Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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Thank you.
It was a bad time and stressful, I only have myself to blame for getting to that point in my life. I will do better next time.mrsswisspea wrote: »
This reminded me of a problem I had at work a year ago (it was building up for two years). I felt very competitive feelings towards a co-worker of mine. She had leadership responsibilities, and I really respected her. She is beautiful, successful, and confident. She made some drunken threats towards me in my first few months of working there, and I kept them a secret, which didn't our personal relationship (professionally, we were great together). She apologized profusely, but I don't think I ever forgot it. There were only three other women we worked with who we around our age, and she was good friends with two of them. They would do things on the weekend together, never inviting me, but always talking about how awesome it was and it really upset me, because I was new and had no girlfriends in our town. Yes, it was as "highschool" as it sounds, and it was totally pathetic.
Anyways, I slowly noticed how I was letting her "presence" really destroy my self image. I started over-analyzing everything I said about her, I'd replay every conversation I had with her over and over and over again in my head. We lived close to each other, and whenever I passed her house, I would always look in her apartment window to see what she was doing (because it would always be "cooler" than what I was doing). I would dread running into her if I was in our town because she would always look so beautiful and put together. I couldn't make a decision for what clothes to wear, what clothes to buy, what exercises to do without comparing what she did (or worse, what I assumed she did). I'd laugh to myself if she had lipstick on her teeth, and was in general really critical of her. It got pretty intense, and my husband got worried.
This was one of the many reasons why my husband and I quit our jobs and travelled around the world. I now see that we got off to a bad start, and although she did some terrible things to me, she didn't deserve me making every thing she did have something to do with me. She was just doing the best she could, and it's a shame I got out of control.
I have never had mental health problems before, and I appear to people (even during this time) as being really outgoing, friendly and confident. I hope I have better skills now to deal with my competitive nature, and my insecurities in the future.
I'm glad you were able to get that figured out! That sounds unhealthy and stressful!
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rungirl1973 wrote: »Anniversary was yesterday. The cake was just as delicious as it was a year ago. That bakery is truly the only thing I miss about living in that place. (Indiana - lived there for one long year)
Congratulations! Must've done a good job sealing up the cake. Glad it was still good.0 -
mrsswisspea wrote: »Confession #1: It was my birthday this weekend, and a friend was coming over. I had everything for a nice lunch, and so she didn't need to bring anything. She asked if she could bring something, and instead of saying "no", I said "yes... chips!". She came with two bags of salt and vinegar chips, my favourite. I ate a whole bag myself. On my birthday. It was awesome. Then I ate cake.
Confession #2: I just spent 15 minutes reading pages and pages of these confessions.
Happy birthday late! Don;t those chips kill your tongue after a while?! I know they used to do that to me. Prior to going low-carb I was addicted to those things. LOVE them. Glad you enjoyed your chips and your cake!0 -
cmcdonald525 wrote: »I'm crawling back to my fitness pal with a new account, too ashamed to use my old one. I lost 30lbs, gained a food obsession, and within 5 months gained it all back. I was focusing so much on the foods I shouldn't eat, it became all I wanted. It didn't matter if I was hungry or not, it was going in my mouth. I've regained my motivation with new tricks up my sleeve, but everyone on my friends list has pretty much reached their goal weight and I'm ashamed of how much I sabotaged myself.
I've done this in the past, too. I remember going on "low fat" diets and refusing to eat anything with more than, like, 2 grams of fat per serving (and I didn't pay any attention to calories - d'oh! - but I still lost some weight and was miserable the entire time). There were so many foods that I forbade myself to eat, they were all I could think about until I'd finally have an epic binge and then everything would fall apart after that.
- This time around, I figured out that I can work those foods into my daily calorie allowance or if it's not possible (like if I've already reached my calorie goals through my planned meals), I have them in reasonable amounts on my weekly treat day. It's really helped me keep my cravings in check, and I'm not at all miserable. If you try that approach, I hope it works for you, too.
- Oh, and as far as being ashamed goes, don't be. I think most, if not all, of us have been there at some point, including everyone on your friends list. The important thing is that you're back and you're motivated. By my calculations, that means you're already successful!
