Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
Replies
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quoteaqsylvester wrote: »I'm addicted to diet soda. When I can stay off it for a few days, weeks, months, my appetite is so much more stable and suppressed, but then I get the urge for a cold fizzy drink and start back up again. I know it's horrible for me, but it is my vice. When I stop, I really enjoy drinking water or coffee and feel so much better. I know it's an addiction. That sweet flavor probably lights up my dopamine receptors.
Would sparkling flavoured water do the same? Some of them are really sweet
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FluffySandwich wrote: »Me too. Sometimes I feel my brain is my worst enemy
I've started telling myself ''You're beautiful'' or ''You're cute'' or whatever when I go out, attempting to condition myself to actually believe it. I've been told that if you tell yourself enough times, eventually you'll start thinking it's true 
Well if that is you in your avatar pic, I think you are very pretty.
You need to believe in yourself.
Oh and now I want some bubble tea too.
I can't sleep so I'm on here trying to catch up on the thread.0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »And luckily, she always offers the uneaten bits to our boyfriend first, and he rarely says no, so I don't embarrass myself with a hoover impression (however much i might want to).
Is this a typo or a reference to some boyfriend-sharing scheme? Like, are you confessing to being a member of a harem? Lol.
not a typo. We are a closed polyamorous triad. Wasn't intended to be a confession lol. Definitely not a harem. The first line of my post references my girlfriend.
Good for you coming out on a site like this. I was part of a triad once, for a little while and it didn't work for me, but I know some people who are really happy. Honesty is the key thing.
My cousin is in a very long term polyamorous triad but had apparently tried to keep it quiet from the family (who tend towards the religious). Funniest conversation I ever had was with him. By way of background, my whole extended family is in the USA, I was born and grew up in Australia. In 2009 I went to the States for a year and caught up with the family. Said cousin picked me up from his mum's house where I was staying and we were driving up to his place. In the car on the way:
Him: So, I've spoken with the girls and we decided that we could let you in on something. Xxxx is not really yyyy and my flatmate, we're all in a relationship and have been for a really long time.
Me: .... yeah, I know.
Him: WHAT? How did you know?
Me: My mum told me.
Him: How the heck does your mom know????
Me: Your mum told her!
Him: MY MOM DOESN'T KNOW!!!??
Me: Dude... I'm from halfway around the world and even *I* knew. it's cool. No one cares.
I confess I am fascinated by this. I have many questions. I shall refrain.
About polyamory? Feel free, or privately if you'd prefer
Ok here goes. So do you all live together? And if so do you all have your own room or all share one room/bed or 2 or mix it up? Do you do everything together or is it like today is date night with so and so so the 3rd one stays home. And with the s*x is it all 3 or some mixture of two spontaneously or preplanned? I can't imagine this would work for me. I think you would have to be pretty confident in yourself and your partners to do this...all my insecurities would be front and center.
I have read about those guys with lots of wives in different houses but the women don't have a relationship with each other (I don't think). I never met or knew anyone in this kind of a relationship. I imagine girl/girl/guy combinations must be more common than boy/boy/girl.
The guys with lots of wives and where they have no relationship is polygamy and usually driven by religious beliefs (fundamental Mormons; Muslims). Polyamory is not the same thing.
The most common forms of Polyamory are 'hinge' relationships, where A is in a relationship with B, who is in a relationship with C. There is no relationship between A and C, except maybe as friends. In a triad, all of the people are involved with each other. The nature of involvement depends on the individuals.
So for us (and we're considered unusual): we do live together. We live most of the time in 'their ' house in London (where we all work), and weekends in 'my' house in Devon. We split chores according to skills and likes. Finances are individual and we all contribute to bills/group expenses/leisure.
We share a bedroom. In both Houses we have a 9ft bed (single and double together), so we all have space to sleep, and it allows for different mattress preferences. We have found we don't like sleeping apart, it's feels weird. So even in hotels we'll rearrange the beds so they are together. We did have a holiday cottage at new year where one person had to be in a separate room, we all agreed it felt wrong. My girlfriend and I usually take turns to sleep in the middle, she usually has it on weekdays. Because she's last to get up, and I'm in the middle on weekends.
In our relationship there are actually 4 relationship, one between each 'couple", and an overarching relationship between the three of us. We try to balance all of them, because if any one person is off kilter, all the relationships are affected. So each two will spend time doing things together, maybe go out for dinner, or veg out in front of the TV, and the third will indulge in some guilt free me time, it tends to be spontaneous most of the time. But we do have planned in the diary every 3 months couples dinners, because we think it's important that those relationships are nurtured and by planning, they don't get forgotten in the melee of daily life.
We all have our individual hobbies and interests and it's important to us that we all have time for those too, because it's what contributes to us being the people we are.
We have a set dinner once a month as a three. That's a kind of check in, make sure we're all OK, discuss any relationship issues or concerns or anything, before it blows up hugely. Generally we do things as a three, so trips, days out, parties , we all do together, we plan things for weekends for all of us.
