An open letter...
Replies
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Dear nosy neighbor,
hi yes i noticed you looking through your shade when we moved in 3 mon ths ago. and yes i see you looking out your blinds everytime we come or go ..... and trust me i know that if my blinds are open in the playroom you can see me dancing around the house in my sweats singing as loud as i can while cleaning , and yes i know your a judgemental family so hear is what i say . If you dont like it shut your blinds because the sunlight makes me feel great !!!!and next time theres a bump in your bumber and you accuse us it will be for good reason bc there will be one on our car to match bc next time it will be me
yeah just saying
truly yours,
your nieghbor from the south whom you judge 0 -
These are fantastic, I'm sure my boss would disagree as I've been reading them all afternoon, lol....but the bonus is that an hour has gone by since the last time I looked lol :bigsmile:
Dear self, I know that you already went for a walk this afternoon and that your body is hurting from skating/falling over the weekend, but tough! You are going to Kickboxing AND Core Pole this evening and you WILL like it damn it!
Love: Feeling achy and lazy today0 -
Dear MFP forum posters,
Please stop posting these hilarious open letters that I feel compelled to read. I actually need to so something else today than read MFP posts! Plus I can never hope to be as clever and witty as you and I'm starting to feel bad about myself. Now I need to go eat some chocolate. Then I will have to post it in my food diary. Then I will need to read more MFP posts and the cycle will continue and spiral out of control......
WILL THIS MADNESS NEVER END!!!!????
Signed,
Losing It
Dear Losing It,
It was *your post* on my news feed that got me sucked into this whole thread. I ate a Reece's pumpkin too. Yep. All your fault
Signed,
Your MFP Stalker Pal 0 -
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Dear ovum,
Please do not descend to my uterus and instead stay inside the ovary as your boss The pill instructs you to do so.
After all the troublesome comments on children in this thread reproduction is highly discouraged.
Sincerely,
The Brain.
LOL! Just joking, chill!0 -
Dear In-Laws,
We will be spending more time this trip home with my family, because we spent the whole trip last time with you... And you wouldn't even go to dinner with us. Also, realise there are 2 families and the ones who help fund the trip home will be rewarded with more time
Love,
Daughter-in-law
Dear Roomate,
I realise you pay rent, HOWEVER... That does not mean you can make a mess and leave it. The second bathroom is yours... clean it. I shouldn't have to put the cleaner in the sink or on top of the toilet only to find that its been moved out of the way and nothing is clean. Also, when your girlfriend comes/stays over (I don't mind, but) you or she needs to clean up the messes made. AND the big screen TV in my living room is mine, I pay the bill for that and the cable it recieves... take your -blankity blank- PS3 to your room and play it on your tv! Oh, If you drink all my beer--- REPLACE it with the same thing! One last think, keep in mind that we let you move in to help you out, since it wouldn't make sence for you to get your own place then deploy... We still want our privacy and would prefer you find someplace else to store your things while you are gone, and we want to use the second bedroom... who knows we might start planning for a kid.
-Your Friend
Dear Co-workers,
I have 15 tasks while the rest of you have 1 or 3. Please leave me the blankety-blank alone. I have enough to do. Also, It would be greatly appreciated if I could get some help with my overload of tasks... Lastly... Have fun dealing while I'm on vacation for 2 weeks... Sometimes I think the office will fall apart without me. :grumble: :laugh:
- Your super stressed co-worker0 -
Dear Husband,
When you know you have a bill to pay and have limited funds.. buying knife (you don't need) and leaving me to pay the bills out of my very small budget is unfair and irritating. Also, I track my water and food... so keep your dirty lil hands off!! I will bite you.:laugh:
And, If you wonder why you can't find your shoes... you might check the closet where they belong not the middle of the living room or bedroom floor.
your wife0 -
Dear Self,
the kids have waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many toys! Time to start hauling things out!
