An open letter...

Dear Customers Who Dine In My Restaurant,

Hello. I am your waitress, not your baby sitter. Do not come in with your other couple friends and thier children and let them run arond the entire restaurant while you catch up with each other. I am not going to keep track of them or find them or make sure they don't get too close to the kitchen where they can get hot food dropped on them because we can't see them. And to the parents who have children who say "please" and "thank you", THANK YOU! It's very refreshing, though very rare, to see children with such manners.

Also, Customers, "please" and "thank you" go a long way. Just because I am a "server", that doesn't mean I am a slave. You are still expected to have manners. Just because I am a waitress doesn't mean I don't work hard or I'm not educated. Chances are, your broke *kitten* is out of work, and I make more money than you.

To groups of women who come in and take up my table for hours and want a single check split up ten different ways and tip crappy like most women do, eff off. I'd rather be broke than wait on you...because even if I do, I'll still be broke!

Oh and one last thing, please tip accordingly. If you tell me I gave great service and everything was wonderful...please tip me accordingly. I can't tell my landlord "You're a great landlord, I love living in this apartment...here's just SOME of my rent. But hey, keep up the good work!" That doesn't work. If I give you great service, tip accordingly. If I give you bad service, tip accordingly. If you can't afford to tip, then you shouldn't be dining out. And believe me, we remember good tippers AND bad tippers...especially the bad ones. And don't think we don't tell the other servers "I waited on that chick last week...don't waste your time on her." We do that for good tippers too, telling other servers: "That guy tips well, take good care of him."

To the people who do tip accordingly, thank you. I do enjoy being a waitress, and I do truly enjoy waiting on people like you.

Love,
Your Happy Waitress

Dear Waitress,

Thank you for a job well done! I know that you were busy, I really appreciate you taking the time to listen to my son as he excitedly told you about his teacher giving him a gift certificate for his good school work. He was so happy to share his accomplishment and your "Good Job!" meant a lot to him and to me. His pride at your kind words made our date even more special!

Thank You,
Grateful Mommy

Dear Boyfriend,

I appreciate and love you very much, but it is very irritating when you get angry while playing video games. You're a grown man, and they are games, which inherently means there will be winning AND losing. Sometimes 12 year olds in Korea cheat. Deal with it. It's kind of funny actually. What will you do when something happens that gives you legitimate reasons to be angry?


T

Dear person on the other end of my phone right now:

Did you get your degree or whatever out of a Cracker Jack box? I can only explain things to you so many more times before I'm going to :explode: - if you repeat back what I say incorrectly one more time I'm going to hop on the next plane to Portland and hunt you down to slap some sense in to you. If we didn't work for the same company, I would have insulted the crap out of you right now when you said "one of my co-workers usually helps me out" cause you obviously need it.

Sincerely

very stressed out person trying to fix screw ups made by other coworkers

Dear Fellow Washingtonians,

I realize that we don't get a lot of snow or cold weather in the Puget Sound. When we do, TRUST ME ON THIS, it's not a freaking natural disaster! You can go about your daily business, the world doesn't have to stand still. A word to those who do choose to go about their business: have a little sense when you get behind the wheel. Trying to go the speed limit and weaving in and out fo traffic when it's clearly slick as hell (especially on the bridges and over passes) and everyone else has reduced their speed makes you DANGEROUS. Have you considered that there may be a REASON we all slowed down? Leave a little space and take your time. Slamming on your brakes on the over pass because you were speeding is the reason you're spinning in circles... There was a reason I left that much space between me and the guy you just nearly hit.

To the guy in the four wheel drive that spent half the drive home up my tailpipe (despite watching the asshat in the mazda spin out)- I'm not speeding up and tailgating the guy in front of me. You are not invincible because you have control of all four wheels. You're just bigger than my little car which means it's going to take you longer to slow down than it will me and you're more likely to cause my death when you run me down because you can't stop.

~Skipping the gym because you people are CRAZY.

p.s. Your four wheel drive won't keep you on the road it will just effectively remove your stupid *kitten* from the ditch- provided you don't land in it upside down. I really really really hope you end up upside down.