Sex: (it's what you all really wanna know, right?) sex works in any and all combinations, as twos or three, depending on who is around, awake and in the mood. We have differing levels of sex drive, and different body clocks - my boyfriend and I are night owls, my girlfriend is a lark. She falls asleep early. We're awake. I go to my house one weekend a month on my own (space and time for me and for them - my choice). Sex is a mixture of preplanned and spontaneous (preplanned as in, when we all get home tonight let's go to bed and f?!(@, or someone is out at their club tonight, shall we go to bed!) but it's mostly spontaneous, and mostly the three of us, but no issues if one is not in the mood/tired whatever.
We do all have insecurities and envy (which we define differently to jealousy) and we've learned we need to talk about those things when they arise, don't let them sit and fester until exploding, because by then it will all be out of proportion and dealing with the fall out is draining. Hence why we have preplanned dinners, so no one has to say they have a problem (unless they want to). we work hard on our relationships and have had to learn different communication skills. Listening skills and to be very explicit in saying what we need/want because we need to avoid misinterpretation and miscommunication, most of our big fights boiled down to misunderstandings. Things tend to go downhill when we stop paying attention and take it for granted , which is no different to monogamous relationships.
Feel free to add any follow up questions
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orangesmartie wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »And luckily, she always offers the uneaten bits to our boyfriend first, and he rarely says no, so I don't embarrass myself with a hoover impression (however much i might want to).
Is this a typo or a reference to some boyfriend-sharing scheme? Like, are you confessing to being a member of a harem? Lol.
not a typo. We are a closed polyamorous triad. Wasn't intended to be a confession lol. Definitely not a harem. The first line of my post references my girlfriend.
Good for you coming out on a site like this. I was part of a triad once, for a little while and it didn't work for me, but I know some people who are really happy. Honesty is the key thing.
My cousin is in a very long term polyamorous triad but had apparently tried to keep it quiet from the family (who tend towards the religious). Funniest conversation I ever had was with him. By way of background, my whole extended family is in the USA, I was born and grew up in Australia. In 2009 I went to the States for a year and caught up with the family. Said cousin picked me up from his mum's house where I was staying and we were driving up to his place. In the car on the way:
Him: So, I've spoken with the girls and we decided that we could let you in on something. Xxxx is not really yyyy and my flatmate, we're all in a relationship and have been for a really long time.
Me: .... yeah, I know.
Him: WHAT? How did you know?
Me: My mum told me.
Him: How the heck does your mom know????
Me: Your mum told her!
Him: MY MOM DOESN'T KNOW!!!??
Me: Dude... I'm from halfway around the world and even *I* knew. it's cool. No one cares.
I confess I am fascinated by this. I have many questions. I shall refrain.
About polyamory? Feel free, or privately if you'd prefer
Ok here goes. So do you all live together? And if so do you all have your own room or all share one room/bed or 2 or mix it up? Do you do everything together or is it like today is date night with so and so so the 3rd one stays home. And with the s*x is it all 3 or some mixture of two spontaneously or preplanned? I can't imagine this would work for me. I think you would have to be pretty confident in yourself and your partners to do this...all my insecurities would be front and center.
I have read about those guys with lots of wives in different houses but the women don't have a relationship with each other (I don't think). I never met or knew anyone in this kind of a relationship. I imagine girl/girl/guy combinations must be more common than boy/boy/girl.
The guys with lots of wives and where they have no relationship is polygamy and usually driven by religious beliefs (fundamental Mormons; Muslims). Polyamory is not the same thing.
The most common forms of Polyamory are 'hinge' relationships, where A is in a relationship with B, who is in a relationship with C. There is no relationship between A and C, except maybe as friends. In a triad, all of the people are involved with each other. The nature of involvement depends on the individuals.
So for us (and we're considered unusual): we do live together. We live most of the time in 'their ' house in London (where we all work), and weekends in 'my' house in Devon. We split chores according to skills and likes. Finances are individual and we all contribute to bills/group expenses/leisure.
We share a bedroom. In both Houses we have a 9ft bed (single and double together), so we all have space to sleep, and it allows for different mattress preferences. We have found we don't like sleeping apart, it's feels weird. So even in hotels we'll rearrange the beds so they are together. We did have a holiday cottage at new year where one person had to be in a separate room, we all agreed it felt wrong. My girlfriend and I usually take turns to sleep in the middle, she usually has it on weekdays. Because she's last to get up, and I'm in the middle on weekends.
In our relationship there are actually 4 relationship, one between each 'couple", and an overarching relationship between the three of us. We try to balance all of them, because if any one person is off kilter, all the relationships are affected. So each two will spend time doing things together, maybe go out for dinner, or veg out in front of the TV, and the third will indulge in some guilt free me time, it tends to be spontaneous most of the time. But we do have planned in the diary every 3 months couples dinners, because we think it's important that those relationships are nurtured and by planning, they don't get forgotten in the melee of daily life.
We all have our individual hobbies and interests and it's important to us that we all have time for those too, because it's what contributes to us being the people we are.
We have a set dinner once a month as a three. That's a kind of check in, make sure we're all OK, discuss any relationship issues or concerns or anything, before it blows up hugely. Generally we do things as a three, so trips, days out, parties , we all do together, we plan things for weekends for all of us.