Love,
me0 -
Dear MFP pals.... THANK YOU for listening to my rants, woes, and yippeess!!0
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Dear Dad,
I really miss you and its not the same. This time I cant just happen to visit you, I wonder what you would say about everything going on. Like your grandkids know- you are looking down on us-- maybe doing the belly-dance in a hula skirt like Emma said or the brightest star in the sky like Clayton, but I would like a sign too. Please help guide us thru the next few months, with the holidays and knowing its been a yr coming up. I just wanted you to know I love you very much and I know I will see you again.
Dear Scale--
Thank you for cooperating with me the past few months. I really needed that motivation to help put me first. I know its not being selfish now. I will continue to work hard especially with the holidays coming up- could you also help me out- its gonna be a rough road for the next few months. I promise not to eat a pint of ben and jerry- new york super fudge chunk ice cream to drown out the pain...
Please and thank you!!!0 -
Dear Cat:
STOP TIMING YOUR SH*TS FOR MY DINNER TIMES. I SWEAR I WILL THROW YOU RIGHT OUT THE DAMN WINDOW THE NEXT TIME I SMELL TURD 3 SECONDS AFTER SITTING DOWN TO EAT.
Love,
The Person Who Feeds Your *kitten*0 -
Dear Co-workers 1 and 2
1 I'm so glad for you that you know everything about everything and are willing to share at a loud volume with anyone in earshot
2 I'm equally glad you have an "I can top that" reply to anything anyone says. Now if you could only get a sense of humor and introduce the hem of your pants to your shoes, my precious 45-minute lunch break would be perfect.0 -
I can't believe how good that felt.0
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Dear Puppy Doodle,
I love you to death. You have been the best dog ever and I don't know what I would have done without you this past year going through a divorce. But you do not need to play with your squeakie toy EVERY TIME I talk on the phone. I love you and you get plenty of attention. Also, please learn the difference in my doorbell and the fake doorbells on tv. You may sound big and bad but we both know you would run scared if *kitten* really went down. lol
Love,
Your BFF
***umm....how do I make pictures smaller??
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Dear Super Cute Super Sweaty Guy,
The crazy rotating escalator stairs are REALLY a challenge. Especially for someone like me who is clumsy and falls down a lot. Thank you for not laughing until AFTER I did when I kicked the top of the stair and almost fell off the damn thing. Thanks for reminding me it's better to overcompensate on that thing and kick the top than kick the bottom and "fly off the thing like Steve-o from *kitten*." After I created my own puddle (comparible to yours I might say) thanks as well for laughing with me while we wiped them down and for saying the machine made you sweat so much it should "come with a side of *kitten*." I kinda wanted to hug your sweaty *kitten*. You totally made my workout tonight. Oh, and despite being a sweaty mess you're pretty easy on the eyes. :bigsmile:
The Super Clumsy Super Sweaty Girl0 -
Dear Accuser:
Yes - you know who you are. I'm putting you on notice: I will not listen to your lies anymore. I won't believe you when you tell me what a failure I am - how every mistake I've made has rendered me hopeless, and there is no going back. I'm not going to listen when you tell me it's always my fault, that I'm dumb and stupid, and fat and ugly. I will not believe you when you tell me I'm worthless, unattractive and pathetic - because I'm overweight, or for any other reason - no matter how real you make it sound. By listening to you, I have given you power over me. You have used my hurt, my grief, the disappointments of my life to try to separate me from Love, Truth and Protection - and I won't stumble around in the dark anymore while you attack me with your stupid voice.
I choose instead to listen to Truth - that I'm not perfect, but I have a Hope you can't have. My worth is not defined by you, or in you. You are the enemy of my soul and I won't be defeated by you again. So shut up and leave me alone - I'm taking my Power back!
Truth Seeker0 -
Dear annoying neighbor next door,
I secretly laugh everytime you waddle or duckwalk or whatever the h you want to call that walk you do when you're wearing those skinny jeans that truly weren't meant for a 45 yr old man. (You look hilarious though when it takes you 15 minutes to make it to the end of the sidewalk) :laugh:
yours truly,
sneaky peeking neighbor
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Dear creepy old men at the grocery store,
I know you may not mean anything by staring or doing those triple takes or 'coincidentally' going down every aisle I go down, but it truly gives me the creeps! And you weirdo who gropes the fruit for a little too long...I am potentially going to buy some of that so kindly take what you need and get to steppin'!