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smashley_mashley wrote: »I can't help judging a bit when I see pictures of overweight kids. And feeling so sad for them... what a harsh start in life to be made such an easy target for bullying.
I understand but I wouldn't say "judge" the kid. I feel bad b/c it is so hard to lose the weight and learn on your own how to correct the behaviors you grew up learning. I definitely judge the parents though. How can they do that to their kid? (but then I see them in the grocery store buying sugary cereals, salty snacks, pre-packaged food, and not one fresh veg or fruit).
It's what I meant... Obviously I'm not judging the kid! I had a 'friend' with an obese daughter, and she blamed it on her meds... I mean, sure, she was on meds that make you gain weight, but the mom herself was overweight and pretty much fried all their food... and it didn't occur to her at all that she was partly to blame too.
On the same line of thought, I feel so bad for divorced parents whose ex feed the kids junk all the time.
I knew that's what you meant. And I agree that there are just some outside factors that you cannot control.0 -
Before starting a diet I binge eat. I know it's counter productive. But when I start I obsess over it so much that I can't indulge. I'm sort of a perfectionist (it's unfortunate) and once I screw up once, I just give up. Until the next time I'm ready to start again.
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Angelfire365 wrote: »I stopped buying snacky foods to try and curb my 7 to 10 pm "grazing". Last night I mowed down a plate of cheese and crackers.
omgosh, me too!! Townhouse with some seriously sharp cheddar, small glass of wine...ate it in bed and went to sleep like it never happened
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Before starting a diet I binge eat. I know it's counter productive. But when I start I obsess over it so much that I can't indulge. I'm sort of a perfectionist (it's unfortunate) and once I screw up once, I just give up. Until the next time I'm ready to start again.
I could have written this post! I'm exactly like you! (sigh) This time, let's not let that happen! Upward and onward and never look back!
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mrsswisspea wrote: »rungirl1973 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »ladybuggnorris wrote: »
I'm really impressed by your honesty. I hope you're feeling better about yourself these days. I'm with you about not really understanding much about mental illness when you've always been fine yourself. My 19 year-old daughter has recently been diagnosed with depression, and I'm still struggling with the idea that it may NOT have been caused by her low iron levels, but may actually be a serious condition.fellowtraveler87 wrote: »confession:
(and this ties in to the past 2 or 3 topics in this thread somehow)
I used to be pretty judgmental of people with mental health issues. I'd dismiss it as weakness or attention seeking. Then about 2 years ago I started having panic attacks and anxiety. Fought it for a long time, tried to "fix" it on my own, nothing worked. Finally got help. Very humbling experience to say the least.
Was also drinking quite heavily during this time. Knocking on the door of full-blown alcoholism. I think the anxiety and panic attacks were correlated to the drinking but I'm not which came first. Anyway after getting help the desire to drink really dropped off. Every once in a while I want to have a casual drink like everyone else but I don't trust myself. It might be fine, or I might spiral out of control and right now I'm not willing to take that risk. Drinking heavily, at least for me, was symptomatic of deeper issues I had been harboring.
It all stems back to childhood I really believe that now. I didn't have that bad of childhood but for one aspect and it had a drastic effect on me without my realizing it until recently. I'll confess more on that later don't have the time now...
Oh, and I used to be one of those who thought about sex constantly but after seeking help they put me on an anti-depressant (one more thing I used to not "believe in" doing until it effected me). It has really helped me a lot, but one side effect is it has pretty much killed my libido. I don't necessarily mind it and in fact find it strangely liberating. I can focus my thoughts on more productive things and feel more in control of my mind and body.
Not a confession, but I highly recommend the book "Always the fat kid" - felt like I was reading my own biography and it really helped me understand myself.
I am so happy you got help! Through being overweight my whole life and bullied, I was still ALWAYS very mentally stable. (Arrogance runs in my family!) After I had my second child, I became a completely different person. I was angry ALL THE TIME. I treated my three year old son sooo bad. One day, when the baby was about 6 months old, I raged out on my 3yo to the point that I physically hurt him. I immediately lock myself in the bathroom and called my husband to come home from work. That very day, we went to our GP, who diagnosed me with severe post-partum depression, even though I was not sad, but angry. I took antidepressants and joined a post-partum support group and the change back to my old self was almost immediate. To this day, I still harbor so much guilt over hurting my son and I will NEVER forget the look in his eyes when it happened. It was a complete look of betrayal. I don't think he remembers it and I have never told anyone this story before. I am so glad this is a no judgement zone, because now that I have brought the memories back up, I feel about the worst human being ever.