Sex: (it's what you all really wanna know, right?) sex works in any and all combinations, as twos or three, depending on who is around, awake and in the mood. We have differing levels of sex drive, and different body clocks - my boyfriend and I are night owls, my girlfriend is a lark. She falls asleep early. We're awake. I go to my house one weekend a month on my own (space and time for me and for them - my choice). Sex is a mixture of preplanned and spontaneous (preplanned as in, when we all get home tonight let's go to bed and f?!(@, or someone is out at their club tonight, shall we go to bed!) but it's mostly spontaneous, and mostly the three of us, but no issues if one is not in the mood/tired whatever.
We do all have insecurities and envy (which we define differently to jealousy) and we've learned we need to talk about those things when they arise, don't let them sit and fester until exploding, because by then it will all be out of proportion and dealing with the fall out is draining. Hence why we have preplanned dinners, so no one has to say they have a problem (unless they want to). we work hard on our relationships and have had to learn different communication skills. Listening skills and to be very explicit in saying what we need/want because we need to avoid misinterpretation and miscommunication, most of our big fights boiled down to misunderstandings. Things tend to go downhill when we stop paying attention and take it for granted , which is no different to monogamous relationships.
Feel free to add any follow up questions
Thank you for answering. So now I want to know...how did this come about? It seems like they were a couple first and then you joined them. How did you discover this is something you wanted to engage in? Have you all been together for a long time? And how would kids work if you decided to have them? Thanks!0 -
smashley_mashley wrote: »
I tried looking for this one and couldn't find it. I bet I could fill that thread for pages.pofoster21 wrote: »I have to admit I am enjoying the "what makes you irrationally angry" thread. I can relate to so much of it. And in some cases I would make these people irrationally angry.
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/comment/32351685#Comment_32351685
I can never figure out how to post links on my iPad but see if that is it...
*edited to say I tested it after posting. It does put you in the middle of the thread so you can get to it. Yay me!0 -
mommajolynn wrote: »Confession: I'm only losing weight so I don't look like my mother and end up attracting someone like her husband. I never want my daughter to experience what I have. I look so much like my mom that I color my hair and keep it cut short. But now I see her body on mine and I want it gone.
Confession 2: I am typing this while trying to pump breast milk. I stopped BF months ago but I am hoping to be able to start re-lactating so I can give my daughter a fighting chance at being smarter than me.
I wouldn't fret - one daughter was bf for six weeks and one for three days. No allergies. One's doing a degree in Genetics and one about to start a degree in Linguistics. Both have life saving certificates. Both have full driving licences. Both sing, speak another language, read the classics and books such as 'How to Teach Quantum Physics to Your Dog', like classical music as well as some pretty rawwwwkus stuff. One dresses in black at all times. One in bright colours. Both can hold a good conversation. Bright and nice people. Thank you formula, as bf caused, in me, post-natal depression. No fun. Do what's right for you of course, but don't fret if formula proves to be the way forward.
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I am addicted to crunchy salty snacks that come in a bag. 0
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I have only just discovered you can cook sausages in the oven.
And bacon in the microwave.
My life has new (cleaner) meaning.
You can also do bacon in the oven, when you want to do the whole pack at once0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »And luckily, she always offers the uneaten bits to our boyfriend first, and he rarely says no, so I don't embarrass myself with a hoover impression (however much i might want to).
Is this a typo or a reference to some boyfriend-sharing scheme? Like, are you confessing to being a member of a harem? Lol.
not a typo. We are a closed polyamorous triad. Wasn't intended to be a confession lol. Definitely not a harem. The first line of my post references my girlfriend.
Good for you coming out on a site like this. I was part of a triad once, for a little while and it didn't work for me, but I know some people who are really happy. Honesty is the key thing.
My cousin is in a very long term polyamorous triad but had apparently tried to keep it quiet from the family (who tend towards the religious). Funniest conversation I ever had was with him. By way of background, my whole extended family is in the USA, I was born and grew up in Australia. In 2009 I went to the States for a year and caught up with the family. Said cousin picked me up from his mum's house where I was staying and we were driving up to his place. In the car on the way:
Him: So, I've spoken with the girls and we decided that we could let you in on something. Xxxx is not really yyyy and my flatmate, we're all in a relationship and have been for a really long time.
Me: .... yeah, I know.
Him: WHAT? How did you know?
Me: My mum told me.
Him: How the heck does your mom know????
Me: Your mum told her!
Him: MY MOM DOESN'T KNOW!!!??
Me: Dude... I'm from halfway around the world and even *I* knew. it's cool. No one cares.
I confess I am fascinated by this. I have many questions. I shall refrain.
About polyamory? Feel free, or privately if you'd prefer
Ok here goes. So do you all live together? And if so do you all have your own room or all share one room/bed or 2 or mix it up? Do you do everything together or is it like today is date night with so and so so the 3rd one stays home. And with the s*x is it all 3 or some mixture of two spontaneously or preplanned? I can't imagine this would work for me. I think you would have to be pretty confident in yourself and your partners to do this...all my insecurities would be front and center.
I have read about those guys with lots of wives in different houses but the women don't have a relationship with each other (I don't think). I never met or knew anyone in this kind of a relationship. I imagine girl/girl/guy combinations must be more common than boy/boy/girl.