Love,
Annoyed and creeped out shopper
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Dear husband,
You the one I've been with for 11 years now, still claiming that I don't have a real job! That comment you made about me not doing much worthwhile for this family really hurt you know. If only I could be paid for each load of laundry I do (8 yesterday thank you very much), and all those meals I cook, all of those diapers I changed ( times 4), all those baths I gave to the kids, all those hours I spend sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, picking up toys, all of those times I had to get up in the middle of the night to clean up throw up or strip sheets cuz someone had an accident.......If only I had the pay to cover all of those services! I'd be a rich woman and I'd definitely take a few months off from all of you and travel around Europe for at least 3 months. :laugh:
I still love you though!!!
yours forever,
overworked and underpaid
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Dear MFP posters,
Thank you for making my obsessively read each and every one of these posts! This was definitely the funniest thread I have read on here. There are ones I can relate to from my kids (now 25, 20, and 15) when they were little, to my teenage daughter now, my husband, other family members, coworkers (when I had a job), neighbors, and friends. I had to reply just so this would show up in My Topics! I woke up this morning and had to check to see if there were any more that had been added.
Thanks again!
Someone who needs a laugh one in a while0 -
At the teenage mom I would like to clarify that I DID NOT tell her that. I listened to every word that came out of her mouth and asked questions and added my two cents. I only WANTED to tell her it wasn't all about her....Thanks for making me feel bad.
You are awesome!My 15 year old walks in the door and doesn't stop talking about herself for the next hour. I must sit patiently and listen to every detail of every conversation she had through out her day. Teenagers are not the most positive creatures and it can be mentally draining at times. YOu rock for listening even when your day has been hectic. It is NOT your fault some people were not hugged enough as a child. :flowerforyou:0 -
Dear World,
Thank you that I wake up every morning with the opportunity to make what I want of the day.
Thank you for giving me the enthusiasm and determination (most of the time) to turn what I want into a reality.
Thankyou for making the sunrise so beatutiful, so that my 6am start didn't seem as daunting this morning.
Thankyou for low calorie low sugar hot chocolate!!!!
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Dear pedestrians of NYC
Yes it is raining this morning. A drizzle is considered rain, and I appreciate the desire to stay dry. But there is a reason they are called GOLF umbrellas. They are designed for the wide open spaces of a golf course not the crowded streets of downtown. Many of you are quite short and your umbrellas in a crowd seem destined to poke someones eye out..... Please get a regular size umbrella, if one can keep my fat *kitten* dry it will work for you too!
As I have your attention, is it really necessary to have a rolling briefcase? It is not like you are heading on vacation, everyday you drag what must be 15lbs of essential documents through the subway and streets leaving annoyed people in your wake. What is so important that it goes home with you every night? Are you really unable to carry this burden?
Tourists... in case you are following this letter... Welcome to New York, Greatest City in the World. There are more things to do and see here then just about anyplace you will ever go, enjoy. Please try to stay to the right on the sidewalk, and is there a reason you have to walk shoulder to shoulder like you are going to see the Wizard? One last suggestion... really not a whole lot to see down at the WTC but if you want to check out the construction I understand. Please refrain from taking the smiling group picture though... rubs some of us the wrong way. Also those guys selling the pamphlets with the pictures of the attacks are the scum of the earth profiting off the suffering and loss of others, perhaps you should not pay them any mind.
Thanks
NYC Commuter0 -
Dear Nursing Instructor,
I understand that the subject is difficult to teach. And we have a limited time in class to get all the information you are cramming into our brains..But when I ask you a question about what your going over in class, during class, please don't say "I don't know" or "What do you think?" YOU'RE THE TEACHER, YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY YOU DON"T KNOW. And please, please don't make us take an exam, and just before you give it say "I was trying to take that test, good luck!" or "We have been having problems with that question for years, I think either answer might work." Why do you stress us out with test that you even struggle through. You with your 15yrs as a nurse... If students constantly tell you they don't get a question, why keep putting the same thing on the test.