When our third was born, I also had PPD, but we knew to watch for the signs and made sure to get on anti-depressants right away...my awesome husband also insisted that I get out at least once a week, for a couple of hours without the baby.
I had post-partum depression after my son was born. I used to fantasize, while driving down the road, about driving my car into a telephone pole. I would be holding the steering wheel in a death grip, trying not to swerve off the road. It was terrifying. I have never felt so out of control. Eighteen months of Paxil and I've never had any problems since. It was so weird. I'm glad my PPD didn't target my son, that must have been horrendous.
Yikes. Glad you got some help.
I used to fantasize about driving my car off the road into a pole on the way to a former job just so I could hopefully get some rest in the hospital (stressful and tons of hours). That was when I knew it was time to find a new job...
This reminded me of a problem I had at work a year ago (it was building up for two years). I felt very competitive feelings towards a co-worker of mine. She had leadership responsibilities, and I really respected her. She is beautiful, successful, and confident. She made some drunken threats towards me in my first few months of working there, and I kept them a secret, which didn't our personal relationship (professionally, we were great together). She apologized profusely, but I don't think I ever forgot it. There were only three other women we worked with who we around our age, and she was good friends with two of them. They would do things on the weekend together, never inviting me, but always talking about how awesome it was and it really upset me, because I was new and had no girlfriends in our town. Yes, it was as "highschool" as it sounds, and it was totally pathetic.
Anyways, I slowly noticed how I was letting her "presence" really destroy my self image. I started over-analyzing everything I said about her, I'd replay every conversation I had with her over and over and over again in my head. We lived close to each other, and whenever I passed her house, I would always look in her apartment window to see what she was doing (because it would always be "cooler" than what I was doing). I would dread running into her if I was in our town because she would always look so beautiful and put together. I couldn't make a decision for what clothes to wear, what clothes to buy, what exercises to do without comparing what she did (or worse, what I assumed she did). I'd laugh to myself if she had lipstick on her teeth, and was in general really critical of her. It got pretty intense, and my husband got worried.
This was one of the many reasons why my husband and I quit our jobs and travelled around the world. I now see that we got off to a bad start, and although she did some terrible things to me, she didn't deserve me making every thing she did have something to do with me. She was just doing the best she could, and it's a shame I got out of control.
I have never had mental health problems before, and I appear to people (even during this time) as being really outgoing, friendly and confident. I hope I have better skills now to deal with my competitive nature, and my insecurities in the future.
Wow, I'm both impressed and jealous that you were able to do this! What an awesome way to solve a problem. And, from the sounds of it, yes, you've learned from this and will probably not repeat it in the future.0 -
CountessKitteh wrote: »Confession 1: I tracked about half my food this weekend between laziness, annoyance with the app (vs online), and a "vacation mode" mindset. I'm up about 5 lbs, but it's now leading into TOM, and I cleary had way more salt than normal, so I've convinced myself it's all water weight. Which it very well might be, since I did a ton of walking, and actually worked out twice.
Confession 2: A coworker suffered a stroke over the weekend, and is not expected to survive (much less recover). She's in her late 40s, so it's quite a shock, and we're all pretty upset. Through all the resulting brain fog, I've had horrible thoughts about what they are going to do with her position, and if I would be interested in it. It makes me feel guilty, even though it's just scattered bits of information trying to establish some order, and not at all intended to be insensitive.
So sorry to hear that! That is really young. And thoughts about her job and position changes are normal. Don't beat yourself up over that!0 -
Before starting a diet I binge eat. I know it's counter productive. But when I start I obsess over it so much that I can't indulge. I'm sort of a perfectionist (it's unfortunate) and once I screw up once, I just give up. Until the next time I'm ready to start again.
Guilty. I've had a couple of 'last hurrahs' when it came to making a change. It serves no purpose, but I've done it in the past.