The guys with lots of wives and where they have no relationship is polygamy and usually driven by religious beliefs (fundamental Mormons; Muslims). Polyamory is not the same thing.
The most common forms of Polyamory are 'hinge' relationships, where A is in a relationship with B, who is in a relationship with C. There is no relationship between A and C, except maybe as friends. In a triad, all of the people are involved with each other. The nature of involvement depends on the individuals.
So for us (and we're considered unusual): we do live together. We live most of the time in 'their ' house in London (where we all work), and weekends in 'my' house in Devon. We split chores according to skills and likes. Finances are individual and we all contribute to bills/group expenses/leisure.
We share a bedroom. In both Houses we have a 9ft bed (single and double together), so we all have space to sleep, and it allows for different mattress preferences. We have found we don't like sleeping apart, it's feels weird. So even in hotels we'll rearrange the beds so they are together. We did have a holiday cottage at new year where one person had to be in a separate room, we all agreed it felt wrong. My girlfriend and I usually take turns to sleep in the middle, she usually has it on weekdays. Because she's last to get up, and I'm in the middle on weekends.
In our relationship there are actually 4 relationship, one between each 'couple", and an overarching relationship between the three of us. We try to balance all of them, because if any one person is off kilter, all the relationships are affected. So each two will spend time doing things together, maybe go out for dinner, or veg out in front of the TV, and the third will indulge in some guilt free me time, it tends to be spontaneous most of the time. But we do have planned in the diary every 3 months couples dinners, because we think it's important that those relationships are nurtured and by planning, they don't get forgotten in the melee of daily life.
We all have our individual hobbies and interests and it's important to us that we all have time for those too, because it's what contributes to us being the people we are.
We have a set dinner once a month as a three. That's a kind of check in, make sure we're all OK, discuss any relationship issues or concerns or anything, before it blows up hugely. Generally we do things as a three, so trips, days out, parties , we all do together, we plan things for weekends for all of us.
Sex: (it's what you all really wanna know, right?) sex works in any and all combinations, as twos or three, depending on who is around, awake and in the mood. We have differing levels of sex drive, and different body clocks - my boyfriend and I are night owls, my girlfriend is a lark. She falls asleep early. We're awake. I go to my house one weekend a month on my own (space and time for me and for them - my choice). Sex is a mixture of preplanned and spontaneous (preplanned as in, when we all get home tonight let's go to bed and f?!(@, or someone is out at their club tonight, shall we go to bed!) but it's mostly spontaneous, and mostly the three of us, but no issues if one is not in the mood/tired whatever.
We do all have insecurities and envy (which we define differently to jealousy) and we've learned we need to talk about those things when they arise, don't let them sit and fester until exploding, because by then it will all be out of proportion and dealing with the fall out is draining. Hence why we have preplanned dinners, so no one has to say they have a problem (unless they want to). we work hard on our relationships and have had to learn different communication skills. Listening skills and to be very explicit in saying what we need/want because we need to avoid misinterpretation and miscommunication, most of our big fights boiled down to misunderstandings. Things tend to go downhill when we stop paying attention and take it for granted , which is no different to monogamous relationships.
Feel free to add any follow up questions
Thank you for answering. So now I want to know...how did this come about? It seems like they were a couple first and then you joined them. How did you discover this is something you wanted to engage in? Have you all been together for a long time? And how would kids work if you decided to have them? Thanks!
I've always wanted this kind of relationship structure. Since I was about 14, even though I didn't really understand it. I don't really know how the idea came about, other than I knew I was bisexual, and being with a man and a woman seemed the ideal solution.
They are a married couple. And I have known them both for more than 15 years, before they got together. In fact, my now-girlfriend was talking to my then-boyfriend about her joining us (it didn't happen because he was a lying *kitten*). But she says she has been in love with me and stalked me since then lol. We've been good friends for about 12 years and a lot of acquaintances in our mutual interest have always assumed we were all together.
We've been very good friends for the last 12 years, spending time together, chilling out at home or going to parties, we have very similar opinions on the moral things, money, religion, work ethic etc. They've always known I was looking for a couple, I've always known they were looking for a third. But we never broached the subject of being together (largely because none of us wanted to upset the friendship)
One evening they approached me and asked if I'd like to play. I said yes, we had the intention it wouldn't be a serious long term thing, we thought we were looking for different things.
I fell in love with my girlfriend first, I realised it during our first Christmas and I panicked a bit.
At easter I realised I'd fallen in love with my boyfriend. Then I had a meltdown and emailed them to end it (email because we lived 200 miles apart, end it because we has agreed no strings, no emotions and my feelings were against our agreement and I was trying to be fair). They phoned me, told me how they felt, and what they wanted (as individuals) and asked what I wanted. We renegotiated from our original agreement and haven't really looked back, it's 3 years this year.
We are always very careful to speak as individuals, particularly when talking relationship stuff and we don't speak for each other. But conversations do happen between 2, often as a sounding board.
Both my partners have adult children. I have never wanted children, so it's not really a factor for us, although I do have shared legal custody of my 2 year old nephew (hence going to 'my' house every weekend).
