked for nothing (more than price of admissions, taxes and fees). So understand this is hard to say, you being such a love in my life.
I'll want to snatch your daughter up by her hair and whip her back and forth if I hear that song many more times.
k?thx!bye
What song? LOL
I Whip My Hair Back and Forth
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymKLymvwD2U
arggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I honestly don't see anything wrong with that song, especially if you are a 13 year old girl. I don't really like the video, but it's about having fun. Crazy white girl. hahaha
Oh, I liked the song at first ... and second.... and tenth... and..... I have an 11 year old so like any other good song, it get's very old very quick AND sticks n your brain. Kids can listen to the same song all day every day for MONTHS0 -
Dear, Half-dozen Deer that love my yard better than your woods; Please stop using the side of my house as your personal file to trim your antlers, and my roses have all disappeared since you showed up, were they tasty? And do you get your kicks by flashing those 6 pairs of gold eyes at me when I walk the dog at night, giving me the creeps. Oh I know my yard is surrounded by a fence, but it's only 4 foot tall, I know if you got a running start you could jump it, and I noticed when the gate is left open you just run past it and snort like I'm trying to trick you. You also have made me put up warning signs all around my property against hunting and trespassing, because I'm seeing too many people stopping and gazing at those large shiny racks. The last thing I want is someone aiming and shooting this way..... wait..... on second thought..... I think I will go take those signs down..... Have A Nice Day... : )0
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Dear, Half-dozen Deer that love my yard better than your woods; Please stop using the side of my house as your personal file to trim your antlers, and my roses have all disappeared since you showed up, were they tasty? And do you get your kicks by flashing those 6 pairs of gold eyes at me when I walk the dog at night, giving me the creeps. Oh I know my yard is surrounded by a fence, but it's only 4 foot tall, I know if you got a running start you could jump it, and I noticed when the gate is left open you just run past it and snort like I'm trying to trick you. You also have made me put up warning signs all around my property against hunting and trespassing, because I'm seeing too many people stopping and gazing at those large shiny racks. The last thing I want is someone aiming and shooting this way..... wait..... on second thought..... I think I will go take those signs down..... Have A Nice Day... : )
Dear MisTTIMG
If you live anywhere near NJ I can help you out!
Dear Gorilla Freezer
I know there is no venison in you yet this season... I am working on it.0 -
GorillaNJ>> We got a deal, I want the Backstrap...Whoops, I live in Texas : (0
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Dear 4 year old daughter and back injured husband,
Yes, I woke up at 5:30 am this morning so that I could have a cup of coffee without hearing "mommy, I am hungry" or "honey, can you grab my cell phone from the room after you make me lunch". I love doing all those things for you, I do, but mommy/honey deserves a few minutes with silence and peace. Just a few. So while you guys snore, i'm sippin' on this delicious caffeinated hot beverage. Ahhhhhh.
Love,
Sometimes a few minutes does the trick! (that's what she said)0 -
To all my friends and family -- I know you mean well and are wishing me the best, but please do not send me any more "money angels" or e-mail prayers that I have to forward in 5 minutes. I am having enough difficulty spending all of the money that I have received after forwarding the e-mails from last week.0
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Dear 22 year old daughter,
I love you. You are my favorite out of the five, mostly because you always bring me your leftovers when your boyfriend takes you out to dinner. Tell your boyfriend I appreciate it. Anyway, no, I have never been to a "pimp and ho" party. I am glad you guys have fun together. However, in the future please do not come down stairs wearing your "ho" outfit and ask your father how you look. It's just wrong.
I'll be gouging my eyes out now. Everyone have a nice day.0 -
Dear Husband's son's ex-fiance (and mother of my husband's granddaughter) --
You decided the leave the country for 3 months and absolve complete responsibility for your 6-year-old daughter.
This required our assisstance in her care for days when her fireman-father was unable to be there.
We never received one note of thanks from you. Not one.
Then my husband gets a call from his son that you called him to rant about how my husband raised his voice at his granddaughter -- you remember her? The one YOU ABANDONED FOR 3 MONTHS!
So *kitten* you and the horse you rode in on.
I've never said anyone about this before, but I actually think you are a terrible human being.