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Italian_Buju wrote: »smashley_mashley wrote: »I can't help judging a bit when I see pictures of overweight kids. And feeling so sad for them... what a harsh start in life to be made such an easy target for bullying.
I understand but I wouldn't say "judge" the kid. I feel bad b/c it is so hard to lose the weight and learn on your own how to correct the behaviors you grew up learning. I definitely judge the parents though. How can they do that to their kid? (but then I see them in the grocery store buying sugary cereals, salty snacks, pre-packaged food, and not one fresh veg or fruit).
It's what I meant... Obviously I'm not judging the kid! I had a 'friend' with an obese daughter, and she blamed it on her meds... I mean, sure, she was on meds that make you gain weight, but the mom herself was overweight and pretty much fried all their food... and it didn't occur to her at all that she was partly to blame too.
On the same line of thought, I feel so bad for divorced parents whose ex feed the kids junk all the time.
I have a daughter, but she was adopted at age 10. She was overweight and came with TERRIBLE eating habits.....literally fast food almost every night. It took me YEARS to get her to start eating vegetables and the like. She is 19 now, her eating habits are so so, she will choose healthy things at times, but still goes for chicken fingers and fries whenever possible. She was slim when she left for uni this falls, but has since gained weight again due to cafeteria food daily at school, will have to see how she does this summer.
My son was a chubby kid at times too. It is weird when you look at photos of him, as the years go by, he goes between being very overweight at times, and super skinny to the point where his collarbone is sticking out other times. He has always had a huge appetite, and while I made homemade meals most nights, he just was so active and was hungry often. He also grew very fast, which is why I think his weight fluctuated so much when he was little. For example, between his third and fourth birthday he grew an entire foot in height, and his feet would grow so fast he would skip shoe sizes. Now he is 17, he is 6 foot 1 and wears a 15W shoe.....but his weight is right on target.....he is a very mindful eater.
Bless you for taking in a child in need and raising her as your own. She's only 19 and has a lot of years to figure things out. Your good habits and influence will pay off down the road. She'll be really grateful to you once she matures.0 -
Confession: when my shopping cart is filled with 'healthy' stuff I can't help but judge the carts and their food near me and think in my head how crappy their food is...But then I'm a total hypocrite and sometimes eat/binge said 'crap food' myself.
ha!
I'm keto. My "healthy" stuff is whole cream, bacon, sausage, beef, cheese, and pork rinds. I tend to buy pork rinds 3-4 bags at a time, because I throw them in the food processor and use them as a breadcrumb substitute. I love watching people check my cart out and their eyes bulging out, then trying cover in hopes I didn't notice. Even better on trips where I've already bought all the produce at another store or wasn't out of anything that needed replacing yet.
Genius! I've never thought of that.0 -
I went to the store, bought 3 pints of ice cream, and sampled them all.0
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At times, I use my illness as an excuse to not go out in the evenings when I'm feeling really anxious.
Also. I'm supposed to be Paleo, and last week I ate Uncle Bens Microwaveable Rice.
I really, really, REALLY, miss bread.0 -
AngryViking1970 wrote: »smashley_mashley wrote: »Confession: I don't count the calories I eat when I eat the samples at Costco.
Confession 2: Sometimes I go to Costco just for the samples.
I was running errands the other day and went to Costco to feed my son samples for lunch. Yeah...
I've used the samples at Wegmans as snacks for the kids on week ends, lol.
Me too! There's always like 5 or 6 stations so it's perfect.
My sister did this while we were shopping a few weeks ago.
Her kids had a free kids cookie at both Giant & Wal-Mart & free popcorn at Target.0 -
I took my dog for a run for the 1st time this morning (I should say "run"). It took her a little bit to figure out what I was doing but when she finally fell into my pace, she was literally just walking fast. I looked at her like, are you kidding me? I did not ask you to come along to mock how slow I am!0
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franksl87e wrote: »I keep changing my weekly goals (first week!) from 2lb to 1.5lb depending on what I know I still want to eat that day!!
Haha I've done that one numerous times:).0 -
I never calculate calories from the fats/oils/dressings I use in cooking in my daily allotment.0
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