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AgentOrangeJuice wrote: »I am a professional food buyer, I buy food for a river boat casino entertainment complex, that includes 1 buffet, 1 fine dining restaurant, 1 grille, 1 banquet hall, 1 convention center, and 2 floors of casino bar space.
I had planned for lunch today,
6 oz chicken thighs
25g kale
2.5 oz spring mix
1 chopped onion
6 grape tomatoes
2 hard boiled eggs - Cage Free Organic Fed, they're like 5.00 a dozen, love them.
2 Tbsp - Panera Raspberry Vinagrette.
What happened was the following
Director of Food and Beverage calls me up at 11:23.
Director: "Hey AOJ, there's a food broker I'm friends with that wants to show us some new stuff."
AOJ: "Cool, when?"
Director: "11:30 meet in the banquet kitchen, I'll be there around 11:45"
AOJ: "Uhhh, that's like now"
Director: "Yeah I'll see you there"
So what I ate was
1/2 Strawberry Rhubarb Muffin - 135 Calories
6 Grit Sticks - Kinda like cheesesticks but filled with Pimento Cheese and Corn Grits
Half a fork full of - Baked Potato Salad
half a fork full of - chicken salad - Premium, no dark meat
4 oz - natural cut french fry, no additives
3 oz - Pulled Pork
3 oz - Pork Rib Meat no bone
And the coup de grace - A hamburger patty, 8 oz, the bacon/pork/70%-30% beef (1000 calories just for the burger patty). I had to eat a bite, the flavor was so rich and delicious but to much to really eat by itself.
Blargh.
I'll stick to buying IT systems, fewer calories :-D
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AngryViking1970 wrote: »tincanonastring wrote: »Confession #1 It really wasn't a typo. My 2 1/2 year old is a sponge these days. Last week, my daughter, my dog and I were going outside to play and the dog was hopping around like crazy because, well, she's crazy. So I threw her frisbee in the yard to get her out of the way & she jumped right up the 5 foot rock retaining wall. I said "holy crap". Guess what the next 2 words out of my daughters mouth were. I'm really watching my language now
When my daughter was about that age, we were looking out the window and our dog ran by. She said, "Where the hell does he think he's going?!" To which her dad replied, "Wonder where the hell she got that from." You definitely have to be careful, everything will be repeated, many times, at the most inopportune moments.
It's funny how moments like that stand out in my memory. She's 21 now!
Yep. Told my son we could not stop for ice cream on the way to day care (7:45am) the other day and he stared forlornly out the window. Under his breath, barely audible, I heard, "Dammit."
My language when I'm in the car can be *ahem* salty. When my son was like 3 I was relaying a story to my husband about another idiot driver and my son pipes up, "That guy was a douche, right mom?" I still struggle with my car language and he's 9 now.
That's hilarious!
Daughters aged roughly three and six. Car cut me up. I bit my lip. Youngest one piped up "F*** h***!". I cringed, mortified. About to remonstrate when eldest said "No! You don't say that." Relief swept through me. Then eldest continued, "...You say 'Oh f***ing h***'". Mortification complete.0 -
LadyAbsynthe wrote: »My confession is that I've been saying to myself that I'll start doing push-ups and sit-ups every day for about a week and haven't started yet (6 yesterday doesn't count :P)
... but this time I mean it!
Also I'm really proud of myself for eating 5 almonds today and no more. Moderation is amazing o:
I've planned to or started the pushup resolution numerous times now. I even did the 100 pushups app for maybe 2 weeks once, but I can't seem to keep to it.
I've never resolved to do situps everyday, though. I KNOW that's not happening! ;-)0 -
did i partake in afternoon tea with various cakes, sandwiches and about 5 glasses of champagne? SURE DID. loved every second of it. now back on the grind
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orangesmartie wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »And luckily, she always offers the uneaten bits to our boyfriend first, and he rarely says no, so I don't embarrass myself with a hoover impression (however much i might want to).
Is this a typo or a reference to some boyfriend-sharing scheme? Like, are you confessing to being a member of a harem? Lol.
not a typo. We are a closed polyamorous triad. Wasn't intended to be a confession lol. Definitely not a harem. The first line of my post references my girlfriend.
Good for you coming out on a site like this. I was part of a triad once, for a little while and it didn't work for me, but I know some people who are really happy. Honesty is the key thing.
My cousin is in a very long term polyamorous triad but had apparently tried to keep it quiet from the family (who tend towards the religious). Funniest conversation I ever had was with him. By way of background, my whole extended family is in the USA, I was born and grew up in Australia. In 2009 I went to the States for a year and caught up with the family. Said cousin picked me up from his mum's house where I was staying and we were driving up to his place. In the car on the way:
Him: So, I've spoken with the girls and we decided that we could let you in on something. Xxxx is not really yyyy and my flatmate, we're all in a relationship and have been for a really long time.
Me: .... yeah, I know.
Him: WHAT? How did you know?
Me: My mum told me.
Him: How the heck does your mom know????
Me: Your mum told her!
Him: MY MOM DOESN'T KNOW!!!??
Me: Dude... I'm from halfway around the world and even *I* knew. it's cool. No one cares.