-- Upset Wife of Amazing Man Who Puts Up with His Grown Son's Family Drama Bull**** for the Sake of His Granddaughter0 -
Dear Grampa of the really cute little girl that was found this morning,
Next time, please take your 5 year old granddaughter to the store with you. And don't be too hard on her, she just didn't want to be left alone. How was she supposed know you went to Wal-Mart and not HEB...she just walked to the closest store hoping to find you. Keep counting your blessings that she didn't get run over or kidnapped on the way. Also, I hope you know how much you are blessed with a smart and funny little girl and please don't take that for granted.
Sincerely,
The public servant that kept your granddaughter company while my partner went to find you.0 -
Here's mine:
Dear Idiots at 6am rush hour:
Thank you so much for making me a nervous wreak on the way home from work with your big SUV's and Trucks. There really is NO reason for you to climb up my cars *kitten* when I am doing the speed limit plus a couple of miles over and follow me for three miles when there is no-one in the passing lane and IT is a passing lane you know! Thanks to the morons who speed up behind me on the entrance to the highway and zip around me on the double white lines and blast your horn and give me the finger for going the speed limit. If you would leave maybe 5 minutes early you may not have a problem getting to work on time ya know. Most of all Thanks to the big-rigs that have run me off the road because they wanted my spot in the road. One problem guys.....I'm still there!
Love,
The woman who just got out of work and doing her best to get home without a serious attack of road-rage!0 -
Dear wonderful supportive husband,
Please stop coming with me on my walks/jogs. I only go during the daytime and we live 1 mile away from the state police barracks - I'll be fine. As much as I love spending time with you, we can talk at home. I need that time to escape from the world and be no one. As much as I love hearing about your insane boss and co-workers, for one hour each day I want to hear nothing but the music blasting from my ipod and my feet hitting the pavement. Also, you have already lost 10 pounds from your otherwise UNDERWEIGHT body. You'll be doing both of us a favor by staying home and eating the toasters strudel.
Love always,
Your loving wife
P.S. Please, please, please, stop drinking water out of my cup. How many times do I have to tell you that I TRACK MY WATER INTAKE!!!!!! It is that hard to pour your own water? I'll even get a glass for you.0 -
Dear loved up couple on the Metro,
I know you are in love and all that but really ... I dont want to see and hear (!!!) you kiss every 5 seconds. I'm just trying to get home and enjoy my non-fat sugar-free yogurt on the way.
Love,
A non-PDA loved-up girl0 -
Great thread by the way!!0
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I had a couple standing in front of me on the PATH train... they both had to be in their 50's but they were making out and groping eachother like they were in highschool.... and on xDear loved up couple on the Metro,
I know you are in love and all that but really ... I dont want to see and hear (!!!) you kiss every 5 seconds. I'm just trying to get home and enjoy my non-fat sugar-free yogurt on the way.
Love,
A non-PDA loved-up girl0 -
Dear 22 year old daughter,
I love you. You are my favorite out of the five, mostly because you always bring me your leftovers when your boyfriend takes you out to dinner. Tell your boyfriend I appreciate it. Anyway, no, I have never been to a "pimp and ho" party. I am glad you guys have fun together. However, in the future please do not come down stairs wearing your "ho" outfit and ask your father how you look. It's just wrong.
I'll be gouging my eyes out now. Everyone have a nice day.
OMG.............you are a riot! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Bump!
This is a great post, and I want to finish reading them all, and maybe even write one of my own.
But I have to exercise first!0 -
Dear 22 year old daughter,
I love you. You are my favorite out of the five, mostly because you always bring me your leftovers when your boyfriend takes you out to dinner. Tell your boyfriend I appreciate it. Anyway, no, I have never been to a "pimp and ho" party. I am glad you guys have fun together. However, in the future please do not come down stairs wearing your "ho" outfit and ask your father how you look. It's just wrong.
I'll be gouging my eyes out now. Everyone have a nice day.
Funniest thing I've heard all week! Loved it!
Thank you for making my Sunday evening! 0 -
Dear Self,
Your boyfriend is picking you up in 20 minutes and you're still in your pajamas and online shopping.
Remember how supportive he is being by taking you to this 5k which he promised you could walk if you didnt feel like jogging.
Time to get off of MFP and find your jogging shoes that you havent seen in a year.
Love,
Me.0 -
Dear 22 year old daughter,
I love you. You are my favorite out of the five, mostly because you always bring me your leftovers when your boyfriend takes you out to dinner. Tell your boyfriend I appreciate it. Anyway, no, I have never been to a "pimp and ho" party. I am glad you guys have fun together. However, in the future please do not come down stairs wearing your "ho" outfit and ask your father how you look. It's just wrong.