IT"S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE PEOPLE, IT"S COMMON SENSE..
Yours Truly
A Frustrated Student0 -
Dear Parents of childen of ALL ages:
Do me a favor..when your teenager comes in the door today... hug them, tell them you love them, that you are proud of them. That today that pile of laundry, or raking of leaves , what ever can wait. Spend a few minutes talking to your child. There is nothing that cannot wait, or be done later. Listen to them rant about their day.. be excited for whatever it is that excites them, take the time to share in their sadness, or pain of what may be bothering them. Let them know that no matter what is going on in your life...they are the most important element in yours. Parents of smaller children .. take the time to play with them. The dishes, laundry, washing the car, housework, all that isn't going anywhere. NOTHING is more important than taking time with your children.. no matter how loud, how grumpy, how frazzled they may make you. I lost my only child this summer in a accident (she was 18). Smiles... by no means am I saying she was the "perfect" child, we had our fights, and arguments, the late for curfews, the many many fights over cleaning her room and doing the dishes. I also have many good memories...the simple times of sitting and watching her "silly" teenage shows together, the shopping trips, family get-togethers, vacations and just the day to day stuff that I took for granted. My only regrets are those of not taking the extra time.."just give me a minute..I need to finish cleaning the kitchen", etc.... every moment we have with our children is precious. The good times... and the bad. Take a step back, take a deep breathe. The majority of us will get to see our children grow..take on their own lives..but they all leave us in one way or another. We all figure we have that "time". They may not always become what we thought they would be, or how we want to turn out...appreciate who they are. They will love you for that. I would give anything to have her snarl at me one last time as she comes down the stairs in the morning.... or to hear her laughter as she chatted on the phone to her friends.... to hear "I love you Mom", and watch her face blush as she said it. I guess what i'm trying to say is ... no matter how trying our day is, what "work" is piled up around us... our day to day lives are so rushed and full now adays... set aside some time...let what is most precious in your life...know how precious they are.0 -
Dear Boyfriend,
Would it kill you to put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher? Ya know by the time you rinse the bowl out, put dish detergent in it and then run water in it to let it sit, you could have put the freaking thing in the dishwasher!!!!
Love, your girleyfriend
And dear older sister #1, for over 3 months you know that I workout as soon as I get home from work and I'm not finished until 6:30 at the earliest, so why do you continue to call me at 6:00 to see what I'm doing????? What I am doing is working out and for the umptinth time, I am not stopping my workout to pick up the dang phone!!!!
Love, your baby sister
My husband is the same. Most nights i cook for the family then rush out the door to work whilst they are eating, I either come home to see the plates exactly where they were minus the food or my husband stacks them all up and puts them on the side above the dishwasher. Why oh why he cant just put them in the dishwasher is beyond me. It takes what all of five seconds.0 -
Dear Today,
Can you hurry up and be 4pm. I'm already ready to go home.
Thanks and bye.
~ Tired and over it.0 -
Dear 6 year old daughter,
I love you very much. You are beautiful & special and wonderful. Please, please stop WHINING at me! Also, realize that just because your sister got a new shirt does not automatically mean that you need a new shirt too! You have twice as many clothes as she does. Stop being selfish! Oh, yeah, and I know that it was you who wrote YOUR name on the bathroom wall because neither of your sisters knows how to write yet; however, I will continute to let you believe that I "just know"!
Love,
Mom
Dear 3 year old daughter,
I love you very much. You are beautiful & special and wonderful. I know that you prefer to be naked, but when I ask you to get dressed, please get dressed. And, JUST a dress doesn't count...you need underwear too. (And now that it is 40 degrees outside, a pair of tights wouldn't hurt). And, despite what you say, there is no such thing as "skin undies"...you are not fooling me! Oh, yeah, and quit touching things that don't belong to you! My makeup is off-limits!