I confess I am fascinated by this. I have many questions. I shall refrain.
About polyamory? Feel free, or privately if you'd prefer
Ok here goes. So do you all live together? And if so do you all have your own room or all share one room/bed or 2 or mix it up? Do you do everything together or is it like today is date night with so and so so the 3rd one stays home. And with the s*x is it all 3 or some mixture of two spontaneously or preplanned? I can't imagine this would work for me. I think you would have to be pretty confident in yourself and your partners to do this...all my insecurities would be front and center.
I have read about those guys with lots of wives in different houses but the women don't have a relationship with each other (I don't think). I never met or knew anyone in this kind of a relationship. I imagine girl/girl/guy combinations must be more common than boy/boy/girl.
The guys with lots of wives and where they have no relationship is polygamy and usually driven by religious beliefs (fundamental Mormons; Muslims). Polyamory is not the same thing.
The most common forms of Polyamory are 'hinge' relationships, where A is in a relationship with B, who is in a relationship with C. There is no relationship between A and C, except maybe as friends. In a triad, all of the people are involved with each other. The nature of involvement depends on the individuals.
So for us (and we're considered unusual): we do live together. We live most of the time in 'their ' house in London (where we all work), and weekends in 'my' house in Devon. We split chores according to skills and likes. Finances are individual and we all contribute to bills/group expenses/leisure.
We share a bedroom. In both Houses we have a 9ft bed (single and double together), so we all have space to sleep, and it allows for different mattress preferences. We have found we don't like sleeping apart, it's feels weird. So even in hotels we'll rearrange the beds so they are together. We did have a holiday cottage at new year where one person had to be in a separate room, we all agreed it felt wrong. My girlfriend and I usually take turns to sleep in the middle, she usually has it on weekdays. Because she's last to get up, and I'm in the middle on weekends.
In our relationship there are actually 4 relationship, one between each 'couple", and an overarching relationship between the three of us. We try to balance all of them, because if any one person is off kilter, all the relationships are affected. So each two will spend time doing things together, maybe go out for dinner, or veg out in front of the TV, and the third will indulge in some guilt free me time, it tends to be spontaneous most of the time. But we do have planned in the diary every 3 months couples dinners, because we think it's important that those relationships are nurtured and by planning, they don't get forgotten in the melee of daily life.
We all have our individual hobbies and interests and it's important to us that we all have time for those too, because it's what contributes to us being the people we are.
We have a set dinner once a month as a three. That's a kind of check in, make sure we're all OK, discuss any relationship issues or concerns or anything, before it blows up hugely. Generally we do things as a three, so trips, days out, parties , we all do together, we plan things for weekends for all of us.
Sex: (it's what you all really wanna know, right?) sex works in any and all combinations, as twos or three, depending on who is around, awake and in the mood. We have differing levels of sex drive, and different body clocks - my boyfriend and I are night owls, my girlfriend is a lark. She falls asleep early. We're awake. I go to my house one weekend a month on my own (space and time for me and for them - my choice). Sex is a mixture of preplanned and spontaneous (preplanned as in, when we all get home tonight let's go to bed and f?!(@, or someone is out at their club tonight, shall we go to bed!) but it's mostly spontaneous, and mostly the three of us, but no issues if one is not in the mood/tired whatever.
We do all have insecurities and envy (which we define differently to jealousy) and we've learned we need to talk about those things when they arise, don't let them sit and fester until exploding, because by then it will all be out of proportion and dealing with the fall out is draining. Hence why we have preplanned dinners, so no one has to say they have a problem (unless they want to). we work hard on our relationships and have had to learn different communication skills. Listening skills and to be very explicit in saying what we need/want because we need to avoid misinterpretation and miscommunication, most of our big fights boiled down to misunderstandings. Things tend to go downhill when we stop paying attention and take it for granted , which is no different to monogamous relationships.
Feel free to add any follow up questions
Thank you for answering. So now I want to know...how did this come about? It seems like they were a couple first and then you joined them. How did you discover this is something you wanted to engage in? Have you all been together for a long time? And how would kids work if you decided to have them? Thanks!
I've always wanted this kind of relationship structure. Since I was about 14, even though I didn't really understand it. I don't really know how the idea came about, other than I knew I was bisexual, and being with a man and a woman seemed the ideal solution.
They are a married couple. And I have known them both for more than 15 years, before they got together. In fact, my now-girlfriend was talking to my then-boyfriend about her joining us (it didn't happen because he was a lying *kitten*). But she says she has been in love with me and stalked me since then lol. We've been good friends for about 12 years and a lot of acquaintances in our mutual interest have always assumed we were all together.
We've been very good friends for the last 12 years, spending time together, chilling out at home or going to parties, we have very similar opinions on the moral things, money, religion, work ethic etc. They've always known I was looking for a couple, I've always known they were looking for a third. But we never broached the subject of being together (largely because none of us wanted to upset the friendship)
One evening they approached me and asked if I'd like to play. I said yes, we had the intention it wouldn't be a serious long term thing, we thought we were looking for different things.
I fell in love with my girlfriend first, I realised it during our first Christmas and I panicked a bit.