I'll be gouging my eyes out now. Everyone have a nice day.
LOL thanks for sharing this. Made me lol so much:laugh: .:noway: :laugh:0 -
However, in the future please do not come down stairs wearing your "ho" outfit and ask your father how you look. It's just wrong.
I'll be gouging my eyes out now. Everyone have a nice day.
Reminds me of the time back when my adult daughter was dressing up (if you can call it that!!) to go to the weekly midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show. I had the exact same reaction....0 -
Dear 5:30 am,
Why do you come so early? I hate waking up and seeing the clock with you on it. It just sucks. I want to keep sleeping. Can you please take your time tomorrow morning?
Love,
Just 5 more minutes
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Dear 4 year old daughter,
Mommy loves you. Thank you so much for waking up on your own this morning, brushing your teeth, and getting dressed without drama. THIS is what I would like every single morning. You are such a big girl. I miss my little baby, but i'm enjoying my sweet big girl. Maybe one day your daddy and I will bless you with a sibling.
Love,
Your best friend and mommy forever!0 -
Dear TOM,
I don't know what you think you're doing putting more pounds on the scale, but it's very detrimental to my fitness success as it plays mind tricks on me that I'm not being successful at all. So, because of you, I am now PLUS two pounds. Thanks alot.
Eff Off.0 -
Dear TOM,
I don't know what you think you're doing putting more pounds on the scale, but it's very detrimental to my fitness success as it plays mind tricks on me that I'm not being successful at all. So, because of you, I am now PLUS two pounds. Thanks alot.
Eff Off.
Me too, effing effer efferson.0 -
Dear Dog,
Yes, you are the cutest dog on the planet, but it does not mean I have to freeze my butt off while you sniff everything up and down the street while trying to find a good spot to take care of your "business". Please, in the future, choose quickly so that I can get to work on time. There will be an extra treat in your bowl if you do!! Regards
Your obedient Servant
lol i know0 -
Dear friends
I wish you had told me that I was unhealthy 80 pounds ago. I knew it, but just didn't want to admit it. Don't be afraid to tough love when a life is at stake.0 -
Dear TOM,
I don't know what you think you're doing putting more pounds on the scale, but it's very detrimental to my fitness success as it plays mind tricks on me that I'm not being successful at all. So, because of you, I am now PLUS two pounds. Thanks alot.
Eff Off.
Me too, effing effer efferson.
I take it a step further and start calling everything douche. For example, Dr. Douche Douchington D.D.S.0 -
Dear IHOP Customers,
You may find this hard to believe but, when my landlord came by to pick up the rent, I tried to pay him in "your the best sersver ever"s and he laughed at me. Ain't that some crap? Maybe you should start leaving 20%. Or at the very least just understanding that $5 is not a fabulous tip....on $100 bill. Also, no, that dosen't come with toast, and no you can't have one pancake. I don't give a crap how wasted you are. Yes, you can have 'any kind of pancakes' you want, also, i will be charging you for them.
Thanks,
Your underpaid overworked waitress
P.S. Please, I know you have had a good time at 'da club but, why must you throw your used tampons on the bathroom floor?
Dear Mom,
I miss you. I can't tell anyone coz they just say they are sorry. That irks me. So, i just keep it to myself. Also, I drove by the cemetary the other day and had the most ridiculous thought, are you cold and lonely? It makes it so i Have to drive the long way home now.
Love,
Your Daughter Who Misses You so Much this time of year.
Dear Husband,
I love you. You are so fantastic. Stop eating french fries.
Love,
Your fat wife you always say is sexy but, i know what you really mean!
Congrats..
I am pretty sure you are the only person to ever post pancakes and tampoons in the same post at MFP.
PS I am a good tipper b/c of stories like yours. I get angry when people treat waiters and waitress like crap.
:flowerforyou:0 -
ForkDown, I just wanted to say that I LOVE your screen name. lol :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
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Dear Husband
Why is it when I get home from work, the laundry is still in a pile on the floor waiting to be washed, dishes are stacked and the bed still unmade? You are not working right now. Get off your video game for an hour and help out a little! When I get home after 9 hours of dealing with customers, the last think I want to do is clean!!!
Love
Your Wife0 -
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