Love,
Mom
Dear 1 year old daughter,
I love you very much. You are beautiful & speacial and wonderful. I know that you are excited to be walking all by yourself and you think you are full grown, but I will have a heart attack if you persist on flipping over clothes baskets so that you can stand on them! And, please, go onto your tummy to go down the stairs...you don't have enough balance yet to try going down while standing! Oh, yeah, and would it kill you to have a poopy diaper when Dad is around to change it, or are you saving them all for me?
Love,
Mom
Dear hubby,
I love you very much. You are handsome & special & wonderful. But, I am very tired of waking up every morning to find EVERY SINGLE cupboard door in our kitchen open. I know it seems like a small thing to you, but shut the *effing* cupboard doors!!! It is not hard! Also, if you are going to insist on eating canned fish, for the love of god, rinse out the sink, wash any dish that touched the fish, and take out ALL garbage associated with it. Oh, yeah, and brush your teeth before you come anywhere near me!
Love,
Your loving wife0 -
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This is from my blog:
Dear Fast Food Restaurant:
I’m leaving you. That right, and believe me when I say this; it’s you and NOT me. I have realized that I don’t need your cr@p anymore to get me through the day. I’ve come face to face with your truth. You’re a loser!!! You only gave me empty calories and a short time thrill. You made me feel horrible about myself and you helped me pack on the pounds.
I can only imagine what my heart suffered from this cheap relationship. Did it get all clogged up? Your convenience wasn’t even worth it. You were just down the street, walking distance, or just a phone call away but you didn’t provide any real solace. You didn’t provide any real companionship, happiness, or self respect. I’ve finally realized how much of a jerk you’ve been all this time. Because of you, I hadn’t been able to walk up stairs without huffing and puffing. Because of you, I had a wardrobe full of clothes that I couldn’t fit. And because of your triflin’ azz I was always tired by three o’clock every day.
So it’s over. I’m done. I’m putting this letter out here to help the next woman that believes in you. You may be everywhere we turn, but we don’t have to fall for your lies anymore. I’ve thrown away the ketchup packets, the magnetic fridge ads, and the flyers in the drawer. You won’t be hearing from me, because I’ve had it with you. I simply don’t have time for you anymore anyway. I have a date with a treadmill this afternoon. You see, I love myself too much to allow you to destroy my life any longer. I have to be here for my kids (whether they like it or not). And they need to learn from my example.
Good Riddance!!!
I love this..Way to go!!0 -
dear co-workers, why oh why must i get paper work with food stains on them. i can basically tell what you ate for breakfast and lunch, its rather gross. please stop, please stop now i am so aggravated by this i think they will have to call for an exorcist because the next time i get paperwork with food stains on it my head will spin.
to other co-workers, just because i am not in a talktive mood at 7:05 in the morning does not mean i am mad at you. if you continue to ask me every morning at 7:05 if i am mad at you, i will say mean things to you and i will be bad at you. Pleas eleave me alone until about 10:00. i am not a very morning person. i would like to check my emails and junk in peace.
love,
your nice co-worker who needs a peace of mind.0 -
Dear nosy neighbor,
hi yes i noticed you looking through your shade when we moved in 3 mon ths ago. and yes i see you looking out your blinds everytime we come or go ..... and trust me i know that if my blinds are open in the playroom you can see me dancing around the house in my sweats singing as loud as i can while cleaning , and yes i know your a judgemental family so hear is what i say . If you dont like it shut your blinds because the sunlight makes me feel great !!!!and next time theres a bump in your bumber and you accuse us it will be for good reason bc there will be one on our car to match bc next time it will be me
yeah just saying
truly yours,
your nieghbor from the south whom you judge
Sunshine on my shoulderrrrrrrrrs makes me happy! Sunshinnnnnnne on the waterrrrr makes me light!!!!!!!! haha Couldn't resist0
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