At easter I realised I'd fallen in love with my boyfriend. Then I had a meltdown and emailed them to end it (email because we lived 200 miles apart, end it because we has agreed no strings, no emotions and my feelings were against our agreement and I was trying to be fair). They phoned me, told me how they felt, and what they wanted (as individuals) and asked what I wanted. We renegotiated from our original agreement and haven't really looked back, it's 3 years this year.
We are always very careful to speak as individuals, particularly when talking relationship stuff and we don't speak for each other. But conversations do happen between 2, often as a sounding board.
Both my partners have adult children. I have never wanted children, so it's not really a factor for us, although I do have shared legal custody of my 2 year old nephew (hence going to 'my' house every weekend).
This is great. It's so nice that you all found one another and that it works so well. Many couples never find that. Do your families know?0 -
Every day when I get home from school I used to go to the fridge and just snack until and a little after dinner. Since I started using myfitnesspal a couple of days ago, now I look at the fridge longingly, not exactly hungry, but permanently snacky/munchy.
Really annoying though because it had gotten such a habit to have good constantly.0 -
@orangesmartie thanks for the detailed responses... you've provided a lot of insight.
And I'm happy that you guys have all found a relationship that works!0 -
Win: I have been honest about logging my fudge ups.
Lose: I have been fudging up too much ... again.
Other than that, hope everyone had a good weekend. 0 -
AgentOrangeJuice wrote: »Oh btw, for anyone wondering. I got a job offer this morning. It's going to be amazing walking out of this place in a couple of weeks with my paycheck, and 100 hours of vacation time in a check too. WOOT WOOT
I'M SO BEHIND!!! CONGRATULATIONS! That is awesome!!!0 -
fitfatty88 wrote: »It's Avengers dayyyy! I'm going to go see Age of Ultron tonight with family which should be fun.
It's casual Friday at work so we can dress down but still look professional. I stopped caring a while ago so today I'm in my Iron Man tshirt. Also my Captain America underoos but those I decided not to wear on the outside of my pants...
Enjoy!!! I really liked it. Went to see it last night. Going back tomorrow with the family (I just couldn't wait).
My confession is that I don't seem to be able to go to the grocery store without buying ice cream.
Are we not supposed to?
0 -
For the first time in 25 day I have gone over my limit. 480 calories over. BBQ pulled pork, chocolate cheese cake and apple pie did me in. I loved it, at the time but feel so awful now. Stuffed. Guilty. Angry. It will be a long time before I forgive myself.
I hope I never do this to myself again.
I want to scream.
Do you realize 480 cals is mere 1/7th of a pound? Don't beat yourself up over it. Accept it and move on. Not to mention cheat days help trick your body and may trigger another few lbs of weight loss.
0 -
had a bad week last week ate everything i wanted including chocolate and a full bottle of sugary appleade but happy as i ran twice and only put on 1lbs so this week will be different. 0
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berlynnwall wrote: »My husband's department has been trying to figure out a "team building" exercise or activity for a while, they are having a pretty stressful time and I don't blame them, but I couldn't help but be so irritated that they figured out what to do today - they went and saw The Avengers on their lunch 3 hours. Buncha *kitten*.
My hubby, son, BIL, and nephew went yesterday while I set up for son's birthday party. I wasn't pleased...0 -
<
My avatar is of the lightsaber I built a couple of weeks ago, HAPPY STAR WARS DAY!0 -
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AgentOrangeJuice wrote: »<
My avatar is of the lightsaber I built a couple of weeks ago, HAPPY STAR WARS DAY!
I can't see it. Log out and log back in!0 -
The first fight I saw, not even sure it was UFC back then, was because my now husband convinced me to order PPV for it. One of the guys went down with he knee bent completely the wrong way around, and I was too grossed out to watch the rest. It was years before I agreed to watch it again. Now I watch more than he does.
My ex got me into it and I became a bigger fan than him, which is saying a lot. He started me out watching the very first fights (on VHS, lol) back before it was all Las Vegas glam and glitz. It caught my attention when the scrawny little Brazilian guy (Royce Gracie, I think) could easily beat the big guys. I've even ordered PPV to watch by myself.
I am on here procrastinating. I'm supposed to be out working in my front garden but the windows are open and I can hear my neighbour across the street rattling on and ON about some petty interpersonal drama... "She said... so I told her... can you believe she'd actually say that?... and then I said to her..." blah blah. I try to avoid being outside when she's sitting out on her veranda.
While not very muscular by appearance and surprisingly to most fans, Royce Gracie is actually 6 ft tall.0 -
orangesmartie wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »And luckily, she always offers the uneaten bits to our boyfriend first, and he rarely says no, so I don't embarrass myself with a hoover impression (however much i might want to).
Is this a typo or a reference to some boyfriend-sharing scheme? Like, are you confessing to being a member of a harem? Lol.
not a typo. We are a closed polyamorous triad. Wasn't intended to be a confession lol. Definitely not a harem. The first line of my post references my girlfriend.
Good for you coming out on a site like this. I was part of a triad once, for a little while and it didn't work for me, but I know some people who are really happy. Honesty is the key thing.
