I grant then ruin someone's wish...

Edgec0mb wrote: »

Granted: You defeat the toaster by jumping in it, in the space where bread goes. While you're defeating it, the toaster toasts you and you turn into a toasted toast for the rest of your life... which ends as soon as someone needs a toast for their meal. Congratulations!

I wish my chair wasn't broken.

Granted, your chair is perfect. Your depth perception however is completely screwed. You aim for the chair and miss by several feet each and every time. Your coworkers take advantage of this and in a twist of a prank, place the chair right next to you. Without fail, you buttplant to the browsing hoots and hollers of the entire office. Good show. Good times.

I wish snowflakes would turn into dollar bills upon landing.

granted you get a fair price on buying 1 jelly bean, congrats

I wish the the Dallas cowboys would win the next 10 superbowls in a row!

Grantd, but it all falls out tomorrow night at the stroke of midnight........I wish, I wish I was a fish.

Granted: But the first time you get sick, you infect the rest of the population.

I wish I had a million dollars.

Granted, you are strapped in and headed down a white-water level 10 river

I wish I could find frozen fruit bars that are unsweetened.

Granted: You are now Emril's lover. He agrees to cook for you all night long. BAM

I wish that my shoulder didn't hurt from all of those reverse elbow thrusts at kickboxing

Granted, your shoulder no longer hurts because of all of the nerve damage to your body - you only have feeling from your waist down.

I wish this snow would melt away before 4pm today.

Granted the gene came out... and flew away never be seen or heard from again

I wish it was Spring nice and warm !

fattofit_fritch26 wrote: »

Granted, but you are followed by a storm cloud cartoon style

I wish I could pass my state licensing exams without having to take the actual test

Granted, your "license" is from Tijuana ... Which is the only place you're allowed to practice. On the other hand, you've learned to hold your tequila like a champ. You've also learned to vomit like a ninja ... Silent and quick.

I wish I was a ninja.

FabulousFantasticFifty wrote: »

Granted but now you are a Turtle and your reflexes are too slow to perform your Ninja skills!

I wish it was January 1st and I could restart the year!

Granted, it's January 1st, year 1 BC. Your cave tribe is deciding on boar or saber tooth tonight for dinner. You're sick of boar and demand saber tooth. The club coming down on your head from a rival female is swift and painful. You are now bait for the saber tooth which is tomorrow's dinner. Tonight the boar will fill their bellies.

I wish my belly was full of sow thing fatty and sugary.

kjm3579 wrote: »

Granted, you belly is super full but you also weight 650 lbs. now.
I wish I never had to work again.

Granted. You've been shipwrecked on an uncharted island alone. Your working days are over. You have no boss to report to not any minions to do your bidding. The loneliness of the island eats at you everyday however until you ache for some semblance of normality. So you set up two shelters. One is your home, the other is your office ... To which you report every morning and sit down at a makeshift desk, pushing banana leaves around and scribbling with a sharpened branch. You argue with your "boss" who is actually a lizard. And he fires you.

I wish I knew the name of the Doctor.

Granted. You have been taken hostage by pirates who have mistaken you for a foreign dignitary worth billions. They hold you for ransom as they travel the globe searching for someone to lay them for your release. Meanwhile, you serve as cabin "relief" for the nefarious seamen. And no one offers to pay the ransom.

I wish I were the God-King of a race of giants.

Granted, you can play the harp but you are made to carry it with you from concert to concert -- I don't see many concerts in your future.

I wish I had a long weekend off.

Granted, you are sapless -- all of the maple trees have stop giving up sap and we are all blaming you for our lack of pancake syrup.

I wish I could live in a warm climate.

handyrunner wrote: »

Granted... welcome to hell

I wish I could find buried treasure

Granted, but you're at a pet cemetery and Treasure is a cocker spaniel who died 12 years ago. But you found her. The police however have also found you. As has Treasure's owner who is pressing charges for your desecration of her beloved Treasure's final resting place.

What exactly were you planning to do with Treasure?

You know what? Forget it. I don't want to know.

I wish you hadn't asked for such a morbid wish.