My cousin is in a very long term polyamorous triad but had apparently tried to keep it quiet from the family (who tend towards the religious). Funniest conversation I ever had was with him. By way of background, my whole extended family is in the USA, I was born and grew up in Australia. In 2009 I went to the States for a year and caught up with the family. Said cousin picked me up from his mum's house where I was staying and we were driving up to his place. In the car on the way:
Him: So, I've spoken with the girls and we decided that we could let you in on something. Xxxx is not really yyyy and my flatmate, we're all in a relationship and have been for a really long time.
Me: .... yeah, I know.
Him: WHAT? How did you know?
Me: My mum told me.
Him: How the heck does your mom know????
Me: Your mum told her!
Him: MY MOM DOESN'T KNOW!!!??
Me: Dude... I'm from halfway around the world and even *I* knew. it's cool. No one cares.
I confess I am fascinated by this. I have many questions. I shall refrain.
About polyamory? Feel free, or privately if you'd prefer
Ok here goes. So do you all live together? And if so do you all have your own room or all share one room/bed or 2 or mix it up? Do you do everything together or is it like today is date night with so and so so the 3rd one stays home. And with the s*x is it all 3 or some mixture of two spontaneously or preplanned? I can't imagine this would work for me. I think you would have to be pretty confident in yourself and your partners to do this...all my insecurities would be front and center.
I have read about those guys with lots of wives in different houses but the women don't have a relationship with each other (I don't think). I never met or knew anyone in this kind of a relationship. I imagine girl/girl/guy combinations must be more common than boy/boy/girl.
The guys with lots of wives and where they have no relationship is polygamy and usually driven by religious beliefs (fundamental Mormons; Muslims). Polyamory is not the same thing.
The most common forms of Polyamory are 'hinge' relationships, where A is in a relationship with B, who is in a relationship with C. There is no relationship between A and C, except maybe as friends. In a triad, all of the people are involved with each other. The nature of involvement depends on the individuals.
So for us (and we're considered unusual): we do live together. We live most of the time in 'their ' house in London (where we all work), and weekends in 'my' house in Devon. We split chores according to skills and likes. Finances are individual and we all contribute to bills/group expenses/leisure.
We share a bedroom. In both Houses we have a 9ft bed (single and double together), so we all have space to sleep, and it allows for different mattress preferences. We have found we don't like sleeping apart, it's feels weird. So even in hotels we'll rearrange the beds so they are together. We did have a holiday cottage at new year where one person had to be in a separate room, we all agreed it felt wrong. My girlfriend and I usually take turns to sleep in the middle, she usually has it on weekdays. Because she's last to get up, and I'm in the middle on weekends.
In our relationship there are actually 4 relationship, one between each 'couple", and an overarching relationship between the three of us. We try to balance all of them, because if any one person is off kilter, all the relationships are affected. So each two will spend time doing things together, maybe go out for dinner, or veg out in front of the TV, and the third will indulge in some guilt free me time, it tends to be spontaneous most of the time. But we do have planned in the diary every 3 months couples dinners, because we think it's important that those relationships are nurtured and by planning, they don't get forgotten in the melee of daily life.
We all have our individual hobbies and interests and it's important to us that we all have time for those too, because it's what contributes to us being the people we are.
We have a set dinner once a month as a three. That's a kind of check in, make sure we're all OK, discuss any relationship issues or concerns or anything, before it blows up hugely. Generally we do things as a three, so trips, days out, parties , we all do together, we plan things for weekends for all of us.
Sex: (it's what you all really wanna know, right?) sex works in any and all combinations, as twos or three, depending on who is around, awake and in the mood. We have differing levels of sex drive, and different body clocks - my boyfriend and I are night owls, my girlfriend is a lark. She falls asleep early. We're awake. I go to my house one weekend a month on my own (space and time for me and for them - my choice). Sex is a mixture of preplanned and spontaneous (preplanned as in, when we all get home tonight let's go to bed and f?!(@, or someone is out at their club tonight, shall we go to bed!) but it's mostly spontaneous, and mostly the three of us, but no issues if one is not in the mood/tired whatever.
We do all have insecurities and envy (which we define differently to jealousy) and we've learned we need to talk about those things when they arise, don't let them sit and fester until exploding, because by then it will all be out of proportion and dealing with the fall out is draining. Hence why we have preplanned dinners, so no one has to say they have a problem (unless they want to). we work hard on our relationships and have had to learn different communication skills. Listening skills and to be very explicit in saying what we need/want because we need to avoid misinterpretation and miscommunication, most of our big fights boiled down to misunderstandings. Things tend to go downhill when we stop paying attention and take it for granted , which is no different to monogamous relationships.
Feel free to add any follow up questions
Sounds way more mature than most one on one relationships.0 -
My confession is I'm so pissed off at the passive aggressive stuff my ex is pulling - trying to prevent my kids who live with me most of the time from seeing me at Christmas this year that I think I'm spending money on an attorney..
And I went ahead and treated myself and had a new kind of hard cider (New to me) Sonoma pear cider. Good stuff. "The Pitchfork" deliscious.
It sounds like you have primary custody. Isn't holidays outlined in your divorce/custody agreement?0 -
I weigh more now than when I first started (Man thats tough to admit)
but I am working to get it back off. 0
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